I am soo sorry that this took so long to put up! I meant to post this last Friday but life got in the way. :/ Anyway, here is the last chapter!

I finished telling my story and looked around the room for the first time to gauge everyone's reactions. I had gone last in the interviews, so the only people here were the camera crew and Griffin. No one – not even Gustavo, Kelly, or the guys – knew what my interview was about. All the general public knew was that there were going to be some big secrets being spilt. I have to admit, it was a great selling point.

Griffin nodded at me and I took that as my cue to be dismissed. I stood up and started making my way back to the Palm Woods. How were the guys going to take it when they heard? They'd be mad for sure. Oh my god, I thought. They're gonna hate me. They'll never want to be friends with me again. I started to work myself into a panic attack and tried to calm down. The DVD will be out in a month. Just a few short weeks and they'll know everything. I won't have to hide anymore. They won't hate me… I hope.

~line break~

The month was over faster than I could blink. It was like one long panic attack, as I tried to keep up the illusion that was my life and try not to dread the day I was supposed to be looking forward to; the day our fame would reach a new height.

Carlos came bursting through the door with our DVD, Big Time Rush: Big Time Biography, clutched in one hand and dragging Logan through the door with the other.

"Guys!" he screamed. "Our DVD is out! Let's watch it!" The others agreed instantly, and we all sat down on the violently orange couch to see what we all said.

Our deal was that we wouldn't tell the others what we said in the interviews, so it wouldn't be so boring when we watched it. The first part was a group interview with all of us laughing and talking about how we've grown as a group in both Minnesota and L.A. The second part was the individual interviews. It started off with Logan talking about wanting to be a doctor but not wanting to give up on BTR either. He told stories about me and Carlos hurting ourselves (it was more common than we'd like to admit) and how he usually tried to help Kendall keep us out of trouble. He talked about how he met Carlos (Logan and Carlos were friends before they met me and Kendall), and then they switched to Carlos.

Carlos talked more about his family. It was interesting growing up being one of six siblings. He had two older brothers, an older sister, and two younger siblings – fraternal twins. Being Carlos, he was definitely one of the more annoying youngsters. He then told them how he and Logan met us, and what kind of trouble we get into at the Palm Woods.

Kendall was third. He talked about what it was like working with Gustavo, and some more crazy adventures – like our epic Nerf gun wars on our tour bus, and the various pranks we pull while on the road.

I was last. I was so scared I thought I was going to puke. Or pass out. I started fiddling with my fingers, and Kendall just gave me a confused glance. What were they going to think of me? Would they hate me for keeping this from them for so long? My hands started to shake.

The me on the screen looked up at the camera and started talking – just bits and pieces of what it's like living with your best friends, before the person behind the camera asks about my past. He's done this a few times to keep the others on track. My reaction is different though. I bite my lip, I look down, I look at Griffin, I look back at the camera. My heart is racing now, and all I'm doing is sitting on the couch.

I start off by saying that no one other than me and my dad know what I'm about to say – not even the guys. They glance at me. They're worried but it can't be too bad, right? I mean, I'm still alive and I don't have nightmares about "my mother's death" anymore.

I have gotten better since we moved to L.A. The scars are still on my wrist, but they're old. I have touched a razor since a month after we moved here, and we've been here for almost a year. I want it now, but I can resist the urge – push it down and bury the pain. I also stopped having so many nightmares. The guys just thought it was about my mom's death since all I did was whimper in my sleep, but those were actually about all those years of hell. That one day, my dad will come back and find me.

The on-screen James started talking about that hockey game, and that terrible night. When I was talking about after the guys left I started panicking. Here it comes…

It was silent except for my recorded voice still talking on the TV. I was too scared to look up.

I took a relatively short time describing the last few years of my life. Only about twenty minutes later did I end by saying that moving to L.A was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The DVD wrapped up with a montage of videos of us being stupid and bloopers and pictures before the credits rolled and the screen went black.

I held my breath. There was going to be a huge explosion, I knew it. My hands were still shaking – hell, my whole body was still shaking – and my heart was still racing, like it was just going to leap out of my chest and abandon me.

Black spots started showing up in front of my eyes, but I was too terrified to break the silence.

Logan was sitting on my right, Carlos next to him, and Kendall on my left. Logan was the first to tear his eyes away from the home menu and look at me. "James? You're turning blue, breathe." He said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

This drew the attention of Kendall and Carlos, and they turned their heads to look at me so fast I swear I heard their necks crack. I drew in a few shaky breaths and waited for someone to say something.

Kendall wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to stop my constant shivering. I leaned into him, clasping my hands together in a vain attempt to keep them still.

"Why didn't you ever tell us, Jay?" Carlos asked quietly. "We could have helped you."

I couldn't answer. I was too focused in holding back the panic that they would still hate me and the tears of relief that threatened to show because I didn't have to hide anymore. I could finally just be James. Although, I didn't really know who that was anymore.

Kendall gently grabbed my wrist with one of his hands and carefully started taking off the multiple string bracelets and rubber bands. I'd finally given up on the wristdanas idea a few months ago. I offered him no resistance. I was as limp as a rag doll.

They gave a collective gasp at the sight and multitude of the scares there. Kendall traced them with his thumb. "Why?" he whispered.

"Because he would have killed me if I told you." Was that my voice? That weak shaking thing?

They pulled me into a group hug, and a few tears escaped my eyes, sliding down my cheeks. They whispered soft comforts to me, and I smiled because I knew they were true. I had the best friends in the world, and I was okay, and they were never going to leave me.

So what did you think of this chapter? I think I might end this story here, but I'm not sure. Maybe a sequel with Jamille in there. Review and let me know what you think! Please and thank you!

~Nikki