Jealousy

"Harley," came a whisper from the cell door. Harley Quinn sat up to see Dr. Johnny Bryan, her psychiatrist, friend, and former colleague standing by the door. He beckoned her over, holding a finger to his lips.

"I didn't want to wake Miss Ivy," he whispered, nodding to the cell next door. "I was wondering if I could ask your opinion on a psychiatric issue I've been having with a patient. You know I've always thought you were the best psychiatrist I've ever worked with."

"Aw, gee, Johnny, that's real flattering," murmured Harley, smiling. "But I think I'm gonna get a sore throat if we have to whisper about it."

He smiled and pulled out a ring of keys. "Don't tell anyone," he murmured. "It'll just be for five minutes. If anyone asks, we're in session."

Harley nodded as he unlocked the door, and she followed him back to his office. He was a nice guy, Johnny, a genuinely nice guy, who genuinely respected her intellect, which was rare. Most people thought she was crazy and stupid. But she wasn't stupid. Just crazy.

They entered his office and shut the door. "Now I know your specialty is these supercriminals, and if I thought I could cure the Joker, I'd ask you for advice on how to help him," said Dr. Bryan, smiling. "But I've come to conclusion that I can't, and you probably wouldn't want that anyway."

"Nah uh," agreed Harley, beaming. "I love my puddin' just the way he is."

"Well, fortunately I've been assigned some normal cases as well," replied Dr. Bryan, going over to his desk. "At least, normal by comparison. This one here, Hyde, have a look over the case file and tell me what you think."

Harley took the file from him. "I don't think I need to remind you this is all strictly confidential…"

"Johnny, if I didn't squeal on you letting me outta my cell, I'm hardly gonna start blabbing about the other inmates," retorted Harley.

"Point taken," he said, smiling.

"What's the issue?" she asked, looking up after she had finished reading. "Seems to me a fairly regular case of childhood abandonment leading to lack of trust. Pretty textbook standard."

"Yeah, but look here," said Dr. Bryan, pointing. "He has got trust issues, but at the same time massive dependency ones. He doesn't want to trust people, yet he depends on others for literally everything. So he wants people, yet refuses to want people. I can't figure it out."

Harley thought. "Could be some kinda split personality?" she suggested. "Half of him wants love and affection, and the other half hates it because it's suspicious of it? Maybe start treating him for some kinda schizophrenia so he can reconcile the two halves of his mind?"

"Split personality," murmured Dr. Bryan. "Why didn't I see it before?" He sighed in relief. "Thank you, Harley, you've saved my sanity! I was about to go crazy – I knew there was something obvious I was just missing!"

"Guess it took a crazy person to see it," replied Harley, grinning.

Dr. Bryan laughed. "In the spirit of not telling people things, how about a drink as a reward?" he asked, reaching into his desk drawer and pulling out a bottle of whiskey. "Obviously this kinda stuff shouldn't be allowed in a hospital for the mentally ill…"

"But then what's the point of life if you're not gonna have a little fun once a while?" finished Harley, grinning.

He poured her a glass and raised his. "To you, Dr. Quinzel," he said, smiling. "The best psychiatrist I've ever worked with."

"You're a sweet guy, Johnny," she murmured.

They drank. "It's a real shame, you know," said Dr. Bryan. "You being locked up in here. You have such a talent for psychiatry, Harley – you could do a lotta people a lotta good if you ever rehabilitated yourself."

"Yeah…I guess," said Harley, shrugging. "But y'know, you can't live your life doing what other people want you to do, Johnny. And I couldn't be happy again, really happy again, as a normal person, without Mr. J…y'know."

"Yeah, I know," he agreed. "And of course I'm glad to see you happy, Harley, whatever the circumstances. It's just a shame you can't be both."

Harley shrugged again. "You can't have everything in this life, Johnny. You gotta be happy with what you got. And I am happy with Mr. J."

"That's good," agreed Dr. Bryan. "He seems to…love you. In his own way, I suppose."

"Yeah, he's a special guy," agreed Harley. "I'm a real lucky gal to have him, Johnny. I mean, you can't imagine what it feels like to know that the Joker, the Joker, the one and only, the Clown Prince of Crime, wants you as his girlfriend. You. Plain little old you, just the way you are. You never thought of yourself as that special before and suddenly he comes along and sees you as just the most perfect gal in the world, his one and only dame, his soulmate. I mean, God, I'd have to be crazy not to be happy about that."

"Well, when you put it like that, I'd have to agree with you," said Dr. Bryan, nodding.

They drank again. "Got anymore cases you need me to solve, Johnny?" asked Harley, grinning. "I'm clearly on fire tonight."

Dr. Bryan laughed. "Well, if you insist, I'll see what I can find," he said, heading over to the file cabinet. "A lot of these are before my time," he said, leafing through the dividers. "Hey, here's an interesting one – Bruce Wayne. I didn't know he came for a consultation here."

"Neither did I," said Harley, coming over to look at the file curiously.

"Abandonment issues, feelings of helplessness and powerlessness after parents' murder, understandable," murmured Dr. Bryan, scanning the file.

"Gee, there's a lot more to the playboy billionaire than meets the eye," said Harley, surprised.

"Unresolved anger issues towards crime and the criminal element," continued Dr. Bryan. "Again, pretty understandable. Wonder how he ended up dealing with those."

"I dunno," said Harley. Then she laughed. "Hey, maybe he decided to become a caped vigilante! Maybe he's Batman!"

Dr. Bryan laughed too, and accidentally let some of the papers from the file slip to the floor.

"I'll get them," said Harley, bending down at the same moment Dr. Bryan did. They reached the papers at the same time and looked up, smiling at each other. And then, out of nowhere, Dr. Bryan kissed her.

It was a sweet kiss, a tender kiss, a kiss that didn't expect or want anything more than itself, and before Harley fully realized what she was doing, she found herself returning it. It wasn't a choice she had made – it was instinctive. She hadn't fully realized what was really going on, until Dr. Bryan suddenly drew away, stammering, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Harley! I didn't mean for that to happen…I…oh God, I'm so sorry!"

Harley stared back at him in astonishment, still not fully processing what had just happened. She had kissed another guy. A guy who wasn't Mr. J. It felt like she had cheated on him, and she suddenly felt a tide of guilt and horror and self-loathing wash through her. She had never wanted another guy but Mr. J. She had never even thought about another guy but Mr. J, and now she had kissed one. It was terrible. She should be ashamed of herself. And she was, terribly ashamed of herself.

But he clearly hadn't wanted it to happen either. The panic and regret in his eyes was obvious. But they couldn't pretend it hadn't happened now that it had. Although she wished to God that it hadn't.

"Harley, please forgive me," he stammered. "I shouldn't have…I didn't mean…"

"It's ok, Johnny, it's not your fault," she murmured. "It's not either of our faults, it just…happened. So stop apologizing – you don't have anything to feel guilty about."

Unlike her. Dr. Bryan was single – he could kiss whoever he liked. She was not. She should never have returned that kiss. She felt guilt and pain and regret eating away at her heart, and she knew they wouldn't give her any peace. But it had happened. She had to accept that and move on. She could get through this. Nobody had to know.

"Nobody has to know," she murmured.

"No," agreed Dr. Bryan. "No. Oh God…and after that beautiful speech about how much you love him…Jesus, Harley, I'm so sorry."

Yes, after her beautiful speech. All her talk, which counted for nothing. Nothing, when another guy was kissing her. How could she be so weak? She was disgusted with herself.

"Look, Johnny, I'd better go," she murmured. "Need to be alone…"

"Of course, I understand," he said, leading her to the door. "Harley, if there's any way I can make it up to you…I'm just so sorry."

"It's fine, Johnny," replied Harley. "It's fine. Forget about it. I already have," she said, forcing a grin.

But that was a lie. That was a huge lie – she had never been more preoccupied with anything in her life. Why had she returned that kiss? Why? Was she in some way dissatisfied with her relationship? Did she somewhere, deep down, want another guy? That was the most terrifying thought imaginable – that after all her protestations of deep and eternal love, she had been lying to herself, and to the world. That in her heart, she was weak and shallow and would settle for any guy who showed her a little affection. That couldn't be true. It just couldn't. If she knew anything, she knew herself, and she knew she loved Mr. J. And she didn't want anyone else but Mr. J. Not ever.

"Harley?" startled her from her thoughts. She had arrived at her cell to see Mr. J sitting on her bed. He smiled at her. "Where ya been, kid? I've been waiting for you."

"I ain't been nowhere – nothing happened, I dunno what you're talking about!" snapped Harley, immediately defensive and panicked.

He stared at her. "Well, you must have been somewhere, baby, because you weren't in your cell. What do you mean nothing happened?"

"I mean nothing happened!" she repeated. "If I say nothing happened, then nothing happened, ok?! Why don't you trust me, huh, Mr. J?!"

"Pooh bear…"

"Look, I ain't in the mood tonight and I'm really tired, so would you mind leaving so I can go to bed?" interrupted Harley.

He gaped at her, completely dumbfounded. "What do you mean you ain't in the mood?" he murmured. "You're always in the mood."

"Well, I ain't tonight!" she repeated. "Jesus, Mr. J, just believe what I say, would ya?! I don't keep questioning you, do I?! Wanna know why?! Cause I trust you, and I think you can do me the same courtesy and trust me in return!"

"Pumpkin pie, what's wrong?" he asked, gently. "There's something bothering you, isn't there? Why don't you tell Daddy all about it?"

"You deaf?" she snapped. "I said beat it! Tired, get it?! Just get lost, would ya?"

He continued to stare at her. Ordinarily he would have beat her to a pulp for talking to him like that, but the whole situation was so unprecedented, so unlike Harley, that it completely threw him. He found himself standing up and heading for the door. She suddenly seized him in her arms and kissed him passionately. "I love you, puddin'!" she sobbed, bursting into tears. "I love you so much!"

"Harley, baby, what is it?" he whispered, stroking her hair. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "I can't tell you, puddin'," she breathed. "I can't…I…just…just stay with me tonight," she murmured, gazing up at him. "Just hold me. I need you to hold me tonight."

"Of course, baby, whatever you want," he whispered, taking her in his arms and carrying her over to the bed. He curled up next to her, holding her gently, and she sighed in relief, shutting her eyes. Here, in his arms, she could block out reality, at least until tomorrow.

"Goodnight, Mr. J," she breathed, cuddling against him. "I love you so much."

"Night, Harley girl," he murmured, gazing down at her and stroking her hair. He wasn't an idiot. Harley saying nothing had happened out of nowhere meant something had happened. But he didn't feel anything at the moment because he didn't have all the facts. The idea that Harley could cheat on him was inconceivable, so that couldn't have been what she meant about something happening. It was probably something stupid, something you shouldn't even get worked up about, but that was so like Harley – making mountains out of mole hills. The silly little baby. The brat had probably broken a nail or something. Sure, that was probably it, something stupid like that. Nothing to get worked up over, and nothing to worry about. The kid was completely devoted to him, crazy for him, literally. She would never give that up.

Still, something had happened. He didn't know what exactly, but he was going to find out what, and where, and why, and how, and who. And he was going to make them pay.