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Chapter 13- You Gave Me You.

Sam slid the oven dish out of the oven and set it down. Whatever Andy had started making smelt really good.

Way better than the bags of salad or takeout she usually favored.

He grabbed a spoon out of the drawer and scooped a spoonful out from the side before blowing it and popping it into his mouth.

It was delicious.

He grabbed a plate and dished up some rice, then added a generous helping of the casserole over the plate.

He was just about to head back to Andy and make her eat, when he turned around and there she was.

She had her shoulder resting against the wall, her arms crossed over her waist, her sweatshirt sleeves tugged down over her hands.

She was fingering the material that covered her hands, she was nervous.

Sam set the plate down on the counter top, as he was about to step closer.

But Andy rendered him speechless when she pushed off the wall and took a few steps towards him, unaided by anything.

Her steps were slow and calculated, a small amount of pain flashing across her face as she looked at him. But she pushed it away and maintained her strides, however painful her leg was.

Sam counted her steps, she took twelve before stopping in front of him, her hand reaching out for the counter to brace herself as her injured leg was lifted up a little to rest.

"Looking good there McNally". Sam said, his face pulling into a fully fledged dimpled grin.

"Only coz you made me walk here". Andy grumbled out. It was the furthest she had walked without her crutches and cast off today in one go, but his face was so worth it.

She would do it again to see that smile.

"I did?"

Andy nodded, a smile tugging up at the edges of her lips.

"Totally. You can't just say all that and then walk away Sam".

Sam glanced between Andy and the plate of food, her loud sigh evident to her current frustration.

"Can we sit?". She suddenly blurted, her leg was cramping again.

Sam held out his hand instantly, Andy taking it before allowing him to help her hobble over to the couch.

She lifted her foot and set it down on the pillow on the coffee table, Sam shifting around unsure of where he should sit.

Andy patted the couch next to her, so Sam sat down. He was a little on edge, but she seemed so calm that he couldn't help let it spill over him too.

"I remember some of what you said, you know, when I was in the hospital. Everyone else filled in some of the blanks too, but I have one question, one thing I don't understand".

Andy stared straight ahead, Sam watching her. She couldn't do this if she was watching him.

"Why did you do that to yourself? Why did you sit there for

fourty-whatever days and do something that was so hard, when you didn't need too?".

There she said it, asked the one thing that had eluded her despite the fact that she had spent at least three hours a day searching for answers to that question.

"Because I wanted too. It was the only thing I could give you then. If I could have, I would have traded places with you...I just did the only thing I had left to do, I stayed".

Andy glanced wearily at Sam as he answered, his eyes not wavering from her face.

"You gave me you".

Sam nodded, basically that was the bottom line.

"It was the only thing I could give you then".

Sam hated the flood of memories that fell so freely through him, it made him remember how he felt watching her slip away. The sound of her heart stopping. The first few breaths she took on her own, and most of all, he remembered the fear in her eyes.

"I was so scared... I wasn't really aware of what was going on, but somehow I knew".

Sam reached out, his arm slipping around the back of the couch, Andy snuggling closer.

"I remember trying to ask you not to leave me, I... I wanted you to stay". She added when she was comfortable.

"It was so weird. I sort of sensed that you were there, but I was so scared that you were going to leave me, when it was the other way around".

Sam looked down at her, she had her eyes focused forwards, like she was watching what she spoke about all over again.

"I shouldn't have left".

"Nope, you made the right decision".

Andy peered up at Sam, how could he even say that?

"Andy, I never want to stop you from doing what you want to do. You wanted it, and you took it. You made the right choice".

"But I wanted you more". Andy sighed it out before realizing that she had said it out aloud.

"You've always had me McNally". Sam said the only thing he could think of that wouldn't cause her to regret saying what she had let slip out.

"Yeah?". Her voice sounded a little breathless as the word flurried out.

"Yup, from the time you slammed me into the pavement..."

"That so didn't happen like that!".

"I was there, I know you tried to jump me".

Andy let out a giggle at Sam's sense of humor, she knew he was teasing her, but also trying to lighten the mood.

"You know, I thought you looked just like an angel, when the stars cleared and there was just your face".

Andy felt her blush creep up her cheeks, he knew just how to make it appear. He was subtly hinting that she hit his head on the pavement, which she did not.

"You know, this is what I want to do, I want to be here when you need me, I want to be here because you want me here. I want the good times and the really bad ones, but only with you".

Andy let out a long sigh. Didn't it make sense to him that she wanted that too, that he was still here because she wanted him here.

"Sam, I want that too, but how long are you going to stay? How long before Guns and Gangs come looking for you again? How long...".

"I'm off rotation. I moved to the detectives rotation yesterday".

Sam let his words ring out a little louder than hers, while she spoke so that she would hear them.

She pulled away and faced Sam, a high pitched "What?" Slipping from her mouth.

"I don't want that anymore. I want to be here. I...um, I applied for Jerry's spot a few days after the accident. I had a lot of time to study for it".

"Why would you even do that?". Andy was on the verge of completely losing it as she gaped at Sam. He gave up the thing he loved the most.

"Andy...". Sam pinched his eyes closed, a ragged sigh billowing out as he thought about how to put his feelings into words.

"When I said I couldn't be a cop and be with you, I meant it. I'm overprotective, and I can't focus on anything but you. One day I'm gonna make a call, and it's going to get you hurt or worse".

So far, so good. It wasn't as hard as he thought it would be.

"But you love going under..."

"I love you more".

That made Andy's mouth snap closed from the small O it had formed, to a thin line instead.

"Sam, this is your career".

"I know, but our lives are more important. Andy I gave up UC's almost two years ago, because I don't want to do that anymore not when you're here".

"Why didn't you tell me?". Andy groaned the words out in frustration. She was mad at him for giving it up- for her.

"This is why. I didn't want you to think that you made me do it. Brennan was the last one, and before I even left Frank scrapped me from the rotation".

"That was before..."

"I know. But I knew that when I came home, there was no way I wasn't going to say something, or do something".

"But...".

Andy looked like she was having trouble wrapping her mind around everything.

"There isn't a but. Its always been you. I just always knew that it was what I wanted, the more I got to know you, the harder it was to stay away. So I left hoping that by the time I came back you would be ready for something, for more or...".

"Seriously?".

Sam nodded. He'd always felt that way and it was probably time that she knew that.

"I...don't even know what to say to that".

"I told you what I want, I want you to say yes. So when you're ready, I'll be here".

Andy peered at Sam, her mind whirling away.

Sam made to move off the couch, but Andy's hand stopped him. He nodded towards the kitchen and mumbled dinner for the second time tonight before standing up.

He came back a few minutes later with a heated plate of food and a second fork, Andy's eyes rising into her hairline as he sat next to her.

"It's really good". Sam said before taking a bite.

Sam and Andy nibbled away at the plate of food, Andy watching Sam more than she was actually eating.

He could see that her mind was over thinking the whole situation, that she was weighing up her options.

So he waited patiently for her to finish chewing and swallow before asking the one thing that had been on his mind since he had told her he loved her for the first time.

Clearing his throat to get her undivided attention, Sam watched as she focused on him before taking the plunge.

"Do you still feel anything for me?".

Sam could see that his question slammed the wind out of her, that she lost her breath, and that her heart probably stopped as her skin paled.

Her fork clanked into the plate as she dropped it, but her gaze never averted from his.

It was fair for him to ask right? He had told her how he still felt, now it was time to find out if there was anything left from her side that could be salvaged.

He cocked an eyebrow and tried to find a reassuring mask to slip over his face although it was really hard knowing that because he had thrown the question out there, he faced the possibility that she would say no.

She stared at him unable to hide her evident shock, his was just throwing it out into the air between them, nothing holding him back.

Sam watched Andy's hand retract back as she tucked it into her lap after dropping her fork. Her lips pulled into a tight line, and her eyes just kept their focus on his.

"Andy?".

She was retreating into her shell, slamming up those damned walls again, and he just wasn't going to let it happen.

Sam put the plate down on the coffee table and turned to face Andy, his fingers lightly dusting over his nose as he briefly pinched his eyes closed as he gave her a moment to pull herself together.

"I let you go when I thought you were giving up, that you were tired of fighting. But you didn't let go, you held on and you're still here". Sam started. He really had no idea how to pacify her doubts.

"You made the right choice by taking Dakota, and I know that you would have done a great job if you made it there.

Your thorns aren't an excuse anymore Andy, you can't hide behind the scars, and you can't hide behind the past.

I screwed up from day one by not telling you how I felt, and I chose the worst moment to finally tell you how I felt because I had every intention of taking that grenade out of your hands and sending you out of there.

But it hasn't changed, I still feel the same way, I am still hopeless when it comes to you, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I love you, and nothing you do or say, even if you answer my question with a no, will change that. But I just need to know, because right now I have no idea what I'm doing, no idea what you want or feel or..."

Andy suddenly nodded, vigorously, like she had to exaggerate a point.

Her hands were still clasped together in her lap, but stilled when her head moved, like it was the only thing that she was capable of doing.

"It never changed Sam, even though it felt like you ripped my heart right out of my chest, I didn't stop feeling that way".

Sam barely heard what she said, her head dropping forwards as she tried to hide her face.

Her words hurt too, because he knew that was what he had done, ripped her heart out.

"I just can't help myself". She whispered as she finally looked up at him, her eyes giving in and letting her tears streak free of their restraints.

Sam let out a long breath, one loud enough for her to hear. It told her that he had anticipated a no.

Sam reached out and tugged her hands free, one of his pulling one of hers closer.

"I wanted to hate you, I tried to hate you, but I just couldn't. It was like I didn't have it in me too". Andy's voice cracked a little as she let honesty rein free in her words.

"Like I love you too much to hate you".

Andy took a deep breath before continuing.

"I've tried to stay away too, but I can't..." Sam's fingers squeezed hers a little, it was as hard on him to hear her say the words as it was for her to say them.

"Then don't, I don't want you too. I don't want too".

Sam saw her face light up, as if his actions and words up until now hadn't fully convinced her.

Andy leaned into Sam suddenly, she was tired and just needed a moment to rest, this conversation was taking its toll on her.

"Can we stay here? Like this?". Andy mumbled against Sam's chest, his arm wrapping itself around her.

"Only if it's for a very long, long time". Sam said giving her a light squeeze.

Even though he couldn't see her face, he felt her smile just as she spoke, "I'd like that. You, me, a long, long time".

Those were the second best words Sam had ever heard her say, she was letting him in, giving him another chance, them another shot.

It didn't matter that they had a lot to work through, she still had to recover and would have months of physical therapy, or that he had to adjust to the detectives rotation while she went back on patrol.

Or that she would get frustrated and they'd argue because she was independent and he wanted to help, making up for it would make it worth while.

Or that he would get mad because she risked her life to save someone else's, when he knew the same would happen when the tables turned, because they would turn.

All that mattered now, was this one moment, the moment when she admitted that she loves him enough to let him in, even though he didn't deserve it, deserve her.

Sam smiled when Andy's head slid down his chest a little, she had fallen asleep, but on the plus side, she was letting him stay.

Right where he wanted to be.

The End.

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Jelly Bean Jenna©