Do do do. Guess who got guilted into writing another chapter.
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"This is the end of our road, Ash." Volkner said, looking proudly into the distance, with a teary look cross his face.
"You know you didn't actually teach me anything?"
"Shut up." Volkner said, momentarily breaking out of his fantasy.
"I mean, Cynthia tried to have sex with me every day for 2 weeks and if anything I think I've lost brain cells from how much blood is running away." Cynthia shrugged nonchalantly. "I mean, all you did was offer me and my pokemon hard drugs, sex, and alcohol."
"I'm actually the dealer for the Pika Clan now." Ash ignored the rat.
"I may stay for another couple of days anyway. My birthday is in a couple of weeks. Cynth, what are you doing next week?"
"Depending on what Elesa thinks, you." Ash smirked.
"Almost like you read my mind."
Volkner piped up again; "You know Ash, it's not just pokemon you can catch, always be sad and make sure your Diglett and Voltorbs don't encounter any toxic old Cloysters."
"Does he mean chlamydia?"
"I think so Pika, I think so."
"Well with your sexual fantasies I'd be worried more about your Ashhole." 26 feet, was how far Ash estimated he kicked the little shit.
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"You really want a threesome for your birthday?" Elena asked over the phone.
"I never said threesome." Ash countered.
"You want me to go to Cynthia's private beach for me, you and her to have a 'nice day out'?"
"...Yes."
"Just bring a beach towel. Last time I had sand in my vagina it felt like a bunch of Parsect were crawling around."
"Woo!"
"Lucky cunt. Want me to give you tips?"
28 feet this time.
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1 Week and 4 Hours Later
This was Ash's greatest birthday ever. He had finally run into Zekrom.
Or, it would be his greatest birthday ever, if his threesome wasn't cancelled.
"This is a legendary cockblock."
"Well, you didn't even have to battle him. You said "Hi, wanna be part of my team?" and when it roared and prepared to fight, you threw a masterball." The rat pointed out.
"Well it worked. I have the greatest electric team ever. Seriously, I am going to steam roll the elite four."
"Yet you still haven't steam rolled the two hot blondes waiting for you back at the beach." Ash finally hit the 30 foot distance mark.
1 Hour Later
Ash was currently lying down on the ground, breathing heavily.
"Did we kill him?" Cynthia asked.
"Well, we have certainly gone longer than this. We have been going for an entire day before." Elena commented.
"I mean, he always refused to do it with me. Wonder if it's something I did." She remarked, in thought.
"Well, I'm not even half satisfied. Want to just do it together?" A subtle tone was passed in the conversation.
"Sure." Cynthia said, licking her lips as she lent in to open the door to the mall.
"I means seriously, I don;'t understand why he was so upset at the fact we cancelled the birthday threesome to go shopping. He really needs some new kit and I even offered to pay."
"And he caught a zekrom! His encounter luck is ridiculous."
Sunnyshore was named quite literally. It was sunny, and they were on a shore. As much as Ash wished he was on a beach towel with his girlfriend and the Sinnoh champ, instead he was barbecuing sausages using the aid of Charizard and Pikachu's cooking tips.
"Now remember Ashhole, if these sausages go as bad as yours is we won't have anything to eat."
"If you don't shut the fuck up you're gonna be the sausage, Pikachu."
"I still cannot believe you didn't fuck with the Sinnoh champ. That is a hot piece of ass compared to your candy you get what I'm saying?"
"Of course I do Ghettozard, there was literally no hidden meaning."
"Ain't nothing wrong with a side hoe."
"Until Charla finds out." Ash grumbled.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Yeah that's what I thought. Bitch."
"Aaaaaashy."
"Oh you guys are back." here was no other tone than heart break in his voice.
"We thought we would finally get you the birthday present you wanted." Elena said with a seductive look.
Ash's face popped up so hard that there was genuine concern he may have given himself whiplash.
"Exactly what you wanted..." Cynthia continued, "to the final letter. A nice day out."
Ash's head dropped back so hard there was genuine concern he had fixed his neck with reverse whiplash. And it didn't stop sucking there. Elena, being one year older, and Cynthia, being sometime older, both got to have cocktails while Ash was stuck with a Pepsi max.
"Do you know how expensive condoms are, Pikachu?"
"How expensive?"
"Enough that I maxed out one bank account."
"Well, to be fair, they don't exist in our universe."
Ash's birthday ended. While he did receive a lap dance from Cynthia, and later got his fix with Elesa, he had the same experience with cocktails as he did with threesomes. No "Sex On The Beach".
However, with Cynthia's promise that once he wins the championship he will get his threesome, and the slight suggestion at a full blown harem (she informed him of all the girls she knew had a crush on him) Ash was filled with a slight more determination to whoop Kanto Elite Four ass.
Ash turned away from Sunnyshore and headed back to Kanto, on Zapdos. He was also informed of all the legendary bird sex that occurs and how even a future kfc piece had a better birthday than him.
There was one problem. To reach the Indigo Plateau, you had to go through he Victory Road. Victory Road, as scummy and vile as it was (it is the meth capital of the world) and how fightingly expensive it was (druggies pay good money for prozzys) it could only be reached by one route. Which meant going back through Pallet. But at this rate, Ash would do anything for a threesome.
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And that concludes this chapter. I would really love it if you reviewed, positive or negative. Also, if any of you know The Hollow Man, who wrote Angel In The Machine, please tell him to update. It's been my favourite story for years (all of you should check it out) and yet we have never heard a peep since 2012. Probably a longshot of ever hearing anything about him, but he is the best goddamned writer I have ever read. And I'm sick of it. And that is why I guilted myself into writing.
See you next chapter [hopefully],
TheBlueFlygon