"WHAT THE HELL!?"

"Eeyup." I said, popping the 'P' and grinning at the completely flabbergasted blonde.

He pointed more emphatically at the monument, looking at me. "WHAT THE HELL!"

"Uh huh." I said, nodding sagely, and still grinning, enjoying every moment of this.

Naruto's mouth opened and closed like a fish, as he turned back to the monument, staring shell shocked at it for nearly half a minute. I heard him mutter to himself, 'what the hell...' one last time.

"Yeah, funny thing is, that's not even the best part." I said, grinning still, but now a touch semi serious.

Naruto turned to me, flabbergasted, "There's MORE?!"

I nodded. "Couple things that tie into that actually. I guess you see now why it's so obvious who your pops is, yeah?"

Naruto turned back to the monument and blinked a few times shaking his head, muttering 'unbelievable' and 'can't believe I didn't see it before', then turned back to me and nodded, "Yeah..."

"Right," I said nodding sagely, "So you get it now, right? Why he did it? Fuzzball needed a jailer, and if he couldn't ask it of his own son, who was he gonna ask?"

A look of understanding crossed Naruto's face followed a split second later by his face paling as his face snapped to me and his hand unconsciously rose up to hold his stomach.

"You know about that?" he asked nervously.

I nodded. "Yeah. Kinda glad it was you who got chosen. You got one of the crappiest backstories I've ever heard of, but it makes you one of those heroes forged in the fire. You either break, or you come out shiny as one of the greatest people anyone could ever get to know. You're definitely the latter."

To my surprise, Naruto actually blushed and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "You really think so?"

I nodded, "Most definitely. Remember when I mentioned millions of people like you? A good chunk of that would gladly hug you to bits and show you love and kindness. I'd gladly do the same, but I don't think you're ready for it. Especially not when I look like this right now."

Naruto leaned back just a tad and nodded, "Yeah. That would be a little weird coming from someone who looks exactly like Sasuke bastard."

I nodded in understanding. After a moment of silence, I cleared my throat and said, "So yeah. Your pops... He chose you. He knew you could do it, and he loved you, as did your Mom. And your Mom... Oh your Mom... It only gets funnier from there." I said chuckling.

"Funnier?" Naruto asked curiously.

I nodded. "Yeah, I don't know if you know this, but do you know anything about Whirlpool?"

Naruto shook his head. "What is it?"

"It's the land directly adjacent to the land of Wave. They call it Redpool now though. In it was Uzushiogakure, the hidden village most closely tied as allies to Konoha. So much so, that their whirlpool design was integrated into Konoha's symbol design, the same swirl design you favor so prominently, and for good reason."

"Why?"

"Because Uzu had one major prominent clan. One so feared that several entire nations and multiple hidden villages banded together to wipe them out, fearing their power. The Uzumaki."

Naruto gasped, his eyes wide.

I nodded solemnly. "The Uzumaki, if anything, were even more prominent in Uzu than the Uchiha and Hyuuga are here. Almost literally royalty. They were wiped out, but remnants survived. Remnants, like your mother, the last of the main family line, Uzumaki Kushina, the Red Hot Blooded Habenero. So not only are you son of a kage, you're literally the heir apparent to a clan of higher standing than the Uchiha."

"But, I haven't actually gotten to why that's so ironic. You see, I said that Uzu and Konoha were close allies right? That lead to some in Uzu marrying some in Konoha. Including the first Hokage. And since the first and second Hokage were related, and the one the first Hokage married was a member of the main family..." I trailed off.

Thankfully, Naruto was quick on the uptake and stared at the monument once again in awe and reverence. "Gramps?... Like, for real?..."

I nodded. "So you see, you basically have familial relations with every single person on that monument, though one chosen, rather than by blood. Three grandpa's and a pop."

Naruto abruptly sat down, staring at the middle distance towards the Hokage Mountain. I nodded in understanding and sat down next to him, deciding to wait it out.

"So you found out, huh."

I blinked, and to Naruto's credit, he was up in a flash, kunai out and facing towards the intruder, which just happened to be Kakashi.

There was a tense silence.

"Well, well, I suppose it was bound to happen anyway... His likeness does resemble Naruto a lot. It was bound to get figured out eventually. Though I would've thought Sakura would have figured out first." Kakashi stated.

I snorted. "Knowing Sakura, she probably dismissed it as bullshit cause 'obviously' Naruto can't be anything other than a chump." I said, making it really obvious I was being sarcastic by adding finger quotes.

Kakashi eye smiled and tilted his head to the side. "You're probably right... So... You know why you two have to keep quiet about this, right?"

I nodded, but Naruto just tilted his head a bit, his eyes turning fox like as he frowned. "Not really. Why?"

"Your parents made a lot of enemies Naruto. If you'd gone and shouted your parentage from the rooftops, it could have gotten out to the other villages, and some of them really disliked your parents. Enough so to take it out on you and make attempts on your life. So it was decided it'd be easier to just keep it secret until you were ready and old enough to handle any enemies you'd be inheriting from them."

Naruto appeared to think about this for a bit, while I just watched Kakashi.

After a few moments, I said, "So. You were here the whole time, huh?"

"Eeyup," he said, popping the 'p' just like I had in the beginning.

I nodded, while Naruto tensed slightly.

"Kinda surprised I'm still alive then." I said.

"Mah, mah," Kakashi said, waving a hand, "That law only really applies to adults. Can't really punish someone who found out the obvious."

I tilted my head to the side. "That might be true. Cept there's no way in hell I should've been able to figure out the rest of it. You're either info fishing... Or you were here long enough to hear why taking me out would be pointless."

Kakashi, still eye smiling, tilted his head to the side, as somehow the surroundings seemed to get a bit darker.

"Or both." he said, and abruptly the darkness was gone.

Both of us were sweating, as Naruto scratched the back of his head. "I don't get it. How did you know to come here so fast?"

I snorted. "Now who's the slow one?"

"Hey!" Naruto said, turning to me.

"Think about it, Naruto," I said, "Think about everything I told you, and ask yourself this. 'Why would I not have ANBU tailing me all the time'?"

Naruto gaped, "But that would mean... All those pranks... Everything..."

I nodded, adding, "So does it really not make sense that Kakashi's tailed you here when you took off for my place so early? He's ex ANBU captain Inu. If he doesn't still have feelers in their network, I'll eat my socks."

Naruto openly gaped at Kakashi as he waved his hand back and forth, "Mah, mah, I'd keep that information to myself if I were you. Anyone who overhears such impossible information spilling from your mouths might take you to T&I."

I nodded at the surprisingly decent warning. "We'll keep that in mind." I said, turning to Naruto. "Won't we."

Naruto scratched the back of his head and nodded.

I turned back to Kakashi, "Funny thing though. As former ANBU Inu, most people can't decide based on your behavior whether you actually defended Naruto or let mobs beat him up on his birthday."

If I had anything to add on to that, I didn't get to finish as I was suddenly hit by images of the myriad of ways Kakashi could kill me right now. I gasped and shuddered as he punctuated the obvious killing intent by saying, "I wouldn't go saying such things if I were you." Then the killing intent cleared and I leaned over, gasping. Holy crap that was intense!

"Y-yeah man. No mobs here." Naruto said, holding his arms up, looking a bit shell shocked. "Well... except for one, but I was able to get away from them."

"You were three. Running away from grown adults. At this point it should be obvious what actually happened, Naruto." Kakashi said, seriously, visibly frowning even through his mask as his eyes were clouded over by memories.

Naruto started and fell quiet, looking down and thinking back. For my part, I examined Kakashi thoughtfully.

"...I think I get it now."

Both Kakashi and Naruto looked at me as I continued, "Your whole schtick is teamwork, for obvious reasons, and while you're obligated by the council and politics to teach me, if that weren't the case... You only ever would've taken any requests for training seriously if we'd asked you together. Am I right?"

Kakashi eyesmiled. "Got it in one."

Naruto frowned. "That never would've worked before..."

Kakashi shrugged. "Well, maybe. Who knows?"

We lapsed into silence for a time.

"Where is Sakura, by the way?" I asked curiously.

Naruto frowned. "I figured she'd be with our teacher, since he was the one who got us and brought us all over to your apartment that first time. But now..."

"Well, she might be over at the testing center still, upset and angry and wondering where you two are." kakashi said, shrugging.

"Well, I guess we don't have long until everything resets then." Naruto said, sighing.

I nodded, then looked at Kakashi, "Hey, all things considered, do you think you could help us out by giving pointers? I'm gonna need a long crash course on how to be a Ninja, so anything you could say to help Naruto teach and for me to keep in mind while learning would be great."

Kakashi eye smiled and the next hour or so were full of suggestions and hints, along with a couple of cryptic stuff thrown in until everything went black.