Reprise

Chapter 1

I don't know what became of him

Sango's POV

-Flashback-

"Chikotsu….Chikostu I'm your mother look at me!" I pleaded tearfully; he still kept his back to me.

"How can I look at you?" he growled, "I one moment you have become a stranger in my eyes…the woman who raised me vanished the moment the reaper came to bestow these dark gifts upon me!"

I reached out to try and touch him but he flinched away from me. For sixteen years now I tried to deny the truth that was so blatant, I tried to convince myself that Miroku was truly the father of my son. I tried so hard to believe that in hopes that if I believed it enough it would miraculously be true; even though Chikotu's eyes were ocean blue and his skin tanned…his hair was held in one long blade and his smile…it wasn't playful and mischievous like Miroku's, it was cunning and devilish like Bankotsu's. But tonight only fifteen minutes ago…the reaper Shinigami appeared to confirm what I had feared for years, Bankotsu was Chikostu's biological father….and now he had two choices, either join the Shinigami…or be dragged to the underworld. My son chose life, which meant he would have to take others…his need to survive, was now killing him. The symbol "Shi" appeared in the same place behind his ear as it did on his father, even still he was trying to rub it off, he was chafing at it so hard that the skin was turning red.

Silence entered my home, only the sound of me whimpering was heard, I wanted to hold my son and beg his forgiveness. My heart rose a little when Inuyasha entered, "Is Miroku coming back? How is he?" I asked in a hurry as I rushed at my friend.

Inuyasha grew a dark expression, "He's with Kagome and our son Kiyoshi , he's still pretty upset…with good reason too, he just found out minutes ago that the boy he raised isn't actually his…I explained the whole situation with Bankotsu as best as I could, I tried to make him see your side of it but it wasn't getting through to him, he needs more time so I thought I'd see if I could be any help over here".

I nodded gratefully, "yes…thank you Inuyasha, Chikotsu won't even look at me".

Inuyasha slowly approached my son and laid his hand on his shoulder, "Listen…I know you're upset, I know you're hurt…but this life you've chosen, it doesn't have to be as horrific as you think. The lives you must take…they were meant to die long before you get there, most of them will be crooks, con men and murderers. Think of everything your mother has taught you about life, how you should respect it and the difference between good and evil. Chikotsu…don't be angry with Sango, she has loved you your whole life and she doesn't even think of your "real" father as a mistake, your father was a lesson learned, an experience she had to live and she doesn't regret him and she doesn't regret you! I witnessed her last moments with him…she loved him in her own way, not in the way she loved Miroku but she did feel something for him. She chose Miroku because in her heart she knew he was the love of her life. It was a messed up and complicated situation and she never wanted this life for you, it was everything she had feared for the last sixteen years of your life! Chikostu you are loved and have a good family who adore you. You siblings may be miles away all three of them married and living there lives, they still think of you every day".

I could see that Inuyasha was getting through to my son, because slowly Chikotsu faced me and saw me with tears streaming down my face. His features softened when seeing me in this state and he rushed to me. My son hugged me close…all my children had grown up and moved to other villages with the loves of their lives, Chikotsu was my sixteen year old baby, my youngest…it broke my heart to know that I could not save him from this dark fate. "Mother….I do not blame you for any of this, I accept my fate, I was raised by you and so I can never be a villain."

I hugged him tighter, my little boy, my sweet Chikotsu…I had raised him in the ways Bankotsu instructed, just in case this did occur. "There is only one thing you can do….teach him the ways of honour, teach him to feel compassion and to pray for those whose lives are lost or taken. He must respect life and he must know that he is loved not matter what" that was what Bankotsu said when I asked his advice and I had done so…I knew Chikotsu was going to cope with this.

"Sango…Chikotsu" came a smooth and deep voice, we both turned to see Miroku standing there, Inuyasha bowed his head and said he'd give us some privacy. The first person he approached was the boy he had called son all these years, he locked his arms tightly around him. "No matter what, you are my son…do you understand? You are my son and I love you! I don't hate Bankotsu as I thought I would, he gave me a wonderful gift…he gave me you" .

Chikotsu clung to him gratefully, "thank you father…thank you so much".

Miroku's violet eyes then locked on me…to my utter gladness I saw no hate in him, he slowly approached me and I could practically see the wheels of his mind turning, thinking of what to say. I was even happier when he took me by the hands "Sango I forgave you instantly, I just needed time to think…I am not prepared to give up this life with you, I meant it when I said I wanted to be with you forever. We'll get past this together, I made a promise that I would never leave you and I am keeping it!"

I leapt into his arms after he said that, I was so lucky to have a husband like him, with Miroku on my side I knew everything was going to be okay, at least that's how he made it seem.

-End of Flashback-

That was four years ago, Chikotsu left a week after that when he got his first assignment and then took to life on the road, however he made a yearly visit, usually around this time…however he was later if he had a target to take down first, the thought made me shudder.

I felt a blanket being placed around my shoulders, "I noticed you shiver, I supposed you were cold" came husband's gentle voice in my ear. Instantly he soothed my nerves, snuggled into his, leaning my head against his chest and welcoming his arms around me.

"I just want them all home…it's so quiet without the children…why did the all have to grow up? Couldn't they have stayed our babies forever?" I sighed as we gazed out of the window together.

He chuckled making his whole body briefly vibrate "it's nice to have you all to myself though" he replied romantically, he was still so light hearted after everything. "Don't worry..they're all safe" he assured.

"I know three of them are…they're settled down with homes and a family of their own…Chikotsu just wanders the world…waiting for his next target, he must be so lonely"

Miroku held me tighter, "You're such a worrier, always have been when it comes to our kids…but Chikotsu knows he always has a place with us…we taught him well, we taught him how to survive on his own…out of all of them he is the least I worry about because of how well I know he can cope…so please my dear Sango…be at ease".

We stayed like that for a few moments, till Inuyasha and Kagome entered, with all our children grown and moved on we tended to spend more of our evenings together. Kagome and I were to have tea while our men went fishing.

"I wish I was eighteen again, that was my favourite age" Kagome said with a nostalgic tone. I poured more tea into her cup and stirred a little bit of honey in it.

"Yes…I do too" I concurred, "being thirty-nine….I feel so old"

Kagome scoffed, "Please, you're so unfair…you don't look a day past twenty-five, it isn't fair!" she teased.

It was such a lovely compliment, she was always playfully scorning me about my apparent lack of ageing, telling me I looked almost the same age as her twenty-year old son Kiyoshi. We sipped out our tea in a comfortable silence.

"Is Kiyoshi retuning anytime soon?" I asked.

My good friend shrugged, "He's like his father, he loves to wander and he's still trying to learn all the techniques of the sword Inuyasha gave to him. How about the twins and Mizu? Oh and Chikotsu, how is he?"

I placed down m cup "Well the letters I receive tell me that the girls are fine…still madly in love with their men and Mizu has recently had another child, his second one….we're planning on visiting soon. As for Chikotsu…he drops by every now and then, he looks well…at least I know he's eating right. Still…I just want him to have what my other children do, I want him to find a nice girl and settle down. But he won't because he knows that his first born will face the same fate as him….he was doomed from birth to live his life without the love of a good woman, he will never know the joy of holding his own child…I his own mother doomed him" I began to weep again.

Kagome took my hands, "Sango…this was not your fault, you did the best you could for him, up to his sixteenth birthday…he was a happy normal child. He was bound to distance himself but I know he loves you and doesn't blame you in the slightest".

I wiped at my tears, "but there are so many answers I could not give him….he once asked me where is real father was so that he could learn something from him, to answer questions that I couldn't. But I don't know where Bankotsu is…I have no idea what became of him" I paused when I remembered his face, how it looked in to glow of a candle…he was a fond memory I sometimes liked to visit, but then quickly ran from when the guilt came. "I hope he is okay though, I hope he is happy…as bad as that sounds….for I really did care for him, I really, really did…I honestly hope he's okay. The worst thing is though…a small, tiny part of me wonders, if he ever thinks of me, if he ever looks back on the memories of what we briefly had. Oh Kagome I'm a terrible person!"

Kagome shot too her feet and hugged me, "don't be foolish Sango! You are not a terrible person…you made a mistake that's all…you are a good woman who loves her family completely"

I know this was supposed to make me feel better, but it just made me cry harder, "that's just is Kagome, as much as I try to I can't regret Bankotsu…nor can I consider him a mistake, strangely he made me stronger…and also, I was to consider him a mistake, it would be like saying Chikotsu a mistake" I confessed, "I just want to go back to when they were all still children, when we would sit outside and have a picnic as a family. I want to go back to when I could easily ignore the Chikotsu's resemblance to Bankotsu and pretend that I was completely sure Miroku was the father! I wish I could have frozen in those moments we spent together as a family; I wish we could have stayed that way forever!"

She soothed me, "Oh Sango, we all forgave you for what you did…but that's still no good, you need to forgive yourself, please forgive yourself…you have to let go of the past so that you can live the life you have fought so hard to keep! We did not go through all we have to crumble away now".

I wiped the fresh tears away, I just wanted to be back in that moment….outside watching the sunset, the girls and I making daisy chains while the boys roughhoused.

Chikotsu….come home so that I know you're safe…

Another name again popped into my head, Bankotsu, what happened to you? I always assumed you'd return, I never thought you'd really leave. Chikotsu needs you, he needs answers and guidance Miroku and I could not provide.

Soon our men returned with dinner freshly caught and we prepared and ate it together. Eventually Kagome and Inuyasha returned home. Miroku and I lulled sleepily by the fire, he twirled my hair as he often did to help me drift off. He was so warm and comforting, ever since the whole Bankotsu thing…I have been on edge, his sudden absence made me an anxious mess and the only people able to console me were my family.

"Did I ever tell you how lovely you are by firelight" Miroku charmed into my ear.

I giggled like the young maiden I once was, "did I ever tell you how charming you are?"

He kissed me tenderly, he cured me of the horrible disease of loneliness, he was like and antidote to a vile poison and the only one who could ever pull me out of the darkness I sometimes sank into. Our tender moment was ruined when we simultaneously felt a dark presence. "You feel that Sango?" Miroku whispered to me, I just nodded in response.

We craftily reached for our weapons, we may be ageing but we still had a lot of fight in us!

The intruder entered and we ambused him but was struck down quickly, "You cannot kill me no living being can! I'm like a virus, I just keep coming back!" the voice called. From the shadows stepped a young man. His hair was short and unkempt, though thick, black and glossy. He was well built with eyes of amber and orange.

Miroku stood in front of me protectively, "who are you? What do you want?"

The young man, tall and broad, scoffed at us, "I am not here to collect if that is what you're worried about" he answered, collect? What does he mean by this? "I am Takumi Yamada….I am here for Chikotsu, last I heard, he was heading this way".

Chikotsu's POV

The dark ally's wall splattered with the blood, I had tried to make this a clean kill…but this one was a struggler. Unfortunately for this soul, I had not fed in quite some time…his life was to drained and given to me. I did not dump his body; I did not drop his carcass carelessly. I did what I always did; you see I observe my targets, learn their daily routines; I knew he would be walking down this ally at night and so I had plenty of time to prepare. I laid his shrivelled corpse into a sheet of silk, having first placed two gold coins in his hands to pay for his funeral expenses. After that I prayed for him, I wished him luck on his journey to the netherworld. No matter the victim whether they good or bad, they always received a prayer from me.

I lifted him into my arms so I could take him home and lay him upon his doorstep. As I did so I thought about how awful his blood tasted, he was a middle aged man no younger than fifty, and he had cheated death during a battle with a thug. I laid him there and began to walk away…it was time to again forgive myself, I had been doing that a lot more recently…Shinigami just continued to throw assignments my way.

Before I could go too far I heard the creak and roll of the sliding doors to the humble hut and a fire –light pour out. I turned and there in the glow of at the threshold staring vacantly down at the corpse I had lain upon her doorstep, before finally dragging them to meet mine. Her amber eyes beheld tints of fire orange and they were framed with thick black lashes. Her lips were small but full and red like a summer strawberry. Her hair was a long black cascade of silk resting just above her hips and parted on the left side of her head. She seemed only two years younger than me, making her seventeen years of age. The only thing to tarnish that lovely face however…was a black bruise surrounding her right eye, someone had hit her, very recently. Her expression confused me…she did not look on me with hate, nor did a single tear form in her eyes. She just stared at me…almost in fascination.

"I take it this old man was your father" I spoke not knowing what else to do, it would have been so easy to flit off, but her vacant stare held me where I was and I was so curious to know what was going through her mind.

She shook her head, "No….this man, this horrible man, was not my father….he was my husband" she responded, this took me aback…the old man kept a pretty nightingale like her caged up, I wonder how much he paid her father for the right to own her.

"I am sorry for your loss…but his death was inevitable and he had to pay his debt to Shinigami, it was beyond my control" I spoke distantly, I was partially reminding myself of this…it eased the guilt I was trying to rid myself of. Again all she did was stare at me, I bowed and turned away "I shall take my leave, may the gods bless his soul and may he find peace in the afterlife".

"Thank you!" she called out suddenly, I halted immediately in such puzzlement, thank you? That's a first. I turned my body to once again face her and now saw some emotion on her porcelain face. "This man" she gestured to the corpse, "he was not a nice man…I hated him and wanted to be free of him…I cannot tell you the hell he has put me through…he has tortured me since I was fourteen, it was the worst three years of my life. You have freed me and I thank you".

Is she for real? I always knew this was a thankless job…that is why it surprises me more. "Woman…what is your name?" I inquired.

A blush formed on her cheeks, "Oh it's…its Nana, Nana Morisoto" she answered with a slight tremble in her voice. "Well it was…I suppose it's Nana Yamada again".

"Nana…" I repeated, "It is not good to speak ill of the dead, it will bring great misfortune".

She scoffed quietly, "how ironic considering his death was the most fortunate thing to occur in years" Nana then stared long and hard at me, the last thing she said to me was "if you should meet my brother, Takumi, in your travels, please tell him his sisters Nana says hello and that I would like it if he visited more" with that she slid the door closed, ignoring the body of her deceased husband.

What did she mean? Why would I meet with her brother? It then crossed my mind that perhaps she knew more than most humans did on matters of Shinigami, for she did not need to ask who he was when I said that he had to be paid.

There was something about the way her eyes held me….Nana….I'll remember the name…Takumi too, if there is something that links all three of us.

I looked at my left palm; the name of my target was gone, his name was Tougi, with the power bestowed on me by Shinigami and from the blood I tasted from his vein, I looked into the old man's memories.

I saw a fourteen year old Nana crying brokenly as he approached her on what I guessed was their wedding night. I saw the numerous times he beat her till she was black and blue and out cold. I saw a time when she was refusing to eat, because she wanted to starve herself to death, she wanted to be free of Tougi, he buried her face in a hot pot of stew and demanded she eat like the filthy animal she was. Through his memories I saw there was a man he referred to as Takumi…he was an identical male version of Nana. "if you ever touch my little sister again...I'll kill you!" Takumi growled, he threat was met by Tougi's blade, Takumi died right before Nana's eyes…she screamed.

Suddenly my guilt had fled; I had no guilt in killing that man. What I did not understand is if this Takumi was already killed by her former husband, then why would I meet him in my travels? I don't have access to underworld. There was only one explanation…he too had joined Shinigami's legion. If so I had to find this Takumi…I had never met another member in my whole life. The only difference between us would be that I had no choice in the matter; I was born from another member of the Shinigami, my biological father…Bankotsu. I don't know what happened to him but when I came of age I took over his duties, that was the fate of the first born to the assassin. My mother had told me he was a mercenary in his first life and second when he was resurrected by some demon named Naraku. When Shinigami returned a week after his second death he offered him a third and final chance at a new life, the only catch was that his life was in the reaper's control.

Now that my assignment was finished, my heart called for home, it called for my mother hand her gentle smile. I could feel in my bones that she was sad, that she was worrying about me. Every time mother looked at me now she was overcome with guilt, but never shame…she was never ashamed of me.

I decided I would go home, I missed my mother and I wanted to again speak with the man who raised me. The monk Miroku…even when he discovered my mother's betrayal and that I was not his son by blood, he forgave her instantly and insisted that no matter what it was that bound us…I was and always will be his son.

However something drew my eyes back to the door the young woman rested behind, I could hear her heartbeat and the blood pulsating through her veins….I bet she tastes amazing! One of the most unfortunate parts of my curse was that I thirst for blood; its heat and sweet metallic taste, so velvety soft trickling down my tongue and the back of my throat. In fact The only time I feel free and normal, is when my lips glistens a dark ruby liquid, when I feel it trickle from the corner of my mouth between my fingers, down my arms…coursing through my empty veins. It was sick….but it was my life and had been for four years now. It was the card fate had dealt me and there was nothing can do about it, as I mentioned I was a rare form of assassin, one born into it…I barely had a choice, as death was simply not an option.

I had two callings…one was leading me home to Edo…the other back to Nana's door, I felt a strange stirring inside, an animal like aggression…I wanted her, I wanted in a way I'd never felt before. I had desired women in the past but it had never been quite so intense! More shocking it was after one brief convocation and just after I had taken back her husband's life, the one he owed the reaper.

Well this Nana would have to wait….besides, I had a feeling we would meet again soon, very soon.

Mother, I'm coming home, I'm sorry I made you wait

I swear Bankotsu will appear in the next chapter! Please tell me what you think!