There was, as usual, a crush at the bar. It was about six people deep. This was the New Ministry's response to post-war austerity: still have all the ridiculous formal balls but employ far fewer bar staff in an attempt to reduce the drinks bill. This policy had worked for the first few events. That was all it took for people to realise how deathly dull these things were when everyone was sober, ergo the scrum at the bar. Draco Malfoy had no intention of going through this whole shindig without raising his blood alcohol level so he was waiting to catch a barwizard's eye, getting his immaculate robes wrinkled and rubbing elbows with what his father would have called "the common wizard", a category that seemed to contain everyone who wasn't a Malfoy when Lucius was pressed for a definition. A large man who had been successful in his quest to be served pushed his way through, holding his drinks aloft and displacing people roughly. The disordered mass regrouped in such a way that Draco found himself caught between a need for alcohol and a dire need to be elsewhere. He was now wedged beside Potter and his wife with no escape. Yes now he definitely needed a drink.

There was an unspoken truce between himself, Potter and Weasley. It meant they nodded politely in lifts or at social functions such as this but it wasn't really designed to withstand what looked like at least a ten minute wait for bar service. Before Draco could even assemble some opinions on recent Quidditch matches that might annoy The Chosen One he realised they weren't going to be needed as Potter and the Mini-Weasel were in the middle of what his mother had always referred to as "a marital episode".

"You have to calm down Harry."

"He just spent ten minutes explaining his pivotal role in the defeat of Voldemort to me. Me! I've never even heard of him before!"

"Yes and you did well not to punch him but I'd really rather you didn't have a heart attack in your twenties please."

"Where does she find these complete...idiots?"

"I don't know but I do know that you and Ron will have to find some bloody inner peace about it. She is a grown woman and if she only wants to get involved with utter wankers there is nothing either of you can do."

"I dunno; Ron and George are working on a wanker alarm that will scream a warning whenever a wanker asks her out."

Ginny raised an eyebrow.

"What? She doesn't seem to have an internal one?"

"You know you don't want to find out where Hermione would shove that alarm if you ever gave it to her."

"So you think we should just put up with this parade of arseholes? I'd rather she got back together with Ron!"

"Don't you dare Harry Potter! They broke up because you had such a problem with their relationship."

Now Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Ok they also never stopped arguing outside the bedroom but you can't deny you were a factor."

"Are you blaming me for the fact that since Ron there's only been men who make McLaggen look like a reasonable choice?"

At this gem of a piece of information, Draco couldn't hold in a snort. McLaggen, the most ridiculous celebrizard (a term he coined) in London was Granger's ex. This was office torture gold! Unfortunately his snort had alerted the previously oblivious arguing couple to his presence.

Harry was puce with annoyance at being caught bickering by a former nemesis so he went on the offensive. "Malfoy, enjoying yourself are you? Anything to add?"

"Oh yes please do" muttered Ginny "another opinion is just what this conversation needs."

And as if summoned Ron appeared at her elbow having pushed through to them clearly looking to get something off his chest. The way he'd pushed left them in a sort of squashed circle facing each other so Draco was now in this bizarre conversation whether he liked it or not.

"Who is that git? Oh I know his name" Ron continued before anyone could answer "Malcolm 'Call-me-Mal' Hardy gave me a sodding business card and everything. Just after he told me he let Fred and George use his ideas for most of their pranks and that running your own business must be relaxing because you are, and I quote: "in total control of something small scale" We've been international for over a year! I'll give him small scale! Who the bloody hell is this git and what is Hermione doing with him?"

"He's from the Department of Information Management, he was in Charlie and Tonk's year in Hogwarts. His hobbies include some muggle sport called Rug-something and Hermione is currently dancing with him pretty badly" Ginny responded in a sing-song tone that suggested she'd made this speech more than once this evening. "He is Hermione's date. She is not marrying him. He may be a prat-on-wheels but he is also very good-looking. You two need to learn to nod and smile like Hermione and I did with your airhead dates and wait till she finds a good one."

There was much spluttering from Ron and Harry. Draco laughed out loud to himself. He hadn't understood till that moment that maybe there was a bigger reason Riddle had tried to eliminate Ginny Weasley in her first year. Clearly she was a force to be reckoned with.

"Airheads?" exclaimed Harry, outraged.

"Nod and Smile!" said Ron in the same tone at the same time. "I don't think Lavender remembers a warm welcome from the two of you. And I don't think Verity will take kindly to being called an airhead thank you very much!"

"Who are these alleged airheads I dated? Cho was a Ravenclaw!"

Taking the chance to make Potter's life just a little bit worse if the look on Mini-Weasley's face was anything to go by Draco gave a low whistle. "Cho Chang - well done Potter she is very lovely. Swooped in there just after Diggory carked it. Very Slytherin of you, we were almost proud."

The seething silence that greeted this observation meant his work here was done. Everyone was annoyed.

"What are you doing in this conversation Ferret?"

"You seem to be in need of my romantic insight Weasel. I always look to help those less observationally blessed than myself."

"Are you saying you know Hermione better than we do?" Harry scoffed.

"There's no need to say it. It's just true. With the possible exception of Mini-Weasel of course." replied Draco with a small bow to Ginny.

"We're her best friends" explained Ron slowly, as if he were talking to a child.

"Yes but you're not really equipped to understand this" said Draco in his best patronising tone.

"No-one is equipped to understand why she only ever goes out with twits of the first order" Harry stated authoritatively.

"Oh Potter you are so very, very married."

"What's that got to do with anything?" said Harry defensively.

"It has everything to do with it. Not only are you as sickeningly loved up as it is possible to be, none of you have done any casual dating since school, which is why you can't understand Granger's dating life."

"Enlighten them Malfoy" said Ginny with a wicked grin.

"With pleasure Mini-Weasel" said Draco holding up a hand and counting off fingers as he pointed out his reasons "she's attractive, intelligent and a bloody war hero who earns about twice as much as most men her age."

If Draco thought this would settle things the looks of bafflement on Ron and Harry's faces cured him of such thoughts. With a sigh he took it upon himself to explain what was obvious to all single witches and wizards.

"Anyone she meets through work is off limits. She's ridiculously dedicated so meeting anyone outside of work is next to impossible. She doesn't want to limit herself even more so she says yes to anyone who asks her out. The problem is ordinary men think someone as impressive as her would hex the balls off them for asking, or worse laugh. Only the totally self important prats have the bollocks to ask her out at all. Granger doesn't have a thing for prats, prats have a thing for Granger."

"Well said Malfoy!" Ginny cheered

And with that he ordered four large firewhiskeys from the bar and squeezed away from the dazed Potter and Weasley.

Harry spluttered that Malfoy wouldn't know a romance if it bit him on the arse, that loads of blokes would ask Hermione out and eventually muttered his complaints into silence while Ginny rubbed his arm and ordered their now-even-more-needed drinks. Through all of this Ron had remained uncharacteristically silent. He took the first sip of his drink and looked up with a classic Weasley grin.

"Harry, self-important prats have a thing for Hermione. Who's the biggest, most self-important prat we know?"

As realisation dawned Ron and Ginny exchanged a look. Oh this was going to be fun.

On the other side of the ballroom, as he reached the bottom of his second firewhiskey (they were all for him), Draco watched Granger get man-handled around the dancefloor by tonight's prize-tulip of a date. He knew everything he'd said to Potter and the Weasel tonight was true so why was he so uncomfortable? And when exactly did he develop opinions about Granger's love-life?

A/N This is my first dramione. I love Ron but this story calls for Draco's special talents :) I also love Harry, I know he's being a prat himslef in this chapter but he's just more annoyed than a very annoyed thing. He'll behave better in future I promise.