StarblazeAndSolaris SAS SolStar

Warning!: This is slash. Sorry, but these two are just perfect for each other! And now we sound like mindless fangirls, so we're going to shut up...

Sol: I was reading Remus/Sirius slash, and listening to Squeeze... What can I say? Music is my inspiration! And I was a bit bored, because, quite frankly, rereading the Italian writing prep for the millionth time is really, really dull...

Star: I should wean you off the 1shots. This is what, the 7th piece of mindless drivel you've churned out since the October half term?

Genre: Humour (hopefully)

Rating: T for an innuendo

Disclaimer: We wish this was a claimer, but it isn't. Reckon if we take some Polyjuice potion it will fool the publishers?

Never Chew a Pickle

If you ever change your mind,

Which you do from time to time,

Never chew a pickle,

With a little slap and tickle,

You have to throw the stone,

To get the pool to ripple.

"Ugh! Pads! Seriously, why do you have to do that? I'm reading!"

"What, kiss you? That's my job: I'm your boyfriend."

"No, you idiot, I mean why do you have to eat those damn things and then kiss me? Especially in the middle of The Hobbit, when Bilbo is under the mountain with Golem!"

"What, sandwiches? You don't normally complain. And what's a Bilbo? Unless it's spelled wrong..."

"No! Get your mind out of the gutter, Padfoot. I meant the contents of the thrice-damned sandwiches!"

"What? The ham?"

"Good Merlin, why on earth do I put up with you? I mean the bloody green stuff!"

"But you like lettuce! And you like kissing me! Or at least I hope so. Oh no! You don't want to kiss me anymore! NOOOOO! Moony, please, whatever I did, I'm sorry! I'll never touch your chocolate again! Or rearrange the furniture! Or wake you up by levitating you out onto the roof to watch the sunrise! Or -"

"Sirius, shut up. Pick your face up from the floor and get off your knees. I still want to kiss you. Although I wouldn't mind you keeping the previous promises..."

"Yay! Not a chance. But if that's not it, what's the problem Remmie?"

"I give up. The problem is the dark green mush you have stuck in your teeth from that bloody sandwich."

"Uh oh. I'll go do my teeth."

"Good. And never eat that stuff again if you want me to come within ten feet of you again. Especially for... slap and tickle purposes."

"Yes Moony."

"Good Padfoot. Run off to the bathroom now."

"..."

"I said not to kiss me until you had washed that horrid taste away!"

"But you were sitting there looking so cute and sweet with your hair doing its adorable little fluffy thing -"

"You are definitely a fairy. And I am a werewolf. We are not naturally 'fluffy' or 'cute' or 'sweet'."

"You are though! You look so adorable when you're smug, and all self-contented and stuff."

"Teeth! Now!"

"Going..."

Two minutes later:

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Thank Merlin for that. What was the filling for the sandwiches anyway?"

"Ham, lettuce and pickle."

"Yuck. For future reference, as long as you avoid the pickle, I will be perfectly happy to kiss you."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Shall we take this elsewhere? There is a staring first year over there. I think his eyes will fall out if he sees anymore."

"..."

"..."

"Let him see."

"..."

"..."

Finis