Cas lay on Dean's chest one Sunday afternoon a few months after the dust had settled. His fingers twined with Dean's and he slid his fingers down to feel his pulse, looking up at him and receiving kisses in return every time he did.

"Are you okay, Cas?" Dean asked him softly, running his hand up and down his side gently, fingertips trailing along the thin cotton of his shirt.

"Yeah…" He turned, resting his head on Dean's chest slowly. "Just tired." He looked up at him and smiled, leaning to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Dean smiled down at him and stroked his hair very gently, twining it around his fingertips.

"Cas…" He propped himself up on one arm and looked down at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." Cas turned to look at him, placing his hand on Dean's exposed stomach. His dark blue eyes flickered over Dean's face and he tried to read him, though the light was making it difficult to see his face.

"Do you…" He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Baby I don't want to scare you." He took a slow breath in. "And I don't want you to think that… Or think badly of me for this." Cas' brow wrinkled and he placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Just say what you mean." His hand rested on Dean's shoulder lightly.

"Cas would you maybe… Think about having sex with me?" Cas froze and his vision tunnelled slightly.

"W-what?" His voice was weak and he brushed his eyes with his hand before he started to properly have a panic attack. "I… Dean…" He reached and gripped his wrist, needing to feel Dean's pulse as he always did when he was frightened and nervous.

"Cas, Cas breathe." He squeezed his shoulder lightly and Cas looked up, his blue eyes glassy with unshed tears from the sudden stab of fear just behind his ribs. "I didn't mean now." Cas nodded, his heart still hammering in his chest. "I just meant… I just meant at some point in the future." Cas jerked his head stiffly and gripped fistfuls of his shirt with both hands.

"Dean I… I'm… Broken." He whispered softly, hiding his face. "How can you still want me?" He whispered softly against his shoulder.

"Oh Cas…" Dean gathered him in his arms and held him tightly, settling him on his lap and stroking his hair back from his face. "I'll always want you." He leaned and kissed his lips lightly, cupping his cheek in one hand. "You hear me? Always." Cas nodded against his collar and let himself be laid down by Dean in the blankets. "I love you." Dean whispered, and Cas looked up at him, his hand lightly pressed on his chest.

"Dean…" He looked up at him, lying flat on his back on the bed, his gaze steady. "I'm scared, Dean." He whispered softly, placing his hand on his shoulder.

"Cas… Do you want to go through with this?" He asked him gently, leaning to brush a kiss over his nose. Cas faltered.

"No." His voice was tiny, but Dean just lay beside him and stroked his sides until Cas had calmed down enough to go downstairs and look presentable.

A few weeks after that, Dean was sat in bed reading, his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose (if it got out that he was wearing glasses he's eviscerate whoever it was who told) as he flicked through the pages, Cas sat beside him doing his English essay. Every few minutes Dean would stroke his forearm gently with his fingertips and Cas would look up and smile, his own glasses flashing in the low light. (He only wore them when he had to)

"Are you alright?" He asked softly as Cas finished scrawling a few words on the page, yawning widely.

"Yeah, course." He took his glasses off and folded them up, placing them on the bedside. "Dean…" He looked up at him, the beige trench coat he'd taken to wearing now resting on his legs. "I've been thinking about what you said." Dean looked down at him and stroked his hair softly.

"What, baby?" Cas leaned up to his hand and kissed him gently on the shoulder.

"About the… The… Sex thing." He took a few breaths in. "And I… I think I trust you enough to…" Dean leaned and kissed his forehead.

"Okay. If you don't like it, or you start to feel weird… Tell me okay? We can stop." Cas nodded and took Dean's book from his hands, placing it on the floor. He allowed Dean to push him against the bed, the older boy removing his glasses and placing them on the bedside table with Cas'.

"Okay." Cas whispered, the words sticking in his throat. "Okay." He lay back, letting Dean rove his hands over his chest and hips, very gently easing his buttons open and pushing his shirt apart, revealing his tanned chest. Cas looked up at him, his hand sliding to the hem of Dean's shirt and easing it up, pulling it over his head as Dean pushed his white cotton shirt onto the bed.

"Christ… Cas you're fucking gorgeous." The bruises had faded, Cas had put on weight and there was muscle definition under the skin of his chest. Cas swallowed thickly and leaned up to kiss his jaw.

"I'm okay, Dean." He whispered as Dean's hand faltered on his belt. "I'm okay." He shook, but it was true. He wanted this, wanted Dean. Carefully, Dean helped him remove his dark slacks and boxers, folding them carefully and placing them on the bed.

"Oh Cas… So gorgeous… All for me." Cas squirmed under his intense gaze, reminded fiercely of Crowley and his poisoned words. Dean leant and kissed his temple. "Shh… Shh it's okay." Cas nodded, carefully unbuttoning Dean's jeans and sliding them off of his legs.

"I'm fine." He lay on his back, naked underneath Dean's hands. Dean slowly placed his hands either side of his hips and kissed him on the lips, tasting him. "I'm fine." He whispered softly. Dean nodded, a little unconvinced.

"We can stop." He said softly, but Cas shook his head.

"I want this." Dean's hands were warm, and Cas heard a bottle click open, then the smooth slide of a lubricant on Dean's palm before he felt it between his legs. He tensed a little, but soft kisses calmed him down. "Okay." He breathed, stretching out a little and letting Dean penetrate him with his fingertip.

It was agonisingly slow going, Cas almost bottled out twice, but allowed Dean to continue, feeling Dean's pulse in his wrist before he had an anxiety attack. When Dean was three fingers deep in him, Cas gave a stiff nod.

"I'm ready." He whispered softly. Dean nodded and rolled a condom on, lubricating himself slowly and carefully before pushing into him. Cas whimpered and dug his nails into Dean's back, feeling him shift inside him. Dean began rolling his hips slowly, making the burn less painful, more pleasurable for Cas. He hid his face in his shoulder, a little nervous and scared of what was happening.

"You okay, Cas?" Dean whispered, sliding a hand through his hair.

"Don't stop… Just… Please." He whispered, arching his back up to him, breathing slowly and carefully as Dean picked up pace, his movements still gentle. Dean nodded, brushing kisses over his face and neck, offering him the tenderness he's never known.

Cas felt himself relaxing, his body arching into Dean's touches now, fire setting alight underneath his skin and causing a fierce blush on his pale flesh.

"O-oh Dean…" He whispered softly as he felt his skin flame, arching into his touch at the sparks of pleasure from Dean's thrusts. His hand went to Dean's neck and he pulled him down for a scorching kiss. Dean laughed softly.

"Cas you're so fucking beautiful." He whispered, rocking his hips into him and his other hand slipped between Cas' legs to stroked his cock, fisting it. Cas blinked, trembling. This was unlike anything he'd ever known and it felt beautiful, perfect, amazing. He rolled his hips up into Dean's, aching all over in the best possible way.

"Dean I…" He panted, trying to breath in. "I'm not going to last…" Dean smiled down at him.

"That's okay. It's okay." Cas came with a whimper of his name and buried his face in Dean's shoulder as Dean came apart inside of him a few thrusts later.

"I love you. I love you, Dean." He whispered.