Inspired by this post, and the tags on that particular reblog of it. And a lack of APs.

Summary: Kougami and Akane, and awkward first meetings. "... I was wondering why I wasn't surrounded by plants- so, uh, my best friend may be your next door neighbor, and I was drunk last night and thought I was breaking into his place, so would you happen to have hangover tea and... how was your day?"

Wrong Windows

First meetings were supposed to be civil things, a handshake or bow and an introduction to a new person. And then you and the other person would proceed to have careful, probing conversation trying to get to know each other, or have a deeply involved discussion on a shared obsession.

They were not walking into your living room at seven forty-two in the morning to see a complete stranger lacking a shirt, (but not lacking a fine set of abdominals) sprawled on your couch with a toned arm tossed over their face in a feeble attempt to block out light, and feet hanging off the side of that particular piece of furniture and their shoes at the foot of a jarred-open window. Also with the stranger smelling distinctly of day-old alcohol and possibly aftershave.

Tsunemori Akane, being, well, Tsunemori Akane, took approximately a full thirty seconds to scan the living room, take in the condition of the stranger, and figure out how he had gotten in without setting any of her alarms off. It only took her another fifteen to cross the room, socked feet padding softly enough to not wake up the stranger, and reach for her motorcycle helmet on the hallway table, slinging it over her right shoulder and moving to stand in front of the stranger.

Her nose wrinkled when she was only a few inches from her sofa he was using as a makeshift bed, and she paused for a moment before taking off her sock and kicking the man in the side. It was enough to shove him a few centimeters closer to the back pillows, and elicit a groan from his mouth, but he didn't stir. She kicked again, and this time he opted to move his arm and give a verbal response.

"Gino, leave me along for heaven's sake, I went with K-"

And Kougami Shinya, police inspector for Shibuya for three years since graduation, felt a sensation he hadn't felt for the longest time, looking at the diminutive girl staring down at him with a motorcycle helmet posed to swing at his skull.

Fear.

"You have a minute to explain yourself coherently before I use this to knock you out and dump you outside of my apartment so I can finish working on my Law essay," she demanded.

Still woozy from his hungover state and having just woken up, his thought process went at a laid-back amble through realizations. Huh, she's kinda cute. It's cold... I wonder where my shirt went? Where's Dime? Dime should- wait. I don't see cacti. Shit, this isn't Gino's apartment.

Glancing back up at the woman, he swallowed. I fucked up.

A few minutes later found him sitting up on the couch, head bowed as politely as possible and sweat beading down his forehead. "So I heard pineapples are good for curing hangovers," the woman commented mildly, looking down at him. "That is, when they're used to hit a person's face." He flinched and then returned to fidgeting minutely, wondering exactly how he was going to get out of this one.

Explaining seemed like the best route. "So you see, I went out drinking last night with a coworker of mine, and... my best friend apparently lives right next door to you and I thought I was breaking into his place, so would you happen to have hangover tea and... how has your day been?" the words tumbled out of his mouth helter-skelter, the last phrase coming out as nearly incoherent to his mind.

Tsunemori rolled her right shoulder as she continued staring down at him (and his abs). "My day has been fine so far, if you don't count the Law essay I have due tomorrow that I need to work on and the fact that I went into my living room only to discover you here." The thought of her paper and Professor Saiga's reaction if it wasn't completed made her look at the stranger with even more disdain. "So, exactly how did you get in here without setting off the alarms?"

A wave of sickness came over him, an aftereffect of last night's drinking. I'm never going drinking with Kagari again.

That's what you swore last time. Mental Kougami #2 replied.

I'm going to keep the promise this time.

Mental Kougami #2 laughed. That's what you say every time after you break a personal promise.

"Shut up, you're just a hallucination," he muttered. Tsunemori blinked and frowned, raising the helmet to aim it right at his shoulder. Luckily, his police officer reflexes kicked in, and he flung himself out of the way. "Hey! What was that for!?"

"A hallucination, am I? You broke into my apartment!" he got to his feet and ducked behind a loveseat, scrambling to escape her helmet. "Now tell me how you got in without setting off security or I'll call the police!"

"But I am the police!" he protested.

Her follow-up hit him as hard in the pride as her helmet did his stomach. "Well then no wonder the crime rates have been so high!"

Masaoka Tomomi was on duty in the office as the phone operator when yet another call came in. He peered at the address flashing on the screen, noting that that it seemed to be quite near to his son's apartment, and picked up. "Hello, this is the police. What is your emergency?"

"No emergency at the moment," the voice of a young woman huffed over the phone line. "I'm calling to report a break-in to my apartment. The person is currently in my living room on my couch, and somehow managed to get into my house last night without setting off any of the alarms."

"Are any of your valuables missing?" he asked, mentally going through the routine list of questions for people reporting break-ins.

"None. He's just lying on my couch, very hungover. However, I'm concerned with the fact that he got in without any alarms going off..."

Masaoka wrote down the address. "Well, there will be some officers there presently. Please do not engage the person in case of danger or that he may still be under the influence."

There was a plaintive whimper in the background, like someone that had been injured while hungover. Masaoka dismissed it, and hung up the line, dialing his son. "Good morning, Nobuchika."

"Good morning, old man," his son grumbled. "Why are you calling me right now?"

The man double-checked the address of the woman who had called. "You see, we just received a call concerning a security breach from the resident of Apartment 3621 in your housing block. Most of the shift is currently out on another case, and it would take at least ten minutes for any officers to get there. Could you check on the situation, just in case?"

"But I'm off shift," Ginoza muttered drowsily, having just woken up and still in the middle of drinking his cup of morning coffee.

His father sighed. "Well, you see, Nobu, it seems that this break-in was in the apartment right next to yours, and I know from Kunizuka that Kou went drinking with Kagari last night."

There was a clattering of porcelain as Nobu most likely slammed his cup on the counter. "Which apartment?" he asked, rushing to his room to pull on a coat and proper pants and look somewhat decent.

"Number three-six-two-one-" Masaoka paused his recitation as the sound of his son's footsteps was replaced with the dial tone. "He could at least say goodbye properly..."

Ginoza swore, clicking his phone shut. "Goddamnit Kougami, you could have at least broken into Sasayama's on the other side instead, or mine. No, you break into the Law student's-" his shoulder collided with the doorway as he hopped to where his shoes were, putting on his socks at the same time, "Ouch, ouch, mother of Dime that hurts-"

When finally looked decent enough to exit his apartment, Ginoza's eyes darted around for something to use as a convenient excuse, and settled on a bunch of yellow tulips, speed-walking to the apartment next door.

Kougami was still on the couch, curled up in a ball of pain and too much alcohol when the doorbell rang. The woman looked up from the chair she had been typing furiously at, and glanced at him. "I expect that's the police," she announced clearly with an extra ounce of annoyance thrown in for his sake.

Kagari is never going to let me live this down. He realized belatedly. I bet he's going to talk about this all week. Ugh. Never drinking with him again.

To which Mental Kougami #2 quipped, You said that last time when he got you and Gino drunk, though, and you guys went into the office with him showing pictures of him proposing to a picture of a dog and you kissing a sandbag.

Shut. Up.

There was a click as the door opened, ("Oh, Bonsai-san!" she greeted the person.) and he began concentrating on how to get out without alerting the homeowner. ("How are you today?" Ginoza asked politely, sweating at the clear view he had of stupid Kougami on her couch.) He was a policeman for heaven's sakes, if he got arrested his public record would be even more marred than the time Sasayama was found dating a serial killer chick. ("Good, though I currently have a break-in situation.")

Kougami managed to roll off the couch quietly, ("A break-in?" he asked, appalled.) creeping towards the window which he had come in from. ("Yes-" Akane was about to elaborate on the circumstance when her neighbor thrust a bunch of yellow tulips in her arms. "Oh! These are lovely.") He didn't pay much attention to the conversation happening outside, until he heard a loud shout from someone who could only be Gino.

"Keep them. You see, I had so many of them that I really NEEDED TO GET THEM OUT OF MY HOUSE, so I'm quite glad that you enjoy them."

Kougami proceeded to get out of Tsunemori's house, tossing his shoes through the window before squeezing himself out.

"Oh!" she brightened up. "Well, thank you. Although you didn't need to scream, Bonsai-san. you must have a lot of them."

"I do," he nodded, from the corner of his eye seeing Kougami sneaking towards his own apartment. "Now if you'll excuse me, I LEFT MY APARTMENT OPEN," Kougami got the clue and slipped in through his front door instead of through the window, "and I hope you have a lovely day."

"Thank you!" the woman waved as he walked back to his own apartment, and he waved back, slamming the door shut the moment hers closed and a yell of frustration went up. "HOW DID HE GET OUT?!"

Turning to his still half-naked best friend, Ginoza gestured to one of the chairs at the dining table, fetching a cup of coffee for Kougami before sitting down across from him. "Thanks, Gino," Kougami groaned, taking a long, grateful gulp. "You really saved me."

Ginoza leaned forward, resting his forehead on his palm. "Kougami, we need to have a serious talk about you and your habit of breaking into people's houses-"

"I was drunk!"

"-when drunk. Well then, we need to talk about you needing to not go drinking with Kagari."

"... fine."

Eight months later

"We have a new officer joining our unit today," Ginoza announced from his desk. Everyone actually looked at him with some modicum of surprise. "She should be coming in for her very first shift soon. I expect you all to be accommodating, and Kagari, no taking her out for drinks."

The redhead drooped, muttering about bosses who were sucky drinkers as the doors slid open, and a young, short-haired brunette strode into the office. "Hello everyone, I am Tsunemori Akane, and I hope to work well with you all starting to-" Kougami froze at his desk at the voice.

He spun around, looking at the newcomer in horror right as she registered his presence. "What are you doing here?!" they yelled at the same time.

Ginoza groaned. "Well, there goes the neighborhood," he muttered.

Extra:

"Daddy, Daddy, how did you meet Mommy?" a little eight-year-old boy looked up at his father, eyes shining with curiousity. "Grandpapa Masaoka said to ask you!"

Kougami sighed. "You see, son, we met when I accidentally broke into her house after a night of drinking with Uncle Kagari."

"... hah?"

Ignoring his son's confusion, he added, "Listen now son, don't do what I did. There are plenty of other, better ways to meet a girl."

"... okay?"