Hey guys, long time no see. Just wanted to say that I wanted to change my writing up a bit before I continued. I felt that I lacked details and hope there has been an improvement over the last chapter. Many thanks to my friend who beta-ed this. Enjoy the read. Or not.

Disclaimer: Does anyone ever read these things? I'm a pony... that doesn't own DGM. Hence, I am a sad pony.

CHAPTER 6

Silence. Consuming. Deafening. So perfectly fitting.

Panic had taken over their hearts after what they had witnessed. With a mere glimpse at each other, they were racing through the forest, already split up.

No. Not him. Anyone but him.

They ran and ran towards the direction that Noah had taken their fellow exorcist in, searching desperately for anything, a splotch of blood, and a torn off piece of clothing, or even a hair that could indicate where the body had been taken to, but they found nothing.

"H-Hey guys, m-maybe we'll have better luck searching in the morning. I'm sure he's gotta be around here somewhere, right?" Lavi tried to find a positive side. He cursed his own weakness. Bookmen do not stutter. This is just another unfortunate event that will cost the Church dearly. Yes. Just another exorcist has been lost to the war. Just... another...

"Lavi!" He snapped out of his thoughts. He hadn't even sensed the boy approaching. Said boy was pouting.

"Allen. Where'd ya come from buddy?" A smile cracked on the white haired boy's faced.

"Ah. So you didn't see me coming. I made sure to be extra careful. Guess it worked. You had that look on your face again." Lavi blinked.

"What look?"

"It's the kind of look someone would get when they are invited to a funeral of a man they did not know very well. They don't know whether to be sad or even care. A mix between your bookman mode and regular human mode."

Lavi took his words into consideration. A bookman never stops thinking. He records every event that comes to pass before his eyes and keeps it forever in his mind. Every now and then his thoughts drift towards the unbearable hopelessness of the war. Ever since the Earl had said the words about the stage being set, the characters being placed, and the curtains being drawn, Lavi can't seem to avoid thinking about the seemingly inevitable doom the Order is about to face. The Earl had released his Noah and they went on a destructive rampage killing half of their forces in a single blow. What the hell have they been doing all this time to be so utterly defeated?! They don't stand a chance against them. There is no hope for their victory, hell, even their mere survival. And the reason the humanity is in such a tight spot is their own fault. Lavi has to see himself outside of the picture. He has seen so many wars go down and nothing become of them. There is no peace. The survivors merely live to kill another day. Maybe this is God's way of punishing his piteous children. Humans are weak and the Noah are strong. It's as simple as that. Why do we even fight?

"LAVI!"

He almost fell off his seat.

"Woah Allen. Ya gotta stop doin that man, you're gonna gimme a heart attack."

"Lavi," he said seriously. Lavi took this as his cue to shut up and listen.

"With everything that has been happening, it must be hard for you. I mean, people die, and our first reaction is to feel sadness, but with you, you have have to analyze the situation. But sometimes, your emotions get in the way, don't they? And it's okay. I mean, you're human after all, right?"

Ah. So he was trying to cheer him up, huh? He does a lot of that, doesn't he? A bit too much, if you ask him. And what does he get out of it? Nothing. He cares too much. Hopeless human... but then again, Lavi cares too much for a Bookman. He laughed at that. Guess the kid is right, Lavi is a human after all. And there was that pout again, "You're laughing at me."

"Sorry buddy. I just found it nice that you're trying to help me. Thanks," he said with his most convincing smile.

"Liar."

Lavi looked up into his eyes and found Allen seeing right through him. He laughed nervously.

"What're ya talkin about?" Allen sighed and looked around at all of the other occupants of the cafeteria. Most of them were injured finders feeling dejected about all the comrades they had lost in battle and all their mourning families.

"Why do we even fight?" Lavi's eyes widened at that. He looked carefully at the boy observing those around him. He was amazed at how the boy had voiced the same question he had been asking himself. "It all seems so hopeless doesn't it?" Yes. Hope. That was one word that seemed to pop up several times in this story. "There seems to be no hope right now, yet, if we stop trying, there really won't be any left. The end seems so predictable yet it's what happens in between that time and now that can change the future. You should know that better than anyone, Lavi," Allen focused his silver eyes back on Lavi, with a glint in them which never wavers, as he came to record.

"We can't give in to despair. If we do, then the end we don't want just comes sooner. It's pointless to fight, but if we stop now, we won't be able to talk like this, now will we?" Allen flashed that beautiful smile of his just for him. A bookman never stops thinking. But in that moment, Lavi's mind went completely blank.

Shit.

"L-Lavi's r-right. W-we should... we should go tell B-Brother w-what happened h-here." Lenalee, like Lavi, was trying to keep her composure and look at all this differently, but she couldn't even speak a single phrase properly. She could not stop her trembling. Allen. Allen...

"Allen!" The white haired boy looked up from his spot, smiled and gave his greetings. "

What are you doing here?" she asked curiously.

"Hmm. I'm not sure. I had some spare time. I keep passing by this garden, but this is the first I've ever stopped to really appreciate it. It's quite beautiful." He placed his eyes back on the collage of colors ahead of him. Lenalee couldn't hold in her giggles. Allen looked back her, confused as to what caused her laughter. After she calmed down a bit she spoke, "Sorry, sorry. It's just that... this is Kanda's garden."

Silver eyes widened disbelievingly, "What?"

"Yeah, he takes care of this place whenever he's not on a mission."

"So the Bakanda actually has something he cares about? I never pegged him as the type to like flowers. Or anything for that matter."

"Oh, he doesn't. He hates them."

"..."

Allen looked even more confused than before.

"Haha. Don't even try to wrap your head around this one. Kanda's way too complicated to understand. I gave up years ago. I have not figured out a single thought of his since we've met."

"Say Lenalee, how long have you been at the Order?"

Lenalee sighed, "For as long as I can remember. They found out I was a potential accommodator since I was very young and took me from my home. All I can remember after that are the experiments and darkness. If I didn't have strange liquids and drugs pumping into me, I would be sleeping. But that all changed when Nii-san came. And with every new member added to my family, more light is shone into the darkness which was once my life."

"Many people would think that having a family member in the Order would be a burden, but it's what makes you stronger. You think about them and their safety. Looking at it one way, you would be distracted by the need to protect them. At the same time, that thought is what pushes us beyond our limits. To create a future with them. I had thought that I had lost the only family I ever had, but coming here, I've met people who make me think otherwise. You have all become so important to me and I have never felt to strong in my life before. I'm very grateful to have met you guys. You, Komui-san, Lavi, heck, even Kanda."

He looked over to find Lenalee pinning him with a strange look. It made him blush, "W-What is it?"

"Oh, nothing," she spoke casually.

"Then why are you looking at me like that?"

She smiled, "It's because you say the sweetest things." his cheeks lit aflame, and he looked away, embarrassed. Fighting next to Allen filled her to the brim with hope. She watched Allen as he resumed admiring the beauty of the garden, thinking of how it doesn't even compare to his beauty. Allen's light by far has shone the brightest, and she prayed that it would never fade.

No. God, please no.

Her tears were uncontrollable. Kanda remained silent. He did not want to partake in their delusions, however tempting it may be. They all very well knew that the chance of even the strongest warrior surviving that was extremely low, but it was so much easier to deny it.

There were several villages lined up near the northern shore of the island. They headed in their direction with dark clouds looming over their heads. Headquarters had gotten word of what happened by dawn and immediately sent a team of finders to search the parameters of the forest. After two days of incessant searching, the mission had reached a conclusion.

"Unfortunately, there was no sign of Mr. Walker. It is possible that his body was taken by the Noah. Even so, after observing the recordings made by Sir Walker's golemn, we have determined that the exorcist is no longer with us..." that was the message relayed to everyone at the Black Order. Then the lackey they sent from The Church said some more bullshit on how the loss of another exorcist will put us at a disadvantage and that we all must not let this hinder us in our efforts to defeat the Earl in this war... or some other cheap shit like that. Not that it mattered to him. Not that anything mattered to him. There had never been a choice. He saw people in the hallways wearing similar expressions of despair. What the hell were they mourning about? They didn't even know him. Nobody did. The stupid kid walked up to just about anybody, wearing that stupid fake smile of his, offering some kind words, and then disappearing from their lives. Fucking brat.

He was about to head to the cafeteria to order some soba but looking at everyone acting so pathetic, at the loss of some idiot martyr, pissed him off just enough to make him lose his appetite. He returned to his room where he wouldn't have to see strangers and familiars look so devastated over his death. He snapped the tie off his hair and ran his long sword-calloused fingers through his loose dark locks. He laid back and stared at the ceiling not noticing the sigh that escaped from his lips. Baka Moyashi...

Allen reached his destination and stood in front of the dark wooden door. He pouted. Why did he have to wake Kanda up? Don't they know what'll happen if they lose another exorcist? He could just feel the tip of Mugen at his jugular and see the unrelenting and merciless glare no doubt pointed at him. Well, here goes nothing. He knocked... and nothing. He rose an eyebrow at that. Where was that killing intent that would normally ooze out of the sides of the door frame just before he was hit with the promise of death? But, nothing. He got nothing.

He tried again, this time, calling his name. The door opened. He peeked inside. Maybe Kanda was in the bathroom... nope. That's strange. Allen thought he should just wait here for him. Furtively, he took a look around Kanda's room. Again, there was nothing. The room was just so... impersonal. There was no sign that anyone even lived here. Did he get the right room? Of course he did. In some sick twist of fate, they were practically neighbors.

Then, he spotted something on the corner table of the room. He hadn't noticed it before because of the massive shadow covering that certain region of the room, but that eerie pink glow was unmistakable. Something compelled him to go towards the flower and sit right in front of it. He stared at it for a while. His first thought was that it was beautiful; its shape, form, color. And the fact that it was floating on its own, without any roots gave it meaning. The flower spoke of dignity and strength which, he may not like to admit it, signified Kanda's essence. His eyes drifted towards the bottom of the vase. There laid the fallen petals. Lifeless. Suddenly, he was plunged into a deep abyss. Dark and lonely. Something about it made Allen overwhelmingly despondent and afraid. Pity. It was such a pretty flower, but it only had a short time to bloom. Every time a petal fell, it lost some of its life. Why would Kanda keep such a thing? His thoughts were interrupted but he continued to gaze at the hypnotic flower.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Kanda asked a question and it already gave away his unspoken threat. He paused for a reply and got even angrier when he didn't get one. "Oi. I'm talking to you, Moyashi. I'll give you three seconds to get the fuck out before I-"

"Kanda."

He was cut off. Was this idiot out of his damn mind? He was about to pull out his beloved Mugen to punish this moron for trespassing and then interrupting him.

"This flower... why do you keep it?"

The question threw him off guard. "Che. None of your fucking business." Yup. The Moyashi had gone fucking insane. What a headache. Looks like he has to literally drag him out. It was uncomfortable to have the Moyashi close to that thing.

Allen continues, still not looking, nor listening to him. "I'm sorry. It's just that... these petals..." Kanda saw the look in his eyes. Why did he look so sad? He also took note of his slight trembling. Why was he-

Allen looked up at him, and Kanda made sure to keep his expression neutral to give nothing away. Allen looked into his dark, untelling orbs with his glossy silver ones and said:

"What happens when they all fall?"

His eyes widened and his blood ran cold. Before he could come up with either a lie or a deflection, Allen had already gotten up from his spot and walked past him, to the door. He turned his head around. Kanda could've sworn he saw a tear run down his pale cheek.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you. Komui would like to see you in his office. You have a mission... take care..."

And then he was gone.

Irritated, he got up from his lying position and stared at that cursed flower. Why was he remembering this? It's over. He's dead. Then what was this feeling? It felt so damn heavy. He felt a pressure on his chest while the rest of his body felt numb. Stupid beansprout. If he was going to leave, he should have taken this feeling with him.

He stared at the lotus for another minute before heading back to the cafeteria. He would just have to suck it up and ignore all the crying dimwits for his damn soba. Another sigh escaped from him as he rose from his bed, only to freeze completely with his eyes widened. When he rose, a thought flew through his mind and fell back from shock. He couldn't believe what he just thought of. What the fuck was he thinking? It was very unlike him. He doesn't have thoughts like these. Not ever. He was visibly shaken. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. His hands covered his face as he closed his eyes and cleared his head. When he had finally regained his composure, he sat up and walked out the door; deliberately avoiding a passing glance at the glowing lotus. He needed to forget what happened. Yes. Forget. He wasn't one of them; the people who were broken up by the news.

He knew. He knew that Lenalee and Lavi felt a lot more than just deep camaraderie for the snowy haired, silver-eyed, innocent faced exorcist. This realization had come to him quite a while ago. At the time, he had thought nothing of it. It had nothing to do with him. But he would be lying if he said it didn't bother him. The way they looked at him like some pathetic, love sick puppies. The way they would hang on to his every single word. How they would always try to seek his company. How they would look at Kanda when Allen got sent on a mission with him. They were just so damn obvious about it. But Moyashi was fucking oblivious. How could the Moyashi see everything else, yet be so fucking blind to things like this? He always saw the good in others, but never their love for him. Still, he wasn't about to get involved in this freaking complicated love pentagon or whatever else you can call it since those two weren't the only ones with these type of thoughts. But not Kanda. Like it wasn't bad enough he had to be the spectator of these stupidities the rest of the lot indulge in. All that mattered to him was his goddamn job, not that he cared about that either. The damn human race can rot alongside him for all he cared.

The Moyashi would nag him for thinking like that. Che. So damn annoying.

But recently, when Kanda would try to meditate, thoughts of him would always surface. How he would piss him off by calling him Bakanda, or how he would eat that shitload of food and still remain a mere beansprout, how he would always sacrifice himself for people he didn't know, how easily he could love and care so damn much about everyone he meets, and the list goes on. Everything about the sprout pissed him the fuck off. He would always flash that dumb smile of his to everyone but him.

He stopped at a window which gave him a perfect view of the garden. He reminisces about a time when on his way to his room back from a mission, he found Moyashi sitting in his garden, looking so peaceful. He smirked. It gave him a certain satisfaction to see him enjoy something he had nurtured. Then Lenalee had come and made him smile and blush. Ever since then, he felt uneasy. He certainly wasn't jealous.

There was that feeling again. Not that it ever left. It just intensified, which was something that occurred more often than he'd care to admit. He couldn't shake it and he suspected he knew why. As much as he wanted to deny it, he had joined the boat sometime ago. The thought he just had did nothing but confirm this. He was in love with a fool. What does that make him? It's not like anything could've been done about it, at least, not anymore. He had gone and gotten himself killed.

He drove his fist through the glass window. Fuck. He stared at his hand, watching the cuts healing faster than the blood leaking from his wounds. He gave on last look outside and was on his way.

I wish I could've been there to save him,

even if it had cost me a petal...

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