... Depths of Black ...

9. Single Emotion, On Cloud Nine

"Where am I?" Harry asked no one in particular, as he tried to take in the room he occupied.

'It has to be all blurry to him what with his glassess not on.' Severus categorised the teen's unfocused glances. He did not want to think much of other possible reasons for Harry not recognising his surroundings upon waking.

The man in a snake body would only later wonder whether it was a good or bad thing that he had been in the room at that time.

He would think back to many a thing from that day, Harry as the centre-point, in the following years. Not that he knew yet.

Things like the soft greeting he aimed at the teen that day, not wanting to startle the teen.

And the cheery greeting he had received in return.

"Ah! Hello, Severus."

The man of a snake was struck speechless, it being cause not of only the tone, but rather the smile he got in addition to it.

'How can he smile at me so easily? Has he forgotten about all that happened?' Severus wondered.

And wasn't that an interesting thought? After all, Harry would not have any incentive to remember even. The hand which was damaged by Severus' outburst was - with aid of potions - fully healed by then.

Harry's next words contradicted that line of thoughts.

"How long was I out of it?" the teen asked, patting his hand around the bed-side table in search of his glassess. "I do remember some parts of it, but it's always hard to guess the time... Now where- Here they are!"

Severus could not help but think that maybe he should find the sight of the teen triumphantly putting the found glasses on his nose a bit less endearing.

"Two weeks, give or take. Rhe full moon is the day after tomorrow." he gathered his thoughts as he answered, cogs in his brain turning at a break-neck speed.

"Two weeks? Huh. Must be a record." Harry all but laughed, relaxing into the cushions. He looked content, relaxed even. It was as if he had just woken up from a pleasant, dream-filled sleep rather than two weeks of near-incoherence.

To Severus, it was an unbeliaveble sight.

'He goes into such a state often enough to just brush it off?' being the most highlighted of thoughts that appeared in his mind.

Harry did not seem to fare much differently to how he was before the new moon disaster. How could his whole demeanor change so quickly? Just how frequent an occurence was it?

"I'm sorry." Severus settled for in the end. It was better than overwhelming the teen with a barricade of questions.

"What for?" Harry asked innocently, not knowing the reason why the snake looked so subdued.

"It was my fault that you were like that."

"Was it? I don't remember. What happened?"

"The new moon happened... I happened."

Severus once again lamented the absence of ability to sigh in this form. Rather than dwell on it though, he chose to lay his head down onto the carpet. At that angle his field of vision was perfect for keeping an eye on the teen on the bed.

"But what does that mean?"

"Do you remember what happened before the new moon? The talk we had?"

"Umm, somewhat?" Harry scratched the back of his head, a nervous tick of his.

"I won't repeat it all, not now anyway, but the main point was you were not to go to the Eastern wing, do you remember?"

"Yeah, I think so... Surely I did not go there?" Harry asked, his eyes widening. "Or did I go there? Why would I go there?"

Severus did not like how Harry's posture, which had until then been relaxed and pliant from sleep, tensed. It was also impossible to miss the babbling Harry seemed to be prone to when stressed.

That was not what he wanted to accomplish by having this talk.

"No. Harry, no. Calm down. Please." he tried to sooth the skittish boy. It occured to him in that moment how useful arms would have been to do that. "You didn't go there. You kept away from it, as I had hoped you would."

The tension in Harry's body eased somewhat, but he still was not back to that ease of just being woken up.

"The thing is I did not keep to where I was supposed to."

"What?"

Severus added another mental sigh into his equally inward collection.

"You see, I never knew what happened during the new moon, aside from knowing the animal part takes over my mind."

"Mhm."

"What I did not know was that during said night my body returns to its original state."

"Ah... I think I remember that." Harry whispered, still way more subdued than Severus thought could be comfortable state of being.

"The problem is that while my mind was opposite to what is it now, which I knew, the other side resided in my human body. As such he not only got from the room I usually lock myself in for the new moons, he stumbled upon you in an entirely different wing." the snake admitted.

"What happened?"

"You two... talked."

"We talked?" Harry asked, obviously taken aback. It was easy to see he had trouble wrapping his mind around the idea.

"I know it sounds silly. Either way, when I came to, I did not realise what had transpired during the night. When I asked you about it in the morning I lashed out before you could explain. I did not realise the difference in our statures at the time and you got hurt because of it. I'm sorry for that."

"It was an accident." Harry said, his eyes filled with clarity so unlike the dullness of the past several days. He must have remembered the incident. Why wasn't he blaming him then?

"I should have had more control over my body, I..."

"It was an accident." the teen repeated only, looking at the repentant creature firmly.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Severus."

The snake was not sure he could bear the kindness in that young voice.

"Accidents... Accidents happen sometimes."

Severus could not help but think that there was a story behind that sentence. Yet another scar on the boy's soul the teen was forced to bear. He decided not dig into the matter further...

"I am sorry, nonetheless."

Instead he slithered further into the room, never having gotten far past the treshold, and placed his head atop the boy's blanket.

It was not the most comfortable of positions, and over half his body still did not fit into the room, but it made Harry happy to have him within reaching distance. And truly, soon enough a slender hand came to rest on his scales, stroking them softly.

"It's okay, Severus. I'm okay."

What a gem of a soul that boy head.

"I forgive you."

...

Surprisingly enough - for Severus at least - over the following weeks their dynamics not only went back to their previous ease. They sailed right past them and became something different.

Deeper.

Second new moon passed soon enough, the strain that followed the first one never returning. It passed almost uneventfully, however ironical Severus found that statement to be.

Another new moon passed.

Then another.

The only difference each additional month brought was Severus' increasing ability to remember what had happened during the night. Not influence it, really, but know of it at the very least.

Feeling all kinds of sensations filtered through the human body once again was liberating in a way Severus never expected it to be.

The sound of his own voice echoing through his human skull.

The sound of the snake addressing him for the first time ever. Knowing there was someone else sharing the vessel.

The sight of Harry through his human eyes.

The weight of Harry's head on his shoulder, when the teen fell asleep during the nightly conversations.

The feel of his skin underneath his fingertips.

He would never admit it out loud just how much those meant to him.

It was not to be said that everthing was perfect. Harry still had panic attacks from time to time. Losing his sense of here and now. Getting lost in past.

But those were more and more of a rarity as the time went by.

Ease had settled in the atmosphere of the castle that the man in snake's body did not remember it ever having.

Cheer in each day that Harry's arrival jump-started.

It was something beautiful to behold.

Something magical.

...

"Severus?"

"What is it, Harry?"

"I... I remembered something..."

The snake only angled his head towards the teen further, to show he was listening.

"From that first new moon I mean... Well, remembered... The other you hinted at it yesterday and... Well I..."

If there was one thing Severus learned since Harry's arrival to the castle, it was several ways to prevent and/or stop a panic attack.

At least that once he did not have to try several.

"Sorry about that." the teen smiled once the threat of his mind working against him passed.

"Things have to get worse before they get better." the snake bumped his nose against Harry's arm. "It makes me think of better future and it's doing wonders for my sanity."

There was no way to prevent the melancholic tone to leave his voice.

"We'll find a way to get you your body back, Severus."

"I do hope to get it back, at least as an eventuality... But we're not talking about me now. What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

It took Harry several open mouthed false starts before he managed to voice his question in one go.

"Do you think I have magic, Severus?"

'Ah. So that's what you've been obscuring from me.' Severus could not help but jab into the other occupant of his body inwardly.

'Not my question to ask, really.'

"I do think so, yes. I'll even go as far as saying I know so."

"Really?"

The wide-eyed wonder was a sight to behold.

"Yes. In fact I felt as much ever since you've arrived."

"You knew? All this time?"

It was easy to notice the hurt which entered the teen's questions. Though, in all honesty, Severus would have been more surprised if there were none. While Harry was quite apt at dissociating himself from any given situation, his abilities to conceal emotions were little better than poor.

"I hope you can forgive me for not mentioning it... At first I thought you were in denial. When it became apparent that was clearly not your case there was never a good time to ask. After more and more information about your life started coming to the surface I was afraid I would send you into another panic attack. And in the last few weeks... I admit it had simply slipped my mind."

"How is that possible?"

"You've been here for several months already, Harry. You're the only person I come into daily contact with. There are the House Elves, of course. There are the ghosts and portraits as well. But I suppose there is something about co-habitation that makes you used to a living person's magic the longer you live with them. I am simply too familiar with your magic now to notice it unless I actively think of it. If you were aware of your heritage and knew how to use the magic you possess, I would be able to trace it better. But as of now I have only seen you perform magic handful of times.

"You did? When?"

"There was the... incident in the gallery, of course. Sometimes I've seen you summon things, when you did not actively think of it. And then there is you being a parselmouth."

"Paar-cel-...?"

"Parselmouth. That is what the wizarding world calls those who are able to speak to snakes. It's not a common skill to possess."

"Huh."

"And aside from all those there is the fact you helped me with the potions making. Believe me when I tell you that no non-wizard would have been able to help. You do need at least a spark of magic to be able to turn the ingredients into a potion."

When Harry did not speak for a moment Severus thought maybe it was time to put the conversation aside for the time being, but it turned out Harry was just processing the information offered.

"I sometimes helped the Weasley twins with the potions for their shop... Does that mean they knew?"

How lost the boy sounded. But Severus was not one to mince his words much.

"It is a definite possibility. Maybe they themselves did not realise it, or maybe they just don't know you need to have magic to make potions, but yes, they probably knew. Maybe they just thought that you not knowing meant lesser chance of you asking your guradians and getting another punishment instead of an answer."

"Oh. Oh my God... Aunt and Uncle..."

Unlike the twins there was little to no chance of the elder Dursleys not knowing about Harry's magic, especially since they had him since a very young age. Accidental magic always happened with even the weakest of the magical children.

"Your aunt and uncle likely knew about your magic. You said your uncle at least had disdain towards everything magical, only making exceptions with things he bought your cousin. My short encounter with Vernon Dursely made me think much the same of his attitude towards magic. I think it would not be too big of a leap to connect the two expressions of hate together."

As Severus watched Harry paling with every word, he thought that maybe he should have put that conversation aside after all.

But at the same time he knew those were things Harry needed to hear.

And Harry was a strong soul.

"If... If I have- have magic..." the teen started hesitantly, speaking with long pauses between words even. "Does that... Does that mean that my parents did as well?"

'Huh. A good question, young snake.'

Severus had to agree with his snake counterpart.

"That is a very good question to ask, Harry. In all likelihood at least one of your parents did."

"I'm glad."

"Glad?"

"It could be something to connect them to me. At least a little bit."

Of course.

Harry did not even know who his parents were.

But he could find out.

"I could make a potion to test it out for you."

"You could?"

"I can't completely promise you it will work, because the potion won't work on the off-chance both your parents were Muggles, but in all likelihood it should."

"That would be amazing."

The wonder in Harry's eyes made Severus want to beat himself up for not thinking of suggesting it sooner. But then again, Harry's parents never really figured in a conversation as prominently up to that moment.

"We can start on the potion now if you-" - want. Was what Severus meant to say. But it was unnecessary to do so, what with Harry starting off towards the laboratory at the word "now". Impatient enough to even call back to Severus why was he stalling so much.

How he loved that boy.

Oh.

Oh.

Surprise, surprise. After two years of this fic being a cold case I decided it has to be the first thing I upload this year. I'm sorry if it's a bit difficult to follow, I need to re-read this whole thing once again (In case I made some continuity errorrs) AND try to find my writing style again. *sigh*

BUT I promise that I'm going to upload everything (bar TLoI, likely) in the span of this summer because I actually have the time to write now. (Dobby... *cough*Kami-no-Namida*cough* is a Free Elf! (TTvTT)) Hopefully my writing muse won't leave me and keep away the writing block.

To all of you who read this all that time ago, welcome back! \(^^)/

To anyone new, welcome! (^^)/

I very much welcome CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, it really has been a long time since I wrote (not only this) and I hashed this chapter together based half on new ideas and half on notes I had for it since those two years back. But even a short note on how you found the chapter is welcome. :)

ALSO! Important! I am planning to honor my tradition of updating a new story on my B-Day (in a week). While I don't want it to be Snarry (there are three now, and it will already be confusing enough to get back to those) I would like to hear some opinions on what HP pairing you'd like to see. Hopefully I'll get to include at least something of your ideas!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING!

See ya~ ("-w-)/