Hikago Oneshots

Fandom: Hikaru no Go.

Rating: T

Pairing: Hikaru/Sai, Hikaru/OCs.

Warning: Shounen-ai, drama, angst

Summary: People think that Shindou Hikaru is a playboy, a heartbreaker. That the only love in his life is Go. But, is it true?

Disclaimer: I do not own Hikaru no go, neither do I making any profit from this fic. This story is for fun only.

Beta Reader: forever-stained-crimson

-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-

Love Affairs

-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-

Shindou Hikaru was a heartbreaker.

He was a bright boy, active, loud and rude. Sometimes, he was too oblivious for his own good, especially when it came to his romantic life. The only time he showed any passion and desire was when he played Go.

Many said he was in love with Go, even more than Touya Akira and that was saying something. He was practically married to it. His obliviousness towards the romantic feelings people had for him had broken many hearts. Combined with his more or less careless and rude comments sometimes, it was no wonder he had never had a girlfriend even at the age of twenty-five. Sure, he'd had a fling or two every now and then but none of them had lasted for more than a month because his obliviousness drove his lovers away.

Or at least, that was what people thought.

What they didn't know was Shindou Hikaru was not as oblivious as he appeared to be. After all, no one would be able to miss the signs of love or attraction from others after you've experienced the same feelings yourself.

As soon as he experienced love of his own, Hikaru saw the way his childhood friend, Fujisaki Akari, felt about him. He wasn't interested in her the same way, but he didn't have the heart to reject her, especially when she didn't even confess her feelings to him yet.

So he just continued on acting oblivious as always and ignored every single hint his friend had thrown at him. He knew it wasn't fair of him to let her keep her hopes up about him, but he didn't know how to handle it without hurting her.

In return, he tried be as good a friend as he could, hoping that her feelings would fade with time or when she realized that he was not worth her time. Of course, it was naïve of him to think that would happen. Akari had invested too much of her time and heart in her feelings for him. So, when he saw Akari waiting for him in front of the Go Association, looking shy and nervous and clearly dressed up more than usual, he knew that he couldn't avoid her any longer.

Akari asked him to dinner, saying she wanted to try out a new restaurant she'd heard so much about lately but didn't have a friend to go with. She hoped Hikaru would be willing to go with her. Hikaru shrugged and went with her.

The dinner was nice and Hikaru even paid for it when Akari insisted she should pay since she was the one who invited him. It was the least he could do for her. They walked home together, recounting their childhood stories and laughing together. They stopped when they arrived at the park they'd spent so much time playing at when they were kids.

Nervous, blushing madly and stammering a bit, Akari confessed her love to him. She really looked adorable at the time. Hikaru smiled sadly and thanked her before rejecting her.

Tears welling up in her eyes, she asked why.

He told her that he only ever saw her as his best friend, as his sister, nothing less and nothing more. He also confessed that he already knew about her feelings for him for some time now and didn't do anything because he didn't want to lose her as a friend when he didn't return her feelings.

Luckily for him, Akari wasn't the type to push. She cried, that was understandable, and left him alone at the park. What she didn't know was that Hikaru – with heart full of regret – tailed her from the park to her home to make sure she arrived home safely.

After that, she avoided him because it was difficult for her to face him so soon. Hikaru didn't mind; he gave her all the space she needed. It was two weeks later before they began talking again and another four before they could talk normally instead of awkwardly. They were seventeen at the time.

-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-

Hikaru was eighteen when he first met her. She had a pleasant smile, a melodic sounding laugh and very long black hair.

Her name was Minamoto Maria.

She was one of his fans. Hikaru choked in shock and disbelief when he found out that he, along with other young pros, had a fan club that was filled with fan girls instead of go maniacs.

One day, she made him a Christmas gift and was bold enough to give it to him. He accepted the gift before he could even think about what he was doing.

Before Hikaru knew it, they had become friends. They often emailed each other, chatting about everything and nothing. He asked her out every time he wanted to go to a new place or watch new movies. She was so happy that she never refused him.

Her limited knowledge about Go was a bit of a letdown but at least she was an average player.

She was feminine and girlish and could be a giggling fan girl at times, but Hikaru didn't mind. Better a giggling fan girl than a screaming one. He also liked her feminity and elegance.

Soon after, his peers began to wonder about her. Rumors said they were a couple. His friends were wondering how Hikaru could end up with a gorgeous girl like Minamoto Maria. Hikaru neither denied nor confirmed the rumor because he didn't even know it existed. Minamoto, though, was quite happy with the rumors but she didn't dare to confirm it either, waiting for Hikaru to say something.

Touya Akira and Fujisaki Akari were the only ones who didn't like where Hikaru's relationship with this girl was going.

Why?

They claimed they were the ones who knew Hikaru the best because Akari was Hikaru's best friend who knew him since childhood and Touya was Shindou's rival so of course he knew all about his rival, mostly. They said it was the way Hikaru looked at Minamoto that unconvinced them of what was going on.

Hikaru always looked at Minamoto like he was searching for something that wasn't really there. He looked at her like she was somebody else. And that was foolish and also why this fling of his would end up in a mess.

Hikaru realized that his best friend and his rival were right when Minamoto confessed and kissed him for the first and the last time.

Her lips were invitingly soft. They were glossy in pink and looked delicious. Her breath was fresh and sweet. The way she closed her eyes when they kissed could make any man want to kiss her more and never have enough. And somehow, it felt wrong.

Hikaru rejected her right there and then and apologized for leading her on.

His face was bruised for a week and he earned himself a lot of hate mail and Minamoto's friends, in order to avenge her, formed an anti-Shindou Hikaru club. He also became front-page news at Go Weekly. Apparently, Kosemura-san happened to see when the rejection took place and took a picture of Hikaru getting slapped.

Waya laughed his head off at his expense. Isumi didn't give any comment but sent him a sympathetic smile. Akari sighed and shook her head in exasperation. And Touya looked smug.

-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-

Shindou Hikaru's next love affair was shocking to those who knew the full story which, luckily, only a handful people did.

His name was Rui. He was an eighteen year old model, two years younger than Hikaru. He was quite famous with his androgynous face and modeling of clothes for both genders. Most of the public wasn't sure whether he was a boy or a girl. His gender was being kept a secret, a selling point according to his manager and agency.

You really couldn't tell if he was a girl or a boy even with second or third glances, let alone at first glance. His cross-dressing habit to protect his secret didn't help any either.

But Hikaru could tell he was a boy the very first moment he saw him.

They met for the first time when he and Touya were at a photo-shoot in a studio. They were the topic for the next 'Promising Youth' column in a popular teenage magazine. Apparently, the Go community managed to gain audiences with how many young pros passed the exam in the last few years.

On their way out, they bumped into someone which turned out to be Rui and his manager. Being two obsessed Go players, Hikaru and Touya didn't know who Rui was. Touya and Rui apologized to each other while Hikaru just stared at the younger model. Touya elbowed him for his rudeness, snapping Hikaru out of his staring trance. Hikaru glared at his rival briefly before grinning charmingly at the model.

"Sorry, but you really caught me off guard. It's been a while since I've met such a beautiful guy like you," Hikaru said.

Rui and his manager looked surprised. Touya gasped in disbelief with a mortified look on his face and was about to scold him when Rui said, "Interesting. How do you know? Most people always think I'm a girl."

"Let's just say I have experience with beautiful and girly men," Hikaru grinned, leering at the surprised Touya. His rival glared at him at the implication while Rui giggled cutely.

After that, they went their separate ways as Hikaru and Touya had to leave and Rui had a photo shoot. They thought they would never see each other again.

A few days later, Hikaru bumped into Rui again in a bookstore when he was looking for a new book and didn't pay attention to his surroundings. They apologized to each other before recognizing the face of the person they bumped into and laughed. After that, Rui invited him to his favorite café for a cup of tea.

They reintroduced themselves properly this time since they didn't really get to do it the first time they met. Surprisingly, they had many things in common despite their very, very different occupations. Before long, they became friends and then became closer than friends.

His friends were shocked when they accidentally caught them kissing on a date, especially Touya since he was the one who knew for sure that Rui was a boy. They never knew that Hikaru swung that way.

When the public found out about their relationship, they became the hot news in both Go Weekly and teenage fashion world. People immediately assumed that Rui was a girl based on the fact that he was dating a boy. Silly, really. Fortunately, Rui's manager and agency didn't have any problem with it. In fact, his agency's director thought that this would make things more interesting when the truth came out. The man really was eccentric.

So, there they were. Except for Hikaru's close friends, no one knew about the truth behind Rui's gender. Not even his family knew that it was a boy and not a girl he was dating and Hikaru didn't bother to correct them.

In the end, it was a good thing since their relationship didn't last long. It turned out that Rui had liked his manager for quite some time now and he was using Hikaru to make him jealous.

When he confessed this to Hikaru, the Go prodigy just asked if it worked and Rui nodded guiltily. Surprisingly, Hikaru was pretty cool about it and told Rui to tell his manager about his feelings as soon as possible because life was too short to waste for something like the fear of rejection. It was only natural to be afraid of course, but he would never know if he didn't try first.

Rui smiled gratefully at him and after one last platonic kiss, he left to find the man he loved.

-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-

Touya Akira's confession was one of the most unexpected love declarations Hikaru had ever received. In fact, it wasn't even on the unexpected list, let alone an expected one. So, it came as quite a shock when he confessed.

Why?

Because the other man never showed any indication about how he felt for Hikaru other than their rivalry. Then again, the other prodigy never loved anyone or anything other than his parents and Go and those were different.

He was always a bit of a social-cripple and didn't really know how to interact with people around his age normally. So, apparently, what people assumed as annoyance and irritation when they fought and his possessiveness of Hikaru in passion for Go and rivalry were his way to express his love.

What shocked Hikaru the most was the fact that Touya confessed to him at his wedding day to Akari. Hikaru was rendered speechless and his mind was left blank. For a moment, Touya wondered if he had broken him.

When Hikaru finally tried to come up with an answer, Touya cut him off and said that he knew Hikaru didn't feel the same way. That was why he never bothered to confess before which was stupid according to Akari because she thought he should at least try.

Hikaru looked at his childhood friend in disbelief. Turned out, the reason Akari and Touya became close friends and later became a couple was their unrequited feelings for Hikaru.

Jokingly, Hikaru asked if their marriage was a union of two rejectees to stick together. He got a kick to the shin and a smack on the head for that. He yowled in pain while Akari giggled and Touya chuckled.

He was curious, though, about why Touya confessed to him now of all times if he never bothered before. Touya said it was so he didn't have unfinished business before starting a new life with Akari. So he can have closure for his feelings for Hikaru and could live the rest of his life without regret and what ifs. Akari supported him in this.

Hikaru said he was glad to help and he thanked him for his feelings and apologized that he didn't feel the same way. He wished them a great life together. Akari wished in return for Hikaru to find his one and only too so he could stop being a heartbreaker.

The bi-colored haired man protested indignantly that he wasn't a heartbreaker and then thanked her for her wish even though he knew that it would never come true.

"Of course it will," Akari claimed, "Everyone has their one and only, Hikaru."

"I already met that person, Akari. I found them and I lost them and so far, no one can replace them."

This time, it was the newlyweds' turn to be speechless at the pain and loss in Hikaru's eyes.

-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-

Hikaru was twenty-nine when his mother forced him into an omiai. He was furious. There was shouting match between Hikaru and his parents.

His parents, especially his mother, were worried that he lived alone in his apartment and would never get married. Considering his age, it was time for him to think about marriage and family.

In the end, Hikaru reluctantly went to meet the woman his parents chose for him. He was planning to apologize and explain to the woman his mother chose that he wasn't interested in marriage yet. Unfortunately for him, she liked him at first sight.

Hikaru just got his hair cut recently, but his hairdresser made a mistake and cut his hair shorter than usual and it looked ridiculous with his bleached bangs. They had to fix it by cutting it even shorter and shaped it into a stylish mess. Lastly, they had to get rid of the bleach, much to Hikaru's dismay.

His new look gave him a fierce and exotic looking appearance. And, apparently, he looked exactly like the woman's type.

The woman his parents chose was named Sawatari Rena. She was an attractive woman with long brown hair that reached her back and hazel eyes. She was five years younger than him and a bit pushy and manipulative for Hikaru's taste.

She didn't show it at first, of course. But Hikaru could see the traits in her eyes.

When Hikaru explained his story to her, she said she understood but the interest and determination in her eyes didn't go unnoticed by Hikaru. She said there was nothing wrong with being friends, though, and even if Hikaru wanted nothing more than to flatly say no, he had no reason to refuse.

Much to Hikaru's eternal dismay, Sawatari began to come to the Go Association to meet him regularly since that was the only way she could meet him in the middle of his busy schedule. At first, Hikaru would come out of the building to find her standing there waiting for him, charming every man who passed by with her beautiful looks and smiles.

She would ask him to accompany her to places to spend some time together since everyone was busy and it would be awkward and lonely to go by herself. Yeah, right, Hikaru thought.

When his friends found out that she was the woman from the omiai his parents arranged for him, Hikaru got teased here and there. Some people congratulated him and said it was about time for him to have a girlfriend and think about settling down, or that it figures that Hikaru would only get a beautiful woman through omiai. The last one was just a joke of course. Everyone still remembered Hikaru's previous relationships; all of his exes were beautiful.

Hikaru was vexed. He didn't want Sawatari. She thought that she had a chance just because Hikaru's friends approved of her. Fortunately, she decided to correct them herself before Hikaru could say anything.

From then on, though, she knew his friends from the Go world and became closer to them. Before Hikaru knew it, she didn't just stand outside the building waiting for him. No, she became so well known within the occupants of the building that she was invited to wait inside the waiting room with a cup of tea or given a tour around the building even though she didn't understand or have any interest in anything involving Go. In the end, she even tried to learn to play Go.

It seemed that although she understood Hikaru's wish to remain single for now, she was also determined to change his mind. She did everything she could to earn good points in Hikaru's eyes. Honestly, it was flattering. Hikaru could see how much she liked him, wished to be with him and it made him felt guilty that he was unable to return her feelings.

No matter how many times Hikaru told her he wasn't interested in anything more between them whenever the topic came up, she still remained undeterred.

Until she ran out of patience and finally snapped.

She asked, almost screamed, why Hikaru was not interested in her? Many men were attracted to her, why was Hikaru different? Was there something Hikaru didn't like about her? Was it her hair? Her clothes? Or what?

This time, she refused his evasive answer about not being ready or anything because it wasn't like she was forcing him to marry her right then and there. They could date first. Marriage didn't have to come up for another couple of years. Why was Hikaru so unwilling to try? What was his real reason?

"Tell me!" she demanded, nearly in tears.

Hikaru suddenly understood why a young and beautiful woman like her turned to omiai to find a spouse, because that was just desperate. She really was grating on his nerves. Finally, after being pushed and pushed until he was cornered, Hikaru also snapped.

"I'll tell you why! Yes, I like you as a friend, but not more than that. You're not my type. Not only do you have the wrong hair and clothes, you also have the wrong name, the wrong face and the wrong gender!"

Everyone who knew him could tell you that Shindou Hikaru wasn't the most tactful person that had ever been born into the world. Hell, he was tactless and rude most of the time because of how blunt his personality was. He tried to be better, of course. He really did try. Sometimes he succeeded other times he was hopeless. And it was Shindou Hikaru in general. When he was pissed… oh, well.

Never before has Hikaru gotten slapped so hard he saw stars. He even fell to the ground from the force of the hit. Sawatari hit like hell, he could give her that.

It was humiliating for Hikaru because their fight broke out in the middle of a sidewalk, free for any passerby to see. Sawatari screamed at him in frustration one last time before stomping away in fury, leaving Hikaru sitting dazed on the sidewalk. People either snickered at his expense or sent him sympathetic looks or shook their head in exasperation.

Of course, that wasn't the end of it.

Hikaru got a furious phone call from his parents the next day. They told him that Sawatari told her parents what happened and they complained furiously to them. His father was so angry and ashamed of his son's sexuality that Hikaru was disowned by the end of his father's rant. His mother was calmer and said she was disappointed that Hikaru didn't tell her but she understood and told him to call her whenever he wanted to talk. She, unlike her husband, didn't disown her only son but accepted him as who he was.

The next one was a phone call from Hikaru's grandparents. Hikaru had no idea how they found out so fast but thought that it was probably his father who told them. Much to Hikaru's relief, his grandparents only called to tell him that they loved him and would always support him in his choices as long as he was happy. Hikaru was grateful for them because he still stopped by his grandparents' place pretty often to visit Sai's goban.

Hikaru was contemplating not going to the Go Association that day. He just knew that everyone there would also know by now. It wasn't like he was ashamed or anything. Hell, he was even open about it when he was with Rui. Well, as open as he could be anyway. He just didn't think he could handle the roller coaster of excitement that would be sure to come from his friends. Waya especially. He was the only one who could compete with Hikaru in the term of tactlessness and rudeness. He didn't dare to imagine the torment he would get when they saw his swollen face.

But Shindou Hikaru was no coward.

So, chucking the ice he used to sooth the pain on his face, Hikaru got out of bed to get dressed. He was standing in front of the association half an hour later. Taking a deep breath, he walked in.

Hikaru didn't even reach the elevator before he heard someone shout his name. Just as he thought, Waya was the first to harass him about it. Isumi asked him about the recent rumors which were spreading around that morning.

Apparently, Sawatari was spiteful enough to spread rumors that he was a two-faced bastard and a coward for hiding his sexuality in the closet and using her as a cover and that he was leading her on and playing with her feelings for his own benefit. There were other rumors that were changing every time different people talked about them. And each one became more ridiculous than the one before it.

Hikaru explained to his friends what had really happened. Waya laughed at him. Well, at first he gaped and then assured Hikaru that he was still his friend as long as Hikaru didn't hit on him and then he laughed heartily at his current predicament. How loyal of him.

Isumi was torn between being sympathetic and exasperated. He thought Hikaru was very tactless about the way he rejected Sawatari. No wonder she was so spiteful and spread all those rumors.

Touya just sighed and shook his head at him just like all of those old people did when they say, "Young people these days…"

Akari's reaction more or less was like Isumi's.

After it was confirmed that the rumor about Hikaru's sexuality was true, while the other rumors were not, some of the older pros – like those that were thirty or forty something years older than him with outdated world views – were feeling scandalous about it and refused to play him.

Some of the younger pros, those who already resented Hikaru for his success, also felt the same and used this incident as more reason to hate him.

But the Go Association didn't approve of discrimination and refused to reschedule any of their matches with Shindou-pro. They stated that if anyone had a problem with playing Shindou-pro then they had the option to forfeit. No one would force them to play.

The only ones who didn't have a problem with Hikaru were his friends and a large enough number of young players. There were also supporters from older pros and non-pros who were interested in Hikaru professionally since he was young like former Touya Meijin, former Honinbo Kuwabara – Ogata Seiji finally succeeded in snatching his title five years ago, Honinbo Ogata, Kurata, and many others. They were the few who knew about Rui years ago after all and never said anything about it since it wasn't their business. The customers in Heart of Stones, Hikaru's favorite Go salon, didn't cease their support of him either.

Go Weekly wasn't so boring that week. They had a field day printing an article about Hikaru's recent love disaster. Hikaru was planning to kill Kosemura-san. The man just "happened to be in the same place" when the incident with Sawatari happened. Again.

All this chaos and Hikaru had to endure it with a face that was swollen for a week and bruised for two weeks.

-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-

It was a year later when Hikaru first saw his picture. There was an announcement at Go Weekly about the new pros that just passed the exam.

He was fifteen and passed the exam undefeated.

Hikaru's hands trembled as he held the papers. His eyes were wide in disbelief.

The pale porcelain face. The unique amethyst gems that were his eyes. The beautiful long black hair. He was not sure how long they were as it was only a small headshot picture. There were tiny red stones decorating the ears, you could see them if you squinted a bit. The smile was as beautiful as ever.

Hikaru's eyes furrowed in confusion and were suspiciously bright and glassy.

There were differences, though. A pair of inviting pink lips replaced the purple ones. The tall black hat and white robes were missing, replaced by a kimono.

Around him, his friends were looking at his reaction in confusion. Hikaru looked like someone who was struck by lightning in bright daylight. Waya was about to ask him what was wrong when someone approached them.

"Can you hear me?"

Hikaru choked at the sound of the familiar soft and melodic voice. It was higher than he remembered but it was close enough, very close. He felt the people around him turn to the source of the voice but Hikaru kept locking his gaze at the face on the paper.

"Can you hear my voice?"

The thirty year old closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, they were still bright but less glassy. Gulping nervously, he slowly turned to face the source of the heavenly voice. A voice he hadn't heard for so many years and missed more than anything in the world.

There, in front of him, was a young boy who looked a bit older than the age that was printed on the paper. His kind eyes were looking at Hikaru with so many emotions but the most obvious one was happiness. His lips were curled in a smile that Hikaru loved so much. His hair was as long and black as he remembered and still gleamed with purple in the light. He was wrapped in a beautiful lavender colored kimono with white clouds decorating the bottom part of the garment, white obi and a dark purple haori. His feet were wearing a pair of tabi and zōri and in his hands was a yellow paper fan.

Hikaru blinked. He was sure he was imagining things, seeing something that wasn't really there. How many times in the past that he thought he saw that person only to find out he was wrong?

He blinked again but the projection still did not disappear like it usually did. He looked at the projection pleadingly, silently begging to it.

The projection smiled an understanding, sad smile. "Can you hear me, Hikaru?"

There were gasps around him, no doubt everyone was looking at the teenager with disapproval at what they saw as his lack of respect for him. Considering that Hikaru was not just a Go pro, he had held the Jyuudan title for years, exchanging the Kisei title with Touya Akira every couple of years and also succeeded in stealing the Honinbo title from Ogata Seiji last year as a revenge for the merciless teasing about the Sawatari-disaster he got from the older pro.

Waya was about to start on a rant at the beautiful teenager but Isumi stopped him when he saw the way both Hikaru and the kid only had eye for each other. Like they didn't have care about the world around them, only about the person standing in front of them.

"Sa…Sai?" Hikaru's voice was shaking.

"It's been a long time, ne, Hikaru?" Sai smiled tearfully at him.

And just like that, Hikaru leaped forward, the Go Weekly had long dropped from his slackened grip. Everyone shouted in surprise and shock as he wrapped his arms tightly around the slim waist and buried his face into the crook of the teen's neck.

Sai's arms came up around his neck. Hikaru took a deep breath, taking in the scent he never got to smell all those years ago, soaking in the warmth and familiarizing himself with the smaller body that used to be bigger than him.

"Hikaru…," Sai's voice was soft and warm in his ear and so full of emotion.

"Sai…Sai…Sai….," Hikaru chanted, hugging the teen tightly as if his life depended on it.

Whispers and comments broke from the crowd but both Hikaru and Sai didn't care. Finally, he was not alone anymore. Finally, they met again. And this time, they would be together forever. He would make sure of that.

~Fin~