The Labyrinth of London

The Blonde Babe

Inspired By

"The Thin White Sleuth..."

By

Pika-la-Cynique

The Almighty Disclaimer

Oh Moffat, Gatiss, and Thompson

Oh Henson and Doyle,

And Pika-la Cynique the generous,

To you belongs all the characters

And none so for me!

A/N: This story was inspired by "The Thin White Sleuth..." by Pika-la-Cynique of Girls Next Door fame.

This is "The Blind Banker" episode (which I actually enjoy quite a bit, though parts of the fandom are not as fond of it). The question is: who is the Blonde Babe? Glitter bombs to whoever guesses the correct answer.

Prologue

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Detective Inspector Lestrade was not quite sure why he put up with Jareth most days.

The man (or more probably Fae if not outright goblin) was rattling on about something nobody knew about half the time and was an arrogant reprobate the other half. He constantly was going off on his own, terrifying suspects, messing with evidence, and sticking pop-up snakes in Lestrade's desk drawers.

Sarah Williams was not helping things either, much to Lestrade's surprise.

Oh, she was a good woman. Always polite, always caring. However, it was very obvious very quickly that anyone Jareth was interested in had a bit of goblin in them. (Ms. Williams was the one who had a silly string bomb go off in his office. Lestrade was sure of it.) Though there were times when she reined Jareth in, most of the time she let the former Goblin King wreak havoc and sometimes out right encouraged it.

Americans. Bloody cowboys, all of them.

Despite this, they did solve the odd cases. The ones that should not exist, even in a world of magic.

Which was why Lestrade was personally coming to deal with an emergency call from 221b Baker Street. A next door neighbor had called and said that a man with a sword was attacking the residents of 221b.

Lestrade was nearby with Donovan and decided to come answer the call. Jareth had probably angered someone and that person had finally snapped. Not that I'd blame 'em. Still, Mrs. Hudson is a kind lady and Sarah doesn't deserve a sword in the gut.

The door to 221 Baker Street was open and there were bobbies at the door by the time the DI arrived. "What have you got?" Lestrade asked.

"About to go in," one of the police officers said.

There was no need as a body dressed like something out of Lawrence of Arabia fell down the steps. A sword went over the banister and narrowly avoided the body.

"Sorry!" a female voice called from the upper level.

"Sarah, are you all right? Anyone else there?" Lestrade asked.

"Oh just some friends who like mazes," Sarah said.

Bloody hell. Labyrinth residents. Can't have the normal bobbies deal with that.

"Tell your friends to stay up there. We're coming in," Lestrade said.

"Of course, good sir," a somewhat squeaky voice said.

Lestrade and Donovan took the upstairs while the bobbies took care of the (still living) intruder. Sarah sat in one of the arm chairs and had pulled her legs up to her chest. An orange yeti and an ugly dwarf sat in the living room. A fox/dog paced furiously, a rapier at his side.

"My lady, you need not to have fought that cretin," the small creature said.

"I did not exactly have time to call you until I was already mostly done," Sarah said, "Sorry Detective Inspector for your trouble. This guy came in and demanded that Jareth take on this Jaria diamond case. I said no, that Jareth wasn't interested and this guy tries to whack off my head."

"And the costume didn't warn you that this guy was a nut job?" Donovan asked.

Sarah motioned to her friends. "Not really, no."

"Why are there policemen in my flat, Sarah?" Jareth asked. Lestrade turned and saw Jareth leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest.

"I was just dealing with a little mess of yours," Sarah said, "It would have been nice to know that one of your potential clients had a murderous streak. I thought that was what we were trying to avoid."

Lestrade took a step back as he saw a glint of anger cross Jareth's eyes. Jareth stalked forward and glowered over Sarah. "I go out for a half hour and you nearly get yourself killed. You probably said something to anger the man and it would have been obvious from his sword that he was not a man to be trifled. Sarah, it is hardly my fault that you do not take precautions against obviously dangerous creatures. Honestly, after all these years..."

"Ha! Glitter, poofy hair, and tights hardly create a 'dangerous' creature, Jareth. As for your outing, where are those groceries?" Sarah asked.

"I had a row in the shop with the chip and pin machine," Jareth said, "I returned to borrow cash as the ATMs will not work for me either."

"You had a what in the shop with a what and what machine?" Sarah asked.

Jareth spoke with exaggerated slowness. "I had a fight with the self-checkout machine," Jareth said.

"You had a fight with self-checkout?" Sarah said.

"Somewhat. It sat there and I shouted abuse," Jareth said.

Sarah spoke in false sympathy. "Awww. Did the widdle machine beat up poor wittle Jaweth and wittle Jaweth couldn't kick it?"

The dwarf made his way over to the Sergeant and the Inspector. "This may go on for awhile. If the goblins weren't off celebrating St. Patty's Day, we'd be having a bet going."

"Saint Patrick's Day was almost a week ago," Sergeant Donovan said.

"They believe in celebrating well. Hoggle is my name," Hoggle said, "The walking carpet is Ludo. The little knight is Sir Didymus. I knows who you two are."

Lestrade was covering his mouth, laughing at Jareth and Sarah's argument. It was currently disintegrating into what was the best way to ruin each other's hair products.

"Honestly, no one's hair naturally glitters!" Sarah said.

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A/N: Ah, nothing beats glitter jokes to get back into the swing of writing Labyrinth fanfiction. And yes, I did get a Star Wars reference in the story.