"The heck is that?"

"Isn't it a whale?"

"It's not one of Laboon's friends, is it?"

"Nah. Pretty sure it's up for grabs."

Zoro craned his neck forward. "Think it'd taste good with barbecue sauce?"

The great white whale surged upward and broke through the surface of the sea. Water streamed across its thick ragged skin, skin as ancient and wise as the bottom of the ocean floor. A huge black gaze pounded into the ship ponderously.

"Now hold on a moment," Sanji snapped, kicking Zoro in the shin. "Not even Luffy can eat that in one go. Barbecue can wait - how about some sashimi, served with white wine and lemon salt, Robin-chwaaaan?"

Robin smiled calmly. "That sounds wonderful." And she settled back in her sun chair on the deck of the ship, reading a book as she enjoyed the cool ocean breeze. The rise and fall of the ship didn't bother her much.

"He's mine," Zoro smirked, drawing a sword.

"No he's not," Sanji snapped, kicking into the air, "he'd swallow a moss-head like you for breakfast! I've got this."

The sounds of their fighting sailed across the waters. A few moments later, the sounds died down, and Robin glanced up from her book. The waves had become suddenly still.

"Hey, Robin," Usopp said, coming on deck. "You seen Sanji? I need to ask him something."

"Ah...he went fishing with our swordsman. They chased a whale underwater."

"Oh! Awesome!" He leaned out over the ship's rail and scanned the smooth, gentle waves. "Where!? It's not, uh, a dangerous whale or anything like that, right?"

Her face was unreadable. "I suppose it's possible that by now it would have dragged them to the bottom of the sea and then torn them to pieces. I hope we won't see blood in the water soon."

A barely perceptible shiver ran up his legs, and he laughed too loudly. "Hey, come on Robin, don't joke around like that! Those two can't be taken down by one lousy whale!" He stared at the sea, and the sea gave no answers. "...Oh God they're dead."

Sanji remembered hitting the water in heated pursuit of the whale. The ocean had closed around him like it always did - he was an accustomed swimmer, what with rescuing the damned anchors all the time. He had kicked forward with a controlled burst of speed.

He wasn't entirely sure what happened next.

The water suddenly grabbed hold of him and tossed him like a giant playing with a toy, worse than the crash-landing at Fishman Island, catching him completely off guard. Forget the whale. He was fighting the entire ocean now, with all her fierce currents and violent tempers; and he was losing. Nausea and dizziness set in, and a leaden numbness in his limbs. Somewhere in the back of his mind he hoped that the stupid swordsman hadn't charged in after him. This wasn't an enemy that swords could cut. Sanji gritted his teeth and tried desperately to figure out which direction was up and which was down, then saw a glimmer of light flash past. He grabbed for it, willing his lungs to stop complaining and just hold on, hold on, hold on.

He burst into the air. His lungs gulped in sweet oxygen, and then hacked out the bitter residue of saltwater. He shook water out of his blonde bangs so that he could see.

He was sprawled on the soft sandy shores of an island, warmed by a brilliant sun. He dragged himself up and then collapsed on his belly, gathering feeling back into his limbs. Regrettably, it would seem that Robin-san and Nami-san would be missing their promised seafood this evening. Defeated by a whale - this was embarrassing. How the hell had that happened?

"Who are you?"

Sanji's heart skipped a beat. It was a woman's voice, low, vicious, and dangerously attractive. He would have gotten up from his pathetic position immediately, but he recognized the cold bite of steel against the back of his neck.

To his horror, he found himself annoyed by the woman. He quickly shoved the feeling away, though; a man must always be patient and understanding around ladies, even when being held at knife point.

"My name is Sanji," he said carefully. "I was swept on shore by the sea just now. Please, I mean no harm, and I must say I don't particularly mind being entirely at your mercy, but there are matters I must attend to, if you would allow me." If he escaped from her sword he might offend her, but well, so long as he didn't have to actually attack her...

And abruptly, the knife withdrew, as did the woman's footsteps. Sanji blinked. What a generous lady, probably a beauty, he would have to show his gratitude somehow-

"You."

Sanji looked up. The woman was soaked through, with a dark green coat that was open down the chest. She wasn't wearing a shirt. Sanji could feel the nosebleed coming fast.

"Forgive me my lady I-" he started to babble.

The woman raised an eyebrow, the other eye sealed shut by a thin scar. And then Sanji started to notice things. Like the old wound across her chest. And the three swords at her waist. And the suspiciously marimo-like green hair.

"I-I, uh..."

The nosebleed vanished entirely, replaced by a rush of blood to a different compartment of his head. He tried to force himself to wait and make sure, but before he knew it he was gnashing his teeth and making the most disgusted face he was capable of, and there was no longer any room for doubt. "...Oh, no, no, you bastard."

And Zoro couldn't contain himself any longer. He laughed out loud.

Tashigi felt a chill.

"What?" her commander snapped.

"No, it's nothing," she fumbled. "I just had a strange image in my mind, that's all. Of that man as a...woman..."

"Don't get distracted! We've got work to do." He tossed her a folder. "Memorize the whole thing. We've picked up the Strawhats' scent - that info might be useful."

"Y-yes, sir!"

She glanced at the cover of the folder and frowned in confusion. Below a picture of a great white whale, it said: "BEWARE THE CURSE OF THE SEA GOD".

Words of the Sheep: this was conceived in the middle of the Punk Hazard arc, right after the fight against Monet, so while the samurai, his son, and Law aren't here and the G-5 is chasing after the Strawhats like usual, there are references to Zoro and Tashigi stuff that happened during Punk Hazard. Kinda confusing, I know.

But after a certain chapter in which it became clear that Zoro's reluctance to hurt Tashigi is deeper than just a recoil from her face, I had to do something with those two. And if we're going to talk about feminism, of course Sanji's gotta be there. Almost added Kinemon as well, but he's too much of a new character, and Zoro/Sanji stuff amuses me to no end. So there you have it.

2/2/13: Sorry, I edited the first two chapters like crazy and bumped around the plot because the pacing was horrendous. The lovely and amazing reviews I received made me feel guilty about being half-assed about this; so I started really trying to make it good. Enjoy. 3