After finishing the post-case paperwork, the team was relieved to finally be able to go home. As always, the first one out the door was Spencer, closely followed by Derek. While they made their way home, which everyone assumed was their separate homes, the rest of the team attempted to finish up the paperwork. Garcia, who didn't have to stay, kept JJ company in the bullpen, offering her a ride home afterward so she didn't need to bother Will.

Once they were in Derek's apartment, he threw down their go-bags and put his phone on to charge.

"You know, Derek," Spencer started, sitting back on the couch, "you don't need a smartphone, the data just kills the battery and leaves you stranded on cases several times, needing to use someone else's phone to call. Also, have I mentioned it's unfair to refer to phones that do everything as smartphones, while my reliable phone, which has done everything on the job superbly and holds a charge for several days, isn't one? It feels like some form of racism."

Derek laughed softly. "I'm sorry I'm a phonist, Pretty Boy. Can you forgive me?"

Spencer rolled his eyes. "That's not even a word, Derek."

"And phone racism is a thing?"

He sighed, defeated. "Good point." He reached in his go-bag and stuffed his phone into his back pocket, as a reminder to charge it when he got to their bedroom. He then leaned back on the couch. "So are you going to get over here and keep me company or not?"

Derek smirked, walking over and sitting on the couch. "And how would you like me to keep you company?"

"Oh, shut up," he said softly, pulling him into a kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck.

What Spencer didn't realize was that when he leaned back, he dialed his most recent call: JJ. Since he'd been at the station, he had his phone on speaker and never turned it off. JJ, who was still at her desk, rubbed her eyes and answered her phone. "Hey, Spence, do you need me to drop something off?" She waited, and heard no response. "Spence, are you there?" Once again she paused, and she could hear talking in the background. He must've done one of his trademark Spencer Reid pocket dials. She was ready to hang up when she heard it.

"Damnit, leave my neck alone, Pretty Boy."

She put a hand over her mouth, gasping.

"I'm just getting revenge for all those 'love bites' you insisted on giving me. That was fun to tell the team about – Rossi thought I went back to the hotel room with one of the prostitutes that propositioned me on the case."

She ushered Garcia over, putting her hand over the phone. "Spencer and Derek, sitting in a tree, f-u-c-k-i-n-g," she whispered, pointing to the phone.

"Jayje, they are not."

"Oh?" She put the phone on speaker, setting it on her desk.

"Well, Spencer, maybe you should stop being so attractive, then maybe the prostitutes wouldn't be so interested."

"Very fun- oh FUCK, Derek, not so hard! I'm supposed to be attacking your neck!"

Garcia gasped, squealing. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"World famous Spencer Reid pocket dial," she said, turning the volume up on her phone.

"You two realize this is wrong, right? They're keeping it private for a reason, and this is sort of an invasion," Emily started.

"So does this mean you don't want to listen?" Garcia asked, eyebrow raised.

She shook her head, rolling her chair over. "Just making my statement so somebody doesn't somehow twist this against me. Turn it up."

Derek ran a hand through his hair. "You need to get a haircut, kid."

Spencer shook his head. "We finally have time alone together, and all you can do is comment on my hair? For shame, Derek."

He smirked. "Sorry, Pretty Boy." He bent down, kissing him.

"Mmm, you'd better be." He grabbed Derek's tie, pulling him down. "Have I mentioned you look very attractive in ties?"

"That's why I wear them," he whispered, reaching down and unbuttoning his shirt slowly.

Spencer groaned. "You're going too slow!"

He stopped in his tracks, looking him in the eyes. "Oh?"

He whimpered, bucking his hips. "Der-ek!"

Derek smirked, realizing the control he had over him. "Yes dear?"

"For the love of God, will you just do something? Anything?"

JJ looked around at her fellow teammates. "Did anyone know this was happening?"

Garcia smirked. "Are you kidding? If I knew about this, I'd be hacking into security cameras and watching those two together." They both stared at her. "Oh come on, by the sounds of it, our quiet and innocent little Boy Wonder is everything but. He sounds like a kinky little minx, and he likes it when Chocolate Thor is in control. Tell me that wouldn't make for a good show."

Emily opened her mouth to argue, but quickly thought against it, changing the subject. "How long do you think they've been together?"

JJ shrugged, thinking to herself. "I'm not really sure. They're both really private about their personal lives, so this could be weeks or it could be years. Either way, kudos to them for staying under the radar up until now and keeping it away from the work place."

"I'll tell you, if I roped in that statuesque russet God, I would not be able to keep that to myself. Like, at all."

JJ and Emily both laughed and then turned their attention back to the phone when they heard something. The blonde quickly gasped. "He still hasn't noticed? Spence, are you there?"

"What are you doing?!" Garcia asked, backhanding her arm. "Do not ruin this for me."

"Oh, trust me, she didn't interrupt them by the sounds of it." Emily pointed to the phone, where the only sound that could be heard was Spencer's labored breathing and an occasional moan coming from him.

"Shit, Derek, right th- FUCK."

Derek smirked. "I never thought I'd make the great genius Spencer Reid speechless, then cause him to swear. Tsk tsk."

Spencer groaned. "If you don't keep going, I will take care of this myself, and you will be sleeping on this couch tonight."

Emily looked around. "Note to self. Never sit on that couch again."

They nodded in agreement and JJ sighed. "This is wrong, I should hang up."

"No!" Emily and Garcia shrieked, hitting her hand away.

"You two can't actually be enjoying listening to this."

"Uh, yeah?" Garcia said, as if it was completely obvious. "After that pain in the ass unsub that deserves to be hung just for his tech savvy abilities, I need a perfect pick-me-up and this definitely belongs in that category."

She rolled her eyes, leaning back in her seat. They heard Spencer's breath hitch in his throat, followed by a long, drawn out moan and a string of expletives. Garcia sat down, fanning herself with a case file. "Well, well, I do say that Derek Morgan is everything I thought he'd be and more."

Emily raised an eyebrow. "And what gives you that impression?"

"Uh, hi, did you not just hear him sucking junior g-man dry? God damn."

JJ shook her head, ignoring them. "Can I hang up now?"

"They're not done yet, no!" Garcia snapped, pushing the phone out of her reach.

Spencer's pants lay discarded on the ground, phone in his pocket poking out. He paid it no mind and looked up at Derek, pouting.

"How about we move this to the bedroom, Pretty Boy?"

Spencer shook his head, wrapping his legs around Derek's waist. "Here, now."

"Well isn't somebody frisky tonight?" Derek asked, eyebrow raised.

Spencer groaned. "The word you're looking for is horny and yes, I am. Now shut up." He reached down, undoing Derek's belt and throwing it to the side. "You wear way too many layers for this to be quick."

"I could always help."

Spencer slapped his hand away, unbuttoning the pants and sliding them down his legs.

Derek smiled, lifting his hips. "Is that better?"

He nodded, nipping at Derek's neck. "I figure you can take the rest of your clothing," he whispered, biting the side of his neck softly.

"Now who's going to have to explain marks?"

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

"Did you just quote 'Gone With the Wi'-shit you need to stop that!"

Spencer smirked, shaking his head. "Not a chance. You had your opportunity to take the lead, you hesitated, and now it's my turn. On a side note, you should really invest in some turtlenecks."

Derek shook his head, gasping as Spencer bit down again. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Very much so."

"Prentiss, do you still have the case file on your desk?"

She silently wheeled her chair over, grabbing the folder and handing it to him, hoping it would shoo him away.

"What has you three so attentive? Surely it's not the case, or you'd already be on your way home."

JJ's eyes widened, trying to find a way to explain it to Rossi.

"Just listening to Spencer Reid and Derek Morgan hooking up on this fine Thursday night," Garcia said, looking up at him.

He rolled his eyes. "And I'm Mary, Queen of Scots. Enjoy yourselves, children." He took the folder, walking back to his office and closing the door.

JJ hit Garcia's arm. "What did you do that for?"

"Ow, slappy! He obviously didn't believe it, why are you hitting me?"

"This doesn't leave my desk, capiche?" she asked, looking between the two.

Garcia saluted her and started talking, but was immediately cut off by noises coming from the phone.

"Have they started-"

"Mhm," Emily said, leaning back in her chair. "This is getting interesting."

"You guys, Spencer is like our little brother and he's easily embarrassed, are we really going to do this to him?"

Garcia thought to herself. "You know, Jayje, there's a very simple solution to this."

"Hanging up?"

She quickly shook her head, pushing her chair away from the desk and sliding her chair into the vacant spot.

JJ gasped, rolling back over and pushing her out of the way. "Mature."

She smirked proudly. "I'm not even the least bit sorry."

"Of course you're not," she stated, rolling her eyes. "Where are we at?"

Garcia listened for a moment. "Still sleeping on the couch."

"Sleeping as in-"

Emily gave her a look. "Really, Jayje? Do I need to give you the talk right now?"

She shook her head. "Consider it noted."

"Fuck, Derek, right there! Don't stop!"

"Is that what you want, Pretty Boy?"

"For the love of fucking GOD, keep moving!"

Garcia exhaled, fanning herself. "Hot damn, those boys."

They heard a sound, somewhere between a squeal and a moan, and judging by how soft it sounded, decided that it was Spencer. This was answered not long after by a loud shouting noise, which could belong to nobody but Derek.

"Can I hang up now?" JJ asked, picking up her phone.

Emily shook her head, putting a finger to her lips. "Let's see if they figure it out."

JJ groaned, leaning back. "I just want to go home."

"Patience, my dove," Garcia said, rubbing her arm.

Spencer caught his breath, looking up at Derek and smiling. "Now that is how you erase the thought of a case. God damn, Derek."

He leaned down, kissing Spencer's sweaty forehead. "I'm glad I could help. Get your clothes together, we'll take a shower and rinse off."

He exhaled, running a hand through his hair. "Give me a minute. That was wow. I'm not even sure I'll be walking straight tomorrow."

He smirked proudly. "You're welcome."

Spencer rolled his eyes, hitting his arm. "Off, I need to find my pants."

Derek sighed dramatically, getting off the couch and looking around for his discarded clothes.

He picked up Spencer's pants, raising an eyebrow.

"Hey, Pretty Boy?"

"Hm?" he asked, grabbing his clothes off the ground, bundling them in his arms.

He took the phone out of the pocket, checking it. "You realize you've been on a call with JJ for the past half hour?"

He raised an eyebrow. "No I haven't? I've been here with you, how could I have possibly-" he gasped, his eyes widening. "I didn't."

Derek smiled. "So, what was that about your phone also being intelligent?"

He jumped over the table, grabbing the phone from Derek. Not only was it on a phone call, but it was on speaker – if she'd been listening, she heard the entire thing.

"…Hello? Jayje, are you there?" he asked, hopeful that JJ was asleep and didn't hear a single sound.

She bit down on her lip, grinning. She grabbed her phone off the desk, taking it off speaker. "Spence?"

He whimpered, looking up at Derek. He quickly mouthed Help me!

Derek smirked, taking the phone from him, putting it on speaker. "So, how much did you hear, JJ?"

"Enough to know that Spencer is one kinky little genius, and you give in to his every demand, not to mention all of those neck bruises finally have an explanation. But don't worry, I'll keep my mouth shut-" Spencer breathed a sigh of relief, "if you tell me how long this has been going on."

Spencer hit his arm. "Derek Morgan, stop grinning like an idiot and enjoying my embarrassment so much!"

Derek thought to himself. "Fair deal, I'll bite. Not a word to anyone ever about this if I tell you?"

"Our lips will be sealed too!" Garcia chimed in.

Spencer whimpered. "Who is our?"

"Come on, lover boy, you can trust us," Emily added.

He looked at Derek. "Just the length, nothing more."

"That's what she said," Garcia mumbled.

Derek laughed softly. "Four years in October, satisfied?"

"Thrilled beyond words!" JJ said. "Oh, and one more thing?"

Spencer groaned. "Yes?"

"I am not sitting on that couch again until you provide me with proof that thing has been thoroughly steam cleaned. Sweet dreams!"

She hung up and Derek turned to Spencer. "So, when are you getting a smartphone?"

Spencer groaned. "First thing tomorrow."