Chapter 26 Turning Point

Bella's Point of View

My head was pounding. My chest felt as if it were caving in.

"Let her take your burdens. Let her absorb your sadness," he whispered softly. "Let it be buried in the creek."

My hand wrapped around the small trinket as my control slipped. The breath I hadn't realized I was holding, poured from my lips in a rush as tears leaked from the corners of my eyes.

"Paul..." I whispered on a broken sob.

"Bella," he said as he gently grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his solid chest. His arms wrapped tightly around me, and for the fist time in such a long time, I felt... peace.

"I'm so fucking sorry," he whispered into the top of my head.

My hands wrapped themselves into the back of his shirt, as I pulled myself impossibly closer to him. He didn't let go, as we stood there for minutes... maybe hours.

I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. "I should go." I said, as I began to slowly separate myself from him.

Glancing up into his eyes, I brought my arms around to his front and smoothed out some of the tear stained wrinkles that found purchase in his shirt. "Sorry." I mumbled, slightly embarrassed about my breakdown..

He seemed torn. Glancing from the door to the window and back again, he ran his hands up and down my arms in comfort. I could see he was internally battling with himself.

"What?" I asked, as I took a step back and dropped my arms to my side.

He raked his hand through his hair, a habit he's had since we were children. "I'm not really ready to let you go yet," he let out on a small chuckle.

I tried to smile. If I were completely honest with myself, I wasn't ready either. Tonight was a turning point. A massive turning point. I wasn't sure what to expect next, but I knew that I didn't want to let this, whatever it was, end.

Sighing, I glanced up. "Cant lie and say that I'm ready to leave either."

He nodded slightly, and then glanced back over to the window. Following his gaze, I peered out into the slightly darkened sky. The rain tapered off; a light mist slowly falling from the twilight sky. Nothing unusual from our normal weather patterns, but somehow completely different. It didn't seem dreary and soul wrenching. Instead, it was welcoming.

"I have an idea!" Paul yelled, and I jumped back a step, completely taken off guard by the quiet solitude we seemed to find ourselves in only minutes before. He laughed at my momentary surprise, and then brushed past me into the hallway.

I laughed at his excitement, and followed him, albeit a lot slower, out the door.

Crashing, and mumbled curses from downstairs, had me picking up my pace, though. Descending the stairs, while glancing over the edge, I saw Paul digging into the storage closet that lay directly beneath the staircase.

"Your mom's gonna be pissed." I laughed over the side, as another tennis shoe flew out and into the living room behind him.

"Why?" He asked, as he pulled his upper half out of the closet and glanced towards me.

I lifted an eyebrow and nodded towards the mess behind him. The mess he created by dismantling the entire closet searching for God knows what.

He spun around quickly, and muttered a quick "shit", before turning back to the closet and burying himself back inside. "I know it's in here."

I shook my head and laughed. "What are you looking for, anyways?" I asked as I finally reached his side and glanced into the closet. There wasn't much left in there.

"I wanted to get rid of it a while ago." He said, as a tennis racket fell by his feet and he kicked it to the side. Since when did any of them play tennis? Momentarily perplexed by the odd things flying out around him, it took me a second to catch up to what he said.

"Get rid of what?"

This. This right here, reminded me of the young Paul. The carefree Paul. His excitement radiated from him and I felt lighter than I had in so damn long.

"Paul!"I laughed, as he bent in half still digging through the closet.

"Shit, mom's been looking for this for months!" He said, as he pulled out an old feather duster and handed it to me. "Do me a favor and put this on the table over there."

I grabbed the small duster, staring at it, them him, then back at it. Confusion clearly evident on my face he laughed and pointed to the table behind me. I backed up a couple of steps and placed the duster on the table. We were getting no where anytime soon.

Trying a different tactic, I walked back over to him, stepping over the box of VHS tapes that found purchase on the floor in the fifteen seconds it took me to walk to the table. "What are you looking for?" I asked, as I glanced over him into the nearly empty closet. "Maybe I can help."

He stood back up and sighed. "I swear it was in here. I wanted to get rid of it, but mom wouldn't let me. That damn tent has been in here for years." He stomped his feet and turned to the mess behind him. "Why the fuck can I never find anything when I'm looking for it."

"Tent?" I asked, as I took a small step closer and pushed the tool box to my right with my foot.

"Yea, tent!" He raised his hands in the air and then dropped them, evidently exasperated.

I chuckled quietly, and glanced around his destroyed house. Bringing my hands up and pushing my palms into my eyes for a moment, I dropped them down to my side, glanced at the mess and then back at the closet. The laugh that bubbled up was unexpected.

"What's so funny?" He asked, as he pushed a pile of old blankets to side.

Shaking my head, I pointed to the top shelf of the closet. "Paul?"

He stood from his crouched position and moved his eyes in the direction I was pointing.

"Oh yea!" He said, smiling as he walked back to the closet and pulled the battered tent off of the top shelf. In clear view! "I forgot we put it up there!"

Stepping over a huge pile right in the middle of the floor, he began walking towards the kitchen.

"What about the mess?" I yelled, not moving from my position.

"I'll get it later."

I chuckled, stepped over another pile and moved towards the door. Before I made it there, he was back in the hallway. Quickly, a lot quicker than what I expected, he reached under my arms, and picked me clear off the floor.

"Paul!"

"What, Bella?" He said smiling as he stepped over this, and moved around that.

"What are you doing?" My feet were dangling a foot off the floor, but it didn't seem to phase him in the slightest.

"We're going camping!" He said excitedly.

"Camping?"

"Yes, camping," he repeated as he dropped me onto the couch in the living room and handed me the remote off of the coffee table.

"We can't go camping," I said, as I reluctantly took the remote and placed it on the seat beside me.

"Humor me."

I glanced at him, then the remote, and then back at him. God I was confused.

"I'm going to go get set up. You watch..." He started as he waved his hands in the air. Snapping his fingers he laughed and then pointed at the television. "Lifetime...we have Lifetime. Mom annoys me with that shit all the time."

"I don't watch Lifetime." I mumbled as I threw myself back against the couch.

"Let me do this, Bella." He whispered almost brokenly, as he dropped his gaze and sighed.

I nodded my acceptance, and reached for the remote. He smiled, turned and walked out of the room.

I flipped the television on. Chuckling, I changed the channel from Lifetime to MTV, and turned the volume down. I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate or enjoy anything that was playing, but the background noise would be comforting.

Closing my eyes and resting my head against the back of the couch, I took a deep breath and relaxed into its plush confines.

Flashes of the entire afternoon danced behind my eyelids, as I ran through everything that had happened in the last few hours. Emotionally drained I sighed. I wanted to be angry, but deep down I knew I wasn't. I was exhausted but, I was also relieved.

Today's revelations and truths, although physically painful, were also enlightening. I never knew or fully understood what the catalyst was that led to our downfall. Gaining insight into that tonight, lifted a weight that had been perpetually pressed against my chest since the night I was turned away from his front stoop.

Sighing again, I willed myself to relax, as my brain began to slowly shut down.

RTMP

"Bella" a soft whisper while a light touch on my leg, broke through my hazy conscience. "Hey, up."

"Ugh, leave me alone." I groaned as I tried, but failed, to push the hand away from me.

"Come on, wake up."

Cracking one eye open, I gazed up into the dark eyes of Paul, as he leaned dangerously close to me.

Smirking I lifted my left hand and mushed his face back. "Hasn't your mother ever told you it's rude to invade someone's personal space."

"Ah, yes." He chuckled. "But where would the fun be in that?"

Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I sat up straighter. "Finished doing... whatever it was you were doing?" I asked, as I stretched my legs out in front of me.

"Mmm hmm," he replied as the tip of his tongue darted out to wet his upper lip.

"Well?" I asked, as I glanced down at my shirt, and fixed the mess of wrinkles and twists, that I'd somehow made of it.

"Right, let's go," he finished as he grabbed the remote off of the floor, and quickly shut the television off.

Reaching his hand out, and lifting his eyebrow he waited patiently for me to place my hand in his. "I won't bite," he said as he wiggled his fingers back and forth, waiting for me to accept his unspoken gesture.

Reaching out, I placed my hand in his and let him guide me to a standing position. He smiled, and then moved in to pick me up again. Laughing I shoved him back a step, "contrary to popular belief, Paul, I can walk, you know." I said, as I brushed past him, and walked to the kitchen.

He laughed and moved past me into the kitchen and then to the back door. "After you, my lady," he said as he pulled the door open and bowed gracefully, waiting for me to exit the house.

I had a pretty good idea of where we were going, so I didn't hesitate in steps as I walked past him, stopping to pat him on the head, then down the two steps, and into the backyard towards the forest.

The door shut quietly behind me and he moved quickly to walk beside me. "The path's just over here," he said as he pushed aside an overgrown bush.

"I remember."

It'd been years since I visited the spot... our spot, but I'd never forget where it was. Permanently ingrained in my head. My best childhood memories lied under old Sycamore.

Neglected, and overgrown, the path was barely visible, but it was there. Storms from years past left shrubs and fallen branches on it's path, but my feet continued to lead me on their own accord. Breaking through the small but pleasant clearing I smiled at the sight before me.

"I don't ever remember having the tent out here when we were kids." I said, as I walked up to the old and worn tent, illuminated by the old oil lantern swinging from a low lying branch.

"It's raining." He said, as he pushed his hand through his hair and stood quietly, waiting for me to take it all in.

Satisfied that I wasn't going to complain, Paul walked to the opening of the tent and pushed aside the broken door. "Hungry?"

Smiling, I moved past him and into the small sanctuary he built. Sitting down on top of the blankets that he pulled out of the closet earlier, I gazed up at him. "Starved."

"Good" he sighed in relief and followed me in, sitting next to me in the small space.

He reached over to the corner of the small tent, and pulled out a couple of sandwiches, encased in plastic baggies.

"Peanut butter and apple butter." He said, as he handed one of the bags over to me.

My breath hitched momentarily, surprised that he remembered something as insignificant as what type of sandwich I preferred as a child.

"Shit, you probably don't like those anymore." He said, as he reached to take the baggie back. "Fuck, I should have asked." He whispered, clearly misreading my reaction.

Holding onto one of the corners like it was a lifeline, I yanked it back out of his reach. "No... no Paul, this is great." I said quickly, as I peeled back the plastic overlay and took a small bite.

He smiled in satisfaction before dropping four sandwiches into his lap.

"Ham and mustered." I cringed as he swallowed half of a sandwich in one bite.

He threw his head back and laughed. "Never did like the smell did you?" He asked as he pushed the rest of his sandwich into his mouth.

"Nothing good should smell like that." I groaned as I took another small bite of mine.

He continued chuckling as he finished off three sandwiches before I'd finished mine. Reaching back over to the corner, he pulled out a couple of juice boxes and handed me one.

"Really?" I asked, as I held up the small box that my hand could completely fit around. "I haven't seen Elmo since I was twelve, Paul." I smirked as I pushed the small straw through it's plastic and then pushed it into the designated spot in the box.

He shrugged. Without looking at me, he quietly said, "just figured we'd start where we left off."

My heart clenched at his words. Not wanting him to think that I didn't understand or appreciate the thought that he put into this small, yet huge, act of kindness; I leaned over and quickly brushed my lips across his cheek.

His eyes whipped to mine, and held my gaze. "Thank you."

He nodded once, took a deep breath, and then began picking up our impromptu dinner.

When everything was cleaned up and pushed to the side, he positioned a few pillows behind us, and laid down.

"Lay down with me, Bella." He said, as he touched my elbow lightly.

Torn. I wanted too. God, I wanted too. But I was terrified where this was leading. Too fast. He must of seen the debate playing in my own head, through my eyes.

"I'm not asking for anything." He quickly said. "I'm not pushing. Just lay down with me."

Relenting, I laid back against the pillows he placed behind me, and sighed. Comfort. I forgot what this felt like.

We laid quietly, the only sound was the soft rain hitting the leaves outside.

"I wish I knew how to quit you." Paul said, as he turned to his side and looked at me.

Snapping my eyes to his I inhaled sharply. "What?"

He smiled. "Come on, Bella. I know it's been years, but I know you haven't forgotten the rules."

"What?" I asked again, confused.

"Brokeback Mountain." He smirked, and I finally caught on.

"You've seen that?" I asked, as I turned on my side to face him.

"You've met my mother?" He asked, laughing. "You tell anyone, I swear I'll deny it."

Laughing, I shook my head.

"Your turn."

His hand crept closer to mine, on the blanket between us.

"Um," I began, trying to focus on the childhood game that we played countless times, and not the heat of his body. "You meet thousands of people, and none of them really touch you..."

"And then you meet one person and your life is changed. Forever. Come on Bella, that wasn't even a hard one. Love and Other Drugs." He smirked and shook his head.

"Fine, if you're so good at it, then you try." I said, as I moved my hand to push his. He grabbed it quickly and set both of our hands, joined, back down between us.

My breath hitched.

He smiled.

"I'll give you an easy one." He said as his thumb drew lazy circles across the back of my hand. "You jump I jump, right."

"Titanic, asshole." I said, laughing.

He laughed with me for a moment, and as we both settled down, and an unspoken charge ran through me.

"I would rather share one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone." I said quietly.

I hadn't realized how true the quote was, until they left my lips.

His lips turned up in confusion. A slight frown marring between his eyes. "I don't think I know that one." He said, as he tried to place the quote to the movie it belonged too. "Alright, I give." He finished in resignation.

"Lord of the Rings," I whispered.

"Figures you'd pick something like that." He said, as he threw his head back and laughed. "I forgot how much you loved The Hobbit when we were kids."

Although he found amusement in the situation, I found that I couldn't laugh with him. Seeing Paul like this...carefree, fun. It reminding me so much of My Paul. The Paul he was when we were kids. He quickly picked up on my somber mood, and nudged my hand.

"You okay?" He asked, his eyes still smiling.

"Yea." I said, as I tried to smile, but probably failed miserably.

He gazed at me for a few moments before sighing.

"Come here."

He pulled my arm slightly, until I scooted closer to him.

"Paul, what are we doing?" I asked as my head fell ungracefully onto his chest.

His rapid heart beat was the only reason why I knew this situation was as awkward for him as it was for me.

"Honestly?" he asked as he began to rub soothing circles into my back. "I have no fucking clue."

"Charming." I snorted.

He stopped rubbing circles and hugged me firmly to him. "Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked, barely loud enough for me to hear.

I stopped breathing all together.

His hand returned to making small circles on my back. "Breath, Bella" he whispered into the top of my head.

Gasping, I gripped the front of his shirt. "What do I have to do?"

He chuckled; the sound vibrating through my cheek, causing me to smile in return.

"You get to pick the shows we watch on TV."

"You're an ass." I said, lifting off of him, and shoving him lightly in the chest.

He grabbed my wrist, preventing me from doing it again, and the laughter in his eyes died and became serious as they locked with mine.

"Paul." I whispered, as his hand moved to the back of my head and began pressing me closer to his.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Bella." He said; mirroring his apology from his bedroom, and I knew. From the intense look in his eyes, to the rigid layout of his body, I knew that he was truly sorry for the distance between us these last few years.

Without giving it time to think, I crashed my lips to his. Strong and demanding , he returned the kiss ten fold. Opening my lips to give him access, his soft tongue pressed into my waiting mouth. He took, as if it was the last kiss he'd ever receive, and I gave, just the same.

After what felt like ages, I broke away, panting, and rested my forehead against his. My eyes still closed, he ran his hand softly up and down my back.

"We should get some sleep." He said, after catching his breath. Pulling me down so that I lay partially on top of him, I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes.

"It's going to be alright, Bella." I heard him whisper as darkness crept in. "Everything is now."