McBreezy's 2013 Fic Challenge. Gillian/Emily – doll.

"I took my Raggedy Ann doll to college with me." Gillian said as she placed a sweatshirt into one of the boxes they were packing.

Emily stopped what she was doing and turned to look at Gillian. "Really?"

Gillian smiled at her. "Really." She closed the box she had just filled. "There's nothing wrong with taking something special away to school with you that can comfort you when you need it." Gillian walked over to Emily's bed and picked up the stuffed bunny. "She's obviously special to you. I see her nose has been rubbed off from years of snuggling."

Emily laughed as she took the bunny from Gillian. "My dad has a picture of me from the Easter when he and mom gave it to me." She lifted the bunny's ears "there used to be silk under here. But, I rubbed it on my cheek every night and it thinned out until eventually, it was gone!"

They each grabbed another box to pack. After a few minutes, Emily spoke. "So, your Raggedy Ann doll. That was what you took with you to college for when you got homesick?"

Gillian paused briefly. She had taken the doll for comfort, but not for homesickness. She had been extremely happy to go away to school. "My Raggedy Ann always reminded me I was loved."

Emily realized what Gillian had done there. She didn't know a lot about Gillian's past. Anytime something came up, she would deflect. Emily had tried several times through the years to talk to Gillian about her childhood or family life and, every time, Gillian would manage to disarm her and send her in another direction. She thought after her dad and Gillian had gotten together, she might share more. But, so far, Gillian was still pretty closemouthed with Emily about a lot of things. She knew Gillian was a private person; which was probably why she was so curious.

Emily decided to ask Gillian about the doll and how she got it. Maybe that would shed some light on her deflection. "Gill?"

"Yeah?" Gillian knew from the pause that Emily was 'pulling a Lightman.' Cal used to do that when they first became friends and started working together. He always asked a question that he hoped would lead to the topic he wanted to get at. She had to give Emily credit; she learned from the best.

Emily stopped packing and sat on her bed facing Gillian. "Where did you get your Raggedy Ann doll?"

Gillian had her back turned to Emily so she couldn't see the smirk on her face. 'Like father like daughter.' She flashed a smile at Emily when she turned around "my grandmother gave her to me for Christmas when I was three."

"Do you still have her?"

"Yep." Gillian turned back to the box she had been packing. "She's packed in a box, with a few other keepsakes, in my spare closet."

Emily picked up her bunny again and wondered what to ask next. "Did she get as worn as my bunny?"

"Much worse, I think." Gillian stopped packing and came to sit beside her on the bed. "She's missing the hair on the back of her head. It's just a scraggly mess of torn, red yarn. She has her basic dress still, but the little apron piece disappeared somewhere along the way. I had a pink ribbon tied around her waist for the longest time. That was to hold her dress together since it only had one button at the top. The ribbon eventually frayed away to nothing. Her arms and legs each fell off a number of times. When I was younger, my mother would sew them back on for me. As I got older, I fixed it myself. Her hands and her black shoes are very thinned out. It's amazing the stuffing has stayed inside. She's stained to the point that she's a dark tan color." Gillian paused for a moment to think about all the times she had cried while holding that doll; stained indeed. "But no matter what, whenever I look at her, she still comforts me." She looked over at Emily. "You'll see. That bunny of yours will do the same for you."

Gillian stood and went back to the box she had been packing. Emily sat for a few moments staring at her bunny.

"When did you pack her away?" Emily couldn't imagine a time when she wouldn't want her bunny to be where she could see it.

Gillian turned to face Emily and leaned against the dresser. "When Alec and I moved in together." Gillian thought back at how Alec had made fun of the "ugly little rag doll." He had no idea of its significance, she knew that, but it had still upset her when he said it.

"Oh." Emily saw how Gillian got lost in thought. "Was that because you had Alec to comfort you, so you didn't need her anymore?"

"Maybe." Gillian thought of the many times she had taken the doll out since she had married Alec. Several times when the fertility drugs didn't work, when they found out they were getting Sophie, when the birth mother came and took Sophie away, when she realized she had lost her husband to his drug addiction, when her divorce was final… It struck Gillian then how Alec hadn't ever been a comfort to her. She had relied on the doll for comfort many times during their marriage.

Emily saw Gillian's face change. She looked sad all the sudden. "Gill?"

Her thoughts were halted when Emily said her name. "Yeah?"

"Are you ok?" She hadn't meant to make Gillian sad.

"I'm fine." Gillian went back to the box she had been packing. The only time she had taken her Raggedy Ann out of the box since she and Alec had gotten divorced was when David had gone away abruptly, leaving her with a broken heart. Otherwise, she hadn't needed the doll for comfort. She thought for a second about why that was: Cal. Cal had been her comfort as of late. She couldn't get comfort from him when David left. She had felt awkward discussing that relationship with him. But, Cal had been there to comfort her every other time she'd needed it since she and Alec had split. Sure they went through a rough patch for a few months, but they had figured out that was because their feelings for each other were getting stronger and neither knew how to deal with it. Gillian had taken to avoiding Cal and Cal had taken to nitpicking her and provoking her to argue constantly. It hadn't been until Claire's death that they had been able to get it together and realize what they had done to each other.

Emily had a theory she wanted to test out. "When was the last time you took her out of the box?"

Gillian thought for a second about how to answer that. "It's been quite a while, actually." She didn't want to say it had been when David had left her.

Emily wasn't sure she should ask this question, but she couldn't help herself "Did you take her out after Claire died?"

Gillian was surprised by the question, but even more surprised when she realized the answer. "No. I didn't."

Emily walked over and stood next to Gillian. She watched Gillian's face when she asked her next question "Was that because you had someone else to comfort you?"

Gillian and Cal had been each other's comfort for quite some time now, even if it had taken them a while to realize it. She looked at Emily out of the corner of her eye and smiled "Yes, I guess it was." Sometimes Cal's daughter was too perceptive for her own good.

Emily smiled and turned back to her own box "You're his comfort too, you know?"

Gillian smiled and responded quietly "Yeah. I know."