A/N: So, this is my new story :) It's my version of my all time favorite book, Evil by Jan Guillou, and has Kendall as the main character. I highly recommend reading the book, it's a very harsh and strong story, based on the author's own childhood. The movie is also very good, but as always nothing compared to the book ;)

Logan, Carlos and James won't be introduced until a few chapters in, and a fair warning: James is gonna play the part of the biggest asshole in the entire book! So there...

It's obviously AU and will contain plenty of Kendall whump. To some degree also Logan, Carlos and James whump, but nothing in comparison to what Kendall will get...

It is me writing, so of course I have to warn about language as well ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, and the cover photo isn't mine (no copyright infringement intended). I own my alterations to the story, but the original plot line belongs to Jan Guillou.

Hope you'll enjoy :D

Chapter 1:

As he knocked over his glass, water flooded the table and drenched both the napkins and the table cloth, and Kendall swallowed his spit, his pulse racing.

The slap caught him right across the cheek and his head snapped to the side. He placed a hand to the stinging spot and rubbed it a few times, his face a mask void of emotion. The smack had been well-announced, and Kendall could easily have moved his head to the side and made the hit miss him completely. But letting his stepfather have this small victory at the dinner table, would usually make him go much easier on Kendall later in the evening! It took discipline to keep the head steady and not pull back when he spotted the coming smack, but years of practice had made Kendall an expert in this area. When wearing the wrong kind of clothes, forgetting to take off his beanie indoors, knocking over the water or any other ridiculous reason his stepfather invented, would add to his punishment, it was necessary to learn the little things that could keep Stephen in a slightly better mood, thus not worsening the impending punishment. So Kendall mentally congratulated himself for letting his stepfather get in the slap!

"A good smack always leaves a solid mark!" the balding man said smugly, putting on his professor attitude and eying the red hand print that was forming on Kendall's cheek.

Kendall chewed frantically on his mouthful of meat, focusing on the taste of the beef, so he wouldn't throw an insolent remark back in Stephen's face by mistake.

Jennifer was looking at her food, all of her appetite suddenly gone. Her heart throbbed painfully with guilt and sorrow, and her hand shook slightly as she mechanically lifted the fork to her mouth. She had stopped arguing about the way to raise the kids long ago. As Stephen put it: "I'm paying for their education, their clothes and their food, so I'll raise them as I see fit. A firm hand never hurt me, growing up!"

Kendall sent his mother a quick glance and cleared his throat.

"May I please be excused?"

"No!" Stephen growled, before Jennifer could utter a single word "you will stay here til everyone has finished their meals, young man! Your table etiquette is lacking... along with your general manners!"

Stephen's son Charles snickered at the comment and threw Kendall a filthy glance, before he continued eating.

Kendall slumped back in his chair, arms crossed and the jaw clenched tightly.

"Yes, sir..." he spat, the word sir loaded with as much sarcasm as possible.

On her chair next to Kendall, Katie squirmed uncomfortably. She knew that Kendall's attitude would get him in trouble later, and seeing her family falling apart like this was breaking her heart. She had been eight and Kendall thirteen, when their mom had met Stephen Waldorf, a rich, stuck up business man, and Katie could still remember how life had been before.

Games, love and laughter had filled their days back then, and though the budget was small, they always got by!

It had been three years since then! Three years of fear, abuse and suppressed feelings! And it would probably be seven more before Katie got an opportunity to get away! She sighed and took another bite of her meal.

"Katie, will you sit up straight! Your brother's bad attitude should not rub off on you! Young ladies do not slouch in their chairs, and they certainly don't place their elbows on the table either!"

Katie rolled her eyes at her stepfather.

"Well, the other day you told me I wasn't much of a lady, so I guess my elbow can stay..." she mumbled, quite sure only Kendall could hear her.

"What was that?" Stephen growled, making both Kendall and Katie flinch, "do I need to pull you over my knee, right here at the dinner table?!"

Katie turned beet red, eying her food and Kendall was just about to retort with a snide remark, when Jennifer's head whipped up.

"Absolutely not!" she declared, her eyes full of anger as she looked at her husband, "Katie, just sit up straight!"

On the rare occasions Stephen threatened to hurt Katie, Jennifer's will to fight flared slightly in her chest. It was one thing to punish a strong teenaged boy, but Katie was still her baby girl!

x-x

To Jennifer Knight, Stephen Waldorf had been a way out. He provided her with the things she would never have been able to give her kids on her small salary. A proper education and a brighter future! And that was what Jennifer wanted for her kids more than anything in this world. They were both smart, and if given the chance would make it far.

The compromises she made to give her children that, were acceptable to her. At least at first they had been! She could live with being the beautiful trophy wife that was expected to look pretty and stay silent. She could live with having to make love to this ice cold man, his grunts making her hairs stand on end. She could even live with having a bratty, spoiled stepson who refused to make an effort in getting to know her or her children.

But when Stephen had beaten Kendall for the first time, Jennifer had packed up their things and gotten ready to leave, satisfied with never looking back. Still Stephen had managed to make her stay in the end. "Where will you go?" he had threatened while he caressed her cheek, making her shudder slightly. "You have no home, no job! You're nothing without me! Your kids will be nothing without my money!"

He had started rubbing her tense shoulders with his soft, well-groomed hands, that had never known hard, physical work.

"Boys need discipline, Jennifer! Have you even talked to Kendall about what he did?"

Jennifer had whispered "no", her heart throbbing uncomfortably.

"He stole some of Charles' belongings... Don't you think discipline now is better than jail in a few years?"

Jennifer hadn't known what to say. Kendall was no thief. He had never done anything like that.

"Are you sure it was him?" she had asked then.

Stephen had sighed deeply, squeezing Jennifer's shoulders.

"I found Charles' things in Kendall's locked drawer!"

Jennifer had felt the air leave her lungs, disbelief slowly filling her. Only Kendall had a key to that drawer!

x-x

Slowly the beatings had increased until they were an almost daily event, and Kendall's attitude in school worsened correspondingly. What Jennifer would call pranks, Stephen refered to as vandalism! What Jennifer would call abuse, Stephen refered to as discipline!

As the "discipline" at home became more and more violent, so did Kendall's behavior at school. Now, almost at the age of 17 Kendall had grown rather tall and muscular, and not even Jennifer could pass off his misdeeds at school as pranks! She had tried talking to him, but met a wall of anger, and deep within the emerald orbs she could see a great sadness and disappointment hiding. Clearly the disappointment was aimed at her, and that broke her heart. She hoped that he one day would understand!

Though Jennifer felt that Stephen was wrong in so many aspects of life, she knew that in one, he was right. The threat from so long ago often echoed in her head. "Your kids will be nothing without my money!" As Kendall's behavior had become worse, constantly getting him in trouble with the teachers and his principal, she knew that Stephen's money would be crucial to getting Kendall into a good college after high school.

And so she stayed with the man, who slowly took away her confidence, her spirit and her laughter.

x-x

Kendall shot up from the table as soon as everyone had finished eating, and the front door slammed shut before anyone could even react.

He threw his skateboard on the pavement and set the course for Dustin's house. He was fuming with anger and increased the volume in his headphones, so the music was all he could hear. A blur of emotions whirled through him, and Kendall felt the ever present knot in his stomach tighten. How could his mother allow Stephen to do this to him? Why couldn't they just leave? Why didn't he, himself, do anything to stop his asshole of a stepfather?

x-x

Kendall closed the door behind him quietly. It was almost midnight and he knew he was thoroughly screwed! He hadn't meant to stay out this late, but what was done, was done! At least he hoped that his mom and Katie were asleep, so they didn't have to hear anything.

He made it all the way to his room before anything happened. As he pushed open his door, a mocking voice sounded from behind him.

"Ooh, someone's in for it now!"

Kendall whirled around and glared at Charles, who was leaning on his door frame. His stepbrother was a first class dick!

"Why don't you go fuck yourself Charles! No girl will ever do it anyway!"

Charles narrowed his eyes, his cheeks blushing. Before he could say anything though, Stephen emerged from his study further down the hall.

"Kendall, Kendall, Kendall..." he sighed, a dangerous edge to his voice, "whoever taught you such foul language? And how many times must I tell you not to swear in my house? I think we need to have another talk!"

Kendall swallowed a lump and backed up against the wall as Stephen took another step towards him.

"What a surprise" Charles mocked "the white trash doesn't even know how to speak properly!"

A mere look from his father made Charles eye his feet and retreat to his room, and Kendall thought that if it had been him, he would have received a hell of a lot more than just a glare for that comment!

Stephen grabbed a hold of Kendall's shirt collar and started dragging him down the hall to the study. Kendall felt his pulse race and his mouth went dry.

"He was provoking me!" he tried to explain "and it just slipped out, I didn't even think ab..."

Stephen gave Kendall a rough tug.

"That's exactly your problem – you never think before you act, boy!"

Kendall's blood was almost boiling. Never in his life had he met a man who managed to awaken his anger like Stephen did! His stepfather continued yelling at Kendall as he threw him over the desk in his study.

"And where did you disappear to after dinner, huh? It's almost midnight for crying out loud! Your mother has been worried sick, young man! Hopefully this lesson will teach you how to behave!"

Kendall heard his stepfather fidgeting with the belt buckle, and he inhaled all the way in, curling up his fists. If he managed to hold his breath during most of the beating, he could avoid the tears.

As the belt struck Kendall, he thought that all this would teach him, was that Stephen couldn't be a bigger asshole than Kendall already knew him to be!

A fierce whack made Kendall gasp and brought tears to his eyes, much to Kendall's dismay.

"Ow!" he couldn't help but groan, and felt sick from the wave of nausea that followed the smack.

"No whining! You brought this on yourself!"

Kendall hissed from the force of the next smack, but stayed silent, not wanting to "whine" and anger his stepfather even further.

x-x

A few minutes later Kendall could hear Stephen put his belt back on, and he slowly got up from his bent over position, his backside burning and covered with red-blue stripes. This part of the punishment was always what he dreaded the most!

His stepfather extended a big hand and raised an eyebrow, and Kendall reluctantly took Stephen's hand.

"Thank you, sir" he said, his emerald eyes locked on his stepfather's grey ones.

If he didn't follow protocol and thanked the asshole for beating him, Stephen would instantly repeat the entire punishment! The words felt like poison in Kendall's mouth, and uttering them stripped him completely of all dignity! As Stephen let go of his hand, Kendall felt his entire body buzz from humiliation and anger! Hate was the only word he needed to describe his relationship with his stepfather!

x-x

Kendall gently lowered himself down on his bed and hissed a few times as the movement sent waves of pain through him. The beating hadn't been too bad though. He had known much worse! Sure, the belt hurt a lot, but when Stephen became truly agitated he would usually spend all of his force on Kendall and use a long, plastic stick, that would normally be used to close blinds with. Stephen had once thoroughly explained to Kendall that he found the stick to be just the perfect length and width to obtain maximum swish, and as Kendall so painfully had learned through the years, the two different tools left him with two different kinds of pain afterwards.

The dreaded, swishing stick would render him completely exhausted always with tears glazing over his eyes, a burning sting pulsating violently through him for hours, and he would have trouble sitting on the wooden chairs at school for days after that sort of punishment. The more powerful belt would hit a bigger area on impact, thus also spreading out the pain. This caused quite a bit of agony during the punishment, but rubbed off much faster than the pain from the stupid stick!

x-x

Kendall looked up as he heard his door open, afraid that Charles had come to gloat. Instead it was Katie, and Kendall felt the anger in his stomach being replaced by sadness and vulnerability, as his baby sister tip-toed closer to him. Having Katie with him at these moments was a double-edged sword! She made him feel loved, and though she was so much smaller than him also made him feel safe. But at the same time Kendall couldn't help but feel somewhat weak. He was the big brother, he was supposed to take care of her, not the other way around!

Katie crawled onto Kendall's bed and snuggled into her big brother's embrace. Kendall rested his chin on Katie's hair and felt the tears beginning to roll.

"I hate him!" Katie growled quietly and squeezed Kendall's hand.

"Me too..." he sniffled and clenched his jaw as to not sob openly.

"Was it bad?" Katie asked in a tiny voice full of compassion.

Kendall shook his head a bit.

"Could have been worse, considering..."

Katie nodded to herself, biting at her bottom lip. Stephen very rarely hit her, and when he did, never with the belt or the stick. Regardless, she could hear that Kendall was actually in quite a bit of pain, and probably just toughened up a bit to not scare her. Katie slipped off the bed and returned a few moments later, a wet, wrung towel in her hands. She went to the bed and noticed that Kendall had fallen asleep.

With great care she lifted up his shirt and winced as she spotted the welts on her brother's lower back. Ever so gently Katie placed the cooling piece of fabric on his skin. As the soothing towel touched Kendall, his entire body visibly relaxed and a small sniffle escaped him in his sleep.

Katie sighed and climbed the bed again, snuggling into place.

A few minutes later all that could be heard were the even breaths of the brother and sister, both locked in lives they never wanted, a dreadful, black spiral of abuse consuming them.

So, this was the first chapter :)

I would really, really love a review with your thoughts ^.^

- Rikke