So, my first go at Darcy/Steve. This is a short little first time meeting fic, with a little nice, a lot of naughty, and a very un-suave hero. Hope you like.

Tony Stark was going to get punched in the face very soon, Steve Rogers decided.

He'd reluctantly agreed to attend the sure-to-be over-the-top Christmas Eve party thrown by Tony Stark for the Avengers, his friends, and some select S.H.I.E.L.D employees. Knowing what he knew of the billionaire, the party was sure to be uncomfortable for someone who was raised in the '40s. It would be full of bad behavior, loads of alcohol, and inappropriate touching in public.

Sadly, the party fulfilled his expectations. Steve had to avert his eyes from some of the shenanigans taking place. And maybe, just maybe, if he had himself a girl, then maybe it wouldn't bother him so much, and he'd do his own inappropriate touching. Maybe. If he could muster the courage to speak to a girl, that is. There was one he'd seen when he arrived… She was small and curvy, with chocolate brown hair, bright blue eyes and red lipstick that matched the fuzzy red sweater she was wearing. It looked innocent at first glance, but then his eyes took in the plunging neckline and the clinging nature of the sweater, and he decided that 'innocent' was not the word he should use to describe it.

Steve wanted to talk to her, but his tongue got all tangled up when he even thought of approaching her. Saving the world hadn't saved his social awkwardness. It was safer to find a corner and try to keep from looking at the worst of the inappropriate behavior.

So of course, that was where Stark found him. The billionaire had a drink in hand, and was a little more than slightly intoxicated.

"Hey Capsicle," he greeted, plunking himself down into a chair beside Steve.

"Tony," he returned softly.

Stark propped his chin on his hand and stared. "You look like a wet blanket, Rogers."

"I'm not used to this," Steve explained, waving a hand out to showcase the entire party.

The billionaire smirked. "Doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. There are plenty of willing women here tonight, Cap. Loosen up. Get some."

Steve gritted his teeth. "I'm a little old fashioned that way, Tony. I'd prefer to be with a girl I have feelings for."

Stark sat up and clapped him on the shoulder. "I always had feelings for them, Rogers. The feelings didn't last long, but they were there. Besides, you don't even talk to the ladies. How do you expect to get a girl if you don't talk to them?"

Wasn't that just the question he'd always tried to live with? Steve shrugged. "Maybe I'm really old fashioned that way, Tony. If it's meant to be, we'll find each other. I don't have to rely on a false tongue to charm a girl's panties off."

Stark snorted. "So…what? You're expecting the perfect girl to just drop into your lap, all gift wrapped with a bow?" The billionaire leaned forward. "I'll give you a hint, Capsicle. It doesn't ever happen like that."

A rowdy threesome swept too near, knocking over the small table that Steve had been sitting behind. Tony jumped out of their way with a yell, and that sat back down.

"Seriously, Steve. Let me find you a nice, willing lady-"

Rogers held his hand up. "No Tony. I don't want your help."

With a gust of air, the curvy brunette he had admired upon arrival plunked herself down sideways across his legs, and threw her arms around her shoulders. "Hi there, handsome!" she greeted.

She was slightly intoxicated, he noticed immediately, but she smelled incredible. There was a light, alluring fragrance wafting up around her, and Steve couldn't pinpoint it, but it made him smile.

"Um..hi," he finally returned.

Only when Stark barked out an incredulous laugh did Steve notice the bow pressed haphazardly into her hair, and the swaths of gift paper that were draped over her shoulders.

The brunette rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm Darcy. You looked lonely over here, until douchebag Stark came to bug you. I figured I'd rescue you from him."

Steve's arms rose of their own volition to circle her, so she didn't slide off his lap. "Thanks. I'm Steve, by the way."

She snuggled closer. "Hi Steve, by the way. You're just perfect. I thought you were Asgardian, at first. You've got the build to be Thor's smaller brother, or something. But then I realized that Asgardians wear their hair long. So then I thought S.H.I.E.L.D. But you have too many emotions moving across your face to be S.H.I.E.L.D. Cuz alla them have like the best poker faces ever. I would hate to play poker with any of them."

"They have tells," he confided softly. "You have to watch them very closely, but eventually you'll see the things that give them away." Oh brilliant, Rogers. Could he possibly be more of an idiot? Sometimes, he wished for anyone else's ability to speak to women.

Stark leaned toward them. "Hi! I'm Tony. I don't think we've met." His eyes were, predictably, dropping toward the girl's chest.

"If you drool on the girls, I will tase you hard," the feisty woman on Steve's lap warned, without raising her head to look at the billionaire.

A hint of sadness, so quick Steve wasn't sure if he'd seen it, flashed across Stark's face. "You're not related to a Phil Coulson, are you?"

Darcy sighed, breath blowing warmly against Steve's neck. A flush of heat spread through him. "No. I heard what happened though. He was decent. I was sad."

That seemed to sum up Steve's own feelings on the matter. But his brain was a little foggy right now. It couldn't seem to think past the gift wrapped girl sitting on his lap.

Darcy lifted her head briefly to look at Stark. "You just hired Jane Foster to come work for you. I'm her assistant."

Stark sat back, snapping his fingers. "Right! You're Lewis, right? And Foster is Thor's woman. We wanted to get her into safer custody so Goldilocks doesn't have to worry about her while he's not here."

The girl put her head back on Steve's shoulder. "I totally want to watch Thor pound you with Mew Mew for calling him Goldilocks."

"He likes it, in a weird way," Steve interjected. "Getting a nickname from Stark is like a badge of honor, sort of."

"Hmm…" Darcy sounded like she was drifting to sleep. "So…Steve…can I interest you in taking a girl out to dinner after Christmas?"

"Did you have one in mind?" he asked quickly. Then he wanted to slap himself in the forehead, because he sounded like an idiot every time his mouth opened.

She laughed softly. "You're cute, too. I like that. Do you have a vehicle, or are we hoofing it out?"

"Lady's choice," he told her. "Although I'm not sure you'd like my ride."

That brought Darcy's head up to meet his eyes. "Yeah?" she challenged. "What do you have?"

"A motorcycle," he admitted a little sheepishly.

Judging by Darcy's squeal, and the way her arms tightened around his neck, she preferred the bike to walking. "You really are perfect," she told him. "After dinner, I want to have you for dessert."

Steve dimly heard Stark howling with laughter in the background, but it was muted under the pounding in his ears, which were probably turning red. "Uh…um…sure," he finally said lamely. He was mentally kicking himself, trying to think of one semi-witty thing to say, but it wasn't happening. Instead, what came out of his mouth was – "Do you want to fondue?"

Giggles moved through the body on his lap. "Fondue? That's an interesting proposition. I'll think about it, Steve by the way."

Stark jumped to his feet. "Don't break him, Lewis. He may be a little ineffective, but he has his moments, and I'd like to keep him around."

The girl on his lap smirked up at Stark a little saucily. "Did you see the muscles, Stark? I don't think I can break him."

"I didn't mean physically," the billionaire clarified. "Steve – it's the 21st century. No glove, no love."

Then he walked away while Steve felt a flush move down to his toes. His face felt so hot he was sure it must be flaming. "I…I'm sorry about Tony's behavior," he apologized lamely.

Darcy leaned into him again. "It's okay. I knew he was a douchebag before I came here. But you…I'm really looking forward to my dessert, Steve. You look yummy."

As he flushed hotter, Steve wondered if he was up to the challenge this girl represented. But he found that he wanted to try. And maybe he wouldn't be able to speak as eloquently as other men, but what he would say would be honest.

He leaned his head down to rest on top of Darcy's. The holiday looked much brighter, all of a sudden.