hello hello. i've been super busy lately, like super duper busy. apparently we're having two interim tests next week, but the county just decided to officially announce it this week, so yay. four for you, county, four for you.

but yeah, i haven't been here in a while. this one's not very long, but there's a lot of feelings. i wanted to make it a bit longer, but it would've run on forever and ever. sorry about the wait!

oh and also, it would be pretty cool if more of you could vote for which story you'd like me to make! i haven't checked recently, but when i did check the last time, it was a mere ten votes, and i don't want to base which one to write first with so little feedback, y'know? so, if you could, it would be super cool!

warnings: BONES BREAKING, SUICIDE, ANGUISH, mentions of BLOOD, y'know, the USUAL.

words: 829 words

disclaimer: i do not own merlin.

canon setting: between season four and season five

Falling

Chapter Eight

Thank You (For Anything and Everything)

As he tips over the edge, Merlin can only register one thing.

He loves the feel of the wind tearing at his skin.

He loves it. He feels free. No king to serve, no knights to amuse, no queen to befriend, no destiny to fulfill. It's a blissful euphoria he wants to last forever and ever.

But every good thing comes to an end eventually.

He opens his eyes to see Gwen, Arthur, and the knights standing at the ledge he just jumped off of. Their eyes are filled with sadness and regret and he kind of wants to laugh but he only has a few milliseconds to spare before he hits the ground, and he knows it, they know it, the whole world knows it.

And as he comes within a foot of the ground, his skyward audience can feel a shift in the world, a change in the universe. They don't understand it, they don't know why they feel like the earth's going to split in two or why the stone beneath their feet is rumbling with a sort of grand anger, they just can't comprehend what they're about to lose.

As he soars to the ground, the rumbling and disturbance grows to a climax, and they don't know if they're crazy or if losing Merlin really means a torn up world.

Just as they think the mountains beyond the lake are going to burst and the stars are going to rain down on them, he hits the cobble stone path with a sickening crack and the world goes silent.

Then, like an orchestra tainted with anger after a feeble and wonky solo, their ears are blocked with the cries of the world. They can hear the horses crying out, babies in houses screeching their throats raw, and the thunder rumble as the once star-filled sky is now dark and lumpy and cloudy, flashes of light dancing around Camelot's nighttime sky it was once so revered for.

And it rains. It pours down on them, making them feel cold and wet and simply alone as they stare at the motionless body below them, blood pouring out and mixing into the rain into a pinkish puddle against the gray stones.

" NO!"

They all turn to Gwaine, who is clutching the ledge with white knuckles and looking like more of an animal than ever before.

"It's not supposed to be like this! It's not – It's not supposed to work out – "

He sucks in a breath and bears his teeth.

"HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE!"

He falls on his knees, tears mixing in with the rain, forehead against the ledge as he yells and yells.

Then, after a while, he speaks again.

"He's not supposed to die. He's supposed to live and be happy because he deserves it. He's supposed to meet a nice girl and fall in love and marry her and have the grandest wedding – traditions be damned – and he's supposed to have the sweetest children who'll have his ears and his attitude and – and – "

His voice is dry and cracked and so desperate that Gwen wants to hug him but she can't move, she can only feel the rain pelting down on her face as she stares at Merlin's body and clings to his every word.

"He was supposed to die happy."

And with those six words, Arthur can feel his heart split in two. He can feel the tears starting to spill out of his eyes and mix with the rain as he chants to himself, no man is worth your tears, no man is worth your tears, no man is worth your tears, dammit.

But nothing can stop the salt water from running down their faces.

After a while of standing in the rain, Arthur decides he's had enough.

He runs down the steps frantically.

They can't just very well leave him to rot, can they?

It's the least they can do.

So he jumps the last four steps and runs out onto the path.

The walk from the staircase to Merlin is the longest walk he's ever taken in his entire life.

He feels like it's a procession, like this is already his funeral, like he's already saying his goodbyes that were supposed to be well written and thought out and full of memories from the tales that were supposed to happen when they got older and had children and talked about how endearing and frightening their wives were as a team. They were supposed to boast about their sons and daughters and take care of the other's like they were their own. They were supposed to do a lot of things together.

Arthur was supposed to say thank you.

Thank you for everything, from saving my life to taking a knife cut to bringing me food to helping me not be such a prat.

But most of all, thank you for being my friend.