Please don't ask where this came from. There is a second-shot to finish this up it should be finished by the end of the weekend.

Enjoy despite my spelling, grammar, and habit of switching tenses.

I am fabulous regardless.

There was one thing that you could be certain of when you entered the Varia mansion. You were in for one hell of a visit.

There would not be bullet holes in the walls or scorches on the carpet; the mansion was rich in colour and art with spattering of trophies- of various assortments- dotted on shelves or on tables throughout. But that was in the 'public' section of the mansion where Maids and Butlers spend hours cleaning and caring for the area where the subordinates lived and spent their time.

The inner part of the mansion was another story.

If you were to enter there was more than one thing you could be assured of.

One, you most likely weren't coming out unharmed. Bel or Levi would most likely chase you –for differing reasons- and would end up maiming or using you as target practice.

Secondly you will be deaf, or close to by the time you leave, even if you don't meet Squalo in person it is likely that you will hear him no matter where you are in the inner mansion; sometimes you can hear him in the 'public' part of the mansion too.

Thirdly, ensure you bring lots of money and lots of booze, because that is the only way you will get out of there alive should you come across the only person in the world with every kind of blackmail available, and the boss who thinks breaking glasses on his second-in-command's head it the most entertaining thing in the world; in this instance keeping the glass full is your best bet.

Despite all this, and even with all his complaining Lussuria was adamant that they were one big, happy family.

Xanxus was the strict Papa who enforced too many rules and had that wonderfully unique way of showing his affection, especially towards their Mama.

Squalo without a doubt was Varia's Mama, he has an equally unique way to show affection and all that yelling hid his care for everyone.

Levi was the over-zealous mutt trying to show its master its new trick.

Mammon was the grouchy teenage girl who was obsessing over money like it were a hunky boy.

Bel was that one teenager going through the rebellious streak; poor boy was still determined to be King.

Fran was the new baby who everyone wanted to dote upon, he had yet to give himself a stand-out position in the family. Lussuria knew that Fran would be the 'good-child'.

And of course Lussuria was the loving big-sister. He was the one who made sure everyone was fed and that their injuries were taken care of. He was also the one who designed and made their wonderful uniform. He was also the one that taught all the good life skills to the rest of the Squad.

Lussuria took one look at their clothing as they entered their warm house and was utterly distraught. They were covered in blood and mug and their clothes were full of rips. They had a little too much fun with their latest mission, even Lussuria would admit that.

But the fun disappeared when he overheard Bel's comment. "Well the Prince won't be caught in such rags. Looks like it's time for a bonfire. Ushishishishi."

Immediately Lussuria was back in Mama mode.

"Oh my~" he cooed dangerously. "I don't think so little Mr."

Of course Bel rounded on Lussuria before the sentence was fully out of the effeminate man's mouth. "Ushishishishi, don't think you can order the Prince around, woman-peasant."

Lussuria raised one perfectly manicured eyebrow and crossed his arms over his thick chest. He squared Bel with that look and watched with satisfaction as the boy gulped and frowned. "What was that?"

"U-Ushishishi. T-The Prince was just saying that he was going to go clean his clothes right now."

"That's what I thought." Lussuria explained as he shooed Bel towards their washing chamber.

Fran followed closely after with that mocking monotone in his voice. "Sempai. Why did you listen to Lussuria? I thought you listened to no one."

"Ushishishi, little foggy will learn in time that you listen to the feminine-peasant if you value your life."

Lussuria turned to the rest of the Varia, all of whom had heard the little 'discussion' between Lussuria and Bel and had turned to watch the violence, only to be disappointed when there was none. "And you?" Lussuria asked. "Don't you think you should be getting along now too? The longer those stains stay there the harder it will be to get them out of your wonderful clothes~"

Squalo and Levi were actually the first to speak up, both could care less about their clothing, Xanxus enforced the uniforms but rarely made a comment about the state of it. "VooiiiiiI! What makes you think that I'll listen to you, scum?"

"Only Bossu can order me around. If you value your life you'll keep your mouth shut."

"Besides, these uniforms are tacky, useless trash like this; it doesn't matter if it stays dirty," Squalo regretted the words even before the left his mouth.

Lussuria was livid. There was sheer annoyance and rage flowing off of him as his foot tapped out his annoying staccato. The Varia were well known and feared, if they were seen in soiled, torn clothing what would that say about them? About Lussuria?! He wouldn't have it, after all the hard work he put into their wonderful wardrobe Lussuria would not allow it –or their name- be tarnished because the members of their Squad were lazy and didn't appreciate high-fashion.

"You will all clean your clothes. Now." And not even Xanxus could really argue with the tone in the man's voice. Even Xanxus had the indignant flush on his face as they stalked to the laundry garage- yes it was as large as a three or four car garage- to clean their soiled uniforms. Though that didn't mean that Xanxus would clean his clothes.

Lussuria looked over his teammates with pity as they tried and failed to get the blood out of their uniforms. Xanxus cackled from his throne as he threw glasses at Squalo. Lussuria could only roll his weight onto his left leg and rest his hands on his slightly feminine hips.

He shook his head exasperatedly, Bel wasn't even trying to clean the tan fabric of the slashing of red and Fran hadn't even taken his jacket and pants off yet. Squalo was making a valiant attempt, but that bleach would do very little for the blood. Levi looked so lost, poor dear. Mammon had the best idea, though she was a little hesitant to pay up to get the robes cleaned. Lussuria could only sigh, valiant attempts they may be, but the Varia were suppose to be the best, and here they were struggling with washing.

As for him, well Lussuria may be covered in blood and mud, his hair may have dulled a little because he hadn't had time to die it that month, and his glasses may have had spider-web cracks in them, but he was fabulous regardless.

So could this be considered crack? XD

I honestly have a sudden fondness for Lussuria and figured he should have his own one-shot to show how fabulous he is.

Thank you so much for reading, I'd appreciate it if you dropped in a review, but hey, thanks anyway!

~~Bleach-ed-Na-tsu :3