She puts down the napkin, smeared with the last traces of her lip gloss and sauce, and raises her eyes to him. Damon is looking at her suspiciously, as he keeps the closed fist against his ear, supporting his head upon the elbow. She can smell trouble.

"It was good, thank you," she says, spelling the words like she's expecting an assault any moment. With such a boyfriend, you can never tell what's awaiting you. Her controlled life is ruined, beautifully so.

"It was mind-blowing," he corrects her with the same tone. "You're welcome."

She rolls her eyes but can do nothing against the smile appearing on her face.

"I should go back to study now," she tells him, taking a sip of water.

"You're going to get dirty and wet now," he corrects her again, making her choke on her water. Bonnie covers her mouth with the back of her hand, as she puts the glass down.

"I'm doing no such thing," she clarifies offering a fake smile.

"I think I need to explain you how this relationship works." With a dramatic display of patience, he reaches down to grab one leg of her chair and pull it out, dragging her at the corner of the table and getting his own closer to hers, so that he can bend towards her and speak in her face. "I do something for you, and you do something for me," he explains grinning as he holds her chin between his fingers. "I've been good and I've let you study but now…" he says, "Now, I want you where I've been imagining you for the last twenty minutes. Bent over there," he adds in a whisper, motioning with his head towards the kitchen sink as he looks at her lips like he's going to bite them off her face with a kiss, reaching out one hand to caress her knee.

She stares at him with eyes wide open while his words reach her brain – she can't believe he's being such a misogynous bastard, ordering her around like that, demanding sex only because they are in a relationship, like she's a doll he can play with, like all he has to do to have her is press a button or snap his fingers. This image of him clashes with all he's been to her up to now, but really, they've been together for such a short time, what does she really know of the man he is when he's into a relationship longer than one night?

The disappointment is bitter on her tongue and she lets her anger bubble up just so that she won't let him see how much he wounded her with just a few stupid words.

She slaps away his hand and stands so fast she actually hits the chair with her leg, pushing it back.

"Uh, this attitude is quite the turn on," he comments, looking up at her with a sort of excited amusement.

She really wants to punch him in the face. "If you think that having a relationship entitles you to demand for me to-" she's disgusted by how fast he turned something that could be good in something dirty she can never give him that she cannot bring herself to say it, "I can't even-" she bites the inside of her mouth, outraged by his cocky expression, by the relaxed posture he has while he looks at her while sitting in front of her, by her own love which even now is absolutely undeniable, "If you think that it entitles you to demand for me to-"

"Wash the dishes," he concludes, calmly.

-wash the dishes," she repeats after him, with an angry tone, "You're greatly mistaken, because I'm not your lap dog and I won't let you-" she stops in her insulted speech and blinks.

"Yes?" Damon asks crossing his arms over his chest. "You were saying?" he asks again, "I believe you were getting to the good part. Even though, I must admit, for someone so dedicated to rightness and fairness and all that boring stuff, I would have believed you would be more willing to share the duties of this relationship. Unless…" he looks up at her making an obvious, laughable display of concentration "Unless you though I was talking about something else."

"You're an ass!" she accuses him, realizing how he led her to believe what she had actually believed he meant only so that he could have fun at her expenses.

"Most of the time," he agrees with a shrug, before standing to face her better, "but obviously you can only think of one thing when I'm around, which is a clearly indicator of what I am for you," he pouts, protesting, "You see me as a sex object, it's actually understandable considering how unbearably sexy I am, but it still makes me feel dirty. I need you to prove to me that I'm not just wasting the best centuries of my life on someone so shallow that-ouch!"

She kicks his leg, and as he bends to rub it she slaps his forehead.

"Listen," he says, with a hard tone, "If you're into kinky, you should know that I'm not letting you tie me up and dominate me… unless you ask me nicely," he clarifies with a wink.

Bonnie rolls her eyes, pointing her fists on her sides. Good God, does he ever stop?

"You're such an idiot," she says, releasing a breath. "You had me believing that I was actually in a relationship with a misogynistic bastard-"

He actually ignores her, happily so, turning his back to wonder about the room. "Do you have a newspaper?"

"What for?" she asks, taken aback by his sudden change of subject.

"What do you think? I'm trying to fully make your fantasy come true…. I'm letting you play house with me." He explains turning around with a smile.

"I don't have a newspaper, or any fantasies about playing house with you," she contradicts him, "I think that's actually yous."

"Please," he says grimacing, "Mine aren't that silly. My domestic fantasy would consist of you wearing an apron and nothing else. I'm the murderous vampire without a conscience, remember?" he reminds her, "The only remarkable quality about me is the size of my-"

"Damon!" she protests in a high pitch.

"Heart. What did you think I was going to say?"

"Exactly that," she says, looking away, walking to the kitchen sink, trying to find a way out of this absurd conversation, "It took me four years to find it, so it must be really tiny."

Bonnie doesn't know when he got closer, she barely felt a shiver and then his arms are around her, and he's putting his chin on her shoulders. He doesn't let his hands wander about her, doesn't kiss her neck, nor says anything at all. He just stays there, his warmth around her, enveloping her as the water runs in the sink.

They stay like that for long moments, until he breaks the silence.

"For you I'm gonna do the drying," he offers, without moving an inch.

"Very chivalrous of you," she says, smiling down.

"Later," he adds, tightening his hold on her.

#

"Constantine!" Matt calls him from Tyler's car, the engine is already started. He motions for him to hop in the car and he sits in the back seat, putting his backpack next to him.

"So? How are you feeling?" the blonde boy asks, looking at him through the rear-view mirror.

Constantine reaches with one hand to his left shoulders feeling the muscles slightly tense, "My muscles are a bit sore, I suppose it's normal."

"Yeah, it is, you're going to get used to that, don't worry," he reassures him, "And I'm going to help you so you won't spend the whole year on the bench."

"Thanks, I appreciate that," he answers with a nod.

"Anyway, hot water usually helps. Heat makes the blood flow to the muscles and that provides relief. Next time, take your time under the shower, we have no problem waiting for you."

"I disagree," Tyler says, taking his eyes off the road for a moment.

"He doesn't," Matt tells Constantine, looking back at him.

"I thought it would be polite to leave some hot water to the girl," he says with a flat tone, looking out the window, to the cars driving next to theirs.

"What?"

"What girl?"

He looks ahead at the two boys. Matt is actually turned to him.

"The naked girl in the men's locker room."

There's a moment of silence, Matt scratches the angle of his jaw while Tyler stares at him through the rear-view mirror, opening and closing his mouth like he can't breathe properly.

"I would have actually waited for that!" Tyler protests, disconcerted.

"For her to take a shower?" Constantine asks, confused, "Did she need a ride too?"

"She wanted a ride for sure!" he says in a high pitch, grimacing. Constantine turns his eyes on Matt, hoping to have a clarification about his error. He clearly made one, and a serious one too, but he's still learning, he hopes to have another chance at it.

"Sex," Matt says, "She was not there for the shower, she probably wanted to have sex with you." He says, talking slowly, letting him time to connect the dots. He's not so sure.

"So, showers are for sex?"

"Occasionally."

That's not a good answer, for he needs certainties.

"Nakedness is for sex?"

"Always… If you don't consider medical reasons," Matt adds.

"I have a very basic knowledge of the human ways, so I'm not sure how fast I can adjust to life. You didn't even see her and know what she wanted, when actually I didn't. I think humans must really be smart to entertain a relationship."

"Oh, fuck," Tyler mutters, shaking his head. They'll never get anywhere with him.

Matt smiles, embarrassed by his naiveté, "Actually relationships can really turn you into an idiot."

"Then, I am at advantage," Constantine says, surprising himself, too.

"You're being ironic, see?" Matt tells him, "I think you're grasping the human ways fine. You just need to stop thinking of yourself as a non-human."

"I've never been one," he reminds him.

"You are now. You'll get people." He reassures him.

"Girls too?"

"Never," Matt answers adamant.

"But you'll build your life on the presumption that you can," Tyler explains, "It's mostly what we all do."

"Then, how am I going to understand what they need from me?" he asks, still unclear about the things he can actually do to improve his comprehension of such a peculiar species.

"Just, listen to them-" Matt says.

"Or pretend to. It's easy, nod your way into the conversation and try to look interested."

"You're not helping," Matt reproaches him.

"I totally am," Tyler protests, but his friend ignores his answers and goes back to explaining girls to Constantine.

"See, sometimes it's non-verbal communication with them, so you need to pay attention, and be really good at giving apologies," the boy tells him, tactfully, so as to not scare him.

"So, how do I really know what to do?"

"Oh, for God's sake, watch a porno!" It's Tyler's answer to his great interrogative. Matt thinks he should teach humanity to Tyler, before passing on to Constantine.

#

When he enters the kitchen Bonnie emerges from her bedroom and reaches the top of the stairs to call to him.

"Constantine, are you back?"

"Yes," he answers looking up in her direction.

"I saved some spaghetti for you," she explains taking a few steps down the stairs and stopping in the middle. "I left the plate on the table."

"I would have thrown them away but she insisted you need to be fed. Try to not make me regret my generosity," he hears Damon's voice from upstairs, but tries to ignore it. It's mostly what everyone tells him every time Damon tells something to him, so he assumes this is no different from usual.

"Do you need a shower?" Bonnie asks making him look at her wide-eyed.

She blinks and asks, "What?"

"I… don't know what you've just asked," he says, tense. Is his protégé asking for sex? Is he supposed to provide that kind of service too?

"I only asked if you need to take a shower," she repeats with an easy smile.

He looks around avoiding her gaze. "I already took one at school."

"Oh, okay, perfect," she says, her expression unchanged. So she was not asking for sex at all, he concludes, feeling very incompetent. "Go and eat. I'm sure you'll like it. Damon is bad at a lot of things but he's quite decent when it comes to cooking," she explains.

"I heard that!" they hear him yell from upstairs.

"You were supposed to!" Bonnie yells back at him, with a bright smile on her face. He saw the others doing the yelling a few times, but never in such a lovely way. He's inclined to believe everything about Bonnie is lovely.

#

"Aren't you too kind to Angel Boy?" he asks as she's concentrating on her book. She can feel his eyes on her back and she's tempted to throw everything away and lay on the bed next to him, but if she does she will actually be in his power and won't accomplish a single thing. She just needs to resist 'til the weekend and then they'll have all the time they need.

"I'm not," she replies, short. He managed to shut up for twenty minutes, she's surprised but she will not give in to him now.

"I think you are, so to make it up to me you should actually come here and kiss your way back into my good graces."

"Like it's so hard," she says, biting her lower lip to not break into laughter. "You're an easy man. If I flash you cleavage you'll be on your knees," she jokes.

"Oh, tell me that's a challenge," he says with a rather hot tone.

Bonnie can't help the laughter from breaking out freely. Her cheeks warm up and she wants to kiss him so badly that she needs to remind herself not to stand up from that chair, or she will never go back to studying.

"What do you say, you give me an hour to finish this and then we'll see how easy you are?" she asks, turning in the chair to look back at her very sexy, very dangerous vampire of a boyfriend, laying on her bed, right next an old teddy-bear she had since she was twelve.

"And what do I do in the meantime?"

"I don't know. Take a walk, read a book. Anything."

He sighs and stands up from the bed, rather unwilling at thought of leaving her, but knowing that the more he bothers her, the more time she'll have to spend ignoring him to give attention to that boring book.

"You'll regret it," he threatens playfully. "You'll miss me so bad you'll call me and beg me to come back."

"I thought you liked having me beg," she says, looking up with a not-so-innocent look on her face, just to switch back immediately to her diligent self.

"Tease," he calls her, wrapping a strand of hair around his finger. The feel is so silky he's distracted for a second, "At least you could walk me to the door," he says, "So you can properly kiss me goodbye."

The harmless tone he uses doesn't trick her for a second but she stands up to take his hand and lead him to the door downstairs, walking backwards while pulling him along, and looking at him in the eyes.

"Come on, you only need to resist one single hour," she reminds him, head inclined to the side, voice sweet and smiling eyes, "Then you'll have all my undivided attention."

He stops her using his hands around her waist, "It would be a pity if you broke your pretty neck," he says, making her realize she is at the top of the stairs now.

"I agree," she just said, cursing at herself for her foolishness. It seems like he's got all her undivided attention already, so much so she was about to kill herself just so that she didn't need to stop staring at his stupid, handsome face.

When they walk past the kitchen they both hear a strange sound. Well, it's mostly some kind of silly music and heavy screaming. Constantine is quietly sitting at the table, looking over at the computer screen while, very slowly, eating the spaghetti they left for him. His face is contorted with puzzlement as he tilt his head to the side in the attempt to better get the mechanics of what he's watching.

Damon knows what he is actually watching before Bonnie and his first reaction is a chuckle.

"W-What are you watching?" she asks, still hoping in a different answer from the one she gets.

The answer, actually, is quite useless, for the feminine voice moaning and screaming Oh shit, oh God, oh yes, give it to me hard and her partner echoing with Your pussy is so wet for me, baby, gives more than a clue.

"Porno," Constantine says with a bewildering candor.

"You're fucking kidding me," Damon says, shaking his head, but the boy looks at him confused,

"They serve an educational purpose, I believe. Tyler suggested me to watch porno movies to improve my understanding of the female gender."

"I thought I was the worst that could happen to someone like you. It turns out that's Lockwood. I must be slipping, but, after all, they do say that nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity," he says, crossing his arms over his chest.

Constantine looks at him for a moment, then nods.

In that moment of silence there's a crescendo in the screaming. In the whole kitchen the grunts and the screaming are painfully resonating – yes, ride me like an animal, yes! – and Bonnie covers her face with both hands, "Oh, for God's sake, turn it off, now!"

The boy obeys immediately, and stands up to take the power plug of the laptop from the wall socket. Damon's hand land on Bonnie's eyes so fast she's confused and taken aback. The first reaction is to pull away from him before hearing him say, in a angry tone, "Stay put and no full salute in front of my girlfriend!"

"Oh God," she only mumbles, actually holding his hand to her face so she doesn't have to see.

"I am not in the military," he says, "My background says that my father is-"

"You have an erection, which you should have, not around my girlfriend, and not in front of me, so, before I start to start to pluck feathers from your ass you'll go upstairs, lock yourself in the bathroom and take a very cold shower. You are not allowed to come out of that freaking room until that thing...has gone back to its previous state. Are we clear?"

A few moments later he takes away the hand from her face so fast that she feels almost dizzy. His face is clearly irritated but he manages to put up a tense smile, "Can I at least be there when you tell this story to Vampire Barbie?"

#

Note: Just so you know that I didn't give up on this fanfiction yet. Sadly, all the notes and scenes I had put aside were lost when my pc has gone K.O., so things got complicated. Furthermore, at the moment I'm quite uninspired in general, so I would really appreciate your patience and support.