title: Conversation Hearts

summary: In which Dirk is actually a huge dork and Jake is oblivious. As always.

dedication: to Patricia but I don't think she has an ffnet account.

notes: dumb high school au thing. And I don't know about you guys but this is actually exactly how I picture their relationship. Also Dirk is actually one letter away from being dork just sayin'.

notes2: Happy Valentine's

"This is a stupid holiday and I'm really glad I don't have to take part in it."

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(ha!)

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Dirk looks at the slip of paper in his hand. He jinxed it. He totally jinxed it. He glances at the name on the paper again and tries not to have a panic attack or forcibly monitor his breathing because those things would be Not Cool. Instead Dirk puts his head down on his desk in the hopes that he will cease to exist entirely and not have to particpate in this idiotic activity. He doesn't even understand what the whole point of this thing is because they're in high school not third grade.

High school was mature-okay maybe not but it was supposed to be and in high school you didn't do secret valentines. So Dirk therefore refuses to even partake in the whole thing because it's stupid. He crumbles the paper in his hand and stuffs it into the pockets of his jeans where he doesn't have to look at it again.

Dirk slowly looks over his shoulder at the boy sitting two rows behind him and talking animatedly to Jane. Jake English. Goofy, glasses-wearing, shorts-loving Jake English with his chipper personality and bright-ass smile who always talks like he's from another time period (it's just a little cute, Dirk will admit). Jake and Jane are laughing at something funny (or probably incredibly corny, most likely) that's been said. Dirk quickly turns away to face front in case he's caught staring (at Jake's adorable face) because that would be weird.

At the end of class he checks his pockets for money because he's suddenly decided that maybe Jake does deserve something for Valentine's Day and he'll look like a huge jerk if he's the only one not giving presents tomorrow.

He also decides that he hates Global History class.

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Dirk goes to the grocery store on the way home to see if they have any boxes of chocolates, which they do. He walks in and walks back out and not because he's nervous about getting the chocolates for Jake, no that'd be ridiculous he's Dirk Strider why would he be nervous? Store-brought chocolates are tacky and always have really gross ones hidden among the good ones. Dirk is certain that good presents are homemade and from the heart so instead he goes home to make cookies. Maybe chocolate chip. Maybe heart shaped. (Or definitely both)

He stands there in the kitchen with all the supplies out for about five minutes when it occurs to him that he has no idea what he's doing. He calls up Jane and she gets there a half an hour later, no questions asked and Dirk is grateful for her existence.

They're in the kitchen for almost the whole night because the first batch was burnt, the second was too sweet, the third batch of cookies were hard as rocks and the fourth were horribly disfigured. Dirk is close to giving up by this time, sure that this is a sign that he should just walk away and just give Jake a puppet or something (other people like puppets right?), but Jane just smiles easy at him and says, "You know what they say, fifth time's the charm!" and Dirk is certain that that is not what they say at all but when the cookies are all done they're perfect and Jane is right.

He can't stop thanking her as he walks her to the door.

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At midnight Dirk can't sleep because he's too nervous about the whole secret valentine thing. He goes downstairs to make sure the cookies are still there. They are. He goes back upstairs to his bedroom and tries to sleep. At three a.m. he does the same thing.

Not surprisingly, Dirk doesn't get much sleep.

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As his bro drives him to school, Dirk thinks that maybe he should write a card? Cards are good right? He digs in his backpack for an index card and a pencil, keeping an eye on the mini-basket of cookies in the seat beside him (he's starting to think that maybe the basket and the bow is too much, he should've just put it on a plate like he was going to originally, he should just throw it out-), and when he finds these two things the next challenge is what to write. He starts with "Dear Jake" and then erases it because it already sounds sappy he doesn't even need to write anything else.

Then he writes, "I hope you like chocolate chip :)" and erases that too because that's even worse and he fails as a human being. Not for the first time, Dirk decides that this is the dumbest holiday of all holidays and he wouldn't even want to celebrate it ironically.

In the end he opts for just writing "Happy Valentines day!" because that's simple and to the point and doesn't sound like he's trying to declare his undying love for Jake. Also they're already in front of the school.

Dirk grabs his stuff and nearly jumps out the car, only remembering that he needs to get his shit together and compose himself so he doesn't look like a total dork when he's halfway up the school steps. His brother drives off with a faint knowing smirk and decides he'll just pester him about it when he gets home.

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Fifth period is Global History and therefore time to give the Valentine's gifts. Jane had just finished giving him a handmade outfit for Lil Cal that was surprisingly well stitched and kind of fucking awesome. Jane is kind of Dirk's best friend.

Dirk stares at the basket of cookies and then at the index card with the message on it and erases the exclamation point because it makes him seem a little overeager maybe? He draws a teeny tiny heart in the corner instead after much deliberation.

But the more he stares at it the more he squirms.

Eventually he figures he needs to get the fuck over it and give English his damn present.

In like thirty seconds.

Fifteen more seconds.

Okay now.

He stands up with his things and goes over to Jake's desk. "Yo, English," he says and the boy looks up, blinking owlishly and Dirk swears he almost goes into cardiac arrest. He makes a strangled sort of noise that sounds like "I was not prepared for this" and "The universe hates me right?" and mostly, "ADSHSJGNHN." Jake stares curiously and Dirk looks away and coughs. "Happy Valentine's, man," he says and places the basket on the desk, watching as Jake peers inside and instantly grins. Dirk stuffs his hands into his jean pockets because he's pretty sure they're shaking and he doesn't want Jake to see them.

"Chocolate chip, oh boy!" Jake exclaims and then looks back at Dirk, "This is great! Thanks Dirk you're the best!"

Dirk nods once. "I know," he says, cool as a cucumber but there's this faint pink to his cheeks and he's glad he's got his shades on. He walks back to his own seat feeling satisfied and smug.

He didn't know why people always seemed to freak out about this whole Valentine's Day thing.

It was a breeze.