Fairy and Excalibur

I am SOOOOO sorry it's been so long since I updated. I have been so busy, but it's finally summer so I can update more often. I understand if you guys hate me now, but thank you so much for all of those who patiently waited and followed, especially Berry9704! Well, here it goes.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fairy Tail or Soul Eater at all!

"There it is! The magical sword Excalibur!" The blond exclaimed, pointing at the glistering sword.

"Well come on! I wanna touch it!" The fire mage exclaimed and started running toward the rare object with the ice mage screaming in the background, "Hey, wait up! An idiot like you isn't great enough to touch a sword that heroic, it deserves someone like me!"

"Shut it, Snow Princess. If you're heroic, then I'm God! I'm leaving you behind if you don't hurry up!"

"Who you calling Snow Princess, Ash Brain?"

"Stripper!"

"Flame Head!"

"Ice Prick!"

"Squinty Eyes!"

"Snow Globe!"

"Guys shut up! Levy is trying to enjoy the moment here!" Lucy yelled at the two idiots who were glaring knives and daggers at each other.

"… Levy? Oh yea! Levy came with us too! I almost forgot." Natsu yelled, ecstatic that someone else will get to see him become a hero with the legendary sword.

"Oh yea, you guys run really fast. It took me a while to catch up to you guys, but then you stopped, thanks to that fairy." The bluenette shyly shrugged. "I'm just glad to be able to see this! Especially with Lu-chan."

"See! You idiots are ruining this special moment for Levy-chan!" Lucy yelled, hitting both the fire and ice mage on the back of their heads. Levy sweat dropped and stepped forward slowly, trying to calm her friend down. "It's okay Lu-chan. Let's just step back and take a deep breath okay. Come on, time to go see the sword!"

"Oh right! I completely forgot about that. You can try to pull out the sword first, since you are the main reason we came here." Lucy threw Natsu and Gray a terrifying glare, daring them to utter a word.

"S-sounds like a g-great idea L-L-Lucy. G-go ahead Levy." Gray stuttered.

Levy stepped forward, toward the shinning sword. She stopped for a second and noted everything that was happening. She ran her finger over the delicate hilt, tracing the patterns carved into the sword. She looked back behind her and smiled at Lucy, Gray, and Natsu, who were encouraging her to grab the sword. She turned back around and placed her hand on the hilt, slowly drawing it out of the ground. Before she even got the whole thing free, a blinding light shot from all around them. "What the…?" Levy mumbled while shielding her eyes.

When the light finally disappeared, the sword was gone, and instead a little white creature with a large top hat and a long cane stood in front of them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH What? Where did you come from?" Levy screamed, jumping behind Lucy and Natsu.

"Fool! Where did you come from?" The little white creature yelled, pointing his cane toward the mages.

"We came f-" Lucy was interrupted by the odd creature before she could answer his question.

"What name do you go by?" The white thing asked.

"My name is L-" And once more Lucy was interrupted.

"My legend begins in the 12th century. " He started.

"Umm…?" Levy looked at the thing, confused at his sudden outburst.

"My legend begins in the 12th century. Do you want to hear the heroic tale?' The creature demanded, pointing the cane toward Levy's nose.

"Ye-yes I woul-" Levy started but was cut off.

"Fool! Incidentally, if you wish to associate with me, there are 100 provisions I would like you to observe."

"1000?! Are you crazy?" Natsu yelled.

"You must first hear what these provisions are!" The creature continued on as though he was not interrupted, "My mornings begin with a cup of coffee. Do you know why?"

"Why?" Gray asked.

"Fool! Listen! My mornings begin with a cup of coffee! Nothing beats roasted tea in the morning." He paused for a dramatic affect. " Thus, my mornings begin with a cup of coffee." He exclaimed.

"But… tea is different from coffee…" Levy mumbled.

"Number one of the 1000 provisions I want you to observe. My mornings begin with a cup of coffee. Do not forget that! Let me show you something!" The white creature stuck out his cane with a little piece of paper taped on top of it. On it was a picture of a beautiful, busty brunette. And standing next to her is the white creature with three little white creatures underneath her. "They're obviously my family. A wonderful family it was."

"What do you mean 'was'?" Asked Gray, who was starting to get annoyed of the obnoxious creature.

A tear suddenly appear at the brim of the creature's eye as he started to speak, " It happened when I was still in my youth. The city grew wild, and the people lost hope and idly wasted time. And I was no exception. 'Someday I'll have enough money saved up to leave this city.'" The white creature imitated a girl's voice. "Thus, I began to watch the seven o'clock news religiously!"

"He doesn't make any sense." Lucy mumbled to Levy.

"Honestly! You don't seem to get it at all!" He turned around and pointed the cane at Lucy. "Number 58 of the provisions I want you to observe, do not talk to me while I am humming to myself. This is a very important provision. Understand?"

"I don't understand how your family has anything to do with news and how that has anything to do with you humming to yourself." Natsu scratched his head while trying to get a grip of what the creature was saying.

"FOOL! Humming and news programs share a tightly-knit connection! In short, it's a glass ensemble that cannot be planned using things like common sense or probabilities!"

"Obviously he doesn't have any common sense." Natsu said to Gray.

"Perhaps it should be called fate! Nay, this may have been an inevitable result produced by chemical changes, refinement, and thermoforming! Thus, I found myself carrying the fate of the troupe as I presented my dance before a capacity crowd at an opera house!"

"Opera house? Is this thing crazy?" Lucy asked Gray who simply shook his head, not understanding the white creature's way of thinking either.

"FOOL!" Suddenly the white creature froze, standing perfectly statue still.

"Hello? Umm excuse me?" Lucy took a step toward it.

"Maybe it'll move if I burn it with fire!" Natsu exclaimed, taking a big breath of air.

"Fool!" The creature struck Natsu's stomach with his cane making Natsu exhale all of his air. "One needs time to think! Rushing forward without considering things beforehand is the pinnacle of foolishness! Yes! My well-honed grey matter required time to think during that case, too!" The white creature struck a pose and started telling a tale, " It took place during the time in which I still called Baker Street home. 'Holmes. Have you figured anything out?' 'Of course I have, Watson. It appears that the perpetrator's depravity prevented us from seeing through the elementary trick used here.' 'Elementary?! But this room was locked!' 'Fool!' "Precisely, Excalibur. That line suits this situation perfectly.' 'Huh?' 'Now, tell us, Excalibur. Use your logic to solve this locked room trick and point out the killer.' 'It's quite basic, really. You could even call it the simplest of tricks. No, it might not be basic from the viewpoint of an ordinary person. Some may even feel it's a complicated, perplexing problem. However, that is only because things appear difficult on the outside, while, in truth, it's actually quite simple. No, that might not be the case, depending on the person, for the difference between simple and complicated is very delicate-' 'Okay, we understand, Excalibur. If you could just solve the case…' 'Fool! I know that fully well!' 'Okay, okay. Could you just explain the trick now?' 'The trick is so elementary that there is no need for an explanation!' 'Huh?!' 'And the killer is…is.. You.' 'Huh?!' Thus, the case was solved!" The white creature known as Excalibur explained to them the story of Holmes, Watson, the maid, the butler, and the dead woman.

"Are you sure it wasn't the butler with the knife?" Gray asked, face palming himself. "I just don't think the killer was Watson."

"In short, this fact leads to number 278 of the 1000 provisions I want you to observe, you must never use carrots in my meals." Excalibur continued.

"I don't like carrots either!" Natsu exclaimed.

"Silence! That is number 349 of the 1000 provisions I want you to observe, wasting food is bad. Meisters must eat everything, regardless of personal likes and dislikes! You must never speak with such selfishness again. Understood?"

"What in the world is a meister?" Levy asked.

"This guy is really starting to tick me off, yelling about nonsense and then calling us fools. Would he think we are fools if I burned him to a crisp? He talks so great about himself, let me fight him. Please?" Natsu turned to Lucy, begging her.

Excalibur stood still, finally speechless. "What do you mean you don't know what a meister is? Everyone knows what meisters and weapons are. Especially here, where people live near the DWMA. Why would you sought me out if you aren't meisters? Then if you aren't meisters you are but fools! A scrawny fool, a fool with a big temper, a fool who likes to strip and a fool who is a fatty."

"EXCUSE ME? Did you just call me fat?" Lucy exclaimed. "Natsu, you can burn him now!"

"Yoish! I'm all fired up! Fire Dragon R-" Suddenly a big booming noise came from outside of the cave, making everyone look up.

"Erza, Gajeel…"Levy whispered and everyone started running outside.

"Erza! Are you guys alright?" Lucy yelled, seeing the red-head get into fighting stance.

"About time you guys came out, this crazy guy just appeared and started attacking us." Gajeel growled.

"Crazy guy…?" Levy asked and to answer her question, a guy with brown messy hair, earrings, and metal piece on his nose jumped from behind a tree and smirked.

"Arachne wanted me to come get you. If you don't come with me, I will cut you up." His smirk grew and then his arm transformed into a chain saw-like weapon. Seeing the mages' reactions, he let out a gruesome laugh and twirled his bottle of alcohol.

"You think we are just gonna listen to a guy like you without a fight? You are one stupid guy." Gray laughed.

"I'm all fired up." Natsu's hand started to glow.

Well, there it is. I hope you guys liked it! Remember to review and if you guys have any suggestions, I would love to hear them :). I'm so sad that they paused Fairy Tail. I hope they will start it up again soon! Alrighty.