She felt dizzy.
Lightheaded. Her thoughts were slowly dragging their feet and she had felt her body breaking down for months now.
"Rockstar," he shoved a little more at her. "One more smoke?" her vision was a little blurred but she could still make out his crooked smile. "Miley?" Even her name sounded so foreign to her now.
"Yeah," she barely choked out. She couldn't even muster up enough energy to say a simple word. Her throat struggled as she gulped down. She took a look at the stash. It could help with her stomach. "I think," she rested her hand on the sofa and tried to sit herself up. The weariness was something she was getting used to. "I'm just going to get going." She lifted her head up to get a good look at him. Her vision was doubling, but she could still locate her keys.
"Yeah, yeah," he waved her off. She grabbed her purse and ducked out of the garage, slamming the door shut as she left. The cold wind blew across her bare head. Her head. Another reminder that she was losing her mind. She tried to pass it off as something completely harmless, but she was in an endless downward spiral.
It wasn't long before her body started to dictate where she was going. She mindlessly opened her car door and slumped herself in the driver's seat. She revved up the engine without a thought and started to back out of the driveway. She heard her car scrape against his garbage cans, but she was too careless to give a fuck.
There was a time that she used to be afraid of the dark. But now, at least lately, she felt the darkness welcome her. She didn't have the nerve to show her face in the daylight anymore. It was something she was growing to despise; her face, her body, and mostly just everything about herself.
Her growing despair was beginning to frighten her. It had never been her first instinct to pity herself. In fact, she used to despise self-pity and she used to shower in confidence. It was something he had fallen in love with her for.
And as though something took over her, she felt her arms swerve the wheel and turn a sharp right. She knew she wasn't on the track to go home. In fact, she was on a route she hadn't been on in awhile. The last time she remembered she was in the car with Demi, maybe a year ago. Demi had wanted to stop by and give him an early Christmas present.
Her stomach lurched as she reached her unexpected destination- this morning's food threatening to spill out. She felt the nausea overcome her. But she couldn't do it here. Not when she was going to see him.
She parked the car nearby to the apartment complex. She slowly twisted the key and shut down the machine. It was hard for her to breathe at this point. She knew he would be disappointed, but she needed to see him. She gulped down her emotions and swung her car door open. Before she could change her mind, she leaped out of her seat and started to sprint towards the front door. She slowed to a stop to peek at a sleeping doorman. She might have been a little out of her mind at the moment, but she knew she should probably tip toe the rest of the way up.
The last time she was here with Demi, she hardly spoke as they walked to the elevator and through the maize of hallways. Her eyes had drifted from corner to corner instantly memorizing everything about the place. It was a stupid and rather ridiculous thought, but she remembered envying the walls. The same walls that he would pass by everyday.
She traced her fingertips across the smooth surfaces as she walked by. She caught a glimpse of her chipped black nail polish. It was some type of ironic juxtaposition, she supposed- her messed up nails along the perfectly painted white walls. It was exactly how she had felt in Hollywood this past year- completely out of place. And, completely not at home.
Her combat boots trudged to a stop in front of his door. Her eyebrows crinkled. She wondered if Elvis had already caught her scent. Was it too late to make a dash for it? She pursed her lips and used up the little bit of strength left in her. She pressed the doorbell and heard it echo in his apartment. She heard the dog yelp and she heard him rustle and finally she heard his footsteps creak closer.
He opened the door slowly, much too slowly for her liking. And after the longest moment of her life, she finally saw his face.
"I need help," she croaked softly. She doubled into him, landing into his arms. Fresh tears were rolling down her soft cheeks. "I need help," she seemed to mumble over and over again as though each time she said it, she felt a little bit more free.
He seemed to understand. His arms found their way around her body.
She felt his arms around her fragile waste. She felt his breath hit her neck as she collapsed into him. And for the first time in months, she finally felt at home.
A/N For now, one shot. But who knows? Do you guys like it? I know...I need to finish Shadow and Circus. Working on it!
