~*(Disclaimer: I don't own or claim any parts or
characters if Inu-Yasha. It's Rumiko Takahashi's. I
also don't own or claim any part of Evanescence or
their song "My Immortal".
A/N: I recommend playing Evanescence's "My Immortal" while reading this. It really sets the mood.
~^~*(Change is changing immortality)*~^~^~^~^ ____________________________________________________________________________ __
~*( I'm so tired of being here)*~
Kagome slowly turned her head to look at the confusion and sadness that lay in Inuyasha's eyes, she saw past the habitual anger defensive that was quite plainly shown in his body language.
Kagome's lip turned up slightly as she noticed his scrunched brow, the creases on his forehead that amplified his blatant confusion. She saw his eyes shine with concern and worry. And she knew his anger was not real because of his grip on her wrist.
His grip was tight enough to get across his concern and relentlessness to give up on the topic. But it did not cause any pain, it was tight but painless.
"Have a seat, Inuyasha." She said calmly and carefully, avoiding the "S-word". She, then, motioned with her free hand for him to take the seat he was previously in before his outburst.
"Kagome, if you think I'm just going to-!" He began, as he let the anger cover his anxiety.
Kagome shook off his hand and brought her fingers to her temples and began to massage softly. She closed her eyes and sat back a bit. Opening her eyes, she look to him and with a pleading look that tore at Inuyasha's heart. Inuyasha sat down slowly, obediently.
He opened his mouth as if to speak again but Kagome quickly touched her fingers to his lips and let them rest there.
"I'm trying to answer your question. Do you want an answer? Or would you prefer to rant and rage at me?" Kagome asked calmly letting a true Kagome smile grace her lips at the last part.
~*(Suppressed by all my childish fears)*~
Kagome took his hand in both of hers and caressed it lightly as she looked down at his strong hand gripping her tiny palms.
"I assume you know how I got those cuts on my wrists?" She said but still kept her gaze on his hands, even though she felt his amber gaze trying to catch hers.
She risked a quick glance at him when he tip his head in a slight nod,
"You tried to-" he started.
"Shhh," she said gently wincing slightly at what she knew he was about to say, "I know."
She sat back again and took his hand with hers still holding it and placed it on her lap. With her gaze memorizing the patterns of the creases on his palms, she continued.
~*(And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave...)*~
"It was two months after the well closed...............I was not in my right mind," her eyes rolled at the ceiling and Inuyasha saw the tears that gathered in her eyes. She quickly returned her gaze to the hands, "My friends stopped coming around, I had ignored their concern.........Well more like /fake/ concern. They just stopped caring after I stopped talking to them.................maybe they were right to leave me..........I was a pretty worthless friend......................."
~*( 'Cuz your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone..........)*~
Inuyasha strengthened his grip on her hand and gave her an encouraging look, she smiled and continued, silently thanking him for his silence.
"Any way, my friends didn't care anymore, you, Sango, Shippo, Kaede, even Miroku....... You were all gone. My family was there but they had drifted away from me, only Souta saw me for the depression I was falling into. He tried to cheer me up everyday, " She smiled and tilted her head to the side as a tear fell down her cheek at the memory, "My grades began to slip......................No one noticed....................It felt as if no one else saw me except myself, and I wanted to be seen.................Not for anyone else............I didn't want to be seen as anything or /anyone/ but myself."
Inuyasha winced and squeezed her hand at the inference to Kikyo, but kept his silence and let her continue.
"So I went into my room and......................I just sat there trying to think of ways to get people to see me," She turned her wide tear filled eyes to Inuyasha as she choked on her next words, "/SEE/ me...........I wanted them to /really/ see me..........." She turned her gaze away and took a hand away to wipe away her offending tears.
~*( These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase)*~
"So I went into my bathroom to wash my face and I stepped on my razor......................It cut the heel of my foot," She looked to the ceiling again and sighed as she admitted, "and for a moment............for just a moment, I had no feelings....................My head didn't throb from the knowledge that I was alone, My heart didn't-.............My heart didn't ache from the emotions of loss that had taken it over. I didn't feel hollow, because I could feel the pain. The all too real pain that ran through my body...................."
Inuyasha winced at the thought of Kagome enjoying pain. But let her continue. She took her hands from his and flipped her arms over to stare at the interlaced scars on her wrists,
" When I realized- God, when I began to feel dizzy I saw............ I saw all the blood-" The tears fell freely from her eyes and slid quickly down her cheeks.
"It just wouldn't stop! Oh God, it wouldn't Stop!" She practically screamed and covered her face with her hands, sobbing into them.
~*(You cried I wipe away all of your tears You'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years...)*~
Inuyasha wiped away the moisture that had gathered in his eyes too, but never took his eyes off of Kagome. The sight of her weak and vulnerable tug, guiltily at his heart. Seeing Kagome so sad, made him feel helpless and weak, WHY couldn't he do anything?! Why didn't he ask Kaede sooner if she had a spell?!
In a reflex and act of desperation, Inuyasha slid onto Kagome's bed and as lightly and gentle as he could he gathered her up and placed her in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her frail frame and cradled her body gently, mindful of her wounds.
~*( But you still held onto me)*~
When Kagome's sobs began to quiet down her head raised up as if just realizing that she was in Inuyasha's arms. A part of her longed for this: Longed for the love and care that Inuyasha's warm wild scented presence promised. But there was still a part of her that had become used to throwing away emotions. She began to struggle in his hold and Inuyasha tightened his grasp, but it wasn't painful.
~*(You used to captivate me By your resonating mind Now I'm bound by the life you left behind)*~
"Inuyasha, let me go..........." She demanded as she weakly tried to push herself out of his welcoming hold.
~*( Your face it holds, my once placid dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me...)*~
He place his fingers under her chin forcing her face and eyes to look at him. When he caught hold of her gaze and she noticed the moisture in his eyes, her liquid eyes widened.
His eyes bore deeply into hers before he lowered his face and sealed her lips with his.
~*( These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase)*~
Inuyasha licked her lips and as she gasped at the warming sensation he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Kagome felt like she was floating, and her emotions swam in front of her closed eyes. She slid her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair as she pulled his face closer to hers in their heated kiss.
~*( You cried I wipe away all of your tears You'd scream I fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years)*~
Inuyasha growled possessively at the arousing kiss and ran his hands down her back before pushing her closer to him. Her lips were warm and responsive. His eye lids rose a little to look at her. He slowly ended the kiss by sealing his lips and pulling away. He moved his face away from her but rested his forehead against hers. They both panted heavily and stared into eachother's eyes.
Kagome's eyes were heavy lidded, and her pupils dilated. She felt drunk on her feelings of love that overwhelmed her in that soul searing kiss. Her eyes locked on Inuyasha as he cupped both sides of her face and looked seriously into her eyes,
"Never." he said before taking her into another passionate kiss.
~*(But you still held onto me)*~
Kagome covered his hands that remained on her face and gripped them tightly. Inuyasha kissing her was heaven on earth and all the emotions were so new and strange, they overwhelmed her. But she felt if she let go he would disappear and she would be alone again.
Alone and in pain.
~*( I've tried so hard to tell myself that your gone But, though, your still with me I've been alone I'm Alone.)*~
Kagome let out a sob but wouldn't let Inuyasha end the kiss. She grabbed the hair at his nape and pushed him closer.
Inuyasha, afraid he had hurt her, pulled back in surprise at her kiss. Only to find himself stuck onto Kagome. Slowly and gently he removed her hands and rubbed the inside of her wrists with his thumbs.
~*( You cried I wipe away all of your tears You'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years...........)*~
"Kagome?" He asked gently afraid she would be hurt. Her head was bowed and tucked on his chest, over his heart.
"You're here, and you're with me............There's no need for any more pain......." she mumbled.
Alarmed at her mumbling and the sudden dampness he felt through his shirt, Inuyasha cupped Kagome's face again and brought it to eye level with him.
Kagome's eyes were flowing with tears. The tickling, shivering, confusing, overwhelming, warming, wonderful feelings she had had taken over her body with one kiss from Inuyasha. And she knew now. She was now sure of something that she had ignored since that day 5 or so months ago.
Raising her eyes to meet his, she watched his amber pools drown in her lavender before kissing him and pulling back to look in his eyes.
She ran her palm gently down the side of his face before saying something that was the first true thing she had admitted to herself for five months.
~*(You still held onto me)*~
"I love you, Inuyasha"
~*(Hold me.........)*~
~^~^~^*^~*~^*~^*~^~*^~*~^*~^~*^*~^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*~^~*^*~*~^*~^~*^~*~
bTo Be Continued/b.
A/N: Well? Was it a good song fic? I hope so, because it was my first. And I think I'm becoming addicted to them! It's almost therapeutic writing it and I suggest it to any author with a writers block. It really helped me keep writing and to know what they would say next. Thanks to all my reviewers! and to anyone who read this! I hope you like this. I'm going to try to have chapter 13 up ASAP!
****NOTE: I do not in any way sanction suicide and/or the attempt of. I only used it to display Kagome's desperation. Note, please, that suicide is never justified.*****
Well Review give me criticism, comments, compliments, or random rants ^.^ I'll take them all openly!
Until Next Time, KaGoMiAkA
A/N: I recommend playing Evanescence's "My Immortal" while reading this. It really sets the mood.
~^~*(Change is changing immortality)*~^~^~^~^ ____________________________________________________________________________ __
~*( I'm so tired of being here)*~
Kagome slowly turned her head to look at the confusion and sadness that lay in Inuyasha's eyes, she saw past the habitual anger defensive that was quite plainly shown in his body language.
Kagome's lip turned up slightly as she noticed his scrunched brow, the creases on his forehead that amplified his blatant confusion. She saw his eyes shine with concern and worry. And she knew his anger was not real because of his grip on her wrist.
His grip was tight enough to get across his concern and relentlessness to give up on the topic. But it did not cause any pain, it was tight but painless.
"Have a seat, Inuyasha." She said calmly and carefully, avoiding the "S-word". She, then, motioned with her free hand for him to take the seat he was previously in before his outburst.
"Kagome, if you think I'm just going to-!" He began, as he let the anger cover his anxiety.
Kagome shook off his hand and brought her fingers to her temples and began to massage softly. She closed her eyes and sat back a bit. Opening her eyes, she look to him and with a pleading look that tore at Inuyasha's heart. Inuyasha sat down slowly, obediently.
He opened his mouth as if to speak again but Kagome quickly touched her fingers to his lips and let them rest there.
"I'm trying to answer your question. Do you want an answer? Or would you prefer to rant and rage at me?" Kagome asked calmly letting a true Kagome smile grace her lips at the last part.
~*(Suppressed by all my childish fears)*~
Kagome took his hand in both of hers and caressed it lightly as she looked down at his strong hand gripping her tiny palms.
"I assume you know how I got those cuts on my wrists?" She said but still kept her gaze on his hands, even though she felt his amber gaze trying to catch hers.
She risked a quick glance at him when he tip his head in a slight nod,
"You tried to-" he started.
"Shhh," she said gently wincing slightly at what she knew he was about to say, "I know."
She sat back again and took his hand with hers still holding it and placed it on her lap. With her gaze memorizing the patterns of the creases on his palms, she continued.
~*(And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave...)*~
"It was two months after the well closed...............I was not in my right mind," her eyes rolled at the ceiling and Inuyasha saw the tears that gathered in her eyes. She quickly returned her gaze to the hands, "My friends stopped coming around, I had ignored their concern.........Well more like /fake/ concern. They just stopped caring after I stopped talking to them.................maybe they were right to leave me..........I was a pretty worthless friend......................."
~*( 'Cuz your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone..........)*~
Inuyasha strengthened his grip on her hand and gave her an encouraging look, she smiled and continued, silently thanking him for his silence.
"Any way, my friends didn't care anymore, you, Sango, Shippo, Kaede, even Miroku....... You were all gone. My family was there but they had drifted away from me, only Souta saw me for the depression I was falling into. He tried to cheer me up everyday, " She smiled and tilted her head to the side as a tear fell down her cheek at the memory, "My grades began to slip......................No one noticed....................It felt as if no one else saw me except myself, and I wanted to be seen.................Not for anyone else............I didn't want to be seen as anything or /anyone/ but myself."
Inuyasha winced and squeezed her hand at the inference to Kikyo, but kept his silence and let her continue.
"So I went into my room and......................I just sat there trying to think of ways to get people to see me," She turned her wide tear filled eyes to Inuyasha as she choked on her next words, "/SEE/ me...........I wanted them to /really/ see me..........." She turned her gaze away and took a hand away to wipe away her offending tears.
~*( These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase)*~
"So I went into my bathroom to wash my face and I stepped on my razor......................It cut the heel of my foot," She looked to the ceiling again and sighed as she admitted, "and for a moment............for just a moment, I had no feelings....................My head didn't throb from the knowledge that I was alone, My heart didn't-.............My heart didn't ache from the emotions of loss that had taken it over. I didn't feel hollow, because I could feel the pain. The all too real pain that ran through my body...................."
Inuyasha winced at the thought of Kagome enjoying pain. But let her continue. She took her hands from his and flipped her arms over to stare at the interlaced scars on her wrists,
" When I realized- God, when I began to feel dizzy I saw............ I saw all the blood-" The tears fell freely from her eyes and slid quickly down her cheeks.
"It just wouldn't stop! Oh God, it wouldn't Stop!" She practically screamed and covered her face with her hands, sobbing into them.
~*(You cried I wipe away all of your tears You'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years...)*~
Inuyasha wiped away the moisture that had gathered in his eyes too, but never took his eyes off of Kagome. The sight of her weak and vulnerable tug, guiltily at his heart. Seeing Kagome so sad, made him feel helpless and weak, WHY couldn't he do anything?! Why didn't he ask Kaede sooner if she had a spell?!
In a reflex and act of desperation, Inuyasha slid onto Kagome's bed and as lightly and gentle as he could he gathered her up and placed her in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her frail frame and cradled her body gently, mindful of her wounds.
~*( But you still held onto me)*~
When Kagome's sobs began to quiet down her head raised up as if just realizing that she was in Inuyasha's arms. A part of her longed for this: Longed for the love and care that Inuyasha's warm wild scented presence promised. But there was still a part of her that had become used to throwing away emotions. She began to struggle in his hold and Inuyasha tightened his grasp, but it wasn't painful.
~*(You used to captivate me By your resonating mind Now I'm bound by the life you left behind)*~
"Inuyasha, let me go..........." She demanded as she weakly tried to push herself out of his welcoming hold.
~*( Your face it holds, my once placid dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me...)*~
He place his fingers under her chin forcing her face and eyes to look at him. When he caught hold of her gaze and she noticed the moisture in his eyes, her liquid eyes widened.
His eyes bore deeply into hers before he lowered his face and sealed her lips with his.
~*( These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase)*~
Inuyasha licked her lips and as she gasped at the warming sensation he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Kagome felt like she was floating, and her emotions swam in front of her closed eyes. She slid her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair as she pulled his face closer to hers in their heated kiss.
~*( You cried I wipe away all of your tears You'd scream I fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years)*~
Inuyasha growled possessively at the arousing kiss and ran his hands down her back before pushing her closer to him. Her lips were warm and responsive. His eye lids rose a little to look at her. He slowly ended the kiss by sealing his lips and pulling away. He moved his face away from her but rested his forehead against hers. They both panted heavily and stared into eachother's eyes.
Kagome's eyes were heavy lidded, and her pupils dilated. She felt drunk on her feelings of love that overwhelmed her in that soul searing kiss. Her eyes locked on Inuyasha as he cupped both sides of her face and looked seriously into her eyes,
"Never." he said before taking her into another passionate kiss.
~*(But you still held onto me)*~
Kagome covered his hands that remained on her face and gripped them tightly. Inuyasha kissing her was heaven on earth and all the emotions were so new and strange, they overwhelmed her. But she felt if she let go he would disappear and she would be alone again.
Alone and in pain.
~*( I've tried so hard to tell myself that your gone But, though, your still with me I've been alone I'm Alone.)*~
Kagome let out a sob but wouldn't let Inuyasha end the kiss. She grabbed the hair at his nape and pushed him closer.
Inuyasha, afraid he had hurt her, pulled back in surprise at her kiss. Only to find himself stuck onto Kagome. Slowly and gently he removed her hands and rubbed the inside of her wrists with his thumbs.
~*( You cried I wipe away all of your tears You'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years...........)*~
"Kagome?" He asked gently afraid she would be hurt. Her head was bowed and tucked on his chest, over his heart.
"You're here, and you're with me............There's no need for any more pain......." she mumbled.
Alarmed at her mumbling and the sudden dampness he felt through his shirt, Inuyasha cupped Kagome's face again and brought it to eye level with him.
Kagome's eyes were flowing with tears. The tickling, shivering, confusing, overwhelming, warming, wonderful feelings she had had taken over her body with one kiss from Inuyasha. And she knew now. She was now sure of something that she had ignored since that day 5 or so months ago.
Raising her eyes to meet his, she watched his amber pools drown in her lavender before kissing him and pulling back to look in his eyes.
She ran her palm gently down the side of his face before saying something that was the first true thing she had admitted to herself for five months.
~*(You still held onto me)*~
"I love you, Inuyasha"
~*(Hold me.........)*~
~^~^~^*^~*~^*~^*~^~*^~*~^*~^~*^*~^~*^~*^~*^~*^~*~^~*^*~*~^*~^~*^~*~
bTo Be Continued/b.
A/N: Well? Was it a good song fic? I hope so, because it was my first. And I think I'm becoming addicted to them! It's almost therapeutic writing it and I suggest it to any author with a writers block. It really helped me keep writing and to know what they would say next. Thanks to all my reviewers! and to anyone who read this! I hope you like this. I'm going to try to have chapter 13 up ASAP!
****NOTE: I do not in any way sanction suicide and/or the attempt of. I only used it to display Kagome's desperation. Note, please, that suicide is never justified.*****
Well Review give me criticism, comments, compliments, or random rants ^.^ I'll take them all openly!
Until Next Time, KaGoMiAkA