A/N: Okay, here's the lastest new fic I'm putting up. My other angst (Scars
of the Heart) got great reviews so I'm hoping this one will too.
Unfortunatly, my action fic hasn't gotten any reviews, but hopfully that
will change. (It's called Choices of a Warrior in case any one here would
like to make my day and r&r that ^_^)
Discliamer: If owned DBZ, I'd have redone GT myself, after I killed those who ruined my show, but I don't so I can't.*gumbles*
I never knew him. I never will. I know that. I've always known that.
Well, almost.
When I was young I didn't know. I didn't understand. But I knew something was missing. I just didn't think it was him.
My father.
He died when I was about a year old. I don't remember him at all. Kaasan doesn't tell me much. Neither did Gohan. They did say he was strong, proud, tough, and arrogant. Kaasan also says I'm a lot like him. I'm not so sure.
Yeah, I'm stronger than a human. Maybe I'm prideful. But it's hard to feel than way. When two demons from hell run ramped in your daily life, killing everyone and destroying everything, and your always powerless to stop it, It's hard to think of yourself as tough or strong then.
Gohan was strong though. He was always strong. Yet the androids always were one step ahead of him. Now he's gone. I think I'm next.
I now know how he must have felt all those years. Training harder everyday than you ever had before, but never being strong enough. Never being powerful enough. Always behind. Always weak.
I feel than way now. Only for me there's something else. Loneliness, I think.
It's been about two years now. I'm sixteen. I wish I was doing what normal teenagers do. But I don't even know what that is. But I think a normal teenage boy would know his father. Even in these days, most kids know their parents, even if they aren't alive anymore.
I turned away from the window I'd been staring out of. Kaasan was gone for the day, off helping in the near by towns and I had the house to myself. I don't like being alone much. It just seems to add on to how alone I feel inside.
The house was quiet and it made me jumpy. I wasn't particularly scared of anything, but my senses did pick up reflexively. It comes, I guess, from living how I do. Always watching for the Jinzouningen. Especially in battle when, if your not prepared, it'll probably cost you your life. Always be ready. Always be on guard. That's what Gohan always said.
I left my room and headed to Kaasan's. I go there when she's not around. Trying to find out more about my father. There are a few pictures, and a few things that I imagine belonged to him.
One thing I know that's his, I found it about a week ago, is this blue suit. It stretches like spandex, only it has a very different feel to it. And it's able to stretch a lot more than regular spandex does. There were some white gloves and boots also. I had debated on trying them on but decided against it. They weren't mine and I think kaasan would have been angry if she caught me, to put it lightly.
But I went into her room anyway. I knew something in here had to tell me about my father. It was hidden here somewhere, I could feel it. All I had to do was find it.
I went back to the closet where I had found the blue outfit. I'd felt close to finding what I needed last time I'd been here. However, my mom was supposed to have been coming home soon so I had to give up my search.
I flicked on the light and moved to find the bodysuit again. When I finally did spot it I held it for a minute, fingering the cloth. I remembered the pictures I'd seen of him. He'd always worn something that looked like this.
There had been another part to it too. A piece of armor. I looked around to see if it was in here also.
After a few minutes going though the messy and crowded closet ( my kaasan's not much on cleaning) I did find it. It was the strangest type of material I'd ever seen. It was harder than titanium but could easily be stretched to fit just about anybody.
I inspected it for a while more and was about to discard it when I noticed something else about it. Inside, there was something taped to the armor. I pulled it free, careful not to tear it, and unfolded it.
My eyes widened when I saw it. It was a letter to kaasan, obviously from otousan. After a five-second debate wither this was too personal for me to read or not, I looked down and read:
Bulma,
If your reading this it either means you're messing with my property again or that I'm gone. If you were snooping around again then be gone and mind your own damn' business.
But more likely, I'm dead.
The Jinzouningen are attacking and for some reason I'm going to fight them. Don't ask me why, I don't know.
Then again, maybe I do.
I think it's because I love you.
I know I never said it to you, and I never really showed it to you, but it's true. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it. I'm sorry for a lot of things.
What it means if your reading this pains me more than I thought anything in the world could pain me. It means I'll never see your lovely face again. It means I'll never hold you near me. It means I'll never hear your voice again. Whether your yelling at me to do something, or to not do something. Whether your asking if I'm hurt or if I want help while I blow you off and tell you to leave me alone. Or if your just bitching at me for any reason. It means I've lost you.
It means I'm gone.
I don't cry Bulma, it's just not how I react. I've never cried once in my life. But I wish I could, if that would show you how much you mean to me. If that's what you've been waiting for, I wish I could shed a thousand tears.
If the Jinzouningen do kill me, it means they are very powerful and I worry for you and our son. I don't know what will happen and that always disturbs me. I prefer to know what's going on. I prefer being in control of my destiny. But if there is one thing you've taught me, it's that things like that can't be controlled. If they could be, I wouldn't have fallen in love with you. If they could be, we wouldn't have a son.
But I don't have any regrets about you being in my life. There is nothing I love nearly as much as you.
Well, that's not completely true. There is one more thing:
Trunks.
I don't know how he came into this picture but he is. And no matter what I said about him, I loved him too. I know he'll grow to be a powerful fighter. Nothing would make me more proud. I know you'll raise him well.
I don't know how your life will be after I'm gone. But I know you'll survive. Nothing is impossible for the woman who could make me fall in love with her.
In this letter, I said everything I'll never get the courage to tell you. Even though this voice inside of me screams and curses at me for not having the courage to tell you to your face. Even though I hate myself for no being able to tell you. I'm sorry I had to say it like this. I hope you can forgive me one day.
Good-bye Bulma,
Vegeta
P.S. There is also a letter for Trunks here. Give it to him when he's older. I'm asking (for once) you to please respect my wishes and don't read it. But if your going to, I can't stop you.
I held the paper in shock. Could my father really have written this to my mom? It seemed impossible from what I've heard, but here it was in black and white.
I read the postscript again. My father had written to me? But where was it? There was just that one letter there as far as I could see. Still, it might be under one of the piles in here.
" Trunks-kun what are you doing in here?" I froze. Kaasan was standing in the door way and the letter was in plain sight.
Kaasan picked it up and glanced at it. She made a small, but real smile as she folded it back up.
" I figured you come looking though here sooner or later," she said. I just stared at her, lost for words.
"Kaasan..." I started.
" Come on Trunks-kun," she said," Follow me."
I climbed to my feet and followed her to her dresser. She rummaged though a drawer until she retrieved a piece of paper, also folded, and gave it to me.
" Here," she said," this one's yours."
I looked at her.
" Did you..."
" No Trunks-kun. I never read it. It was for you, and you should be the first to read it. Why don't you take it to your room and I'll start dinner?"
I nodded and went to my room.
Once there, I shut the door and sat down on my bed. For at least five minutes, I just fingered it, wondering what he'd written. To think, these were the only words my father had even told me that I would remember. Finally, I figured the only way to find out was to read it. Unfolding it, I looked down and read:
Trunks,
My son, I know if your reading this I'm dead. Maybe it's for the best. You may not believe me but I don't think I would help raise you as well as you have been.
I need to start out with saying I'm sorry. ( which for me isn't easy, even to you, my son) But I need to say I'm sorry for all the thing I'll never do.
I'm sorry I'll never see you walk. I'm sorry I'll never hear your voice. I'm sorry I'll never be there to train you. I'm sorry I'll never see you fight.
But I know you'll be a strong warrior. It's hard for me to think of you now as a fighter, your just so young. But it is the gift (and often times curse) of your heritage. Don't get discouraged, as I know you will get. I know full well what it's like to train with everything you have and feel like your achieving nothing. But you are. Please don't give up.
I'm sorry I won't be there to protect you.
I see you now, so young and unguarded I wish there was more I could do. If I'm not there, and you get hurt, I feel as though it's my fault. I feel as though I should be there with you. The way that baka Kakkorot ( maybe you know him as Goku) was there for his son while he was alive. I never understood how he could love that whiny brat so much. Now I do.
I'm sorry I never held you.
But I'll hold you now. I'm in your room writing this, but you don't know it. Your sleeping now and I'm watching you, like I always do. I like to watch you while you sleep, but nether you or your mom know that. But before I leave, I will hold you. For the first time since you were born, you'll be in my arms.
I'm sorry I'll never see you grow up. I'm sorry I'll never see your wedding.
But when you do meet that special girl, the one person in this universe that is destined to be your mate, your wife, you treat her like the lady she is. Don't settle for someone who won't love you as much as you love her. You deserve the best, don't let her ever tell you different. And treat her with respect as well. Be a gentleman. Don't you ever hit a woman. Don't you ever abuse anyone. Because if you do, I'll find out someway, and I'll set you strait real quick.
I'm sorry I won't be there to guide you.
This is hard, trying to jam all of life's lessons in a single letter. I know I'll probably forget something but I'm trying. Don't talk back to your mom. Do what she says. She knows what she's talking about, even if she can't fully understand. She is a wonderful woman so you better respect her and be grateful everyday for her. Make sure you take good care of her and protect her since I can't.
Don't do drugs, they'll only add unnecessary grief to your already hard life. Don't drink excessively. It's another thing that'll kill you quick if your not careful. In fact, don't drink at all. You don't need such things to make you happy.
Put those you love ahead of yourself, and only those you truly love. Don't walk all over everyone else but don't let them push you around. You deserve better than that. You are important so don't ever think everyone else's needs are more important than yours.
I'm sorry you won't remember me. I'm sorry I'll never know you.
You must understand Trunks, I act differently than I write. If you were to meet me one day, you'd never think any of this was true. So maybe it's good I'm writing this. I could never tell you face to face, so you'll have to settle for heart to heart.
I know your strong, and I know your brave. Your my son, you have to be.
I hope that whatever happened after I died that you didn't grow up alone. I hope you had someone to look up to. Someone you cared for you better than I could have.
You may or may not know this Trunks, but you're a prince. The Prince of the Saiyan race. I know that's not saying much, but you are. As such, you are to be the greatest warrior in the universe. It is your destiny. But remember, not everything can be controlled. No matter how strong you get, you can't control fate. And fate can dash your destiny into a million pieces.
But as my son, I know you'll be strong. I know you'll will avenge me.
Be proud of who you are, and never let anyone look down on you.
I love you Trunks, my son. More than you'll ever know. No matter what I may have ever said to others, I loved you and your mother both very much. I still do, I always will. Maybe I'll meet you in the afterlife one day. But I hope that day is a very long time from now.
Remember, no matter what happens, or where you go, I'm always with you in spirit.
Love,
Papa
A/N: Was it good? Tell me! R&R. Flame if you want, but I'll just ignore you.
Discliamer: If owned DBZ, I'd have redone GT myself, after I killed those who ruined my show, but I don't so I can't.*gumbles*
I never knew him. I never will. I know that. I've always known that.
Well, almost.
When I was young I didn't know. I didn't understand. But I knew something was missing. I just didn't think it was him.
My father.
He died when I was about a year old. I don't remember him at all. Kaasan doesn't tell me much. Neither did Gohan. They did say he was strong, proud, tough, and arrogant. Kaasan also says I'm a lot like him. I'm not so sure.
Yeah, I'm stronger than a human. Maybe I'm prideful. But it's hard to feel than way. When two demons from hell run ramped in your daily life, killing everyone and destroying everything, and your always powerless to stop it, It's hard to think of yourself as tough or strong then.
Gohan was strong though. He was always strong. Yet the androids always were one step ahead of him. Now he's gone. I think I'm next.
I now know how he must have felt all those years. Training harder everyday than you ever had before, but never being strong enough. Never being powerful enough. Always behind. Always weak.
I feel than way now. Only for me there's something else. Loneliness, I think.
It's been about two years now. I'm sixteen. I wish I was doing what normal teenagers do. But I don't even know what that is. But I think a normal teenage boy would know his father. Even in these days, most kids know their parents, even if they aren't alive anymore.
I turned away from the window I'd been staring out of. Kaasan was gone for the day, off helping in the near by towns and I had the house to myself. I don't like being alone much. It just seems to add on to how alone I feel inside.
The house was quiet and it made me jumpy. I wasn't particularly scared of anything, but my senses did pick up reflexively. It comes, I guess, from living how I do. Always watching for the Jinzouningen. Especially in battle when, if your not prepared, it'll probably cost you your life. Always be ready. Always be on guard. That's what Gohan always said.
I left my room and headed to Kaasan's. I go there when she's not around. Trying to find out more about my father. There are a few pictures, and a few things that I imagine belonged to him.
One thing I know that's his, I found it about a week ago, is this blue suit. It stretches like spandex, only it has a very different feel to it. And it's able to stretch a lot more than regular spandex does. There were some white gloves and boots also. I had debated on trying them on but decided against it. They weren't mine and I think kaasan would have been angry if she caught me, to put it lightly.
But I went into her room anyway. I knew something in here had to tell me about my father. It was hidden here somewhere, I could feel it. All I had to do was find it.
I went back to the closet where I had found the blue outfit. I'd felt close to finding what I needed last time I'd been here. However, my mom was supposed to have been coming home soon so I had to give up my search.
I flicked on the light and moved to find the bodysuit again. When I finally did spot it I held it for a minute, fingering the cloth. I remembered the pictures I'd seen of him. He'd always worn something that looked like this.
There had been another part to it too. A piece of armor. I looked around to see if it was in here also.
After a few minutes going though the messy and crowded closet ( my kaasan's not much on cleaning) I did find it. It was the strangest type of material I'd ever seen. It was harder than titanium but could easily be stretched to fit just about anybody.
I inspected it for a while more and was about to discard it when I noticed something else about it. Inside, there was something taped to the armor. I pulled it free, careful not to tear it, and unfolded it.
My eyes widened when I saw it. It was a letter to kaasan, obviously from otousan. After a five-second debate wither this was too personal for me to read or not, I looked down and read:
Bulma,
If your reading this it either means you're messing with my property again or that I'm gone. If you were snooping around again then be gone and mind your own damn' business.
But more likely, I'm dead.
The Jinzouningen are attacking and for some reason I'm going to fight them. Don't ask me why, I don't know.
Then again, maybe I do.
I think it's because I love you.
I know I never said it to you, and I never really showed it to you, but it's true. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it. I'm sorry for a lot of things.
What it means if your reading this pains me more than I thought anything in the world could pain me. It means I'll never see your lovely face again. It means I'll never hold you near me. It means I'll never hear your voice again. Whether your yelling at me to do something, or to not do something. Whether your asking if I'm hurt or if I want help while I blow you off and tell you to leave me alone. Or if your just bitching at me for any reason. It means I've lost you.
It means I'm gone.
I don't cry Bulma, it's just not how I react. I've never cried once in my life. But I wish I could, if that would show you how much you mean to me. If that's what you've been waiting for, I wish I could shed a thousand tears.
If the Jinzouningen do kill me, it means they are very powerful and I worry for you and our son. I don't know what will happen and that always disturbs me. I prefer to know what's going on. I prefer being in control of my destiny. But if there is one thing you've taught me, it's that things like that can't be controlled. If they could be, I wouldn't have fallen in love with you. If they could be, we wouldn't have a son.
But I don't have any regrets about you being in my life. There is nothing I love nearly as much as you.
Well, that's not completely true. There is one more thing:
Trunks.
I don't know how he came into this picture but he is. And no matter what I said about him, I loved him too. I know he'll grow to be a powerful fighter. Nothing would make me more proud. I know you'll raise him well.
I don't know how your life will be after I'm gone. But I know you'll survive. Nothing is impossible for the woman who could make me fall in love with her.
In this letter, I said everything I'll never get the courage to tell you. Even though this voice inside of me screams and curses at me for not having the courage to tell you to your face. Even though I hate myself for no being able to tell you. I'm sorry I had to say it like this. I hope you can forgive me one day.
Good-bye Bulma,
Vegeta
P.S. There is also a letter for Trunks here. Give it to him when he's older. I'm asking (for once) you to please respect my wishes and don't read it. But if your going to, I can't stop you.
I held the paper in shock. Could my father really have written this to my mom? It seemed impossible from what I've heard, but here it was in black and white.
I read the postscript again. My father had written to me? But where was it? There was just that one letter there as far as I could see. Still, it might be under one of the piles in here.
" Trunks-kun what are you doing in here?" I froze. Kaasan was standing in the door way and the letter was in plain sight.
Kaasan picked it up and glanced at it. She made a small, but real smile as she folded it back up.
" I figured you come looking though here sooner or later," she said. I just stared at her, lost for words.
"Kaasan..." I started.
" Come on Trunks-kun," she said," Follow me."
I climbed to my feet and followed her to her dresser. She rummaged though a drawer until she retrieved a piece of paper, also folded, and gave it to me.
" Here," she said," this one's yours."
I looked at her.
" Did you..."
" No Trunks-kun. I never read it. It was for you, and you should be the first to read it. Why don't you take it to your room and I'll start dinner?"
I nodded and went to my room.
Once there, I shut the door and sat down on my bed. For at least five minutes, I just fingered it, wondering what he'd written. To think, these were the only words my father had even told me that I would remember. Finally, I figured the only way to find out was to read it. Unfolding it, I looked down and read:
Trunks,
My son, I know if your reading this I'm dead. Maybe it's for the best. You may not believe me but I don't think I would help raise you as well as you have been.
I need to start out with saying I'm sorry. ( which for me isn't easy, even to you, my son) But I need to say I'm sorry for all the thing I'll never do.
I'm sorry I'll never see you walk. I'm sorry I'll never hear your voice. I'm sorry I'll never be there to train you. I'm sorry I'll never see you fight.
But I know you'll be a strong warrior. It's hard for me to think of you now as a fighter, your just so young. But it is the gift (and often times curse) of your heritage. Don't get discouraged, as I know you will get. I know full well what it's like to train with everything you have and feel like your achieving nothing. But you are. Please don't give up.
I'm sorry I won't be there to protect you.
I see you now, so young and unguarded I wish there was more I could do. If I'm not there, and you get hurt, I feel as though it's my fault. I feel as though I should be there with you. The way that baka Kakkorot ( maybe you know him as Goku) was there for his son while he was alive. I never understood how he could love that whiny brat so much. Now I do.
I'm sorry I never held you.
But I'll hold you now. I'm in your room writing this, but you don't know it. Your sleeping now and I'm watching you, like I always do. I like to watch you while you sleep, but nether you or your mom know that. But before I leave, I will hold you. For the first time since you were born, you'll be in my arms.
I'm sorry I'll never see you grow up. I'm sorry I'll never see your wedding.
But when you do meet that special girl, the one person in this universe that is destined to be your mate, your wife, you treat her like the lady she is. Don't settle for someone who won't love you as much as you love her. You deserve the best, don't let her ever tell you different. And treat her with respect as well. Be a gentleman. Don't you ever hit a woman. Don't you ever abuse anyone. Because if you do, I'll find out someway, and I'll set you strait real quick.
I'm sorry I won't be there to guide you.
This is hard, trying to jam all of life's lessons in a single letter. I know I'll probably forget something but I'm trying. Don't talk back to your mom. Do what she says. She knows what she's talking about, even if she can't fully understand. She is a wonderful woman so you better respect her and be grateful everyday for her. Make sure you take good care of her and protect her since I can't.
Don't do drugs, they'll only add unnecessary grief to your already hard life. Don't drink excessively. It's another thing that'll kill you quick if your not careful. In fact, don't drink at all. You don't need such things to make you happy.
Put those you love ahead of yourself, and only those you truly love. Don't walk all over everyone else but don't let them push you around. You deserve better than that. You are important so don't ever think everyone else's needs are more important than yours.
I'm sorry you won't remember me. I'm sorry I'll never know you.
You must understand Trunks, I act differently than I write. If you were to meet me one day, you'd never think any of this was true. So maybe it's good I'm writing this. I could never tell you face to face, so you'll have to settle for heart to heart.
I know your strong, and I know your brave. Your my son, you have to be.
I hope that whatever happened after I died that you didn't grow up alone. I hope you had someone to look up to. Someone you cared for you better than I could have.
You may or may not know this Trunks, but you're a prince. The Prince of the Saiyan race. I know that's not saying much, but you are. As such, you are to be the greatest warrior in the universe. It is your destiny. But remember, not everything can be controlled. No matter how strong you get, you can't control fate. And fate can dash your destiny into a million pieces.
But as my son, I know you'll be strong. I know you'll will avenge me.
Be proud of who you are, and never let anyone look down on you.
I love you Trunks, my son. More than you'll ever know. No matter what I may have ever said to others, I loved you and your mother both very much. I still do, I always will. Maybe I'll meet you in the afterlife one day. But I hope that day is a very long time from now.
Remember, no matter what happens, or where you go, I'm always with you in spirit.
Love,
Papa
A/N: Was it good? Tell me! R&R. Flame if you want, but I'll just ignore you.