So here we are at the end. The Three Little Words that I like the most are at the end of the story. They are the ones my husband and I say to each other especially on our anniversary. Thank you all for your lovely reviews. All of you are so talented and the fact that you read what I write always makes my day. Thank you again!
Edith was so happy to see Anthony that she didn't really notice the look on his face. All she wanted to do was put her arm through his – touch him, know that he was her rock. The events of the last few minutes had just about done her in but now all that was behind her and Anthony was the only person who mattered. I love him so, she thought as they walked out of the library.
When she suggested they go home ,he surprised her by requesting they get something to eat first. As they were filling their plates at the dining room table and sideboards, she suddenly noticed that he had walked on ahead of her instead of waiting for her to finish ,and joined the Gervis' who were sitting at one of the small tables that had been set up in the dining room. This isn't like him to ignore me like this, she thought, but then dismissed it thinking that perhaps he was tired of all the hub-bub and just wanted to eat and chat with his friends. Edith shot a glance at Claudia Gervis but her face was serene as was her husbands, so Edith figured she hadn't told Hugh Gervis about her encounter on the terrace.
She was growing weary but Hugh and Claudia Gervis were such good company that they continued talking for at least another thirty minutes. Edith had mentally dropped out of the conversation, her mind fixating on how wonderful it would be when she and Anthony got home, when she was snapped back to reality when Anthony said,
"Are you ready to go home now, my dear?
My dear! He hasn't called me that since we were first married, she thought. Whatever is wrong with him? He knows I don't like that phrase.
But she didn't have time to contemplate that or anything else. Before she knew it she was saying good-bye to Sir Edward and Lady Virginia and being hustled out to their car.
"Anthony, what's wrong? I wanted to leave but I had hoped to say good-bye to a few people before we left, especially my parents, most specifically my mother who will bring it to my attention with a telephone call tomorrow I am sure," and this time there was a hint of irritation and confusion in her voice.
"Nothing's wrong. You told me you wanted to go home, so we are going home. Tomorrow is a very busy day, remember? I have a few things to do, so going home early will allow me to get them done," he said but his voice was terse.
She smiled to herself as she remembered what he had said about mussing her up on the way home, but sitting close together in the back seat of the Rolls he made no attempt to put his arm around her, or kiss her, or whisper those romantic, seductive little phrases that in the space of five day she had come to love; nothing, he just sat there like she didn't exist.
What is wrong with him, she thought, and suddenly the idea that he may have heard about what had happened between her and Gregson floated to the surface of her thoughts. But who would have told him, she thought. Edith had planned to tell him herself once they were home and snuggled down in their big bed. She loved Anthony's bed, big and warm especially when he was in it. It was where they talked about their day, their future, and enjoyed the pleasures of being married. It was her favorite place in the house.
"Darling, are you feeling alright? You don't seem to be yourself." She whispered in his ear, but when she went to kiss his neck he grabbed her wrist and replied, "Edith, I am fine, just tired. My arm has been bothering me that's all. But it was his tone of voice that suddenly scared her. She recognized that tone all too well. She had used it for years and had even used it with him. It was the tone that was dripping with ice.
As they pulled up to Locksley, Edith silently gave thanks for being home. Whatever was wrong she felt could be fixed as soon as they were alone. They had agreed on Tuesday night, that they would never go to bed angry. Whatever problems or disagreements they might have had would be resolved before they went to sleep. They both agreed that going to bed mad or going to bed in another room was not what they wanted in their marriage.
As they reached the bottom of the stairs Anthony suddenly turned and looked at her. It was as if he was seeing her as he had seen her on the night when she had come to his room, asking to be his wife. Pulling her into his arms he kissed her long and slow, relishing every second he was holding her. This is the last time I will ever hold her or kiss her, he cried to himself. But she is still my wife, and I want to remember how she felt in my arms; how she felt before I lost her.
Edith melted into him. Oh how she loved being held by him. He always smelled so good and the way he kissed her, well, all she knew was that she would never get enough of him. She had wasted four months because of stubbornness and stupidity but when she finally came to him he had been so wonderful. Everything about their life now was wonderful. In her languid state she felt as if Anthony's kiss was burning away the one Gregson had given her. She was Anthony's and would be his until the day she died. But when she reached up to run her fingers through his hair, he gently pulled away.
"You go on up to bed, I won't be long he said as he gave her that crooked smile – but she noticed that it was tinged with something she couldn't comprehend. For a brief moment she thought sadness, but quickly dismissed the idea.
/ / / / / / / /
Edith was exhausted. As she climbed into bed and sunk deep into her pillow, her last thought was of how happy she was. She didn't know how long she slept, until she woke up needing to use the washroom. As she padded back across the bathroom she noticed that the small clock on her counter said 2:00. She had been up here for three hours, but where was Anthony? Surely any business he had to complete regarding their trip to Scotland couldn't take three hours. Putting on her robe, she softly made her way downstairs to the library.
The house was quiet, and the library was dark except for the glow from the fireplace. The door was ajar and as she entered she spied him sitting in his favorite chair in front of the fire. He had opened the bottle of Woodford Reserve, the historic Kentucky Bourbon that her grandmother had sent him shortly after their marriage, and was slowly sipping it while looking into the fire. He had taken off his coat, tie, and waistcoat, and had unbuttoned his shirt and had rolled up the sleeves. His hair was mussed up as if he had been running his hands through it. His legs were crossed and there were three envelopes on the small table in front of him. He didn't notice her at first, not until she came out of the darkness and into the glow cast by the fire.
"What are you doing down here?" she asked softly, " why don't you come up to bed? We have a big day tomorrow." Her question hung in the air between them, and the silence that followed was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
Anthony raised his head and looked at her for what seemed to Edith an eternity. She couldn't see that well in the darkened room but she thought she noticed his eyes were red as if he had been crying. Saying nothing he slowly leaned forward in his chair, picked up the envelopes and held them out to her.
"These two envelopes are letters of introduction to my banker and lawyer and this third one is a letter of credit. You will need these when you go to London. "
"Why would I be going to London?" and now fear had crept into her voice. "I thought I was going to Scotland with you."
"Stop the pretense Edith, I saw you. I saw you in . . . .Gregsons arms,. . . . . . . I saw you. . . . . .I saw him kissing you," and his voice broke with more pain and anguish than Edith had ever heard.
She stood frozen on the carpet. Her mind was whirling. He saw me with Gregson? But if he saw me, why didn't he come out on the terrace and help me? How much had he actually seen? She suddenly became aware that Anthony had convinced himself that she wanted to be with Gregson and go to London with him, and ever the gentleman he was going to make it easy for her to do so. She was shocked, frightened and her old friend panic was taking hold of her. Her heart suddenly began to race and tears pricked at her eyes. Anthony wanted to let her go, get rid of her, maybe divorce her and all because of something he might have seen but didn't understand.
She wanted to go to him, kiss him, tell him he was wrong but somehow she knew that wouldn't work. In the four months they had been married she had noticed how thoroughly he thought things through; once he had decided on a course of action it was hard to get him to change his mind. Like many men, she thought, once they think they are right, they are right. No, if she wanted to save what they had, she had to take a different tact. Crying and pleading wouldn't work. . . . . .not in this situation.
She didn't take the envelopes, instead she sat down in the chair opposite him. "May I have a glass of that bourbon, "she asked keeping her voice calm.
"What. . . . . .what do you mean? I have never seen you drink hard liquor before," he said as he looked at her warily.
"I have been drinking whiskey since I was fourteen years old," she said as she got out of the chair and walked over to the tray where Anthony kept the glasses. "I used to sneak down to the library when the house was dark and pour myself a glass and then take it back to my room. At first I gaged, but I learned to sip it slowly and little by little became accustomed to the taste. Since no one ever noticed or cared what I did , it was easy. "
Walking back and sitting down again she reached for the bottle and poured herself two fingers of the deep amber liquid.
"I used to hide the glass so Anna wouldn't find it, and every night I would try again. It took about two months for me to get used to the taste. After a while I relied on it to relax me and eventually put me to sleep. I could never get used to the taste of Scotch."
You know this particular Bourbon is the one that they use at Churchill Downs in the mint juleps they serve during the Kentucky Derby. Only the best for the horsey set. " she said as she swirled the liquid in her glass. " You know I can't remember if it is Woodford Reserve or Southern Comfort that is called the grand old drink of the South. Nevertheless, it's certainly smooth, don't you think so?"
Anthony just stared at her. He was flabbergasted. Here was his beautiful wife sitting there calmly, not responding to his accusation, drinking straight whiskey and not batting an eye.
Well, here goes, she thought as she continued to look at him. I am going into the fight of my life with my courage bolstered by bourbon.
"Anthony,. . . . . . . darling, . . . . .it's true. Gregson was kissing me, but did you see me kiss him back?"
The question took Anthony by surprise. What does she mean. . . . . . . did I see her kiss him back?
"What?. . . . . . . . Are you. . . . . . denying what I saw?" he answered, his anger flaring up and Edith gripped her glass tighter because she had never heard that tone in his voice before.
Calmly she said, "No! I believe you saw Michael Gregson kissing me, but I will ask you again, did you see me kiss him back? Did you see my arms around him? Did you see me grind myself into him as I do you when you kiss me?"
What kind of a game is she playing, I saw her. . . . . . . I saw her . . . . .in his arms, his brain reminded him.
"I'm not a fool Edith, I know what I saw," and he took another sip of whiskey.
Please help me, give me strength, let him know I am telling the truth, please, she prayed silently.
"I know what you think you saw. But you didn't see me kissing Michael back because I didn't kiss him back. I didn't respond to him at all," and this time Edith took a sip of her drink.
Silence filled the air, neither continued to talk, but finally Edith, the old Edith, narrowed her eyes and softly but firmly said,
"You turned away and left when you saw what was happening, didn't you. You thought I wanted him? Sneaked out to meet him. How could you think that after what has happened between us the last few days, or do you think I am some wanton, deceitful woman who takes sexual pleasure where and as often as I can with whoever is available, even if it isn't my own husband." The whiskey was giving her courage to confront him and tears were beginning to form in her eyes.
Anthony sat there numb with his heart aching. All he could do was sit and stare at her. He didn't want to hear her explanations. He wanted to get up and leave, but he couldn't move. She was right. He had turned and walked away. Looking at her he knew in his heart that she wasn't wanton or deceitful. That wasn't who she was. She was his wife, he loved her. . . . .but. . . . . .was she right, had he misunderstood what he saw? Had he jumped to a terrible conclusion that could perhaps ruin them forever?
Taking another sip of whiskey she continued, "Anthony, I am many things, but stupid isn't one of them. Gregson grabbed me by the arm and threatened me with more scandal if I didn't meet him on the terrace. I looked around for you but couldn't find you. I saw Claudia Gervis and asked her to help me. . . . . . . . to watch from the door to see what happened. . . . .to be my witness. What she saw is what you saw, but she stayed where she was and saw what you didn't see. She saw Gregson kiss me, she saw me freeze on the spot and slowly back away from him. She heard me tell him that I loved you and only you, that I was happy with you. She saw him raise his hand as if to strike me and she saw Reggie Pantene step forward to stop him. As God is my witness, that is what happened.
If you refuse to believe me call Claudia in the morning, call Sir Edward, call Reggie, they saw everything as well. They will tell you the truth."
Anthony raised his head and looked at her. The look on his face was that of a man in torment; tears were slowly running down his cheeks. He hated himself. He should have been the one to save his wife, but no, fear and despair had forced him to turn away and not go to her aid, and a man who had helped sully her reputation had helped her instead.
"My heart belongs to you.," she continued. " Every time you kiss me, put your hands on me, love me, you are putting the Strallan brand on me. You have branded my soul. I wear your beautiful wedding ring. To me that means I am bound to you for all time, in this life and I hope the next." Edith put her hand on her abdomen and continued,"I know that there is a Strallan baby growing in me ;don't ask me how I know, I just know. Call it woman's intuition. My heart knows. Do you think for a moment I would risk that?"
Rising from her chair she went over to him and knelt down beside him. Taking his hand in hers she said,
"Anthony, you think too much, you worry too much. Locksley is my home and it is where I intend to live with you. I'm not going to London or anywhere else, without you. I am not going to raise this baby, without you, and I am not going to live my life, without you. You can throw me out, but I will come back. You can leave, but when you return I will be here," and her voice was soft, gentle, almost purring.
"Four months ago we stood in Grantham church and made a contract with each other. We spoke vows to each other. We are bound together in the sight of God and man. I am yours and you are mine," and her voice was strong and firm.
Rising to her feet, she picked up the three envelopes and tossed them into the fire.
Looking at him with love she said, "Now that we have all this nonsense settled, finish your drink darling", You can't let good whiskey like that go to waste, and please come to bed, you look absolutely done in."
All he could do was stare at her. She was the strongest woman he knew. With a few well chosen words she had dispelled all his fears. He felt like the biggest fool in Yorkshire and maybe England at this moment. She had saved them and he knew he would cherish her all the days of his life.
Reaching the door she stopped, and with her hand over her heart, she looked at him, smiled and said, "Anthony, I have seen the ugly side of life tonight. I feel that I, we have been tested and somehow have come through the fire. Putting her hand on her abdomen she looked at him and smiled.
"I choose us darling. . . . . . . I choose us!"
Anthony had her in his arms in less than a heartbeat. She loved him, wanted him, needed him. That was all he ever needed to know. He would beg her forgiveness and he knew in his heart that she would give it to him. As they walked up the stairs he stopped on the landing, turned, looked at her and said,
"The best day of my life was the day you said yes and I will never understand how I got so lucky. My life is nothing without you and I am afraid that you are going to find out through the years just what a damn fool I can be sometimes. Putting his hand on her abdomen, and in the moonlight coming in through the large window he smiled that lopsided smile that she loved and whispered the three little words that for the rest of their lives they would say to each other over and over again. . . . . . . . . . . . . I choose us.
AN: I know that all of us who write about Anthony/Edith are concerned about series 4. Here is a thought. I have re-watched all of the episodes that have these two in them and I don't think JF is done with them yet. I might be "all wet", but in Season 1 ,Anthony walks away at the end. JF could have left it at that but no, in Season 2 JF brings him back in the CS only to tell Edith that they can't take up again. What was that all about? Why bring him back at all especially since no mention was made of him during the war years? Then we have Season 3 where everything falls apart and once again Anthony is walking away. So the big question mark for me is: Why does JF keep bringing him back unless he has a master plan for our duo, which I know all of us hope he does. Just rambling. . . . . . . what do you think?