A/N: Another prompt given to me via friend. She wanted bagginshield with mpreg Bilbo. However she wanted it to be dark and filled with much sadness before I get to the rainbow at the end. So a forewarning now. This at some point will deal with rape, suicide attempts and possibly self harm. I will also mark the chapters that contain them if you wish to skip them. I hop I do this prompt justice as I have never written Mpreg before in all my life. So please bare with me. Don't forget if you have a prompt idea private message me or leave in in a comment.

This wasn't an ache, Bilbo thought. It was his body trying to rip itself apart, starting with his heart. He did it to save him, no not just him but all of them; all of his friends and the man he came to love. However, that didn't matter to "The King under the mountain". Thorin took Bilbo's love and cast it aside like he was some elven cloth. He couldn't believe that some stupid stone meant more to Thorin then his own life, or the life of his friends and family.

Thorin was kind enough to at least give him a few days to rest before he would be forced to leave Erebor. Not like the rest actually helped. Bilbo's body just writhed in pain and he could barely keep anything down thanks to his nerves, and that's when he actually tried to eat. Depression had the hobbit tightly in his grips and most often he didn't even bother to eat. He had no will to, and for a hobbit that was something tragic.

The other dwarves were sad about the loss of the stone, but understood that it might have been the thing that allowed them to live. Kili and Fili tried to reason that to their uncle but he wouldn't hear any of it. He threatened to exile them along with Bilbo if they kept it up, so Bilbo told the boys to drop it.

The anger all this brought about made the hobbit break down into tears, it felt like that was all he could do. To make Thorin rejecting their love for each other worse was the fact…

No! Bilbo shouted in his mind and slammed one of his hands into the nearby wall, pulling back to quickly, cursing in pain. He wouldn't think about it, he couldn't. If he did, he might end up taking his own life. That was something that brought a whole new pain and he couldn't bear to deal with two at once.

"Bilbo," Balin's voice sounded behind him. It was low and somber, "Your pony is ready."

Bilbo nodded and started to head out of the room. Balin grabbed the hobbit and pulled him into a big embrace.

"You are a brave and loyal friend, boy. Don't ever doubt that." The old dwarf said fighting back tears of his own.

"Thank you, old friend." Bilbo said weakly, not wanting to cry himself.

Balin followed him out to his horse, the other members of the company made sure to stop and Bilbo the tightest hug they could muster and with some that was quite painful. When he reached his pony Bilbo noticed two more with him and Gandalf standing before them. Balin stopped following the hobbit so he could have a moment along with the wizard.

"Gandalf, I told you I was going alone." Bilbo hissed in a hushed whisper.

"Bilbo, the other two horses are ponies. I am clearly not going with you, as asked. Have you told him?" Gandalf asked eyeing the small swell of Bilbo's stomach."

"Goodness no! Can you imagine what he would think of me then? No this is for the best." Bilbo muttered.

"For the best? Bilbo this secret is eating you alive." Gandalf warned.

"You say it like telling him will wash away his hate. Children only fix problems like this in fairytales." Bilbo replied, feeling the need to cry again and hide his body. He was never more ashamed of his Tookish blood in all his life.

Gandalf dropped the subject and gave Bilbo many wishes for a safe journey. Bilbo turned to look at the great hall once more to see if he was there, at least to glare him away; but no Thorin was nowhere to be seen. With a heavy sigh the hobbit mounted his pony. He started to ride off when he heard his name be called out in the most distinct way.

"Wait Mr. Boggins!" Kili cried out with his brother Fili trailing behind him.

Bilbo watched wide eyes as the two young dwarves mounted the other ponies and rode to catch up with him.

"What are you two doing?!" Bilbo asked being able to get a hold on his surprise.

"Coming with you." Fili said.

"Yeah, if uncle wants to be a stubborn arse then let him. He said if we were to defend you then we could go into exile too. So here we are." Kili added.

"But you two are the heirs of Durin! You can't just leave." Bilbo pleaded.

Outside of that he didn't want them to find out and they would rather soon, within the next month there would be no mistaking that Bilbo is child, or that hobbits carry their weight differently.

"Then he can find an equally greedy woman to give him heirs." Fili spat starting to move forward.

"Do you think we can stay with you in the Shire?" Kili asked starting to move now as well.

Bilbo smiled. He loved these two like they were his own family. Such kind and young hearts they had, "Of course, Kili."

When the sun started to set the boys set up camp while Bilbo made dinner. The hobbit made sure the boys ate before retiring, having not ate himself. When Kili and Fili tried to push the matter Bilbo merely told him his stomach was still in knots over the ordeal and he would eat tomorrow.

As the hobbit lied in his bed roll he let warm, salty tears stream down his cheeks and he drew little circles around his bellybutton. All the vile things that he knew Thorin would say to him if he knew echoed in his head. How he would call him a freak a piece of dirt no better than the elves; that he might as well be one of them.

The Tooks had fae blood in them and at some point it allowed the males to bare children. However, the details were lost long ago, and it wasn't like any of them had to worry. He knew Thorin would take the fae blood as basically being elvish and would think Bilbo defiled him when they had made love. If nothing else he would be repulsed that a man was carrying his child, even though the baby at the time was conceived in love.

Bilbo began to cry harder, but still trying to remain quiet so he didn't alarm Kili and Fili.

"I am sorry little one, but I don't want you. I don't know if I can love you." Bilbo whispered brokenly to his unborn child.