Title: Ender
Author: Arsahi
Rated: PG
Warnings: CONTAINS M/M SLASH DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU
UNCOMFORTABLE
Notes: Ah. Dashboard Confessional helped set the mood for me to
write this, so many thanks to DC. Much love to DC. Um...R&R if
you will, pleasies. This is my sequel to "Try Not to Be Wrong", so
you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO read that songfic for this to make sense.
It takes place *right* after it. Again, from Alai's POV.
Also, before I get on with the story--this sequel was written because
soooo many people requested it from me! I only got 11 reviews on
the last one, but nearly all of them asked me for a sequel. So, this
is for you guys:
Mandy Insane Saiyan
Marcelle1
Nemi Genn
Vampire Angel Sakura
Liz
(Okay, not *sooooo* but I had this idea floating around in my head.)
~ Ender ~
I studied Ender's face, his beautiful eyes now clouded with confusion,
the way his hair hung just so around his face, almost like a halo. His
nickname didn't suit him at all, not in this moment, not with the air
around us tight as a drum, tension thick, nerves prickling and my
heart thumping so loud in my ears. He didn't say a word. He just
stared at me, his lips parted ever so slightly, those perfectly sculpted
pink lips that I've dreamt so often about kissing, his shoulders slightly
squared and his arms little more than limp at his sides. He didn't
know what to say, or what to do...I could see he didn't. The way he
looked at me, with those eyes, and the creases in his forehead where
his eyebrows scrunched together when he was confused, I knew he
didn't love me back. I knew, before I had said anything to him...but
I had hoped. I hoped that he would love me back, that I wasn't
ridiculous for loving the smaller man, this Third who showed them
all...perhaps his name did suit him. He ended the Bugger civilization.
He ended the way Thirds were looked down on. He could also end my
feelings, the love that I had for this younger boy, love that I had
recognized so long ago.
"Ender?" I whispered, feeling hot needles prick the back of my eyes.
I felt my eyebrows draw together of their own accord, and every
muscle in my body tensed in the anticipation of fleeing for the first
time in my life. Ender looked positively baffled. I searched his eyes
for something, anything he tried to convey to me with his eyes.
"Ender...say something...anything..."
Ender scratched his forehead and looked to the ground. My heart
sank into my feet, and I edged backwards before I knew it.
"Alai..." he trailed off, looking at me with the oddest expression on
his face. His eyes no longer clouded, in fact, they had cleared almost
disturbingly. He shook his head and drew his eyebrows together
again. "What...?"
I realized then that he didn't believe his ears when I had told him that
I loved him. He didn't realize how difficult it had been for me to just
say that phrase, knowing in the very marrow of my bones that this...
thing...this love I felt for him was wrong. "Did you not hear me?" I
asked softly, I had stopped moving.
"I thought you said you...love me," Ender stared at me.
I nodded dumbly. I had no idea what to say to him now, my mind
had gone completely blank, and again everything in me tightened,
tensed, waiting for his answer to my phrase.
He blinked rapidly, I could see his thoughts teetering somewhere
between oblivion and shock. "You love me?" he whispered. "Like...
more than brotherly love?"
I nodded again, casting my eyes to the floor. "I...I know you'll be
going...leaving us all...and...I just wanted you to--"
He grabbed the back of my head and brought my ear to his mouth.
"Alai. Don't be ashamed," he murmured. "Please don't be ashamed,
because then I would have to be ashamed, and I don't want to be
ashamed of you."
I didn't quite understand. Damn Ender and his cryptic statements,
especially in this moment. "What do you mean?" I asked him softly.
I felt so desperate. I needed an answer from him. I needed him.
He pulled away, moving his hand to my neck, and looked me in the
eyes. He searched my eyes for something for just a moment, found
whatever answer he sought, and pressed his lips lightly to mine.
I closed my eyes and kissed him back, feeling my heart burst.
Butterflies swirled in my stomach and I swear, for that moment, just
for that moment time froze.
Ender stepped back then and nodded to me. "I have to go now."
I nodded, the world spinning around me, my mind going in a thousand
directions yet focussing on the moment that just passed. "Right."
He nodded again and walked down the hallway.
He kissed me.
Ender kissed me!
I smiled and walked back to my room.
Author: Arsahi
Rated: PG
Warnings: CONTAINS M/M SLASH DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU
UNCOMFORTABLE
Notes: Ah. Dashboard Confessional helped set the mood for me to
write this, so many thanks to DC. Much love to DC. Um...R&R if
you will, pleasies. This is my sequel to "Try Not to Be Wrong", so
you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO read that songfic for this to make sense.
It takes place *right* after it. Again, from Alai's POV.
Also, before I get on with the story--this sequel was written because
soooo many people requested it from me! I only got 11 reviews on
the last one, but nearly all of them asked me for a sequel. So, this
is for you guys:
Mandy Insane Saiyan
Marcelle1
Nemi Genn
Vampire Angel Sakura
Liz
(Okay, not *sooooo* but I had this idea floating around in my head.)
~ Ender ~
I studied Ender's face, his beautiful eyes now clouded with confusion,
the way his hair hung just so around his face, almost like a halo. His
nickname didn't suit him at all, not in this moment, not with the air
around us tight as a drum, tension thick, nerves prickling and my
heart thumping so loud in my ears. He didn't say a word. He just
stared at me, his lips parted ever so slightly, those perfectly sculpted
pink lips that I've dreamt so often about kissing, his shoulders slightly
squared and his arms little more than limp at his sides. He didn't
know what to say, or what to do...I could see he didn't. The way he
looked at me, with those eyes, and the creases in his forehead where
his eyebrows scrunched together when he was confused, I knew he
didn't love me back. I knew, before I had said anything to him...but
I had hoped. I hoped that he would love me back, that I wasn't
ridiculous for loving the smaller man, this Third who showed them
all...perhaps his name did suit him. He ended the Bugger civilization.
He ended the way Thirds were looked down on. He could also end my
feelings, the love that I had for this younger boy, love that I had
recognized so long ago.
"Ender?" I whispered, feeling hot needles prick the back of my eyes.
I felt my eyebrows draw together of their own accord, and every
muscle in my body tensed in the anticipation of fleeing for the first
time in my life. Ender looked positively baffled. I searched his eyes
for something, anything he tried to convey to me with his eyes.
"Ender...say something...anything..."
Ender scratched his forehead and looked to the ground. My heart
sank into my feet, and I edged backwards before I knew it.
"Alai..." he trailed off, looking at me with the oddest expression on
his face. His eyes no longer clouded, in fact, they had cleared almost
disturbingly. He shook his head and drew his eyebrows together
again. "What...?"
I realized then that he didn't believe his ears when I had told him that
I loved him. He didn't realize how difficult it had been for me to just
say that phrase, knowing in the very marrow of my bones that this...
thing...this love I felt for him was wrong. "Did you not hear me?" I
asked softly, I had stopped moving.
"I thought you said you...love me," Ender stared at me.
I nodded dumbly. I had no idea what to say to him now, my mind
had gone completely blank, and again everything in me tightened,
tensed, waiting for his answer to my phrase.
He blinked rapidly, I could see his thoughts teetering somewhere
between oblivion and shock. "You love me?" he whispered. "Like...
more than brotherly love?"
I nodded again, casting my eyes to the floor. "I...I know you'll be
going...leaving us all...and...I just wanted you to--"
He grabbed the back of my head and brought my ear to his mouth.
"Alai. Don't be ashamed," he murmured. "Please don't be ashamed,
because then I would have to be ashamed, and I don't want to be
ashamed of you."
I didn't quite understand. Damn Ender and his cryptic statements,
especially in this moment. "What do you mean?" I asked him softly.
I felt so desperate. I needed an answer from him. I needed him.
He pulled away, moving his hand to my neck, and looked me in the
eyes. He searched my eyes for something for just a moment, found
whatever answer he sought, and pressed his lips lightly to mine.
I closed my eyes and kissed him back, feeling my heart burst.
Butterflies swirled in my stomach and I swear, for that moment, just
for that moment time froze.
Ender stepped back then and nodded to me. "I have to go now."
I nodded, the world spinning around me, my mind going in a thousand
directions yet focussing on the moment that just passed. "Right."
He nodded again and walked down the hallway.
He kissed me.
Ender kissed me!
I smiled and walked back to my room.