I heard the whuffling sounds from outside Tim's closed window, the drapes drawn so I could see nothing within. As Bruce Wayne, creeping around people's windows in broad daylight was hardly the best plan in the world, but I needed to pick up a surveillance disc from Tim.
It was odd, however, that Tim was even home. The plan had been for him to leave the disc where I could find it, since he would be out that morning. I didn't blame him. He was young, it was a beautiful day and I was sure he had things to do. I was just supposed to drive up, nonchalantly climb the side of his house so that his dad wouldn't know I was there, grab the disc and slid nonchalantly away.
Pausing, I pressed my ear to the window. That was definitely Tim in there, making small, miserable noises. I wondered what was wrong. Well, I could come back and get the disc later. But, something held me back, some small inkling inside of me to go and find out what troubled him.
This was strange, since I didn't consider Tim's emotional well-being my responsibility. Tim had a father and I was in no way meaning to step in and take his place. Sure, I would counsel the boy on problems relating to Robin, but ultimately, it was Jack Drake's place to help with anything else.
Debating for a moment, I finally made a decision. I rapped my knuckles lightly against the window. "Tim", I called softly, in case someone else was in there with him. The sounds immediately stopped, as though the tides of emotion had been swept back behind walls.
"Bruce", the voice questioned.
"Yes", I replied, "I just came to get the disc." I almost kicked myself for how callous that sounded. Here the boy was, clearly upset about something, and I was going on about a crummy disc. I heard Tim give a loud sniffle and he pulled back the blinds, opening the window. The first thing my eyes swept to was the black eye. My stance hardened.
"What happened?" I asked, my voice commanding and quite Batman-like.
"Nothing", he replied softly, "it didn't happen on patrol. Here's the disc." He handed me what I had come for, obviously expecting me to leave. I figured I ought to. After all, Tim had said it was nothing and he wouldn't lie to me, not about something serious. I didn't really need to get involved, so why did I feel such a need to.
Perhaps it was those blue eyes. When I looked in them, I saw Dick gazing back at me. "What's wrong?" I asked gently, climbing in through the window, "What happened?" That was when I got the chance to fully take in Tim's appearance. The black eye was not the only injury he had sustained. His clothes were ripped and dirty, his hair disheveled and he was covered in cuts and bruises. "Tim", I murmured softly.
"It's nothing", he replied quickly, "I…nothing's wrong. I just…" A quick glance around his room and my eyes fell upon Tim's skateboard. Only, it wasn't as I had seen it before. Tim loved his skateboard dearly, more so than any of his other possessions. But, there it was in several pieces on his bedroom floor. I wondered what had happened. Finally deciding that his problem was severe enough to merit my concern, I sat down on his bed.
"What happened?" I asked, this time more gently and more openly, trying my best to coax him into telling me rather than ordering him. Tim scuffed one foot over the other and shook his head, eyes downcast. So, he didn't want to tell me. That was not something that happened very often. But clearly, he was torn up inside. I could see it in his eyes, how dark and sullen they were, barely fighting back tears, the way he carried himself, defeated and shrunken. I had never seen Tim this way before. But, he didn't seem comfortable talking about it, at least not to me.
"Where's your dad?" I asked.
"Out", Tim replied softly, still refusing to meet my gaze, "he's gone, for a while at least." So, Tim would find no solace from his father. That was, at the very least, a cause for concern. After all, Tim clearly needed someone to lean on right now. Whatever had happened was far more complicated than he cared to let on and was eating him from the inside out.
Mentally, I went over my tasks for the day. I had a few meetings to go to in the afternoon, if I chose to attend, which was a good idea since I had been absent from so many recently. There was also a golf game I figured I should probably go to. My schedule was pretty much filled up to the brim but, gazing at Tim, looking smaller and more alone than ever, I felt my priorities fall into place. I knew a child in the kind of emotional state Tim was in ought not be left alone in an empty house with no one but himself.
Making a decision, I whipped out my cell phone and quickly dialed a number. "Hello Jackie, hi, yea, this is Bruce. Ohh, I'm great, I'm just fine. Hey, I was wondering, I have to go to this thing at the museum today, you know the new one that just opened out in Grennon, and I can't imagine going by myself, but I can't seem to find myself a date so I was wondering if I might steal your son Tim for the day."
Tim gazed at me quizzically, eyes questioning and wondering if he should understand what was going on. "Well, I mean, I know he likes science and stuff so I thought he might be better company than nothing. After all, I hate going anywhere alone. It would be a big favor to me. Great thanks, yea, I'll swing by and pick him up. Ohh, well, I think I can find him, I have his number so I'll give him a buzz. Thanks so much Jack. Goodbye."
I closed the phone and looked Tim over once more. "Change your clothes and meet me down at the car, ok?"
"What's going on?" Tim asked, wiping his tears away with his arm.
"You'll see. Go ahead and get dressed, I'll wait for you." With that, I walked out the door and down to the car, my mind working at a mile a minute. Tim came out a few moments later in fresh clothes. He had done his best to cover up his black eye with a little bit of makeup, but it hadn't really worked. He slid into the seat next to me and gazed quizzically at me.
"Umm, Bruce, where're we going?"
"The museum", I replied, revving the engine.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because", I replied cryptically. Figuring he wasn't going to get anything else out of me, Tim gave a sigh and turned to the window, gazing out at the city. For a long while, we drove in silence. The museum was about two hours out of town and quickly, we were cruising through the countryside. I was hoping the extended drive and the distance from the rest of the world might make Tim feel a little better about opening up, but he obviously hadn't had such inklings. In fact, it seemed his brooding had gotten worse.
I was used to Dick or Jason, who spent very little time moping before they told me a problem. This lack of communication was maddening. It was like dealing with another me, and that I couldn't handle. My curiosity and concern had piqued, I needed to do something about him.
Slowly, I drove over to the side of the road, parking on the edge. The wind rippled through the long grass, each of their stiff backs bending like waves on a seashore. A few cows gazed mildly at us before continuing to eat. "Alright Tim", I said, "What's up?" Tim shrugged and settled deeper into his seat. Should I push? Should I leave it at that? I slowly put a hand down on his shoulder. I hadn't tried to give anyone any sort of emotional support in a long time, but I would have to relearn now.
Tim gazed up at me, surprise in his eyes. "What is it?" I asked gently, my voice low and soothing, "you can tell me anything, you know that." But he didn't know that. It was clear the way he looked at me he didn't know that. He was just gazing at me, confusion and pain in his eyes. Apparently, I was going to have to get it out of him the hard way. So be it, Tim was worth it to me. That surprised me. There were very few people that were worth it and Tim was one of them. I hadn't known.
"Were you mugged?" I asked, since my options were narrowed by the fact that he hadn't sustained such injuries on a patrol. A mugging seemed the most likely answer now, despite the fact that it didn't account for his deteriorated emotional state. Tim shook his head, eyes not leaving my face.
Alright, he wasn't mugged. I racked my brain for any other source of this trauma. As unlikely as it seemed, I tested the next possibility. "Did you get into a fight?" Something flickered in his eyes, though I couldn't tell if it was an affirmative. We were silent for a few moments more as I tried to figure out what to do. Luckily, he handled the next move.
"Bruce", he said softly, "Why do they hate me?"
"Who hates you Tim?" I asked.
"The other kids", he murmured, "they hate me. That's why they beat me up and broke my skateboard. They kept saying things about me and I just…Bruce, why do they have to be so mean? I never did anything to them, I just wanna have friends, but I can't, not when they do things like that to me." Tears were running down his cheeks now and he gazed up at me, shaking with wide eyes. "And Dad", he continued, "I wanted Dad to be here for me, but he just left, he said I'd be ok, but I'm not ok Bruce, I don't feel ok. I just want my daddy and I wanna feel ok."
He was crying, now truly crying, with tears running down his cheeks at a frantic level and his shoulders shaking, his face screwed into an agonized expression. I had no idea what to do. I just sat there in my seat with my mind completely blank. This is what I had wanted right, for him to open up and tell me everything. Why, then, could I not think of a single thing to say to him?
Finally, it seemed some of my former instincts kicked in. I hadn't even known I still had those, but I found them and, acting off them, took Tim, picking him up like one picks up a baby, and held him close on my chest. He was so shocked, for a moment he just stopped crying. "It'll be ok Tim", I murmured, stroking his hair as I held him up, right below my jaw bone, "I know it hurts right now, but it'll feel better soon, I promise."
And then, he was crying again, shaking and clinging to me and wetting my shirt. But, I didn't care that he was probably ruining my clothes. I didn't care that he was crying like the world was going to end. I dipped deep inside myself and found I didn't care about any of those things. I just cared about him. Finally, his sobbing slowed and it seemed he'd finally cried all his tears. I continued to hold onto him for a few moments more, waiting to see if he was ok. "Feel better?" I murmured softly in his ear. He collected himself a bit, probably trying to find the energy to lie to me, and then promptly exhaled, unable even to do that.
"Not really."
"I know", I replied, "the hurt's going to take a while to go away." Then, I put him down on the seat next to me. He settled in, leaning against the car door, and pressed his cheek to the window.
"Are you gonna take me home now?" he asked softly.
"Not quite yet", I replied, putting the car into gear again. Then, I started off once more in the direction we had been going, drove about twenty minutes more, and pulled into the parking lot. He gazed interestedly out the window and wiped his eyes, rubbing off tears encrusted on his lashes. He turned and looked at me questioningly.
"I told your dad I was taking you to the museum", I said, parking. "Anyway, we're already here, miles away from everything, unless you didn't want to go." Tim shrugged slightly, though I could see the anticipation in his eyes. He really did want to go.
"If you want to", he replied. I gave him a small smile and got out of the car.
"Come on", I beckoned, "lets go." There were so many people swirling around inside, so many more than I was usually comfortable with, but I tossed that aside. The one thing I did consider, however, was Tim and how very small and easy to lose he was. Reaching down, I grasped his hand.
"Stay close", I murmured, "this place is crowded and I don't wanna lose you." Tim nodded and squeezed my hand, drawing closer to me. The amount of people put him on edge as well, but he knew he was safe when I was there, or at least, I hoped he did. Just after buying tickets, I chanced a glance down at Tim, who was still holding onto me, but not quite as avidly as he had been before. He was gazing off at something.
Following his line of sight, I noticed the dinosaur exhibit. "You like dinosaurs Tim?" I asked. Tim nodded shyly, blushing slightly. I couldn't help it, I grinned, because that was pretty cute. "Alright then", I said, "lets go there." He couldn't quite keep the bound out of his step and bounced ahead, practically dragging me over.
At that moment, however, a few bigger kids darted by, knocking him down. It hadn't been on purpose, but I was angered by it anyway. Quickly, I was on the ground beside him, kneeling close. "You ok?" I asked. He nodded, but I could see in his eyes being knocked over was something he experienced a lot. Slowly, he picked himself up, but some of that excitement was gone now, replaced by more sorrow. And I had just been getting him to stop thinking about it.
Annoyed, not at him but at the world, I almost unconsciously picked him up, swinging him onto my shoulders. "Alright kiddo", I said, "lets go." He was surprised and, at first, sat stiffly. I lurched a bit and his arms went around my neck.
"Sorry", he mumbled.
"You're ok", I replied, "don't worry about anything. Come on."
We stood in front of the Tyrannosaurs, silent for a moment. "Alright Tim", I said, "why don't you tell me about this dinosaur."
"Umm…" he said softly, and then started to speak, slowly at first, and then gradually more swiftly as I engaged him in conversation. Then, he was getting excited, I could tell, wanting to tell me everything he knew. So, he was a dinosaur fan. I'd keep that in mind.
As we made our way through, him talking excitedly a mile a minute and bouncing around on my shoulders with almost unrestrained exuberance, I couldn't believe what a child he turned into when I got him away from all responsibility and stress of Gotham. He was just a little kid now, a regular little kid who wanted to share all that he knew about…everything.
Eventually, I put him down and around he zipped like a bee, I just traipsing along in his wake, marveling at him. We made it through the dinosaurs and started on the space exhibit, which he took to with the same exuberance. Just as he had rushed back, grabbing my hand to drag me off to the mummies, I stopped him, laughing.
"Hold on a minute, kiddo, lets get some lunch first, ok? They're still gonna be there if we stop to eat." He nodded bashfully, just now realizing how much of his adult façade he had dropped. He followed me to the cafeteria and we sat down. He was silent for the first time since we'd gotten there, eating and every once in a while glancing up at me before returning to his food.
"Sorry", he said suddenly, breaking the silence.
"For what?" I asked, swallowing the last bit of my meal. The museum food wasn't all that great, but I could deal with it.
"For getting so excited", he replied, "and for dragging you everywhere. We don't have to do what I want, it's just cool to be here. Dad never takes me so I got a little hyper." He glanced up at me, waiting for me to be angry. I just grinned widely and ruffled his hair.
"Don't worry about it squirt" I replied, "I'm having such a good time here with you."
"Really", Tim asked, eyes widening.
"Sure", I replied, "You're like my own private little tour guide."
"Really?"
"Of course, and you're pretty cute when you get excited about stuff." He blushed profusely and looked away bashfully. I couldn't help it, he just looked so cute, so I scooped him up and held him close, nuzzling his neck like I used to do to Jason. Tim giggled. "Now, where was it you wanted to go next?"
"We can go wherever you want", he replied. I rolled my eyes.
"I want to go where you want to go, how's that?"
"Umm", he murmured shyly, "ancient Egypt maybe."
"Lets go", I replied, putting him down. And, off he went. Just as we entered the wildlife halls, I got a call. I mean, I had already gotten several that day over the course of our museum outing, but none of them I had considered important enough to answer. Checking my caller ID, I gave a sigh. I had to pick up. "Hold on a sec Tim", I said, "I'll just be on the phone for a minute, ok?" He nodded. "You go ahead, I'll catch up."
With that, he was gone, off towards the elk. I stopped and answered the phone, sliding into the corner. "Bruce", the voice on the other end growled, "you promised you'd be at this meeting today."
"I know", I replied.
"Where are you?"
"In the wild life halls next to the polar bear in the museum with Tim Drake." After arguing with my business partner for another five minutes about the legitimacy of my visit, I finally got off the phone, feeling guilty that I had taken time out of Tim's special day to get into an argument with a man who wasn't even worth arguing with.
I walked over to Tim, who was standing in front of a stuffed camel, chattering with a complete stranger and his son. "Sorry I took so long bud", I said, dropping a hand onto his shoulder.
"'S ok", he replied. "Oo, Bruce, look at that." With that, he was off again. I chuckled.
"Your kid's pretty cute", the man said to me, smiling, "he was telling me all about camels." I smirked.
"He's actually not mine, he's a friend's, but yea, he is pretty cute."
"Bruce", Tim called, "come 'ere." I laughed.
"Alright, I'm coming." Standing beside him, we gazed at the gorilla.
"It's Gorilla Grod", he said. I groaned.
"If only; that ape gets on my nerves." Tim nodded and then tugged a little on my sleeve. I knelt down next to him.
"Can I tell you a secret?" he said softly.
"Sure", I replied.
"Gorilla Grod scares me", he whispered in my ear.
"That's ok", I whispered back, "he scares me too." Tim grinned at me. "But you know", I said standing back up, "that monkey there, he kinda looks like you."
"Bruce", he moaned. I giggled.
"It does, look at him hanging upside down right there, he looks just like you." Tim gave me a slightly pouting look.
"I'm not a monkey."
"Sure you are", I replied, picking him up and swinging him upside down, "you're my little monkey." He gave a squeal as he hung from my hand by his ankle. He giggled and I lifted him up high, rubbing noses with him before flipping him over onto my shoulders. "Where to next?"
"There's a moose over there that kinda looks like Dick", he replied.
"Well", I said, "that's something I have to see." On the way out, we first detoured at the bathroom, where I glared at all the other men while Tim washed his hands and continued to chatter. Maybe I was being overprotective, going in with him, but I'd seen too much in my life not to be exceedingly careful. Children were kidnapped and raped all the time and I refused to allow little Tim to be one of those victims. After that, we stopped by the gift shop and I carried Tim out on my shoulders, his ice cream dripping down both our shirts while he chattered on a mile a minute.
Glancing over at Tim, I watching him sleep for a few moments as I drove. Tim's talking had gradually slowed until he had slumped in his seat, leaning against the window and cuddled up against the stuffed monkey I'd bought him. Now, with the warm late afternoon sun warming him, he dozed quietly. I reached out and gently stroked his spine before turning my eyes back to the road. We still had a little ways to go before we got home.
"Bruce," Tim said sleepily, "Where are we?"
"We're still about an hour away Timmy, you can go back to sleep." Tim nodded and closed his eyes. I thought he'd fallen asleep again when I heard him speak a second time.
"Bruce."
"What's up kiddo?" I asked.
"Thanks for taking me today."
"No problem", I replied, "you feel any better." I put a hand on his side, rubbing my thumb gently across it. Tim nodded.
"Yea, I do. I had a lot of fun."
"Me to", I said, smiling.
"I…I'm sorry I broke down in the car. I kinda lost control."
"Tim", I said gently, "you're still just a little kid. You're allowed to lose control every once in a while." He smiled at me. "And it's ok that you still don't feel as ok as you want to. I get it, but you'll figure everything out, I promise."
"Thanks Bruce", he replied. "I…I like spending time with you."
"I like spending time with you too Tim." We'll do this again soon. He smiled and leaned against the window once. "When does your dad get back?" Tim shrugged.
"Maybe not 'till tomorrow."
"Alright, well how's about you spend the night at my house. We can go out on patrol together tonight. I'll just call your dad later."
"Ok", Tim said barely containing his excitement at the prospect. I smiled and ruffled his hair.
Tim wasn't heavy, I noticed this as I carried him inside, his little arms still wrapped around his stuffed toy. In fact, he was rather light, much lighter than either Jason or Dick had been at his age. Tim was just tiny.
His eyelids blinked blearily and his head lifted as he felt the cool of the house wash over him, a change from the hot car. "We're back Timmy", I said gently, holding him close. He put his head back down on my chest. Then, he stretched a little in my arms and yawned. "Hey", I said softly, "how's about you and I take a nap together before patrol. You can just continue the one you started it he car."
"Ok", he agreed blearily. I could tell he was still drowsy and a nap sounded quite good to him, to me as well. The museum had worn both of us out. I carried him up to my room and put him down on the bed, tugging off his shoes before removing my own. Then, I lay down next to him, pulling him close. He gave a sigh of pleasure and melted into me. It was good to be together.