Terrifying Thoughts

Chapter 1

Horatio had noticed that over the past few months, his job was becoming more and more demanding. He sat at his desk, looking down at the stack of never ending paperwork that didn't seem to decrease no matter how much effort and work he put into it.

'Crime rates really are sky-rocketing, what is this world we live in?' Horatio questioned to himself as he picked up another file with a sigh. He'd managed to keep his concentration for 3 hours, hammering through the paperwork only for more to be delivered.

He sat back in the chair and ran his hands through his hair, feeling his stress levels elevate as his eyes hurt from too much reading. Even his hand hurt from signing so many things. He looked down at the files and let out a long sigh, he needed a break from it all. He looked around his office for some sort of motivation to carry on with the work, but his bare office offered him nothing.

"Hey, coffee?" Zoë asked as she walked through his office door with a fresh smile, she knew that he was doing paperwork and hadn't seen him venture out of his office in sometime. Horatio looked up and saw her entering with a large cup of coffee and a small smile began to develop as the feeling of relief over-came his stress. He felt his office brighten up as she stood in front of his desk.

"Thank you, Zoë." Horatio said sincerely as she placed it on his desk for him.

"You're working yourself into the ground, Horatio. You can't keep this up." Zoë said as she walked around his desk and placed her hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her and gave her a small forced smile. He admired her cream trousers and baby pink cardigan as it clung to her body.

"I'm fine, Zoë." Horatio assured her but she knew he was lying to her. She moved her hand to the back of his neck and tenderly rubbed it and she saw Horatio visibly relax. 'He's way too stressed for this.' Zoë thought to herself as she looked down at the paperwork.

"You need a break at least." She exhaled as he reached for his coffee.

"That's exactly what I'm doing now." Horatio exhaled as he brought the coffee closer to him, even the smell of it made his mouth water. He hadn't realised that he was hungry until that moment. He watched her reach over to some of the files as she studied them while he took a few sips of the perfectly made coffee.

"What dick keeps sending you all of this?" She asked as she looked at the name on some of the files.

"Zoë…" Horatio choked on his sip, scolding her reminding her to keep her language under wraps.

"I said dick, Horatio. Evidently this guy… Matthew Jenkins is a dick if he keeps dumping this on your desk. This is the work of 2… even 3 people, Horatio. You cannot be expected to do all of this." Zoë exhaled as she placed her hands on her hips. She glanced around and then caught a glimpse of dark clouds forming high in the sky through the window. Horatio looked down at the work, knowing that it certainly was a lot more work than one man could do and stay sane. He placed his coffee down and exhaled as he rubbed his eyes.

"Come here, handsome." Zoë said as she looked back down at him and saw his stress. She leant over and gave him a warm hug. He felt her hand against his face and it made him feel better, he then felt the rhythm of her breathing and it calmed him down more so.

"How about we go out for a relaxing meal tonight? Get away from all of this, yeah?" Zoë questioned and Horatio nodded with a content moan.

"Okay" Zoë said with a smile as she stood back up straight and sorted her cardigan out.

"Have a break, and I'll see you later." Zoë said softly and Horatio gave her a smile and looked into her soothing chocolate brown eyes. She leant in closer and made contact with his lips, using hers. He kissed her back as he placed his hand on the back of her neck as she raised her hand to the back of his and ran her fingers through his hair. She could feel his need so she parted her lips and deepened the kiss for him. He stood as she did and took a gentle hold of her waist as he leant her against his desk, she didn't complain. She could feel him relaxing. They heard a knock at the door and they broke the kiss as Horatio sat back down and sorted his jacket out. Zoë quickly wiped some of her lip balm from his lip and stepped back with a smile.

"Come in." Horatio called and the door opened.

"Hi H, Zoë. Zoë we need you in the lab." Ryan said softly.

"I'll be right there." Zoë said with a sweet smile and Ryan nodded and then closed the door after he left.

"Why aren't we ever disturbed when we just talk?" Zoë asked with a smile as she looked down at Horatio sat in his chair. A small smile appeared across his lips as he looked up at her.

"Anyway, relax, I'll see you later." She said as she placed her hand on his shoulder and he gave her a nod.

"Thank you, Zoë." Horatio said softly. She flashed him a brilliant smile and then began to walk back around his desk as she grabbed a handful of files.

"Put those back please, Zoë." Horatio asked softly.

"I'm not having you do all of that, Horatio." She said as she put a hand on her hip and turned around.

"They need my signature specifically." Horatio said as he studied her posture and knew he wasn't going to win immediately. 'She'll know I'm lying to her, she'll get round me somehow…' Horatio thought to himself.

"Well, which ones don't need your signature?" Zoë questioned as she walked back over to the desk. Horatio remained silent as he looked up at her. 'She didn't pick up on my lie, this has to be the first time ever that she's not seen through me.' Horatio thought to himself, a little shocked.

"Tell me, Horatio. Either I take some to do for you or I'm taking these straight back to this Matthew Jenkins with a lovely message from me personally." She said looking at him firmly.

"Zoë, you cannot be doing any more work, sweetheart." Horatio pleaded, wanting her to drop it. He watched her stance change to more of a defensive one and he pointed to a pile, he knew he wouldn't win.

"Thank you." Zoë said softly with a smile as she put the files she had down and picked up more than half of the other pile.

"You are not doing all of that." Horatio said, firmly as he began to rise to his feet.

"I am, now please sit down and enjoy that coffee." She said as she gave him another smile and then turned around to walk out. Horatio sat back and exhaled, shaking his head. A few minutes later, Horatio's phone bleeped at him.

"Don't worry, I can handle it. Anyway, I'll get Ryan to do some; he's being a lazy ass. :P Z xx" Horatio read the message and shook his head with a small smile. 'What am I going to do with her?' Horatio thought to himself as he imagined her fresh smile again and sat back with his coffee. For a moment he felt content until he looked back down at his desk.

He was quickly thrown back into the world of reality when his break was over and he had to hammer on with more paperwork. A few more hours passed again and Horatio was just as stressed as he was before Zoë had come in.

He felt exhausted, stressed and agitated, not even another coffee could calm him down that afternoon. He powered on when something snapped in his head and he just dropped the pen, and stared blankly at the paper that lay before him. The stress had caused him to think about his brother, Ray. 'The job destroyed his life, it got him killed. I shouldn't have let him take the narco's job, if I hadn't have let him take the job, he'd probably still be here. It's my fault he's dead, it's my fault he was killed, I didn't protect him like an older brother should.' Horatio thought to himself as he sat back and rubbed his eyes, feeling the guilt about his brother bore a hole into his soul.

'Mother, I couldn't protect her either, she died because I was too cowardly to stop him. I should have killed him before he had a chance to get to her. She didn't deserve anything like that.' He thought to himself as he clenched his jaw, feeling completely to blame for their deaths.

'Speed, he died in my arms because I didn't make sure he was keeping his gun clean… Marisol, she was killed because of me.' He then envisioned Eric being shot in the head again, right beside himself. He remembered looking down at Eric as he lay virtually lifeless on the floor before him, he remembered the tone he used to call Eric's name. 'I should have done more to protect them all, they all died because of my incompetence, my cowardliness.' He convinced himself. He clenched his fists in anger as he stared down at his black desk.

'Zoë, she's been hurt so many times because of me, I've caused her physical and mental pain. We lost Maya because of me, I got our baby killed, our flesh and blood. She would have grown up to be perfect just like her mother; she would have been so beautiful, so smart. I should have protected the both of them with my life, they were vulnerable, and they needed me.' Horatio swallowed when he felt the lump in his throat form. 'I've nearly gotten Zoë killed so many times, how many more times is it going to happen because of me? What if I do get her killed? That's more blood on my hands. That's Zoë's blood on my hands.' Horatio thought to himself but his train of guilt and thought was lost by Zoë as she walked through into his office, looking ready to go. He looked down at his watch and he realised that he'd been stewing in his thoughts for over an hour.

"Are you ready to go, handsome?" Zoë asked softly, she saw Horatio tormented with stress and anguish. 'He is doing nothing but relaxing tonight.' She thought to herself as he looked up at her and then glanced down at the pile of files that still sit at his desk.

"You're leaving that there." Zoë said softly as she walked around the desk and took hold of one of his clenched fists.

"Come on, we're going home." Zoë said warmly and he looked up at her and nodded. He unclenched his fists and interlocked his fingers with Zoë's. He stood and picked up his phone from the desk and left the file open as he walked out, hand in hand with Zoë.

"I may have a treat in store for you later." She grinned up at him as they walked over to the car. He couldn't help but let a small boyish grin appear across his face as he glanced down at her.

"But you need to undress me to find out what the treat is." She grinned as she looked up at him and saw an even wider grin appearing across his face.

"I'm driving, you relax." She said as she let go of his hand and then quickly and slyly took the keys from his other hand. He smiled at her and then turned around to look at the building. He looked up and saw the looming black cloud above them, blocking out all sunlight. He exhaled and his mood had suddenly dropped again. He slowly turned and got into the car with Zoë.

Zoë got him home and told him to go and have a relaxing shower or bath while she put some washing on. She changed into some joggers and a tank-top and quickly tidied and cleaned the living room and kitchen while Horatio showered and changed. Horatio walked into the kitchen as she was wiping the sides down and she turned around to see him just as stressed.

"Would you like a drink, handsome?" She questioned softly and she gave him a calm expression.

"No thank you beautiful. I need to go to the shop to pick something up, I'll be back in a moment." Horatio said as he walked up to her and she gave him a nod.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go for you? You can stay here and relax, I don't mind going." She asked as he placed his hands on her waist.

"I'm sure, beautiful." Horatio said softly and then planted a loving yet salacious kiss on her lips.

'He really has had a rough day at work, I'm definitely having words with this Matthew. I'm also going to give Horatio the time of his life later. He definitely won't be stressed when I've had my way with him.' Zoë thought to herself as she felt the emotion and neediness in his kiss.

"I love you, so much." He said sincerely as he broke from the kiss and looked into her eyes.

"And I you, too. Don't be too long, I'll book us a table." She said softly and Horatio gave her a nod and backed off. He walked out of the house and Zoë carried on tidying and cleaning the house. 'Something isn't right with him, why does he need to go to the shop? He has everything he needs. I guess he might want something to snack on, I know we're out of chocolate because it all accidently fell into my mouth. Perhaps he just wants chocolate to help de-stress." Zoe thought to herself.

She glanced down at her watch and realised that 50 minutes had passed and Horatio hadn't come back yet.

'Where is he? The traffic isn't that bad tonight; he shouldn't be taking this long. I'll give him another 10 minutes and then I'll call him.' She thought to herself. The 10 minutes passed but it felt like 10 hours to Zoë, she pulled her phone out and rang him. He didn't answer.

'He's not answering, he always answers, something has to be up.' She thought to herself when she got that distinct bad feeling that formed a pit in her stomach.