Authors note: So, for those who don't know, there's a fic called 'It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time' written by Livin4Jesus and staring Tony Stark and Clint Barton. If you haven't read it, you should, it's hilarious.
I was such a fan of the series I helped co-write Ch. 16 (based on a story I requested) and wrote Ch. 18 (though to be fair, she did write the Logan break-in scene, well, it was based on my idea again.) You get the point. :P
Anyway, I wrote this based on a request sent to L4J, which she then sent me to help out with. I sent this to her and she re-wrote it (that's fine, it's her fic). I read her story, and it's hilarious. But, an idea suddenly came into my head that we both post our stories and have people vote on which one they liked more (just a little friendly competition). She agreed and that was that.
To vote, visit my profile and use the poll. But be sure to read her story too. ;)
Sorry my A/N was so long, but now you can finally read the story. :)
"Oh, my- What did we do last night? My head is killing me," Clint said with a groan as he sat up.
"Hey! Keep it down would ya, Legolas? You're not the only one in pain," Tony mumbled, sitting up beside Clint.
"Tell me about it," another voice chimed in and Tony and Clint looked to see Bruce sitting near them cradling his head in his hands.
"Bruce? What are you doing here? And why are you hung-over? You don't drink," Clint said.
Before Bruce could answer a groan came from behind them and Tony and Clint turned around to see a sight they had never laid eyes on before.
There, lying on the floor, some still passed out while others were beginning to stir, was the rest of the team and Pepper.
"What did we do last night?" Clint asked again.
Everybody's In Trouble
"Well," Tony glanced around the room. "We apparently got the entire team – and Pepper…wait, is Pepper part of the team? - wasted with us…..that's actually pretty awesome if you think about it," he said with a slight chuckle. "I don't even know how we did that."
They both turned when they heard another groan coming from across the room to see a visibly upset, and in pain, Natasha.
"Whoever is responsible for this, I'm going to kill them very slowly, and very painfully," she threatened, clutching her aching head.
A worried look crossed over Tony's face. "Okay…that's so not awesome."
Clint gave Tony a wary look. "Remind me to stop hanging out with you."
"And remind me to stop hanging out with you," Tony shot back.
"Me?!" Clint protested. "What did I do?"
"Well for starters, you bought 'it,' Stark pointed to Natasha. "A, albeit very attractive, killer on the team; who, for some reason, has an enormous hatred of me even though I keep on hitting on her, which means she must be doing something right…."
"That's it," Natasha announced, slowly getting up with a groan. "Stark dies first."
Tony's jaw dropped as if he was witnessing Obadiah rise from the grave. "You see? This is why I hate hanging out with you."
Stark stumbled around looking for an exit. It's one thing trying to do it hung-over, but to do it hung-over and scared for your life….it's like trying to walk straight while dizzy: it's not pretty and it doesn't end well. As was demonstrated when Tony crashed face first into the walk and fell to the floor, dazed.
As Clint burst out laughing, Tony just stared blankly into the ceiling, blinking a few times. "Was that walk al – I mean 'wall' always there? I can't seem to recall…"
Pepper groaned, but answered nonetheless. "Who knows? You changed the blueprints for the building so many times even I don't know the layout anymore."
"My head feels like it does after the consumption of too much Asgardian ale!" Thor's booming voice interrupted.
"Wait a minute, you drink Point Guard?" Tony asked, suddenly alert, as he rolled onto his stomach. He was able to understand drinking in any language.
Thor nodded. "Yes friend Stark, in the halls of Asgard, be it to celebrate victory, enjoy a mighty feast, or to consol our losses. It has been a while since I have felt this way." He grinned. "It has been missed."
"Huh…Good to know." Tony made a mental note. 'Note to self, goldilocks enjoys being hammered…pun not intended until realizing it was a pun, so now, pun intended.'
"Could you all keep it down please?" A voice asked from behind the sofa. "My head is killing me."
"Uh, yeah, same with all of us over here. Have you not heard our bitching for the last 5 minutes? Who even are you anyway?" Tony glanced around the room: Clint, Natasha (who was glaring daggers at him, but didn't seem like she would kill him at the moment, so that was good), Bruce, Pepper, and Thor were all up, leaving only…
Steve slowly pulled himself over the back of the sofa, groaning. "You know, being a super soldier gives me some advantages over certain things, not being able to get drunk, super speed and strength, but sometimes it can also be a disadvantage. An example includes my super hearing. Combine that with a massive headache," Steve gave Tony a look. "And everything is like a loud shout, even at just regular volume."
Stark rolled his eyes. "1000 apologies for my ignorance, Prince Rogers. Please, wouldst thou beith so kind as to forgive me?"
Steve just shook his head, he had gotten used to Stark's snide comments.
Tony paused, as confusion punched him the face. "Wait a second, why are you in pain?" He inquired. "I thought you couldn't get drunk."
Steve looked at him. "I can't; that's what they told me and I couldn't get drunk the last time I tried."
'Last time he tried?' Stark frowned. "Okay…we're coming back to that later," he vowed.
"Well, how do you know it has anything to do with alcohol?" Steve responded.
Tony chuckled slightly. "Trust me, if it has anything to do with me or Big Bird over there, then alcohol's involved in someway."
"Great, everybody's up." Natasha groaned. "Now then, before I kill Stark, I would like to know how we all got involved in their screw-up." She eyed Clint. "I assume you're involved with this as well?"
He just shrugged.
"Well, when in doubt, always turn on the TV.," Tony replied, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV.
He flipped around until he came to a story where a news reporter was interviewing an old man.
The interview was already in progress. "And what happened after The Avengers walked into your Karaoke bar?" The reporter, Jack, asked. "Well," the owner, Stan, started. "The Avengers, and an orange haired pin-headed girl…"
"What the hell did just he call me?!" Pepper bellowed.
Stark chuckled. "C'mon Pep, that's not the first time you've been called a pin…"
The look he received was enough to get him to shut up.
"Well, I mean," the old man on T.V. continued. "They just waltzed up onto the stage - actually, they were all stumbling - and Mr. Stark demanded 6 more microphones… but we only had 1 more, so he actually ordered 5 more, and had them delivered straight to the bar. Once they arrived, they all started singing 'Hooked on a Feeling."
"And when they finished, and the crowd went nuts, I tell 'ya. They were loving it!" Stan finished. "I admit, I got a little bit excited myself and may have let out an 'Excelsior!' or two." He grinned. He was quite lively for a 90 plus gentleman.
"Thank you, Stan." The reporter put his hand up to his ear. "I'm getting word that we have footage of The Avengers karaoke night. Roll the footage, Claremont!"
The footage rolled as the video began to play. Sure enough, The Avengers were indeed at the karaoke bar and were singing. They were actually in tune and sounded pretty good. Until the ending. Everybody sang the correct lyric "Hooked on a feeling!" while Stark sang "Stuck on a feeling!"
It almost turned into an awkward pause moment until Tony lifted his microphone to his mouth and admitted "You guys were right, it is hooked, not 'stuck,' that was my bad." The audience got a chuckle out of that.
But being Tony Stark, a chuckle wasn't good enough for him. He wanted, nay, needed the people to get louder.
"But..." he paused, letting the suspense build up. "I kinda like my version better." He addressed the crowd. "C'mon, who agrees with me?!" The audience burst into cheers and applause. Tony, who was eating it all up, was nodding with a smile on his face, no doubt pleased with himself. "Now that's what I'm talking about!"
After a quick pose, he dropped the microphone (gangsta style) he flipped on his shades, flashed a quick peace sign for the camera, and then headed towards the bars exit. "That's it, I'm outie!"
The footage ended and went back to the reporter. "Wow, fascinating stuff."
"You see?" Tony motioned to his teammates. "That wasn't so bad, right guys?"
They all mumbled, incoherently of course, that perhaps he was right.
"Good, glad to see you all agree….." his voice trailed off as the news story continued.
"However, that wasn't the end of The Avengers wild night. We also have footage of them, no doubt, heading back to their tower in an unusual way. Roll it!" Jack commanded.
"Why, why, why do people just 'walk home?'" Tony slurred. "That's boring!" Upon looking at a KFC restaurant, an idea suddenly came to him. "I got it…we're going to Chicken Dance home." He announced, clapping his hands together.
"What is this dancing of chickens that you speak of?" Thor asked.
"It's when you do this," Tony slurred as he flapped his arms and bobbed his head like a chicken.
"Ah, like how Feather Butt Jr. moves," Thor boomed.
"Exactly!" Tony praised.
"Then why do they call it The Chicken Dance instead of The Turkey Dance?" Steve slurred.
"Steve, that is a very good question," Tony said, clumsily slinging his arm around the captain's shoulders.
"Why thank you," Steve slurred.
"And the answer is... Iron Man," Tony said, staggering forward, dragging Steve along with him.
"How is that the answer to Steve's question?" Pepper asked.
"Iron Man is always the answer," Tony replied.
"Makes sense to me," Steve said with a drunken shrug.
Soon enough, all 6 Avengers, and Pepper, were all walking down the middle of the street (in a V-like formation no less, with Tony being at the front of course) bobbing their heads and flapping theirs arm. Tony even started clucking like a chicken. It must have been infectious because sooner than later, everybody started clucking like a chicken.
In the Tower, Clint facepalmed while Tony just stared at the T.V. "Ooh…that's going to end up on YouTube."
He wisely chose to shut off the T.V. upon which everybody in the room turned to glare at him and Barton, who both sheepishly grinned.
"Before I string you guys up by your intestines," Natasha started "I still want to know how you got all of us drunk along with you two dumb-asses?"
"If you don't mind mam," J.A.R.V.I.S. interjected. "I believe I can answer that one."
"…Um, I'm sorry, what?" Stark asked confused.
"I have video footage of you in Dr. Banner's lab last night requiring his help for a device you were working on."
Tony eyed the device where J.A.R.V.I.S.'s voice box was suspiciously. "If you knew all this time, why didn't you just say so immediately? Why did you make us - me go through all the trouble of trying to figure out what happened last night?"
"I wanted to see where you went off after you left here. I do get lonely all by myself, sir," the, surprisingly human-sounding A.I. responded. Of course, J.A.R.V.I.S. could've been screwing with him as well.
"Shut up .V.I.S.," Tony snapped. "Just play the footage."
The footage instantly snapped on the T.V. They were indeed in Bruce's lab.
"Come on Tony, are you sure about this?" Bruce looked at the machine Tony plopped in front of him warily. The bottom part looked like it used to be a trash can with the top part looked like bowl turned upside down with a ray gun on top off it, with the barrel split into two parts with a ball in the middle. Not to mention all of the loose wires and jagged metal pieces made it look quite dangerous. And to top it off, it was painted red and gold.
"Trust me," Tony reassured him. "It's completely harmless. This machine will send signals to the brain to make it think the person has ingested alcohol." Tony Stark grinned proudly. "It will make a person feel the affects of being drunk, without drinking an alcoholic beverage. I feel, personally, that that's no fun, but my liver will thank me."
Bruce nodded slowly. "All right then, if you're sure about this." He tinkered with the machine, replacing old pieces with new ones, replacing wires, stripping said wires, etc. After a while, Bruce put down an expansion jammer and walked over to the sink, washing his hands.
Stark came back from getting some blueberries when he saw Bruce away from the machine, washing his hands.
'Sweet, it must be done," he thought to himself. He stopped suddenly, wondering what the hell Bruce had done to it. The machine now looked like a miniature Death Star. The ball part of it was red, and where the indent was, it was gold. 'Whatever.' As long as it worked.
Stark entered the room and picked up the machine. Upon inspecting it, he saw a button. "So, to make it work I press this button?" he asked.
Bruce turned around quickly, his eyes wide. "No wait, I still have to –"
Too late. Stark pressed the button and instantly, a blue light flashed from it and quickly enveloped the room and pretty much the entire building in a matter of minutes.
Stark instantly dropped the machine, which smashed as soon it made contact with the floor, a loopy look on his face. He slowly turned to Bruce who had the same expression on his face.
(The Tony in the Tower made a mental to re-build that machine)
A thought occurred to Tony. "I want to go to a karaoke bar."
The footage stopped after a drunken Feather Butt Jr. wandered into Bruce's lab, before passing out.
The others gaze changed from looking at Tony and Clint, to Tony and Bruce.
"You helped him do this?" Natasha asked, murder in her eyes.
Bruce swallowed. "Um…technically yes, but…."
Instantly, everybody slowly walked towards Bruce and Tony except for Clint, who having been on the other side before, chose to get the hell out of the Tower. 'This wasn't going to be pretty.'
"I mean," Bruce nervously adjusted his glasses. "In hindsight, the probability of this minor concoction turning into such a major event – "
Tony cut him off. "What he means is, 'It seemed like a good idea at the time.'"
Suddenly, without warning, he shocked Bruce with a taser.
The combination of nervousness and pain was enough adrenaline for Bruce to start Hulking out.
"Oh yeah, run." Tony added, nonchalantly eating a bag of pre-popped popcorn.
The others instantly stopped and scrambled to get the hell out of the Tower. Thor protested as he wanted a re-match, but ultimately, they were able to talk him out of it, at least until a later time.
As the Hulk truly emerged, the others had already exited in the elevator.
Hulk roared in fury that they had gotten away, but stopped when he felt something (a piece of popcorn specifically) flick against his back. He turned to see Tony still munching on the popcorn.
He pointed downwards. "Them, down. You, stairs. Faster." He grinned.
Hulk smiled and charged in the direction of the stairs, completely destroying everything in his path. Once he then got to the stairs, let's just say he wasn't interested in walking down them.
Tony estimated the damaged was about half a million. 'So worth it,' he thought to himself still munching on the popcorn, as he headed over to the couch.
Clint stepped out of the utility closet, where he had been hiding (he knew what Tony was going to do of course) fairly dust free.
"You are so lucky that worked," Clint told the billionaire as he plopped down on the sofa next to him. Stark flipped on the T.V.
He nodded. "I know." He held out the popcorn bag. "Popcorn?"
Clint took a handful and stuffed in his face, while watching The Hulk chase The Avengers down the streets of Manhattan.
"You do realize Natasha's going to kill you once they get back don't you?"
"…I didn't really plan ahead."
So, what did you think? Be sure to leave a review and don't forget to vote! Thanks for reading! :)