A/N: (This note used to be a separate, initial chapter as my introduction when I posted it last March 2, 2013. I will admit that I stubbornly ignored and blatantly disobeyed the website's rule about making an author's note as a lone chapter, and as a author's note, it isn't supposed to be long. As much as I want to preserve my sweet side when I was 18 years old, I guess growing up had me realized that I indeed want to be serious with this fanfiction, therefore I've decided to re-edit and rearrange it for everyone's sake, including mine. I cut some parts from that childish intro and placed it here though.)

I got the idea for this fic long, long time ago. Since I was little. I got it's title from a song. It was years ago when a friend of mine became addicted to an anime; Vampire Knight. I don't like vampire stuffs but the anime's season one's first ending theme song took me by surprise.

You see, one of my biggest curiosity in life when I was young was: why does Kurapika don't cry? Then I came with a little ridiculous theory. I thought it was really impossible, until I saw the ending theme song's video clip on the anime, then I realized that there's nothing impossible in the universe of animes. So I'd like to suggest you to look for it first before reading, only if you want and if you haven't seen it yet. (Note: I'm not referring on the music video of Kanon Wakeshima.)

March 2, 2013 is my 18th birthday. This is my birthday gift to myself and to everyone. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN HUNTER X HUNTER.

BETA-READER: NONE.

Chapter 1: A Still Doll.

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BAM!

He hit his back on the same huge tree for three consecutive times. He could feel his broken ribs along with his right arm. Yet he was feeling so numb against the cold rain that was hardly pouring on the forest he was in, a midst of bottomless darkness, with the worst person he could ever think of being with in such emptiness. His chains left him in the air, leaving him alone in that very moment when he badly needed its help. His right arm was useless now, for it was severely broken by a strong punch. The toughest hand-in-hand battle he ever faced was prolonged, making his slowly die out of tiredness.

The man was undeniably strong.

Dark and as cold as ice, the emotionless eyes of the man he used to decapitate were boring on his shameful figure. He couldn't bring himself to stand on his own anymore. He was leaning his back on the tree, panting harshly, blood along with the rain drops ran from his head.

He was utterly useless. Weak legs, useless right arm, two broken ribs, and blurred, bright scarlet eyes. The damage had taken its toll on his body. The Kuruta eyes worsened his condition as a severe headache struck him. He clutched his head with his left hand, but his remaining functioning hand was indeed too tired. He let it fall on his side numbly. He tried to stand the pain. He was beaten beyond endurance.

"How boring," the man spat at the weakening figure. "I thought you could do better than that."

A nerve was visible in his forehead. He knotted his eyebrows out of anger and pain as he tried to stand again and failed, just like earlier.

On the other side, the man knelt in front of his and roughly tucked his chin with one hand. And as Kuroro Lucifer bored his eyes on Kurapika's scarlet ones, the Ryodan head couldn't help himself to mock the boy.

"Is that what you've got?"

Kurapika flinched and felt disgusted as Kuroro drew his face closer to him to take a good look on his eyes. "Your eyes are the most beautiful pair I've ever seen. Along with your face, it's a masterpiece of life."

The Kuruta literally spat on the man's face.

The man slapped the blond's face in return. The raindrops washed the fluid away, but not the man's offended expression. Kurapika, meanwhile spat blood out of his mouth. The man's attack worsened his headache.

"What a reckless kid?" the man casually asked as he pulled the blond's hair upward to force him to face him again. "Sadly, you're way too reckless you can no longer handle yourself properly anymore."

"Bastard." He simply sneered.

"Oh, is that your nickname for me now?"

Kurapika mockingly smiled. "Go ahead and have fun hurting me." His eyes suddenly turned back on their normal hue. "Kill me if you want. I'm not scared of you at all."

Kuroro was amused with the kid's persistence; his daring stunts and fearless stunts. And that smile was surprisingly captivating. So, he smiled back. "Sorry to tell you-"

Kurapika took the chance of Kuroro's carelessness as he shot a blow on the man's face. But since he was in so much pain, his speed was nothing compare to the man's. The next thing he knew, the man's fist was on his stomach. It drove the kid's remaining strength faraway. Kurapika coughed more blood. Kuroro pulled his hair again then he pinned the boy' head roughly on the tree's trunk. The feared Genei Ryodan head adapted an intimidating expression the commanded: "Turn your eyes back on their crimson hue."

"Kill me," Kurapika taunted.

Kuroro shook his head. "What a hard-headed brat you are."

Kurapika just mockingly smile again as though nothing in this world could scare him.

Kuroro tightened his grip on the boy's hair. "Change your eyes. Now."

"Kill me." The boy simply repeated.

"Well then, do you want to see your friends again?"

With this, Kurapika's eyes involuntarily widened. Yes, he wanted to see his friends now. He actually wondered if it was possible for them to be in this forest as well, looking for him. He badly needed their help in this very moment.

And that thought would remain was a thought, and he would bring it with him on his grave.

"Bull's eye," Kuroro said.

'Damn.'The man caught it. But he wouldn't say it out loud in front of him.

"Kill me."

"Not until you turn your eyes in scarlet."

Kurapika smirked. "DIE."

"Do you know how much hassle you have given me along with that Judgment Chain? I won't let you die just yet. Expect me to take the hell out of you first. You do know what vengeance means, of all people. But I'll give you a choice. I'll bring you to your friends; watch me along with my comrades to torture them 'til they die. You'll lose your love ones for the second time. And you'll be watching this time.I'll hurt and kill them with the same way we did to your tribesmen. Then I'll collect all of the Kuruta eyeballs and set them on fire along with your beloved friends' corpses. Have some taste of living hell."

The Kuruta's eyes slightly turned to red but it immediately faded away.

Kuroro smiled. "Second: you'll turn your eyes to their brightest scarlet hue, and I'll cut your head fast. You'll see your tribesmen again on the other world. You won't bring danger and burden to your friends. You won't suffer anymore. You'll be at peace at last. Don't you like that?"

Kurapika was shaking from head to foot.

"Don't take this personally. But to tell you the truth, your mission of retaliation against us is impossible. No matter how strong you are. No matter how smart you are. Vengeance against Ryodan is an impossible dream. You're weak. Useless. You didn't stand a chance against us before to think that you got your whole clan back then. What more now? You're alone, indulging yourself with the pain. You're useless back then. You're still useless now. You should have killed me before when you got the chance. You should have let your friends die on Ryodan's hands. But sadly, you let yourself to feel something that let you to your own weakness and destruction," Kuroro drew his face nearer to Kurapika's.

"You let yourself to feel affection."

Useless. The man's word was echoing in his head. He couldn't help himself agreeing. He was definitely useless. He was doing all of his best for the past six years of his chase for justice for the death of his family. But his best wasn't good enough, it seemed. Kurapika mused as he panted, catching for breath. He looked away from the man.

Come to think of it. The man got the points. He was useless. Genei Ryodan was too strong for a mere boy like him. He brought enough harm to his friends. It was his fault to let himself get so close with them in the first place. It was his fault because he befriended them. He led the danger to those three, just because of his Kuruta blood. Just because of his eyes. He cursed his scarlet eyes for the first time, for it was the thing that brought nothing to him but hassle and sufferings. He wondered if ever he wasn't born with those eyes.

What if he just simply let it go just like the man in front of him said? He was sick of them, anyway. He was tired. Exhausted to the core. Letting the man to take his eyes and bring his life to an end would finish all of the pain. He was dying to see his family anyway. He missed them so much. The idea of letting everything go was tempting, now that he had no choice to take. He wouldn't risk his friends' lives just to take the chance to escape. He had brought them enough problems. He would never lead the death to them. They were the only thing he had got.

The idea was not that bad. Why not?

The Ryodan head noticed how Kurapika let himself lost in thoughts. It looked like the kid was taking him seriously. Then after some moments, he himself witnessed how Kurapika picked an answer from the selection, as his eyes abruptly turned to scarlet. He saw how emotion swirled on the eyes, and it made them grew brighter in their crimson hue. They were glowing in the dark midst. Kuroro couldn't help to admire them, he unconsciously let go of the blond's hair. Kurapika's head limply bowed, his eyes were half-opened. They were turning into the most irresistible piece Kuroro had ever seen. Kurapika's pale skin complimented his eyes, along with his blond strands. And Kuroro couldn't believe when the eyes brightened more.

Back to Kurapika, the Kuruta now was feeling more and more dizzy. His world was spinning as he let himself drown with one and only overflowing emotion he had been hiding all along. Not hate, not loathe, not wrath, nor anger, but...

Loneliness and longing...

He could no longer hold it. His parents already said this to him before. The Kurutas were no allowed to cry. Moreover, they were not allowed to cry in front of the non-Kurutas. If they eyes held a captivating beauty, their tears were more alluring to see.

But this was the end, Kurapika thought. He had been holding himself all along. He wanted to let it go, for one last time. He let all of the emotion turn into a drop that ran to his cheek...

And without his idea, Kuroro Lucifer was awfully caught by it.

A drop of rain fell on the spider's web, and it ruined the whole thing. The spider hissed as he saw how his creation was destroyed. But Kuroro Lucifer was no ordinary spider. He silently gasped; he was utterly rendered mute as a teardrop slid on Kurapika's cheeks. He couldn't believe it. The boy's face was drenched with raindrops, but his teardrops were the most unbelievable thing he saw.

The fluid from the Crimson eyes held the same bright color like the iris. Kurapika looked like he was crying with blood as teardrops. So that was the reason why he was hiding his true pain behind the wrath. He wasn't allowed to cry because his tears would copy the color of his eyes.

Silence took over; raindrops and the harsh wind were the only source of sounds. Kurapika wasn't sobbing. His expression held no emotion. Blank. But simply looking at the blood-like tears were enough to see the pain the boy was containing. He just lay there, crying without any noise. He looked like a doll.

A still doll.

Kurapika suddenly felt something. The man was looking at him. At some points, his senses started to get back to work. He was crying in front of an enemy, the worst one at that. His blank face shifted to a fretting one. He wiped out his tears from his cheeks, but his sadness inside was too overwhelming he couldn't stop himself from tears. More tears that were out of his control slid down his face, he hurriedly wiped them away. But the same thing kept happening again and again. And he could no longer stand the humiliation.

"This is the brightest shade my eyes can do. I... I-I can't stand it anymore. Just go ahead and finish me off while-"

Finally, he managed to stop crying. His swollen eyes no longer produce tears for they were too widened and shocked with the next thing happened.

Kuroro was fast. Next thing Kurapika knew, his face was just an inch from Kuroro. And the man's lips were already on his. He was still talking when the man casually kissed him, his mouth was left opened and Kuroro took the chance to slide his own tongue on it. The Spider head cupped the kid's face to prevent him from getting away. Kuroro's eyes were half-opened, while Kurapika's were widened to the max. Warmth rose from the both of them and, and the boy was flushing. Kuroro firmly held the boy. He even had the guts to play with the kid's lips as he tenderly bit them.

It took some seconds. They were both breathless, lost with what was happening. They just let their instincts to take over for a moment. The kiss was deepened. The warmth was shared by the both of them.

More seconds passed, then finally Kurapika was woken by the fact that he wasn't having a terrifying nightmare. The thing was for real.

The feared Genei Ryodan head, Kuroro Lucifer, was passionately kissing him.

He roughly pushed the man away with his left hand.

"W-What the hell are you doing!?"

Kuroro looked a bit lost, maybe offended, Kurapika couldn't tell. But the man regained his composure and said: "They say that a kiss is an effective way to stop a person from crying. Looks like it's true."

"W-WHAT!?"

"Do you know that you looked alluring with red-tinted tears?"

Kurapika was dumbstruck. "And why the hell are you asking that!? You don't care! I just did what you asked! I let myself to feel a strong emotion so that my eyes could glow bright. I didn't mean to cry at all!"

"Well, sorry for you to say this but I want you to know that you just did the biggest mistake of your life."

"What!?"

"You just cried in front of me, brat. You let me see your vulnerable side, along with your captivating eyes. You really did something. And for one thing: you'll regret this."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"

"... What I'm talking about is-" Kuroro leaned forward to Kurapika. "I likeyou. And there's nothing in this world that I liked that didn't become mine. And I promise you..." he smirked. "You'll be mine in no time," he brushed his lips on Kurapika's and it made the blond flinch.

Kurapika completely forgot that he was about to be killed earlier. The deadly atmosphere dissipated into thin air. And what he could only feel now was... creep. At what the hell this man was saying.

Then it struck him. He was warned about this before. The others would likely be amused with their eyes and tears since they were different from the ordinary.

Did the man like seeing his tears than taking his eyes? Did the man change his mind and he no longer wanted him dead? And for goodness' sake, what did he mean by his words: 'You'll be mine?'

But before Kurapika could muse more about things, he suddenly saw Kuroro materializing a book again on his right hand, and the world had start to spin again...