Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. It is owned by the awesome Sorachi Hideaki-sensei, Sunrise and Shueisha.

Rating: T

Genre: Romance, Humor

Summary: Like many other girls during Valentines, Tsukuyo is on a mission to give chocolates to the people she knows. However, doing that is not easy with the harem and a lazy permed samurai being in the way. GintokixHarem, GintokixTsukuyo.

Author's Notes: I know that I should be updating Truth. I also know that I should be working on that HijikataxMitsuba lemon that someone has asked me to do. I also know that I really should get started on that GintokixHarem fic of mine. However, this idea kept on bugging me so I have no choice but to write it. This fic would be in three parts, so enjoy!

The Valentine Crisis

A Gintama Fanfiction

By Kurasuchi~

XOXOX

CHAPTER 1

A Sudden Mission

XOXOX

The month of February brought a lot of problems to the girls.

Such is the thought of a certain Shinigami Dayuu as she strolled along the streets of the infamous red-light district, with a young boy following her shortly thereafter. Her kiseru still held firmly in her hands, she then took a puff of smoke and allowed herself to calm down for a little while. However, with all things considered, she was unable to contain her cool.

Ever since Yoshiwara was liberated from the rule of Housen, a lot of people moved to the district and decided to settle there. About one-fourth of the whole male population was now composed of the newly-moved residents, only to increase by each passing year. And with the opening of numerous establishments here and there, customs from the surface had only gone stronger than ever before.

And such a custom… was the giving of chocolates to the guys.

She had known for a very long time that it was a custom to give chocolates during Valentines. And even though she never knew the reason why they did that, she didn't bother on knowing it as it was irrelevant to her own interests. Thus, she had spent all her days ignoring that said event every single year.

That is, with the exception of that one time when Kagura had gone to her place to ask help for giving her chocolate.

…Though she wouldn't count it as one, given the fact that they have butchered the said custom by their crazy antics. Seriously, would smashing some choco onto the face of the guy whom you would give your chocolate to even count? Does coating one's self in chocolate even count? Such things aren't normal, though the word "normal" doesn't exist in her dictionary anyway.

Heaving a deep sigh, she then looked at her younger companion in silence.

"Seita, let's take a stop there, shall we?" she suggested, pointing out to a stall on their right. "I can buy you some chocolate if you want."

Hearing this made the said young boy chirp up in response. "Really, Tsukuyo-nee? That's great! Come on, let's go!"

And without wasting another second, the two of them took a stop at some random stall in Yoshiwara. After ordering two sticks of dango and a couple of drinks, they then sat on a stool and ate in silence. That is… until Seita decided to break down the looming silence between them.

"Tsukuyo-nee, you've been acting weird since the other day. What's wrong? Don't you like Valentines?"

Tsukuyo just looked back at him with an unfazed expression. "What the hell are you talking about, Seita? Valentines is just like any other day of the year. There's nothing special about it."

"But don't you have to give chocolates as well? I heard that every girl here in Japan gives chocolates to all the men they know. Shouldn't you prepare for it as well? Valentines is tomorrow!"

"I don't care," she trailed off, sighing. "Why should I follow such a custom? Doing something like that is a waste of time. During the Valentine season, there is an increase on the number of visitors here in Yoshiwara. Love hotels are appearing like flies everywhere as well. I'm busy during these times of the year."

'And besides, giving chocolates is troublesome,' she thought to herself.

"Eeh?! But didn't you give chocolates to Gin-san last year? You even teamed up with Kagura-nee and Sacchan-nee!"

Tsukuyo became beet red upon hearing this. How come he knows about something like this? And it's not last year, it happened back on 2011 in the anime! And in the manga, maybe the year before that! It's already 2013, dammit!

"J-Just where the hell did you hear that, Seita?! I didn't! I haven't given any chocolates to anyone! Especially not to Gintoki!"

"Eeeeh?! But Kaa-chan said that you—"

"That's nonsense! That's absurd! Anyway, let's drop the subject! Seita, once you're finished eating we'll go home at once!"

"What?! But it's still early, Tsukuyo-nee! That's unfair!"

Just as when Tsukuyo was about to give her reply, the shop owner decided to chirp into their conversation by presenting a book about chocolates right in front of the Shinigami Dayuu.

Tsukuyo couldn't find the right words for this. "Y-You… what are you…?"

The middle-aged woman just smiled at her. "A young woman like you shouldn't be too uptight on yourself, Tsukuyo-san. It's Valentines tomorrow. You should act like girls your age."

"I don't consider myself as a woman anymore," she replied. "I've thrown away my femininity ever since I swore to be the protector of Yoshiwara. I don't have time for this nonsense."

"You say so, but all of us knew that you don't think like that anymore. That famous savior of Yoshiwara is the one you had set your eyes on, is it not? You should be making haste now since he'll probably get loads of chocolate tomorrow!"

Tsukuyo just rolled her eyes at the notion. "Nah, he won't. The chocolates he received before were from few to nil. There's no way that's ever gonna happen." She then glared daggers at the two people in front of her. "And besides, why do you guys keep on mentioning Gintoki? There's nothing like that between us!"

"B-But Tsukuyo-nee, aren't you—"

"Seita, we're going home! Now!"

And before Seita can even protest, she then dragged him back home at Hino-ya, with her never realizing the fact that she also carried the book with her.

XOXOXOX

Seita was worried. Tsukuyo-nee had been acting weird ever since this week, and she even became weirder at their conversation earlier. He didn't say something which offended her, did he?

During the times when she took him for a walk, he noticed that Tsukuyo-nee kept on staring at chocolate shops with a longing expression on her face. That's also the reason why he suggested that she should be preparing her chocolates for tomorrow as well. But for some reason, she kept on denying everything, even though she was too fidgety at the mention of the word "chocolate".

Really, if that wasn't called "acting weird", then he wouldn't know what it is.

"But Seita, it's just normal for girls her age to be in denial about something like that. But she'll come around sooner or later, right?"

Hearing this statement from his surrogate mother, Seita just stared at her in response. "But Kaa-chan, Tsukuyo-nee's really been acting weird! Just today when we came to eat dango at some stall, when the shop owner told her to give chocolate to Gin-san, she just became all flushed and fidgety and irritated all of a sudden!"

Hinowa just smiled at this. "Oh, is that so? Well then, that's good news."

"What good news?! Aren't you worried about Tsukuyo-nee?"

"Don't worry, Seita," she hushed the young boy. "Tsukuyo can handle it just fine. I just have the perfect plan… She wouldn't mind some assistance, right?"

XOXOXOX

Footsteps can only be heard along the engawa as Tsukuyo walked briskly towards Hinowa's room upon the latter's request.

Tsukuyo was used on being called by Hinowa for urgent meetings, though she found it odd that she would still have to make the said meeting in private. Usually, when Hinowa wants to talk to her about something, she'll say it immediately, with no more distractions. But this time though… was different.

Nevertheless, fretting about such matters didn't help at all. And thus, when she slid the shoji open, the first thing that came out of her mouth was about the agenda of their meeting.

"It's nothing important, Tsukuyo. There's nothing to worry about," replied the so-called 'Sun of Yoshiwara' with a huge smile on her face. Tsukuyo doesn't know why, but she felt that smile to be somehow unsettling…

She sighed. "Then, what is it, Hinowa? What is it that you want to tell me?"

"Come on, don't be so uptight. Come over for some tea and we could have some girl-to-girl talk."

Somehow, hearing those words made Tsukuyo anxious that she even thought of backing off. However, faced with Hinowa's gentle smile, she was left with no other options but to comply.

She then took a seat on a zabuton and took a cup of tea. Taking a sip from it, she then looked at Hinowa in silence.

"Tsukuyo, what are your plans for this coming Valentines?"

And Tsukuyo spat the tea out of her mouth. Luckily, it didn't hit Hinowa.

"V-Valentines?! H-Hinowa, what are you saying?! Don't tell me you're going along with their plan?"

"Hmm? What plan are you talking about?" she replied, smiling. "I have no idea on what you're talking about."

"Y-You know! That one! The plan about getting me and Gintoki together! Lately almost everyone here had been taking measures to hook the two of us up and it's annoying me!"

"Hmm… I see. Still, you'd be more convincing if you weren't acting so flustered and fidgety, you know."

Tsukuyo took a few seconds to decipher what Hinowa had just said. What does she mean about that? She wasn't acting all flustered and fidgety! She was just denying all kinds of allegations about her relationship with him, that's all! As if she would come to like that lazy bum of a samurai!

Trying her best to calm down, she then heaved a deep sigh and took a sip out of her tea once again.

"So, how about it? What are you gonna do this Valentines?"

"Nothing," Tsukuyo nonchalantly replied. "Just the usual routine, that's all."

"Going on patrol?"

"Yeah, exactly that. I won't do anything else aside from that."

"That's great then!" chirped Hinowa. "I knew I can count on you!"

Hearing this made Tsukuyo even more anxious. "J-Just what do you mean by that, Hinowa? Don't you mean…?"

The older woman just nodded her head. "Yeah. You'll be giving out chocolates."

Upon hearing such a notion, Tsukuyo immediately stood up and walked towards the shoji.

"W-Wait, Tsukuyo! I'm not finished yet!"

Tsukuyo just looked back at Hinowa in silence and took a puff out of her kiseru. "And that's why I'm gonna leave first. I don't wanna take part of this stupid tradition anymore. You won't make me give chocolates to Gintoki, ever!"

"But I haven't said anything about Gin-san, right?"

Tsukuyo blushed in embarrassment upon hearing this. Shaking her head out of such thoughts, she then sat on the zabuton once again.

"So… if it's not that… then what do you want me to do? Why would I be giving out chocolates?"

"Well, do you know about the kinds of chocolate that most people on the surface give during Valentine's Day?"

"What are you talking about, Hinowa? Of course I do. There's milk chocolate, dark chocolate, chocolates in the shape of bars, hearts, homemade choco—"

"No, no, I don't mean that. I mean, those are also kinds of chocolate, but what I refer to is different. Do you know about giri choco and honmei choco?"

"K-Krillin choco? Hinowa, there's a chocolate based on Dragonball?"

"That's different, Tsukuyo. And besides, my favorite character isn't Krillin, it's Yamcha."

"But Bulma was already taken by Vegeta. I bet Yamcha was secretly plotting on killing Vegeta whenever he sees Trunks goof off around somewhere."

Hinowa's smile faltered a bit. "Tsukuyo, are you trying to divert our conversation here?"

"No, not at all. Just continue, Hinowa."

"Well then, just as what I'm saying—on the surface there are three kinds of chocolate that girls usually give during Valentines. One of them is tomo choco, which girls give to other girls who are also their friends. Another kind of chocolate is giri choco, or obligatory chocolate. This is usually given by girls to almost all the men they know, whether they may be their boss, acquaintance or just a friend from work."

Tsukuyo seemed a lot curious upon hearing this. "And what's the third one, Hinowa?"

"The third kind of chocolate is honmei choco, which girls usually give to the guys they like. Honmei chocos are usually more extravagant than the rest."

"So… what kind of choco would I give?"

"Of course, honmei—I mean… giri choco. You'll be giving out giri choco to the guys we know. And I want you to give out chocolates as thanks for all the help they've given to Yoshiwara. After all, this district has become what it is now thanks to all their help, right? That's why… I want you to give them chocolate as a token of gratitude. Of course, you'll be giving it to them as a representative of Yoshiwara."

Tsukuyo tried to weigh her options about the matter at hand. Sure, giving out giri choco doesn't mean anything, but what would she do if someone interprets the fact that she's giving out chocolate into something else? What if someone mistook giri choco into honmei choco? What kind of choco would she give Gintoki? And why the hell is she thinking of giving him anything anyway? Such thoughts flooded her mind right at that moment, and she doesn't know what to do.

"Tsukuyo? What do you think?"

She sighed.

As long as she gave out choco in behalf of Yoshiwara, everything would turn out fine, I guess?

"Guess I have no other choice," she replied, before taking a smoke out of her kiseru. "I'll do just that, Hinowa."

XOXOXOX

Tsukuyo cannot stop the nervousness that had been creeping out of her consciousness as soon as she arrived at the front door of the sweets shop that sells Valentine chocolates. She knew that there isn't any reason for her to get nervous since she'll only be distributing chocolate in behalf of Yoshiwara, but still, she cannot help but feel nervous all of a sudden.

Taking a deep breath, she then entered the establishment and ordered for chocolates.

"Oh? Tsukki! You've come back! So, how did it go with the Yorozuya? Did you give them the chocolate?"

Much to her surprise, the old man who also sold them some chocolate years ago was still the same one who greeted her upon entering the establishment. However, what irritated her was the fact that he just called her "Tsukki" as if he knew her all too well.

"That's none of your business! And don't you dare call me Tsukki goddammit! And how did you know about that anyway?!"

"What are you talking about? Of course I know all about it! After all, I'm the one who wrote it on that big chocolate heart last time! Check it out on Lesson 295!"

Tsukuyo heaved a sigh. Arguing about this matter was pointless, since it seems like the old man had an exceptional memory that he even remembered such a thing from a few years back.

"Anyway, on to business. I'm here to buy some chocolates, and—"

"You want to give out chocolates, right? Then why don't you give them handmade chocolates? It's better to give them handmade than commercial ones!"

Hearing that voice out of nowhere, Tsukuyo then looked behind her and found a middle-aged woman who now gave her a pamphlet.

"S-Shouko-san!"

"Hello to you, darling. I've come to take one of your customers to my school, that's okay with you, right?"

"O-Of course! Just do as you please!"

From their conversation, Tsukuyo deduced that the woman named Shouko was the sweet shop owner's wife. However, she shrugged that thought off as soon as she looked at the pamphlet on her hands.

Tsukuyo couldn't believe her eyes. "Chocolate-making class? For free…?"

"Yeah," agreed the said woman. "It's all free. Do you wanna enroll?"

Everything looked so good to be true, she told herself. Still, she believed that it was good manners to accept the offer, especially if the woman was actually being persistent about it. Sighing to herself, she then agreed.

Well, it's better to be more economical, I guess.

XOXOXOX

And so as soon as she agreed to it, Shouko-san then led Tsukuyo to the hall where she'll be holding her chocolate-making class. And as they were walking down the hallway, the woman then asked Tsukuyo if she's going to give her chocolate to someone important.

What pissed her off though was the fact that as soon as she had mentioned that, the image of Sakata Gintoki immediately came to mind.

"N-No! It's not like that at all. I was just… yeah, I was just asked to give giri choco on behalf of Yoshiwara! It's not like I was trying to give chocolate to anyone at all!"

The woman just laughed at this. "Okay then. It's sure good to be young. You youngsters are all so cute while in denial. Oh, that's right, your classmates are all enthusiastic young people as well. I'm sure you're gonna get along well."

"I hope so too," replied Tsukuyo. She felt a little bit anxious when the woman said 'enthusiastic', though she just reasoned out to herself that there's no way that they would attend such a class.

…But such thoughts were thrown out of the window as soon as she saw who her classmates are.

"Ara! Tsukuyo-san! You're attending this class as well? What a coincidence! Right, Kyuu-chan?"

"That's right Tae-chan. I never thought that this class would be full of people we knew."

"Aaaah! Tsukki! You're here! I was wondering if you're gonna be giving Gin-chan and Shinpachi chocolates again so I went to that store but somehow I was dragged into here and—"

"Wait a sec! Kagura-chan! What do you mean by that?! You mean Tsukki has been giving Gin-san chocolates?! I won't allow this! I won't allow this travesty!"

"Welcome to the class, Tsukuyo-sama. I am here as per Otose-sama's instructions to instruct this class on making chocolates."

"Oi, Tama. Stop doing that and just do your work. And you, Tsukuyo, should go to your seat now. You'll be attending this class, right? I'm going to start my lessons soon, so it's best for you to do as I say."

"Otose-san, do I really have to stay outside? A cute cat girl like me should be making chocolates as well!"

Tsukuyo cannot believe her eyes. Almost every single idiotic woman that she knew gathered into one place… and as her classmates no less! No matter what she does, she cannot believe it.

"Ugh.. I think I'm hallucinating."

The woman beside Tsukuyo can only smile at her. "You're not hallucinating at all, Tsukuyo-san. This is reality. They're quite an interesting and enthusiastic young bunch, aren't they? They're so lively!"

"No, they're more than lively! They're beasts! It'll be chaotic if they're gathered into one place! And besides, I thought you'll be the one to teach us!"

"Me? That's nonsense. I'm just a recruiter for more students, that's all."

Tsukuyo was dumbfounded upon hearing this. Forget about giving chocolates, how is she going to make them if she's with those ridiculous idiots?!

"And oh, I heard that they are going to have a lot of teachers for this class, so better be prepared!"

She can only flinch at this notion. She can only hope that the teachers would be different from what she had expected.

And just as when Tsukuyo was about to go to her designated place, she then noticed Shimura Tae approach Shouko-san.

"Sensei, look at my chocolate! It looks delicious, isn't it?"

Tsukuyo almost fainted at the sight of the chocolate atop of Otae's hands. That's the… infamous dark matter, isn't it? So she even burned the chocolate?!

"Oh, it looks great! Let me taste it, Otae-chan!"

Just what the hell is wrong with your eyes? It doesn't look great at all!

And before Tsukuyo can even say anything, Shouko-san already took a bite out of Otae's chocolate… and as soon as she tasted it…

…She fainted.

The whole class screamed in unison.

"S-SENSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIII II!"

『つづく』

Author's Notes:

Hmmmm… quite short as compared to my usual chapters, isn't it? Well, it's better this way. The updates are faster if it's like this. And besides, I've only written this today! Isn't that great? I guess the next chapters would be tomorrow.. or on Valentines..

Anyway, I'll be updating this fic as soon as possible since it's just short. So keep on waiting for my updates guys, since I'll still be updating Truth for this month!

Next Chapter: "The Tales of Kitchenland"