Author's Notes…

So… here we are! Whoo! A day early, I guess. I really thank everyone who's still here for reading, and I really appreciate reviews, you guys have no idea!

Buried in the Ice

Chapter Nine

With A Taste Of Your Lips, I'm On A Ride

Sora was awake.

He sat up on the couch, his hand going straight to his heart. He swallowed, his eyes darting over the living room, taking in the fire that was still burning. Riku was nowhere in sight. What had happened…?

Had he—used compulsion on him…?

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Sora yelled and clutched at his head. When the hell were these crazy headaches going to leave him alone? His head was the first thing to go to shit whenever something went wrong. Hadn't it taken enough of a beating by now? The car accident, Riku's manipulations…

"RIKU!" he shouted. "I know you're here!"

"I'm right here, Sora."

Sora jumped, his hands lowering as he twisted around. Riku stood at the end of the couch, and his presence made the headache recede. Sora didn't know what that meant, but it couldn't possibly be a good thing.

He felt it, then.

His light.

It was inside of Riku.

Sora looked down to his chest and touched it again. But… he didn't feel empty… he didn't feel buried in ice… That was what had been promised to him if he'd let one of these things eat his light. How…?

"We're sharing it," Riku said.

"Since when the hell can you read my thoughts?" Sora snarled.

The silver-haired man's lips curved into a soft smile. "Since about half an hour ago, when I took your light from you. With time and practice, you'll be able to read mine, too—if I haven't let you look at them first."

Wait.

"You…" Sora felt faint. "You took my light…?"

No.

No, no, no.

This could not be happening!

"Yes, and then I gave half of it back to you."

"So you did exactly what I asked you not to do," Sora whispered. He could still remember Squall's limp body in his lap as he told Riku he didn't want the future that had been presented to him. He didn't want to be ageless, he didn't want to bond with Riku. He wanted to grow old with Squall. He…

Tears blurred his vision. He didn't bother wiping them away.

"It's better this way, Sora."

"HOW?!" Sora whipped back to him. "Please, Riku! Tell me how this is better!" His voice was cracking from the tears, and he worked to talk past his tightening throat. "I have a husband, I have a life, I—"

"If I did not take your light on my own, Ethoran would have forced me instead. He thought I was cultivating our relationship, so that I could leave you willing to—"

"Who the hell is Ethoran?!" Sora demanded. It wasn't the first time that person's name had been mentioned.

"My maker." Riku sighed and folded his arms. He went to stand in front of the fire. It cast flickering shadows over him. "He found me. He has been putting pressure on me to prepare you for him. He was not going to let you live afterward. He detests the shells."

Sora's mouth worked silently. So many thoughts running through his mind. So much confusion.

"You seriously expect me to believe that this was a selfless act?"

"No." Riku grabbed a stoker and poked at the fire. Embers crackled as a log fell into the ashes. "It was not entirely. I was… angry, at first. I found you when you were young. I shaped myself to grow with you."

"Yeah, I know all this," Sora snapped. He hated how tremulous his voice was.

"Then you know I fell in love with you." Riku set the stoker back in its stand before turning to Sora. His face was a veil again, letting nothing show.

Instinct flamed within Sora.

He could… he could feel things… emotions that weren't his own…

"Worry," Sora whispered. "Fear… anger…"

"Yes, Sora. And what else?" Riku asked patiently, as if he had planned this all along. Maybe he had. Maybe he was letting Sora in because of how well he was reading Sora's thoughts.

And there it was, glaring at him.

Unending, depthless, consuming.

"What else?" Riku pressed.

"Love," Sora whispered, his lips quivering. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face away. "Stop. I don't want to feel anymore."

"No. Learn to shut it off yourself."

"Oh, and how the hell am I supposed to do that?!" Sora was angry all over again.

"You're determined to do everything on your own. You're determined to deny my help. Now you are telling me you have changed? That you want my assistance, that you will listen to me?"

God damn it.

Sora pressed his lips together and shook his head. "I didn't ask for this," he said at length.

Riku was suddenly in front of him. His fingers curled over Sora's chin and jerked his head up. Sora let him mostly from surprise. Riku moved far too fast for the human eye to follow.

"Would you have preferred to die?" his adversary whispered. And then, "Sora, I am hardly your enemy."

"Aren't you?" Sora countered. "It should have been my choice!"

"Your choice would have been exceedingly foolish."

"Ethoran, or whoever the hell he is, can't steal my light if I don't give it to him! Right? That's the rule! You just said he was going to make you—"

Riku tilted his head, waiting for something. But what?

"No," Sora whispered. It had sunk in, that realization.

"Yes," Riku whispered back.

Sora closed his eyes.

His light couldn't be stolen from him… Riku had half his light…

"You were conceived by one of the shells. It makes your light infinitely more precious. I do not believe he knows of the existence of your brother."

Even while unconscious, he'd just… handed his light over to Riku…

"Ethoran has not been so powerful in centuries. He believes your light would be enough to restore him. If I had your light, I would be able to transfer it to him."

Sora couldn't wrap his mind around any of this. "So—so then can't he still do that? Can't he still… make you give him my light?"

Riku shook my head. "I took your light, as I said, and then gave you back half of it. It is irreversible now. I cannot take that half back from you, and it is so tied with mine, that I would not be able to give it to Ethoran."

"Won't he… won't he punish you, or…?"

Riku smiled, and Sora could have kicked himself. Showing concern for Riku through all of this. It was just so typically him. Why did his heart have to be so damned big? It got him into trouble, time and time again.

"He will not be able to. With even half your light, I am now his equal in power. None of that really matters, however."

"How would that not—?"

"My kind… we cannot kill one another." Now he stared at Sora harder than before, willing him to follow the rabbit down the rabbit hole. Sora looked at him helplessly, having no idea what the hell he wanted, and then—yes, just as before, it dawned on him.

"…You didn't kill that girl…"

"No," Riku murmured. "I did not."

"Then why…? She was begging you to kill her—she… I saw you—she was on the ground, she was dead!"

"She was asleep," Riku corrected him. "And she was young. Ethoran had turned her. He grows lonely through the millennia, and…" He trailed off with a sigh and a shake of his head. "She was my sibling this way. She came to me… her constitution was too delicate for this life, but Ethoran never cares about such things."

Eyes lost in thought, Riku sat beside Sora. Sora was too enraptured by the tale to protest him being so close.

"She did not know that our kind cannot…" His teeth briefly touched his lower lip. After a moment, he shook himself out of his reverie. "I put her in a sleep. It was the only thing I could do for her. So you see, Sora, if you had just listened to me—"

No. No way was Riku going to twist this around on him. "And how can I believe you now?"

"I will lower my shields and let you feel my sincerity. Staring in the face of that, you will no longer be able to deny the simple truth: I did not kill that girl. You ran from me so quickly. You did not once think to question me. You were afraid."

"No."

"Yes. You were afraid of how you felt for me, you were afraid of what I was. Why else would you run at the first sign of trouble?"

Sora got to his feet, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He was breathing so hard he knew he should calm down. The last thing he needed was to hyperventilate.

"This is bullshit," Sora whispered tightly.

"Why?" Riku was a sharp contrast to Sora, relaxed, tranquil. He leaned back into the cushions of the couch, his lashes low over his eyes. He had that stupid patient look on his face, and Sora wanted to claw it off.

"Because," Sora hissed. "You just—you just come into my life again, you erase my memory, you manipulate me, you get me hooked on your blood again, you threaten my husband… you take my light!"

"Again, I could not take your light without—"

"And now you're feeding me some tale about this Ethoran guy!" Sora's voice rose to drown out Riku's. "It's too much, Riku, it's just too much!"

"Why?" Riku asked again.

Sora grabbed a pillow and lobbed it across the room. It was either that or punch Riku, and he didn't want to bust up his knuckles unless he had to.

"Accept it," Riku said. "You feel guilty because you judged me too quickly. If you had not, we would still be together. You would not have married this man. But you did both of these things, and now here we are with the truth, and you cannot handle it because you still love me."

"That doesn't erase the shit you did, Riku!" Sora was a breath away from screaming his lungs out. He was so furious, sure that his skin wouldn't be able to contain him if this continued. "My memory—"

"You would not have listened to me otherwise!" For the first time that night, Riku's calm demeanor cracked. "You were unreasonable then, and you are being unreasonable now! Just accept the truth of your feelings, Sora!"

"Never," Sora said spitefully. He sniffed and strode out of the living room. He wasn't going to stay here a second longer. Riku may have split his light between them, but that didn't mean he had to be a willing pawn in this game.

Riku let Sora get as far as the front door before he blocked his path. Goddamn super speed.

"Move, Riku!"

Riku's cold hands cupped his cheeks. Sora was going through the motions of shoving him off when it hit him—a deluge of emotions that weren't his own. He staggered, his mind spinning away and away and away. Pain, so much pain! Betrayal—

"Stop," Sora gasped.

"Are you willing to accept my help?"

Sora fell to his knees. His hands were covering his ears. He couldn't breathe.

The pain was mounting. Oh, God. Oh, God, how could someone feel this much pain inside of them and still carry on with living?

Tears painted his cheeks, and he knew distantly that he was sobbing. Riku dropped to his knees, as well, putting his arms around Sora's shoulders and pulling the smaller man's head to his chest. Sora let him, so raw inside. His heart was going to bleed out any second now. He was going to cease existing. He knew it. He knew it, he knew it, he knew it.

"Riku," he choked out. "Riku, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

This kind of agony couldn't be manufactured. And with how their light was being shared, and Riku's shields lowered once more, Sora felt that agony as clearly as if it were his own. He'd done this to Riku. He'd made him feel this awful. He was never going to forgive himself. How could he? How could anyone experience someone else's anguish, know it was their fault, and do nothing?

"Riku," he sobbed. He couldn't summon the right words. Nothing would do. Nothing could make this right.

Riku's hand soothed down his back. "Will you… admit you love me?"

He sounded so frightened.

Sora lifted his head, sniffling. He scrubbed at his sticky face. Riku's eyes were open, vulnerable. He hadn't looked like that since they were in high school… since he'd revealed to Sora what he really was.

Riku was centuries old, he'd said so himself. His accent hadn't dropped once since Sora had woken up tonight, a clear sign of his age. He'd experienced countless, untold things. It was in his nature to devour Sora's light. He should have—another of his kind would have. He hadn't. He—

His throat tightening, Sora nodded.

"Will you… will you say the words…?"

Sora closed his eyes. Riku's forehead touched to his. Their noses brushed together. Riku's hands slid around his hips. Sora's fingertips tentatively crept up Riku's chest to cover over his heart. His other hand slid along the side of Riku's neck.

"I…" Sora tried to think past the pain. He knew he should be cautious, he knew he shouldn't say the words. He was married. But… Riku's anguish… caused by him… by his selfish actions… How could he not…?

Riku's mouth was so close. He smelled so good. Sora could feel his breath on his lips, and it reminded him of when they'd been together. How happy they'd been, so stupidly, stupidly happy. Riku could be himself with someone, someone he loved, and that someone loved him back, and—

Sora's brows pulled together as his lower lip trembled.

He'd been hurting like this all this time…?

"Riku," he whispered. His face crumpled as more tears threatened. "I never…" He was choking on the pain. "I never meant—"

Riku's fingers brushed over the nape of Sora's neck and slid into his hair. "Sora—"

Sora kissed him, his arms winding around Riku's shoulders, his eyes squeezed shut. He didn't care. He didn't care about anything else. All that mattered was showing Riku how sorry he was.

"Riku," he whispered against those full lips, warm now from Sora's light thriving inside of Riku. He swallowed again, his pulse at his throat. He could taste the salt on his mouth from his tears, knew he had shared it with the man in his arms.

"Riku, I… I love you."