entry_26

1351 hours, Thursday, January 25, 1973.

Almost a week since we got out. We're in one of our old bases for now, so I've been able to set up in the room I'd been using as a workshop. Repairs on 0031 are going better than I expected. Old as he was, with the shot through his chest and getting dragged and just general exertion after not being properly calibrated for battle in so long, it was a relief to find that only a few things had been knocked loose outside of the damage caused by the revolver. I even powered him on for the first time yesterday, just for a few minutes to see if his processor was still entirely operational, and so I could explain the situation to him. When his lights came back on and he started looking around, kind of feebly since there's still some stuff to be worked on, I would've been holding my breath if I had any.

E-001: Doc?

0031: H-herr Engineer?

His voice reverberated kind of funny and was full of static, but it was still working. I faked a sigh.

E-001: You're alive.

0031: No, technically speaking I-I-I am not.

E-001: You know what I mean. Damn though, you... you really had me scared there for a bit.

He looked down, and we just sat quietly for a minute.

0031: I am th-the worst of robots.

E-001: Why d'you say that?

0031: I betrayed m-mein Maker. I-I am... I am a disgrace. Did you s-see his f-f-face wh-wh-wh... wh...

E-001: That wasn't Gray though. Gray didn't even show up. That was a Spybot.

0031: H-he would have made the same f-face if he had been present.

I shrugged, unsure of how to respond.

E-001: Well... probably, I guess. But Gray's evil. He don't care about you or anyone, just like I told you.

0031 glared at me, his fingers twitching. It didn't look like he could manage much else movement-wise.

0031: Herr G-gray is not evil. H-he has no ob-bligation to me. He owes me n-nothing.

I wanted to say something sharp in reply, but looking at him broken and distraught like that on my workbench... I just couldn't do it. I changed the subject.

E-001: Drei's doing well.

0031: Oh? I am... g-glad to hear this news. You have been feeding h-her?

E-001: Yeah. Think she misses you though.

0031: Mmm. P-perhaps.

He shuddered and held still for a moment, staring at the ceiling. I shifted my weight.

E-001: You're not completely fixed yet.

0031: I g-gathered as much.

E-001: I'll need to shut you down to do more.

0031: P-please do. I am... danke, Herr Engineer. You do not h-have to fix me.

E-001: No, trust me I do.

I shut him down. Maybe in a few days I'll be able to have him on for good. For now, though, it's probably for the best that I leave him off.

Otherwise, well, things haven't gone back to the way they were or anything. I haven't tried to socialize much with my teammates. It feels weird with me being like this, and the memory of almost killing Sniper is still painfully fresh in my head. They haven't left me alone though, not for very long, and as out of place as I feel I am grateful for it.

Soldier and Pyro came in first, pretty soon after RED Engineer helped me get fixed up last week. Pyro gave me a hug and listened while I explained what was wrong with 0031. Soldier didn't say a lot, but he gave me an old soup can with some dandelions in it. He'd painted the words GIT WEL SOON on it. I've still got it next to the workbench even though the dandelions are dry and withered up.

Demoman came in a little later the same day with a plate of money he'd collected from everyone. He seemed pretty interested in how I ran on money and all, so I explained it as best as I could. Sniper came in the day after along with Heavy and Scout. Things might have been a little awkward between me and Sniper, except Scout wouldn't shut up so me, him, and Heavy got to bond over our mutual annoyance. Scout was really excited about 0031 and kept asking if he had a name yet and where he was going to stay and all that. Heavy threatened to remove him from the room if he wouldn't shut up, but that didn't stop Scout from telling us that we should name him Champ. Sniper told him that 0031 wasn't even fixed yet and he might not like that name, and anyways he looked more like a Stephen to him. I had to laugh a little at this. I'm not sure why.

It wasn't until today that Medic and Spy came knocking on my door. It turned out that they had something pretty interesting to say.

Medic unit: Engineer? May we come in, bitte?

E-001: Door's unlocked.

They came in. Medic had a funny kind of smile on his face. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but Spy didn't seem all that perturbed so I figured he wasn't up to anything screwy.

Spy unit: You are doing well, I trust?

E-001: Not as bad as I could be doing at least.

Medic unit: Ah, very gut, very gut indeed. Do you have a moment to talk?

I put down the socket wrench I'd been using on 0031.

E-001: I reckon you could say that. What do you want to talk about?

Spy gave Medic a side-long glance, and the other stepped forward eagerly.

Medic unit: What if I told you that we can make you human again?

E-001: I'd tell you that your sense of humor needs some work.

He shook his head vigorously.

Medic unit: No, it is not a joke! The, er, you have heard of the concept of cloning, ja? Of course you have, you are an educated man.

I stared at him for a minute before I realized he wasn't pulling my leg.

E-001: You can't be serious. It wouldn't work.

Spy unit: The RED Engineer seems to think otherwise. He's already agreed to provide us with the DNA.

Medic unit: Oh just think for a moment Engineer. If your current condition is possible, if we have the technology for the medigun und dispensers und teleporters, then why is it so far fetched to think that we could clone a body for you from the other Engineer's genetic material? It is identical!

E-001: But... but wouldn't the Administrator find out you were using her resources for something like this? It's going to take time to finish it up anyways, and the longer you're working on it the more likely it is that she'll find out.

Spy unit: Please, if we can keep your rescue and the presence of two robots at our base secret from her, this should be child's play.

Medic unit: Spy has very graciously agreed to help appropriate the materials for this project. So! What do you think?

I didn't know what to say for a moment. On the one hand, it was ridiculous. They'd risked enough to get me out of Gray's place already, and asking for anything more seemed pretty outrageous, especially something this risky and labor intensive and costly. On the other hand, well... I really wanted to be my old self again.

Medic didn't give me time to answer. He just clapped me on the shoulder and grinned.

Medic unit: I will begin working on it as soon as I possibly can, mein Freund. Do not worry yourself with the details of how much time it will take or anything else. It is my pleasure.

Spy smirked a little, and they both left before I could figure out anything else to say.

I don't know if this will work. It's not exactly a foolproof idea, and the Administrator might find out about me before then. But for now, all I can think is that I've actually got a chance to go back, little though I deserve it.

I don't know if I'll make any more entries for a while. This journal's been really nice for getting me through my captivity, but I'm going to be busy with fixing up 0031 and working on other projects. And it might help me feel more like my old self if I stop using the programs that come with my robotic additions. So for now, I guess this is goodbye. Hopefully I won't have a reason to open this up again for a good, long, peaceful while.

/entry_26