Wolverine woke up, when the sun tickled his nose. He moved his mouth, and registered the strange taste on his tongue.
'Must 've been one hell of a night', he thought; rubbing his stubby chin on the velvet, bronze shoulder resting on his… Logan's eyes popped open.
What was Storm doing in here? He looked up and down her body, clenched his eyes, counted to ten, and opened them again.
Ororo was still naked, just like himself, and fast asleep. He tried to pull his arm from under her back, when he felt a leg brushing his ankle and wrapping itself around his shin. Risking an eye, Logan spotted honey-coloured limbs, a shock of jet-black, silky hair and a face, he would have been thrilled to see at every other time or place, but here.
"Jubes, oh god, darlin', what'd Ah do?"
Even as he spoke, Storm woke up, snuggled closer and hushed adoringly:
"Good morning, lover, I hope you slept well." Logan gazed at her, nodded feebly, and then uttered:
"Ro, what's going on here? Why am Ah in bed with both of you? And most of all, how did she get in here?" He pointed at Jubilee, who was still snoozing. Storm stretched herself like a cat, then laid her head on Wolverine's chest and purred:
"Well, let us say, we all drank a little too much last night, all felt the need to satisfy primal urges, and had a very passionate encounter. Literally."
Logan furrowed his brow. "That doesn't explain what Jube's doing in my bed! She's just a kid; she shouldn't be involved in… in… whatever it was we did!"
Ororo gave him a twisted smile that raised some very primal thoughts in him.
"Logan, she is twenty-four years old, and after last night she is not a child any longer. Besides, it was her, who hauled you here, and I stayed on her request!"
Jubilee mumbled sleepily, her hand tapping over Logan's body:
"Stupi' clock, kill th' wake-up, kill the wake-up!"
Her sapphire eyes blinked, then widened. She gasped and froze, her fingers fondly on Logan's lips. Panting, she managed:
"Oh god, Ah'm so deadahmsodeadahmsodead…"
Before he or Storm could reply, somebody knocked on the door, and Jean's voice sounded into the room:
"Logan? Have you seen Ororo anywhere?" Involuntarily, he heard himself saying
"What?" and Jean, Rogue and Hank stepped in.
'Ah'm dog meat', was the last Logan thought, before hell broke loose.
Logan saw himself roasting on a stick and Xavier and Scott personally blowing air in the fire…Jean and Rogue sharpening the knifes, and the rest of the X-Men just waiting for a piece of him…
Jean's jaw just hung there…as if her facial muscles had stopped working. Rogue had this blank expression with a slow, but steady blush building.
Hank looked, as if he were about to blow a gasket, but astoundingly remained calm.
"Might I be allowed to be so rude, as to inquire, what have transgressed to produce this obviously embarrassing situation?"
"That would be sex", Ororo said plainly.
Logan almost choked at her words and started looking around for something to cover up with.
"That much I gather, it however does not explain the third party present in this current setting."
Hank looked over at Jubilee and suddenly realized something.
"However, I would assume that I should with most haste vacate the room, before this situation escalates because of my presence."
Logan tried to sink deeper into the bed, but Jubilee used his body to hide behind.
"I see an impending death if ya don't start talking, Sugah!" growled Rogue in a stern tone.
Ororo wanted to reply, but Jean shook off her trance and started screaming at the top of her lungs-physically and mentally.
"What the hell are you doing there, Logan? Have you lost all your shame, or are you simply through with all the hookers at the 'Auger Inn'? And you? Shouldn't you be studying or something, Missy?"
Logan and Hank winced; having enhanced hearing was so not fun these days.
Ororo tried to intervene:
"Jean, please, listen wha-"
"-disgusting display of sexual-"
"Jean I know, you are right, but-"
"-and to top it off, you act as if-"
"Jean, SHUT UP!"
Everyone stared at her, dumb folded.
Ororo called up a windgust, forcing the sheets to cover herself and her bedmates. Sighing, she continued:
"I am sorry, I did not mean to yell at you, Jean, but you have to listen. Believe me, there is a perfectly understandable reason for our current…situation."
Jean snorted.
"Oh, yeah, I can see the reason why you slammed sheets with Mr. 'I'm-the-best-there-is-at-what-he-does' stinking Logan, but I don't see the need for Miss 'Fourth of July!"
Ororo coked a brow.
"Why, would you have preferred, if I had lay down with you, best-friend?"
Hank stifled a chuckle; Rogue clasped her hands in front of her mouth and started giggling hysterically, even as Warren and Gambit sauntered in.
Having caught only the last comment, Remy asked:
"W'o's gonna lay down wit'-sacre cœur, tu as eu beaucoup de chance la dernière nuit, n'est-ce-pas?"
He let out a whistle, while Warren couldn't make up his mind to either gag or drool.
Just then, Scott passed by, in search of his wife, glanced in Logan's room, blinked, blinked again, and then decided, that he had not seen anything, and continued to his office. Bobby dropped in, took one look and slid back to his room to get his camera. This was worth dying for.
Meanwhile, Jean had found her voice again and queried:
"I don't believe you would have really done that?"
Ororo rolled her eyes.
"Of course not, Jean, how can you think so low of me?"
The red-head swallowed hard, then asked in her sweetest voice:
"Oh, and why not, if I may ask?"
She ignored the clicking of Bobby's camera; Popsicle could wait.
"Well, aside that you are a married woman and my best friend, you are not exactly my type-"
"Yeeaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgh!"
With a mad scream, Jean leapt at Storm, grabbed a fist-full of the windrider's white hair and pulled her to the floor, where they instantly broke into an open catfight.
Logan gawked in surprise, while Jubilee encouraged Ororo. Warren had decided to drool; Gambit took bets on the winner, while Rogue almost choked on her guwaffs.
Hank repeatedly asked Bobby for a copy of the best shots, inbetween commenting the brawl.
In a moment of incautiousness, Jean found herself bowing over Ororo's left thigh, her friend's knee digging into her belly.
Her hands were pinned on her back, and an elbow in the back of her head prohibited her to focus on her powers.
Ororo smiled smudgy, raised her right hand and said in a tight, triumphous tone:
"My, my, we have been a nasty little girl, haven't we, Mrs. Summers? I guess a little punishment will help you cool off."
Several jaws dropped two flights, when Ororo's palm struck Jean's upward pointing butt with a loud clasp.
The telepath screamed, half in fury, half in humiliation, her face mimicking the color of her hair.
It was too much, and the viewers collapsed in hilarity, as Storm continued the torture.
Back from the office, Scott stopped at the door, turned deadly white, then deep purple and stuttered:
"Please tell me, this is not happening!"
Hank replied between two rows of laughter:
"Oh, hehehee, oh fearless leeheheheaheader, I am afraid..that…that what you see, is..is very well true! Hheheeehahaw!"
Scott could see that, but still couldn't believe it:
Storm, opening a can of whoop-ass on his wife and her best friend?
Shaking his head, Cyclops decided to call in a vacation for the whole team, maybe then the tension would lay off.
But first, he would check on his painkiller stocks, he could feel a migraine rising again.
2
Wolverine strolled through the woods, pouting. Everything and everyone was tense in the mansion:
Scott didn't talk to Jean because he was scared, Jean didn't talk to Storm, because she was still mad for the spanking, Ororo didn't talk to either of them, and Jubes-cripes, she hadn't talked with anyone since the happening.
Suddenly, Wolverine picked up the scents of Jubilee and Sabretooth. A wide grin appeared on the Canadian's mug and he snikted his claws.
'Geez, thanks Creed! If I save Jubes from you she'll launch herself at me and all'll be fine cozy again between us!' he thought, as he took off in direction of the smells, whistling "Zippa-de-doo-da".
Jubilee sat on a rock, Sabretooth's head in her lap, and was feeding the feral with grapes.
She knew, that since she was all grown up, she was free to date whoever she chose. She always had been good at making up her own mind and she was quite pleased with her new choice of boyfriend.
Unfortunately, she was going to have a major problem, if either Logan or Remy found out.
"Are ya ok, Jubes?" asked Creed, with concern showing in his amber eyes.
"Oh, I'm fine, Vic. I'm just worried about what will happen, if we get found out. Wolvie would kill you", replied Jubilee.
"Don't ya worry, darling. It ain't got nothing ta do with the runt", assured Creed.
He kissed Jubilee, and for a moment, she forgot all he troubles.
That's when Wolverine came bolting out of the bushes and stopped dead in his tracks.
"What the *§¢&'s going on here? Why aren't ya
fighting? I'm supposed ta be rescuing Jubes from yer claws, but…"
Jubilee shook her head.
"No such do so, Wolvie, because Vic's my new boyfriend, and I won't have you, or anybody else, hurt him."
Flocks of birds shot up from the trees.
When the scream died down, Remy came running, ready to help his teammate. The sight that greeted him was worse than seeing Jean without make-up.
Remy gulped, paled, turned to Logan, who silently wept, and muttered:
"Please t'ell me, dis is not w'at it look like!"
Weeping silently, Wolverine could only nod.
The birds, which had resettled, rose again.
3
Inside the mansion, Emma Frost relived the actions of that famous night through Storm's mind.
She had drugged the windrider with her favorite wine, and now enjoyed the broadcasting of the African woman's memory. She had also learned about her affection for both Logan and Jubilee, and that they both returned her love.
What really bugged her though was, where the hell did the girl learn those techniques?
(Emma had always considered herself the majestrix of the bit**es, that's why the name 'White Queen', but Jubilee was a potential rival.)
She actually spat out the rest of Chardonnay '86 swirling in her mouth, when a particular image hit her.
"I don't know that move! How come she knows it, and I don't? I'm the mother of all things pervert!" she yelled.
Bobby, who had accidentally strolled in, stared at Emma.
Frost jumped him, grabbed his shirt and screamed:
"I'm the one who gives crib notes to frigid husbands! I'm the one, who can blush the red menace with but three words!
Nobody knows better than me, where to buy the most offending leather outfits, bondage and fitting whips! Doesn't that make me the bi*** of all bit**es?
Doesn't it?"
"Su-sure, whatever you say, Ma'am!" Iceman managed, shivering in horror at the White Queen's quote, then broke out in tears.
"BOBBY" The roar echoed through the house, and Drake stopped crying instantly, only to turn real pale and jerk out of Emma's grasp. Creating an ice slide, he muttered:
"Oh god, oh crap, Hank's gonna kill me for sure! Guess I'll be moving to Antarctica, have a nice live, Em!"
With that, he moved out of the room and down the hall, precisely eight seconds before a very furious Beast, sporting a military haircut and a blue-and-white-striped fur appeared in the door.
Waving a Twinkie of indefinite color, he growled:
"Pardon me, Miss Frost, you wouldn't happen to know the whereabouts of my mischievous hypothermic teammate do you? I need to teach him, not to violate my Twinkie stock, by filling them with mustard and cheese!"
Emma pointed at the melting ice slide, and Beast followed the trail with a loud "Eureka!"
Meanwhile, Jubes and Vic had nearly reached the house, followed by a whimpering Logan and a crying Remy.
Jubilee chattered happily about make-ups and movies, while Sabretooth listened in awe.
They arrived at the main entrance, when the door flew open and a wave of ice approached them.
Logan and Gambit ducked for safety and Jubilee managed a side-flip, but Creed had been to caught up in Jubilee's talking, to get out of harm's way.
Bobby's slide hit him full-blast, freezing him to the bone, even as hank bolted out of the mansion and knocked him over.
"CRASH!"
With a loud noise, Sabretooth shattered into several pieces, none of which smaller than a hand.
Wolverine and Gambit stared at the mess, then ran up to Beast; who desperately tried to apologize to both Vic and the raging Jubes, while collecting the feral's remains; and hugged and smooched him fiercely.
"Very smart, ya know, Blue, as in not at all! Just how are ya planning on fixing my new boyfriend, huh?" Jubilee screamed.
Hank, carrying the shards in his lab coat, said something about melting and freezing him back to his original form, and retreated to the Med Lab.
"Well, chère, Remy t'ink you 'ad better stuck wit' our local feral, at least 'e be more durable, non?" Gambit teased Jubilee, who let out a very colorful curse and ran to her room, ranting about Cajuns and Canucks.
When Scott came back from shopping in the evening, Logan and Remy were still square dancing on the porch, singing "Honky-Tonk Blues".
Thanks to Beast's medical expertise and Creed's healing factor, the feral mutant made a swift recovery.
However, he wanted nothing more to do with the X-Men.
"Sorry, Jubilee, but it ain't gonna work out. I'm leaving ya", said Creed, as he walked off.
"Oh no!" cried Jubilee, as she broke down in tears.
Logan and Remy went over to comfort her. Then Scott came in and saw the distraught Jubilee and set out to comfort her as well.