Vow

Summary: If a promise lasts a lifetime, then ours won't last long. But know I'll be there until the final breath.

Warnings: language, spoilers

Disclaimer: All material belongs to the rightful owners. I wouldn't be here if I was one.

Notes: This takes place somewhere in the 'Searching for A.W. arc' before chapter 213. The first quote is from episode 5, the English dubbed version. The second is from the manga, chapter 213.

…

"It's the promise they had. Guzol had to be the one who stopped her song."

.

The beansprout first seemed to be weak. His emotions got the best of him at the worst situations and it always got him into trouble. Our first mission together proved that. From then on, I looked down on him for giving into those who were impeding upon the mission.

We were always at odds.

I kept on with my name-calling, though he had grown into a much stronger person, physically and mentally. Oh, yes. Allen was a strong individual, I came to see. He was the only one who would actually stand up to me instead of running away or avoiding me altogether. In a way, I had come to respect him.

So how had it come to this?

Long hair disheveled and flat due to lack of care, clothes a mess. His eyes screamed pain and discomfort mirrored by his stance, protective and wary. I never imagined all would come to this. Where was the happy, smiling sprout from merely a year ago?

It seemed only yesterday the kid was shoveling food down that bottomless hole of his while we bantered back and forth. He would get this dark smirk on his face—"Bakanda"—and I would cruelly glare back—"Moyashi"—our conversation would eventually get violent. The stupid rabbit and Lenalee would always be there to pull us back from seriously damaging something, namely, ourselves.

But they weren't around anymore. And this time, it wasn't just swords and harsh words that were so damaging. No, this time around, it was out of our control.

Neah was killing him, slowly but surely. Even I could see that. Allen tried to smile, tried to keep that damn façade going on for the scientist that tagged along. Despite that, he was failing. His smile cracked, his eyes no longer shone. It was painful just to look at.

He was still a stubborn little bastard, always wanting to keep his problems to himself and thinking he could take on the world. I'm not that stupid.

He's just delusional.

"Just leave. Please, Kanda. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

"I came all this fucking way and you tell me to go? I don't give up that easily. Don't you tell me what to do."

With a tired look, Allen turned away. He always did nowadays. The fight was gone from his eyes and he never participated in banter of any sort. His previously vivacious personality was dried up and all that was left was an empty shell. He was a mere ghost of the person he used to be; what with his emaciated appearance now, he resembled one too.

"Kanda?" Allen slowly turned and paused for a moment. I raised my brow to show I was listening. "Why are you here?" I knew he what he meant.

'Why did you come for me? Why me when you had a world of new possibilities? What do you think you will accomplish here?'

I didn't answer him, I just stared. With a sound of exasperation, Allen looked up at me.

"I'm serious about what I said before. I left for a reason," he said. My eyes sharpened as I bit back a retort.

"Because the church didn't fucking want you anymore?" Allen's gaze dropped and his body slumped forward with a loud exhalation of breath.

"I can't trust anyone anymore. Hell, I can't even trust myself!" With a bitter laugh, he looked up again. "One day, he will take over. It could be tomorrow, it could be next week. Either way, I am a danger to everyone around me. I've nearly killed people, Kanda! I feel like I have no control. Do you even know how that feels?"

Pausing slightly, I replied hesitantly, "That's why."

"What?"

"I know what it feels like. That's why I'm here." Recognition flickered in Allen's eyes and he reached toward the strange wound left on his abdomen. "I have killed people. I know. I know fucking well what it feels like.

"That day, I had no control. I was a danger. I could have killed you." Allen's eyes widened in understanding. "That's why I came."

A grim smile made its way on to Allen's face. "Funny how you of all people understand me better than those who actually do care."

"Don't mistake me for actually caring."

Allen's smile grew more genuine. "Of course not."

A contemplative silence fell over us. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but it wasn't bad either. It was true, what I had said, though I didn't expect him not to ask questions and be fucking annoying about it all like he usually is. Or now, I suppose, he was. This Allen was nothing like the beansprout from the Order. This boy before him was haunted with ghosts only he could see, plagued with fears only he could combat.

I knew the feeling.

I would watch him, knowing I could do nothing for his failing memories and aching mind. I was constantly by his side by his request. He did not want a repeat of what happened with the scientist to occur again. I didn't either.

Though it wasn't much, this was the best I could do to atone for what I had done.

While we sat around after yet another day of doing nothing, Allen suddenly said into the silence, "Do you remember our first mission together, Kanda?"

"Tch. You played the martyr, as always, getting in the way of the mission at hand."

"I respected the last wish of a man who was to inevitably die." At Allen's harsh tone, my eyes widened as I processed what he was saying.

"Beansprout…"

"Lala wanted Guzol to be the one to end her life so that they would be in control of their final moments. So she would die as Lala, not as some doll.

"I want to die as Allen. I want to be able to remember my last breath." For the first time since that idiot scientist and I arrived, Allen looked me straight in the eye. I knew what he would ask and I knew I couldn't, wouldn't refuse.

"Kanda, please," he whispered. "Before I lose myself to the fourteenth, kill me."

Hand on Mugen and dread in my heart, I responded, "I swear. Neah will not steal your final breath."

.

"If your mission is to assassinate beansprout, I'll cut you down where you stand. I'm the one who'll kill him."