Guilt.

Overcome with guilt after the newborn battle in Eclipse, Bella flees. Will she ever see the sunshine again?

Disclaimer: I only own my ideas. All characters belong to Ms Stephanie Meyer.

Chapter One.

All I felt was guilt. It saturated my entire being as I pulled the door softly behind me, "I know, until my heart stops beating".

"Maybe even then".

Where did I go from here? What could I do to repair the infinite damage which I had inflicted on everyone, none of whom deserved this fate. The sobs overwhelmed me as I fought to make my way through the little red house, and away from the beautiful soul, the sunshine, and the broken boy whose only fault was to openly love me with his whole being.

Guilt. It was my fault Jacob lay on the too small bed, broken, not only physically, but now emotionally, and all by my hand.

I stumbled my way to the front door of the little red house, the house incidentally which had felt like a second home to me, where I had been treated no less than a daughter to Billy, who to me was like a second father. On seeing the kitchen, I knew I would never drink a warm soda at the too small worn wooden table again, nor would I ever be welcome to cook a feast for the hungry wolf I called my best friend. As I heard Jacob sob with heart wrenching cries, my sadness was only second place to my guilt.

The knot in my stomach traversed into my throat as I took in the scene which met me through misty tear drowned eyes. The pack, always so magnificent in stature, proud in their nature, looked as broken as the injured boy indoors. Sam, always so stoic, was bent over Billy's wheelchair, his too tight grip leaving finger shaped indentations on the chair. Billy, once so majestic, had silent tears running down his weathered cheeks. Embry and Quil, the jokers, almost held each other upright, and in their quest to avoid me, their collective glaze was rooted to the ground.

"Good fucking riddance leech lover, now fuck the hell off and don't ever step foot on this land again!" . From Paul, I would have expected nothing less, and I was extremely fortunate that none of the others added to his outburst.

As I scrambled my way to my beloved truck, lovingly restored and maintained by Jacob's own hands, I found Billy's eyes, "I'm s s so so sorry Billy". It was far too little, far too late, but at this moment it was all I could push from my frozen throat.

Fumbling in my pockets for my keys, of course my clumsiness had to make an appearance as I dropped them. Before they could land in the mud filled puddle at my feet, a large russet hand shot out and caught them.

"Bella, are you sure you are okay to get home, do you want me to drive you?". Of course, this from Seth, the kind, gentle and pure hearted member of the pack.

"No Seth, thanks for the offer, but please stay and look after Jake, he is going to need you", I implored of him whilst desperately pleading with my eyes.

"I will Bella, take care". And with that final statement, and I expected, my very last contact with any of the pack, I climbed into my truck, giving Seth a watery smile.

I would not let myself break down fully until I was over the treaty line. Then, and only then could I stop undetected and wallow in the tears which I was barely keeping at bay. As I pulled over onto the hard shoulder, my truck rumbling comfortingly, I let myself reflect. I was guilty. Guilty of bringing terror and injury to the pack. Guilty of the heartache which Jacob was feeling. Guilty of being selfish, undecided, and finally guilty of placing myself knowingly between two mortal enemies, leaving both vying for my attention, whilst wholeheartedly trying NOT to kill one another in the process.

Whilst lost in my own self depreciation, drowning in my own tears, and feeling as though part of me had been ripped from my very being, I did not anticipate Edward's appearance.

"Oh Bella love, don't worry, the dog will make a full recovery, stop blaming yourself this instant".

"How…where…how did you know I was here?", I managed to snuffle.

"Alice", he replied simply, whilst shuffling me over the bench seat, and situating himself behind the wheel.

"You should not be driving in this current state Bella, I shall take you home".

Through my grief induced haze, it occurred to me that Edward was again patronising me and had berated Jacob, although I simply did not have the strength to point it out.

As we arrived at my home, I was relieved to find Charlie's cruiser parked out front. At this moment in time, I only wanted to be alone, and did not want Edward to witness my emotional breakdown. And again, I was guilty. Flaunting my tears over another man, no less his mortal enemy in full view of my future husband.

What the hell was wrong with me? Would it not have been easier on everyone involved with me if Victoria had just caught me? I was nothing short of a burden to all around me, all good people, who did not deserve to stop their lives to endeavour the safety of the fragile human. At this point in time, I would simply surrender to the physical pain, which I'm certain she would have bestowed on me, because the emotional pain was overwhelming.

Guilty. I had no god given right to feel guilty when I had so thoroughly destroyed my best friend, my sunshine, and all that was good in my sorry life.

I deserved death by Victoria, I deserved to suffer for all of the misery which I had, and continued to bestow on Jacob.

Almost as though Edward could read my thoughts, he silently got out of the truck, and with supernatural speed appeared at my door, helping me out.

"Edward, I'd really appreciate it if you would leave me alone tonight, I….I….just need time to process all that's happened today". It wasn't a request, it was a statement, which I barely managed to make audible.

"If you are sure love, but I will be close, so if you change your mind, call me. Bella, I must ask, have you made the right decision?".

To this, I had no answer, as I found my thought process muddled through my grief.

"Edward, at this point, I feel so guilty over everything which has happened, and now I have destroyed all hope Jacob had, it hurts, and I..I.. just need time alone. I will speak to you tomorrow".

With that, I turned unsteadily, but surely towards home, and Charlie.

I inwardly cringed at the thought of my puffy eyes, red nose and tear stained appearance, but I must have been thoroughly unsightly for Charlie to pause the game he was watching.

"Bells?" He questioned me as crossing the floor quickly, only to wrap his arms around my sobbing frame. It was within the safety of that parental hug, with the familiar scent of my dad, that I finally surrendered to the onslaught of what I was feeling. Minutes, hours, days could have passed as Charlie slowly manoeuvred us both to the old sofa, with me clinging to his safety and the security which only a father could provide. The tears flowed and flowed and flowed, until I was left a sobbing hiccupping mess.

"That better?" Charlie enquired softly as he gently tried to untangle himself from my death hold on him.

"No dad! Please, just sit with me", I pleaded.

"I'm going to fetch you a glass of water, then we are going to talk about what exactly has gotten you into this state. So, I'm guessing you went to see Jacob huh?". With that statement hanging in the air, he made his way to the kitchen, as just the mention of Jacob's name brought on another onslaught of tears.

"Dad, I've broken his heart. He was lying there, so broken after the accident, and I….I….I told him that I chose Edward", I managed to stutter out between hiccups.

Thankfully, Charlie already had the cover story of a motorcycle accident, so lying to him was one burden less.

"Maybe not the best time to break that news to him Bells. Why today, and not a week from now when the kid's up and about again?".

" He wanted to know dad, he said he would rather have everything broken at the same time". Oh god, replaying that scenario in my head hurt, what had I done. Guilty.

"Bells, Jacob will recover. I know this because he is a strong kid, damn stubborn too. But, if you didn't have feelings for him, he deserved to know, no matter how hurt he is. I gotta say though, for someone who has a boyfriend, you're pretty upset."

And there it was. The chief of police had struck clean through to the heart of the matter in minutes.

Why was I so upset, I knew I had feelings for Jacob, but Edward was my true love, wasn't he?

Was is because I needed Jacob in my life to surround me with his sunny demeanour, his huge heart, and his warmth?

Or was it because, I felt guilty?

Shaking me from my inner turmoil Charlie settled beside me again, "Bells, do you think Jacob and you would've been together if Edward hadn't reappeared?".

"Dad, I don't know, I mean, I have feelings for Jake, I just always thought of him like a brother, loved him like a brother, treated him like a brother, so I don't know, maybe with enough time, it may have become something more, but there is no chance of that now. He hates me dad, and it's all my fault". Again with the tears, and this time there was no doubt in my mind, these tears were caused by the fact that Jacob would definitely hate me. My chances of ever seeing my best friend again were next to nothing, never again would I experience his bone crushing hugs, warmth, or that special smile which could light up an entire room. No more Jake n' Bells. I had killed our relationship.

"You wanna know what I think Bells? I think you two would've got together, and I think you two would've made a great couple.

With Jake, you're different Bells, you're a teenager, laughing, having fun, you know, the way it should be.

With Edward, its not right. Not at your age. He stifles you. He doesn't give you space, you don't see your school friends. When you're with him I don't hear you laugh, I don't see you smile. Now don't shoot me down here Bells, and I'm not really comfortable with this parent lecturing, but Edward is damn near controlling you. I almost lost you over him, which is why you don't hear me say too much, I'm kinda scared I push you away, but Bells, Edward ain't right for you. I'm not saying Jake is either, I love that kid like my own son, I guess I'm just trying to say, step back and think about this thing with Edward, cause all I'm seeing right now is him smothering you kid".

That alone must have been the longest speech I had ever heard Charlie speak, and unsurprisingly he was accurate with his assumptions. Through my grief the thought of Edward earlier, dismissing Jacob's injuries, and berating him was irritating me. Surely the better man took the higher path and sympathised with his counterpart (mortal enemy or not).

Again Charlie interrupted my thoughts. "Bells, I kinda hate myself for suggesting this, but, how about you go visit Renee for a while. School's finished, you can think about what you want to do next, and get space from Edward. Give Jacob time to recover, and recharge your batteries. Time away might just do you good Bells, though I'm gonna miss you if you decide to go".

Little did he know, if I left with Edward sooner rather than later, he would never see me again. My immortality would mean I could not be near humans for a long time, and even if I could see Charlie eventually, the Chief of Police would immediately notice my change of appearance. The thought of never seeing Charlie again brought a fresh wave of grief crashing over me yet again. I couldn't leave Charlie, he was a part of me, and although neither of us showed our emotions often, I loved him, admired him and cherished him with my entire being.

"I think you're right dad, I'll call mom in the morning. Get some distance from everything. I'm kinda drained dad, I'll see you in the morning, and thanks".

"Anytime Bells".

With one last hug to my dad, I whispered "love you", and I headed slowly upstairs, completely oblivious that Edward had heard our entire conversation from his lofty perch in the forest.

Sleep did not come easily. After tossing and turning, alternating between crying and sobbing until I was aching all over, I fell into an uneasy slumber dreaming of Jacob Black.

Billy Black sat outside the door of his only son's bedroom, silent tears falling, and praying to the spirits to heal his son physically and emotionally. He was and always had been a remarkable boy, only to have his childhood ripped from his grasp by the duty he was born to bear to the tribe. When his mother was cruelly taken from them, and both of his sisters' high tailed it out of the reservation, Jacob looked after both of them, never complaining. His son was a blessing to him, and Billy was afraid of what sight was awaiting him on the other side of the door.

With a heavy sigh, and a heavier heart, Billy slowly pushed himself through the doorway, and gasped.

Jacob was bandaged up, his entire side, but it was not these injuries which took Billy's breath away, it was his eyes. Normally sparkling, full of life, his eyes were dead, blank, there was no reflection of the happy go lucky boy in there.

"I tried dad. I tried my damn hardest, gave it everything I had, and I still wasn't enough. Lost out to a goddamn leech.

Why wasn't I enough dad?"

"I wish I knew son. But don't ever let me hear you say you weren't good enough, maybe you were too good". With that Billy wheeled himself to the bedside of his injured son, and held his hand, whilst both of them cried. Billy cried for the loss of his wife and daughters. He cried for the loss of Jacob's childhood. He cried for his son's injuries. He cried for his heartache, and kept praying for a miracle to replenish his son's happiness.

Jacob simply cried for Bella.

What could have been.

What would have been.

And finally, for what would never be.

A/N: This is my first try at writing. Please feel free to give your opinion, and thanks for reading.