Just To Hear Her Breathe

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

"I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" Aerosmith

Richard Castle snapped awake in the middle of the night, his heart pounding from a vivid nightmare borne of the multiple times he nearly lost the woman currently sleeping, peacefully tucked into his side. Her head was buried between his shoulder and her pillow and he could feel the steady cadence of her peaceful breathing warm against his chest.

In the past two months since the night she had showed up at his door soaking wet, kisses and apologies directed his way in nearly equal measure and the following night when she had faced down the man who had ordered the hit on her mother, they had spent nearly every night of her suspension together in either his bed or hers. Mostly his though, since there were too many interruptions at her place. Especially since there was a lot more privacy at the loft since Alexis and his mother had left for Europe.

The nightmares had come almost every night the first two weeks. The first and most vivid one had woken him that first morning. Panic had gripped him when Kate had been missing from his bed, though he recovered well enough when she walked into the room dressed only in one of his white shirts and a smile, carrying two cups of coffee.

Misunderstandings, closets, his mother and a hungover Alexis aside, he was overjoyed to finally have Kate to wake up to that morning. That he could make her feel safe and secure enough in the shelter of his arms to sleep through the whole night without nightmares of her own was a definite bonus.

Now if he could only get the dreams about her dying to stop. They were different every time but each and every one left him awake, disoriented and shivering. Until, that is, his eyes would fall upon her sleeping form. Though he trusted her with everything in his life, including his daughter, the nightmares were far too distressing to think about, much less relate to anyone...not even Kate. She was carrying enough guilt around where he was concerned and he wasn't going to add to it if he could help it.

The reassurance of her scent, the feel of her skin against his and the steady rhythm of her pulse and her breathing next to him were all the balm for his troubled soul that he would ever need. He could lie here forever watching her sleep at his side, simply listening to her breathe and it would not be a wasted life. She was helping him heal the gaping wound in his psyche that had been torn open the day she had been shot and the summer she was gone simply by being here, curled up at his side healthy and breathing.

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever

It comforted him more that she would ever know. The nightmares had come less and less frequently over the course of the summer and had nearly stopped altogether, thanks to her presence in his life and in his bed every night. The timing of this one had confused him until he realized the significance of the day. Her suspension was nearly over and she would be going back to the precinct in the morning. The job that since they had met had, on twelve separate occasions nearly killed her. He'd had a ringside seat for eleven of them, which was why he had the nightmares.

He would never ask her to give up the job that had defined her for nearly her entire adult life, so he would be going back with her. If she was going to put herself in the line of fire he was going to be there with her, watching her back. It was better than sitting at home waiting for the day when the boys showed up at his door to tell him she wasn't going to come home. He was not allowed to dwell on that unpleasant thought for long, before he was shaken from his reverie as she shifted a little next to him.

"Castle...the staring? Still creepy."she whispered in a barely conscious stupor.

Castle kissed her softly on the temple as she shifted next to him before finding a comfortable position at his side again and buried her face back into his chest.

"Go back to sleep Kate." he whispered into her hair while finding a comfortable position of his own as he closed his eyes and slowly fell back to sleep himself. Lulled into a more contented slumber by the rhythmic cadence of breathing.

I don't wanna miss one smile, I don't wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be with you, right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time

She was here, she was alive and she was breathing. It was all that he would ever need.

Tomorrow would take care of itself.