Epilogue: The Very Part of You

.

That night Susan lay awake, the events of the evening chasing through her mind. It had all happened so fast. She wasn't sure what had prompted her to take the Doc up to the lake, and let him see her like that, completely open and vulnerable. See how much she trusted him. How much she needed him. She had spent so much time trying to deny her feelings, hoping they weren't what she was afraid they were, but when she finally allowed herself to fully give into them, they had given her such pure, undiluted happiness. She felt like she was flying, soaring, like in a dream. It was almost as if she had made an unspoken promise to Mary not to close herself off, not to let the monster within her rule the person. She was… she was finally able to admit she was in love, and this time, she knew, it wasn't some high school crush; she wasn't some trophy or decorative appendage. Their relationship had been thoroughly tested; they had seen the worst of each other, and somehow, Susan knew, none of it mattered any more.

Her mind in a whirl, she watched as the clock numbers slowly changed, wishing she still had access to her computer or television or something. Eventually she got up, wrapped her sheet around her, and poked her head out the door. She stepped into the main common room, and smiled as she saw Cockroach sitting at his desk, his lamp the only light source in the huge room.

He turned as she approached, his eyes wide and luminous as he took in her barely-concealed form, the sheet doing little to hide her curves. "Susan, my dearest," he said, standing up abruptly and knocking over a delicately-assembled experiment. "Can't sleep either, I see…."

Susan leaned over his lab, resting her head in her hands, and smiled down at him. "Too much excitement, I guess." She held out a finger, and he kissed it with a low bow.

"A lot's changed," he agreed.

"A lot. My whole universe has changed. Again..." Susan sighed. "But this time, very much for the better," she added with a smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not sure. I mean, I'm not sure there's that much to say. I think in a way we're beyond words." She took a deep breath, her expression relaxed and happy. "Or perhaps I just can't find the right words." She inclined her head to one side, resting it on her arm, and looked over at the scientist. Stretching out her other hand, she let him hold her finger. "You know what this reminds me of? That night in DC, in my tent. When we talked together after the awards ceremony, just the two of us."

"Oh, I remember it very well indeed," he assured her. "I have thought about that night many times since."

"So have I," Susan admitted, turning a little pink.

Cockroach looked down at her finger, stroking it gently. "It was such sweet torture to be so close to you. To be unable to tell you how I felt. Or know what you felt at all. Because I could not let myself believe that anyone would ever look on me, on this monster that I am, with love."

"No need to worry about that now," she said, smiling. "I think even back then I was definitely starting to see you as, well, more than just a friend. I tried not to. I was a little confused, I guess. But it was too soon after Derek though, and I didn't want to risk getting burned again."

"I would never do that to you, my love. I could never hurt you," he said. "At least… not deliberately."

"I… I wish I could say the same," she said, biting her lower lip firmly, unable to meet his gaze. She sighed, and wiped a tear from her eye. "I never want to hurt you again. Or anyone. Not like that." She paused, and looked at her five-foot long hand lying on the floor by Cockroach's desk. If she wanted, she could crush his steel desk between her fingers without the least effort. Just the merest squeeze would flatten it. Would flatten almost anything…. She shuddered, trying to think about happier things.

"Let's not talk about Nancy, or Vegas," he told her. "Who we were once were is not who we are now."

Susan nodded. "Let's make a new beginning, starting from last night at the lake. No more secrets, no more lies, no more anger. We need to let ourselves love one another, without reservation."

Cockroach looked up at her, his huge amber eyes almost seeming to glow with reflected light. "Ah, but I always have," he murmured.

Susan smiled, then her face grew serious again. "You remember, back in DC, I was talking about how my mother said there were no real monsters, not really? But then I said we were real monsters: you, me, Link, Bob, Insecto. I was wrong then. I didn't really understand. It's not this sort of monster we should fear," Susan said, gesturing to her fifty-foot body. "It's the sort we can't see. The sort in here," she finished, pointing to her heart. "And when we act like monsters, it's not because of what we look like on the outside, it's because of who we are inside."

"That's what we all have to deal with, as monsters. Or even as humans," Cockroach said quietly. "It's the eternal struggle between the beauty and the beast."

"Yeah. That's what I've had to realise. That's what I had to accept, before I could truly accept being Ginormica."

"And you have, now?" Cockroach asked, a tinge of concern in his voice.

Susan smiled. "Well, there's no going back now. Ever." She paused, lost in thought for a moment. "And you know, somehow that makes it seems so much more real. Like, when I first came, I was always hoping to have the quantonium removed, then later, even though I was happy being Ginormica, I still knew that it could be removed. So it was never truly a part of me, not if it could just be taken out and put back in like… uh…."

"Bob's eye?"

"No!" Susan laughed. "I mean, well, sort of. It wasn't really me, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, perfectly, I assure you."

"Yeah, and now…. Now it's as much a part of me as my heart, my muscles, my bones; it can't ever come out. It's the very part of me that makes me, me. And so... for the first time I really feel as if I am not wearing a costume. That I really am Ginormica…."

"I know… somethin' about love…. You've gotta want it bad!"

"What is that dreadful noise?" Link asked, looking up from his magazine a few days later and catching sight of the giantess dancing across the common room. She spotted his gaze, and moved across to him, her huge feet thumping on the reinforced concrete floor as she pirouetted.

"If you want him to be… the very part of you…" Susan sang loudly, bending down close to the green fish-ape, a huge smile on her face. "That makes you want to breathe…."

"Do you have to do that here? Now?" Link growled, glowering up at Susan.

"Ever since the world began, it's been that way," Susan sang, then gave him a quick kiss on the top of his head.

"Why on earth are you so happy?" Link asked, quickly wiping his head with a grimace.

"Is it your birthday?" Bob asked. "I love birthdays! Oh, Link, remember that birthday I had when we played piñata with the plane?"

"Only too well," Link replied bitterly. "And it's not her birthday. That's in November. Now get off the table!" He pushed at the blue blob, but only managed to embed his arm in Bob's cytoplasmic matrix. "So why are you so happy-clappy, Giny?" he added, looking back up at Susan.

"Pooh! Why are you so grumpy?" Susan asked him, trying to pout and not entirely succeeding in preventing a wide grin from taking over.

"I ain't grumpy," he shot back. "I'm just trying to read the latest issue of Surfer in peace."

"Hey, I'm sorry," Susan said, not sounding sorry at all. "I'm just feeling rather…" She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "…happy with my life."

"You've been all soppy and smoochy with Doc, yeah, we know. You haven't exactly been discrete about it."

"Oh come on, you're not jealous are you? Uh…. You're not jealous, are you?" she repeated, this time with a tinge of concern in her voice, looking a little surprised.

"You love Doc?" Bob asked Link, his eye wide.

Link rolled his eyes and ignored the blue blob. "Of course I'm not jealous of you," he said. "I think it's great you two finally acknowledged what was staring you both in the face for weeks. I just wish you… you wouldn't be so in my face about it."

Susan's expressive face immediately changed to showing deep concern. "Oh, Link, I'm so sorry. I never realised—I mean, I never stopped to think. I'm sorry, I am. I wish there was someone for you. I really do."

"Nah, it ain't that, Giny. I know there isn't another one like me out there. Anything remotely like me died out God knows how many aeons ago."

"I… I know. I should have been more… more considerate. I've just been too caught up in my own, well…." Susan sat down, her expression serious. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry. I let my happiness get away from me a bit."

"Now wait a mo' there, sister," Link told her sternly. "I never said you shouldn't be happy. You deserve it as much as any of us—hell, more than any of us. I'm not resentful of your happiness. Not for a minute, and don't you dare think I am. You and Doc go together like chalk and cheese. Like oil and water. Like fish fingers and custard."

Susan bit at her finger, looking puzzled. "Um, I'm not quite sure if what you said is what you meant. Fish fingers and custard?"

"Ooh, yum!" Bob exclaimed. "Is that what we're having for dinner?"

Susan laughed. "Never mind. I get what you mean. And thanks."

"Yeah, well, I don't have a lot of comparisons, but he's a ton better than Derek the Jerk," Link admitted. "But if he hurts you, I'll kill him."

"I don't think you'll have to go quite that far," Susan told him.

"Yeah, well…. I just don't want…." He trailed off, and resumed staring at his magazine fixedly.

"Don't you dare break up with us!" Bob called sternly.

"Huh? Break up with you? But I'm not…. Oh." Susan's face fell as she realise what the blue blob meant. "Oh. No. No, no, no. This is so not going to affect us at all. You, me, Link, Doc, Insecto…. We're a team, we're gonna stay a team. Okay, I've been spending a lot of time with Doc lately, but come on, I'm not going to neglect you! Any of you!"

"Nah, I know you won't," Link told her. "You're cool, Giny. I'm just an old hairy fish. Don't mind my grumpiness. I just don't want anyone getting hurt."

Susan bent down and gave him another quick peck on his head before he could react. "Never! You guys are all too important to me for that."

"Ginormica! You have a visitor!"

Susan turned as Monger's amplified voice suddenly boomed across the common room.

"Amy!" Susan called happily as Monger's jeep drove in with the young girl beside him. Then she felt her heart skip a beat as she wondered what her friend must think of her now. How could she ever regain the young girl's trust, after everything she had done?

"Uh, hello, Susan," Amy said a little shyly, waving briefly as Monger pulled up.

"Hi Amy. I'm really glad you came, you know," Susan said, bending down on one knee. "I was, you know, kinda hoping we could talk. I was afraid that after what happened, you know, in... in Vegas… that you would think I…. That I was a monster again."

Amy glanced quickly at Monger, then looked back at Susan again. "I…. It was… it was scary, seeing it on the news," she admitted. "I couldn't believe it, when I saw… when I saw you. I didn't want to. But… it was true, wasn't it?"

Susan nodded, blinking back a few tears. "I'm so, so sorry I disappointed you, Amy. I wanted to be a good role model for you, a bit like a big sister. But I failed, dreadfully." She sat down cross-legged on the floor, and idly picked at some of the stitching on her jumpsuit, not meeting the other girl's eyes. "I… I got put on trial and thrown in jail. I'm now a real prisoner, a proper prisoner, because I'm a… a criminal. A… killer." She choked back a sob, and took a deep breath. She would not give in to self-pity, she told herself sternly. And especially not in front of Amy. She had no right to pity herself. None.

"I'll leave you for now," Monger told them, cutting into Susan's thoughts. "Back in one hour, Miss Marshall."

"Thank you General, sir," Amy said, and Susan saluted as he drove off.

"You know, I don't know if I ever properly thanked you for what you said about me on Wolf News that time," Susan said softly. "It really… it really meant a lot to me. Your support really helped me when I was feeling pretty depressed."

"I just…. I thought someone should stick up for you," Amy told her. "Back when people were being so mean about, well, you know. General Monger arranged it, through Dad, when I asked why they didn't have any of your friends on the TV."

"It was really brave of you," Susan said. "You were amazing."

"I was just doing what friends do," Amy said, blushing scarlet.

"Do you… do you think we can still be friends?" Susan asked quietly. "I mean, I'll understand if you're scared of me now, or don't trust me…."

Amy shook her head. "I'm a little scared, to be honest. I mean, after seeing how, um, strong you are. But I know you only got mad because your friend was killed. So you sort of had a reason. But I know you're not really like that. Not normally. I don't think you'd try to hurt me or anything."

Susan shook her head emphatically. "Never! And if anyone ever tried, I'd…." She stopped abruptly. "Well, I wouldn't let them," she finished, cracking a slight self-deprecating smile. Wanna come up?" she added, holding her palm out.

"Sure!" Amy climbed on and held tight as Susan carefully lifted her up. "Wow, I forgot how cool this was!" she shouted. "Higher!"

"My pleasure," Susan said with a smile, stretching to her full height. "And I mean it. It's nice to be able to use my size to make people happy." She carefully set Amy down near the table, and took her own seat. "So, uh…. How's things been since the alien ship crashed. Everyone okay?"

"Okay, I guess. We've been living underground, in temporary barracks," Amy explained. "It kinda sucks."

"Just like us!" Bob exclaimed. "We live underground too!"

Amy's face fell. "Uh, sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I guess you all do live underground."

"Nah, don't worry about it," Susan said. "It was hard to get used to at first for me too."

"So, what brings you here today my dear?" Cockroach asked, handing Amy a mug of cocoa and taking a cup of Darjeeling for himself.

"I know! The General did! In his jeep! Right?" Bob asked excitedly.

"Technically, I guess he did," Susan laughed. Then her expression turned serious. "But Amy's here so we can—well, I guess she's here so I can tell her how sorry I am to have disappointed her."

Cockroach dumped half a dozen teaspoons of sugar into his tea, and stirred it. He sipped at his sweet tea, then put the cup down. "Amy, my dear…. I know Susan very well. I know you have nothing to fear from her, ever."

Amy shook her head. "No, I know she wouldn't. I was just a little nervous before coming that… well, I was mainly worried that I'd be afraid of you," she finished, looking up at her huge friend. "But for some reason I'm not. Not at all. I just can't see you as… as that sort of person. I just can't see you as a monster."

Susan glanced at Cockroach, and sighed. "I wish I'd been as mature as you, Amy," she said. "I wish I'd been able to see only the person, not the monster. But the last few weeks…. I've only been able to see the monster. In me, in Doc, in my other friends. I couldn't see past the monster…."

"I used to think it would be so cool to be you," Amy said quietly. "Now…. Now I guess it is kinda hard to be a giantess."

Susan shook her head. "It was never about being a giantess. I mean, not as such. Not the size thing. It was about dealing with the power and strength I had—I have. I found it hard… harder than I realised. I didn't know just how badly I was coping until I—I, er, lost control."

"But you're okay now, right?"

Susan smiled. "Yeah. I think so. I'm learning how to control, uh, things. Learning discipline," she finished quietly, thinking of Mary's comment. "I have to, if I'm to be this big and strong."

"The General told me you were made small again by the aliens. Didn't you want that? Don't you miss being able to, you know, just do normal things?"

Susan shook her head. "No, I don't mind. Not really. Yeah, I lose some things. But they're mostly not very important things. Crap like shopping and fashion—all the things I thought I missed out on by being Ginormica. Things like not being in charge of my own life. Less privacy, modesty. But there are so many more important things, so many things I have gained."

"So you don't ever want to be normal-sized again?" Amy asked.

"Nope. In fact, the aliens have made it so I can never get small again. I'm going to be fifty feet for the rest of my life." Susan leaned back on her sofa, her hands behind her head. "Well forty-nine feet, eleven inches, technically, but over fifty in heels. Any heels," she joked. "It's a big, big world, but I'm a big, big girl." She paused. "It's weird, really. I mean, I'm pretty sure the amount of quantonium in me now isn't the same as the initial amount, since we got it from the Romebot, but I'm still the same size. Precisely nine times bigger. Doc reckons it's some sort of constant: a given amount of quantonium will always make someone exactly nine times bigger. Trouble is, he has no idea how much is required."

"Do you think the aliens know?"

Susan nodded. "I bet they do. I bet there's a ton of stuff they know about it that they're not sharing."

Amy looked surprised. "They don't trust us?"

"Nope. They basically think we're half-savages. Shooting down their explorer ship back in '47 didn't help. And I guess we were a little too, uh, direct about rescuing the President, wrecking their ship and all. In fact it was only as we stayed behind to repair the reactor and rescue the bridge crew as well that they're even talking with us."

"One of the aliens is here in the base, right?" Amy asked. "Daddy told me."

"Yup. His name's Xalthazar. He's… okay, I guess. He's nice enough, but a bit snobby. We don't see him much, 'coz he's got his own quarters. But he and Doc have been working together a bit."

Amy grinned. "So anyway, you and the Doc…."

"Yeah, me and the Doc. Or Jacques, I guess. I suppose I should call him by his name, now that we've, uh, now that we're…."

"So… you two kissed?"

Susan glanced at Cockroach, who was making a big show of carefully reading a book, and laughed. "Yeah, we kissed. Which is all you need to know at this stage, Amy."

"Oh, I never get to hear about the fun stuff!"

Susan laughed. "Well, I can tell you that I'm glad he's very strong: I can hold him much harder than a normal human, which is good, because sometimes I just want to hug him and squeeze him and kiss him and… I think that's about enough about that for now."

Cockroach's antennae vibrated strongly, and Link almost choked into his coffee. Susan shot him a quick glare.

"I wonder what sort of guy I'll end up with…" Amy mused.

"Whoever it is, make sure you love him for who he is, not what he is. I was engaged to a man that turned out to be a nasty monster. And now I am in love with a monster who is a wonderful man. A man who can love a monster…."

"Ah, but you, my dear, are not a monster but an angel," Cockroach told her.

"I thought we were all monsters?" Bob asked, looking confused.

"We're all people," Susan told him firmly.

"What's the difference?" Bob asked.

"This," Susan told him, bending down and gently kissing the top of Bob's head.

"Spittle? Lips?"

"No, silly. Love. That's the difference between a monster and a person. It's how we act, not what we look like. And when we act like monsters, it's not because of what we look like on the outside, it's because of who we are inside."

"So who are you on the inside?" Bob asked.

Susan's smile faded. "I'm not sure yet. So many things have happened to me. But I do know this," she continued, her voice gaining strength. "As long as I have my friends with me, I'll never be a monster again."

"Monsters!"

Susan looked around in surprise as the cyborg suddenly flew in. "What is it, General?"

"The world needs you again, again!"

The general landed and activated the new operations panel. It rose smoothly out of the area below Cockroach's lab as the other monsters assembled in front of it. The central screen showed a map of Europe, with a blinking dot to one side.

"Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor. As we speak, Escargantua is sloowwwly making its way to Paris!" Monger finished with a dramatic pose, and Susan looked around at her friends with a smile.

"Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Now who's with me?"

"Yay, another plane trip!" Bob cried.

"We all are, of course!" Link told her. "One for all!"

"And all for one," Cockroach added, looking up at her tenderly. "Always…."

"Yes…" Susan said softly. "I know…."

She straightened up and stretched, for a moment seeing her friends down on the living area, small, like living dolls again. But then she blinked and only saw them as they were, as people, as her friends, equal in size to her in everything that mattered. She finally knew that her size meant nothing in her relationship with them, and never really had. She finally felt completely normal, completely accepted. Her only regret was that it had taken so much pain and suffering to make her realise that she always had been.

. . .

THE END

...

WORDM'S NOTES: First off, big apologies for the huge delay. This was very hard to write, as initially I was going to introduce a number of themes that I wanted to treat in the sequel to this, and it took some time to think of what they might be. However, since I have not really even made a start on outlining the sequel, I decided I better not lock myself into anything I might regret. I was also going to introduce a new monster in this part, but again, that was running long and ended up working better in the next story. So on the plus side, the first two chapters of the sequel are largely written...

Not a lot of factual notes behind this. "Fish fingers and custard" is of course taken from Dr. Who. The title, and the song Susan sings, you should (?) all recognise from the song sung in the movie when Susan is getting ready for the wedding.

And really that is that. I have a few ideas for other stories, including a couple of short ones, so I am pretty sure you haven't seen the last of me here. In the meantime, thanks for everyone who read it this far, especially my generous reviewers and favouriters, and I hope it was nearly as fun to read as it was to write. So, as they say with Bond movies...

GINORMICA WILL RETURN

in

-=TO THE EDGE OF NIGHT=-