Hi! I' doing a grammar checks for my stories so there won't be anything new, juts hopefully a better spelling. Anyway I hope you'll enjoy my story and thank you for all of you who has read and reviewed my story, thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or any of its characters. They belong to Kazuki Takahashi. I don't either own the lyrics or the song "Kylmä ilman sua" (Cold without you) in this first chapter they belong to a finnish singer named Kaija Koo. I have only translated them to english so my readers can understand them. The lyrics are first in finnish and then in english.

Warnings: This story contains a relationship between two males, suicide attempts, mentions of cutting and violence and also a ridicules amount of tears and flulliness and love.

Pairings: Yami x Yugi

Cold without you

Written by Black-servant

Mulla on niin kamalan kylmä ilman sua
Niin kylmä ettei sillä ole määrää
Ja mulla on niin kamalan kylmä ilman sua
Teinkö jotain väärää
Mulla on niin kylmä ilman sua

It's so horribly cold without you

So cold you can hardly understand that

And I'm so cold without you

Did I do something wrong

It's so cold without you

His tears didn't stop, not after what Yugi had just heard. He couldn't believe it and he cursed himself. If he just hadn't cried so much, then maybe he would have heard what the others were talking about after the ceremonial duel which he had won but which still had a sad ending: He had won and Yami, his darkness had passed away to the afterlife.

Yugi's whole body was shaking terribly, his eyes were bloodshot and his clothes were full of wrinkles and dirt. He hadn't changed them in three days, not after the duel. He was curled up in his bed a blanket pulled over his whole being. He didn't want to see his room and everything there that would remind him of the pharaoh. Still Yami was all he could think about. He felt so cold and alone without Yami there with him to comfort him and to make him laugh and smile again.

Even if Yugi was sad there was another emotion that had just raised its head in him: anger. He was angry to his friends and especially to Anzu. Yugi had been so caught up in his own sadness and misery after the ceremonial duel that he hadn't heard what Anzu had said to Yami, his darkness and without that maybe just maybe Yami could still be here with Yugi. But what did happen after the ceremonial duel, let's jump backwards a little bit and we'll let Joey to explain.

About half an hour earlier

Joey knocked on the door of Kame game shop and Solomon Mutou, Yugi's grandfather opened the door for him to enter. He looked sad but welcomed Joey warmly:

"Hello, my boy! How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks! How's Yugi? I just came to see how he's doing."

At that the older Mutou let a deep sigh escape from his lips before answering:

"Not, so good. He hasn't left his room in three days and he's eating very little. I'm worried but I don't know how to help. He doesn't talk to me he's just sitting in his room staring at the wall or lying on his bed under the cover, crying."

Joye's face showed clear pain for his friend and he muttered quietly more to himself:

"Man, he misses the pharaoh so much…"

Solomon just nodded his head in a silent agreement. Joey raised his head with determination. Anzu had told all of them to not even mention Yami or what happened after the duel but Joey decided that Yugi deserved to know maybe this would ease his pain even a little. Joey would let Yugi know that Yami didn't want to go but just thought he had to. After all Joey knew that Yugi loved his other half he had told it to him a while before the duel and he had told Joey that if Yami had to pass he would tell Yami how he felt. But as Joey knew Anzu had never given him the change to do that and the feelings were still unsaid without a possibility to confess them anymore. So Joey asked:

"Could I see Yugi. There's something I must tell him. It might cheer him up a little bit."

Solomon hesitated first. Yugi had told him he didn't want to meet anyone but if Joey really could help…

"Sure. He's in his room."

Joey rushed to upstairs where he stopped to knock on Yugi's door but he never received an answer so he let himself in.

Yugi was lying under the blanket. Joey could easily hear the heartbreaking sobs and soft whimpers coming from the small figure and his heart ached terribly for his friend. He hadn't really been that good of a friend but he would fix what he could. So Joey walked to the bed and sat carefully on the edge of the bed and shook his friend's shoulder gently and whispered:

"Hey Yug' I have something I wish to tell you. It's… It's about Yami."

There was a long silence. Yugi's sobs had died down and ever so slowly he pulled the blanket off his head so he could see his friend. Joey couldn't help the grimace at seeing his friend so broken: Yugi's eyes were red and he had black eye bags, he's whole being was filthy and his face was covered in endless tears. Yugi's eyes were so dim when he looked at Joey. He didn't say anything just waited for Joey to start. Joey played a moment with his hands nervously until he started:

"Yug' you remember how after the duel you collapsed on your knees and started to cry and then Yami just left. You…You were so hurt that Yami didn't even say goodbye or anything and you didn't have time to tell him… you know that you loved the pharaoh…"

Yugi just nodded his head while new tears where starting to form in his eyes at the memory: Yami hadn't said anything. He had just left… Didn't Yugi really mean anything to him?Was he so meaningless that Yami had to hurry to the after life without even saying goodbye…? Joey stopped Yugi's thoughts by continuing:

"Well the truth is… I think he didn't even want go and leave you… But you know Anzu just started saying that it was good that he would soon be gone and he just brought troubles… and he better leave straight away… and… and so…"

"WAIT! What are you saying Joey? What happened?"

Yugi hadn't used his voice in three days so his shout was more like a shriek, but at the moment he couldn't care less how he sounded at the moment. He needed to know what happened, what had Anzu said to Yami? Yugi sat up and gripped Joyes collar ordering him:

"Joey tell me what Anzu said! Please I need to know."

Joey took a deep breath and took Yugi's hands off his collar and began to explain:

"Yami was going to run to you when he saw you had collapsed, but Anzu stopped him. We didn't understand what she was up to. At first we thought she was just sad that the pharaoh was leaving but then she started talking. She said that Yami should just hurry to the after life and leave us alone. Then she pointed at you and said that see those aren't tears of sadness they're tears of joy and relief. Now that you will be gone we all will be safe there won't be any danger attacking us, no seals of Orichalous to take our souls away she pointed out hatred in her voice. The pharaoh was so pale after that and he honestly looked like he was about to start crying at any moment. That was something horrible it was like she knew how to hit him the hardest and it truly worked I haven't ever seen him so terrified, guilty and sad. Then Anzu just continued saying that now you and her could be truly together and you two wanted nothing more than the pharaoh to die and let you and us live our own lives. I was going to say something but somehow I just couldn't and then Anzu turned to us to ask our confirmation to everything she just said and of course Kaiba that bastard agreed with her. Then there was just a moment of silence. Yami looked at the floor and then he looked at you and said: "I'm sorry aibou, I truly am." And then he just left without another word."

Yugi couldn't believe his ears, this just couldn't be true. How his friends could do this to him, do this to Yami. Yugi couldn't help as the new tears started their journey down his cheeks and the loud sobs that followed. Yugi buried his face on his knees and I cried harder than he had in those three days of constant crying. He cried from anger towards his friends but mostly towards Anzu and he cried for sadness because of Yami's departure and the new knowledge that Yami thought that he hated him or even worse. Joey tried to comfort Yugi laying a hand on Yugi's shoulder but Yugi showed him away:

"I don't want to see you right now. You knew that nothing what Anzu said was true and you said nothing!"

Joey looked away in shame and then back at his friend feeling so quilty:

"I know Yug' and I'm so sorry, but somehow… well you did end up trapped in the seal because of him and then there were all the people who were after the puzzle…"

Joey's guilty explanation was cut of by Yugi's death glare and cold voice:

"I really never thought that any of that was Yami's fault and what happened with the seal of Orichalous… Yami made everything right when he freed me and all the other souls and I have forgiven him. For Ra's sake Joey I LOVE YAMI!"

Joey started feeling even guiltier he knew all that. Why the hell did he have to start making excuses…

"I'm really sorry Yug'. I hope you can sometime forgive me for being such an idiot. I'll leave you now."

Joey got up and headed to the door but Yugi stopped him:

"Joey. I'll forgive you. But now I need some time to think… Anyway thank you for telling me the truth it eases my pain a little knowing that Yami didn't leave so suddenly because he didn't care about me…"

"I'm glad if it helps and you deserved to know. But it's sad I can't tell that to the pharaoh…"

Both men got silent at that statement and Yugi couldn't help the tears starting to flow even stronger and again he buried his face in his knees and cried his heart out. What he could do? He wanted to tell Yami that all this was just a lie. He loved Yami so much it hurt… Joey wasn't quite sure what he should do but he decided that Yugi wanted to be left alone so he left with a quiet bye. On his way out Joey said byes to grandpa Mutou.

Back to this moment

On his way home Joey tried to think of a way how they could contact the pharaoh. He deserved to know the truth and at the same time Joey could only wonder how much pain they had caused to the pharaoh himself. He had seen Yugi's pain but Yami had always been hiding his emotions. The only time that mask had cracked was when Yugi had been sealed to the seal of Orichalous the pain, quilt and sorrow had been quite easy to recognise. Joey had then started to wonder just how much Yami really cared for Yugi and after the duel and seeing Yami after Anzu's word had made Joey quite sure that the feelings were mutual. And if that was the case the pharaoh must be feeling as much pain as Yugi, even more now when Yugi knew the truth and Yami didn't … Joey couldn't help but curse himself for his own stupidity.

Mulla on niin kivinen tie ilman sua
Auki haavat sielusta se hiertää
Enkä siltä ulos pääse ilman sua
Ympyrää se kiertää
Kivinen on tieni ilman sua

My way is full of obstacles without you

It tears my soul apart

And I can't get through this without you

It's going circles

My rocky way without you

Later that night Yugi lay in his bed staring at a photo of Yami. He really didn't know how he could go on with life without Yami in it. He really didn't feel like living but after hearing Joey earlier it gave him a little hope… Even if this life wouldn't be so good then perhaps after life would be better. He could tell Yami the truth…and maybe just maybe.

Yugi wasn't going to kill himself but he knew that without his soul's other half he couldn't survive long. Yugi knew that it would be hard for his grandpa and his friends but there was very little he could do.

"I can feel how the life is leaking out of me…"

Yugi whispered to himself. He was sad. He missed Yami and he felt exhausted but now there was a small shine in his eyes again, hope.

Mulla on niin syvä vesi ilman sua
Virrat tummat minua ne ohjaa
Liian pahoja on sen pyörteet ilman sua
Ei jalat ota pohjaan
Syvä on se vesi ilman sua

The water is so deep without you

Dark flows are taking over me

I can't survive without you

My legs can't reach the bottom

The water is so deep without you

Before the blessed dream took Yugi in its gentle care there was another thought that brought hope to the little heart broken duelist. If he prayed to the gods, if he hoped, anything then perhaps he could speak to Yami or send a message to him so he could outright the lies Anzu had spread… and tell him he loved him. Then perhaps he could have a little more time knowing Yami was fine and hopefully waiting for him in the afterlife…

Mulla on niin iso ikävä sua
Sade kylmä sisälleni hakkaa
Ja mulla on niin iso ikävä sua
Muu olemasta lakkaa
Ikävä on mulla ilman sua

I miss you so much

There's a cold rain inside of me

And I miss you so much

Everything else stops

I miss without you

And if he couldn't reach Yami from earth he had to pass and make everything right. One thing that pained Yugi more than anything was the thought that Yami believed that Yugi hated him and that Yami would be sad. But hopefully Yami wouldn't be that sad after all he was with his family right…? Somehow that thought didn't reassure Yugi that much… "But just a while ago I thought that Yami hated me…and nothing helped me with that thought…not even grandpa…Nothing could help me if that was true but that's because I love him…but does Yami even love me…like that…"

Those were Yugi's final thought's until sleep washed over him.

Eikä mulla ole mitään ilman sua

I have nothing without you

Thank you for reading!

Love, Black