Atonement

In the interests of anonymity, I will only say that I work in the mental health-care department of Konoha. Things being as they are in a shinobi village, we get more than our fair share of strange patients; one of them specifically has been on my mind lately.

The man had a story disturbing enough that everyone in the department has heard and gossiped about him. I, of course, pulled and read his file, intending to debunk the rumors that have been floating around recently.

I almost wish I hadn't.

What follows is a cleaned-up version of the transcript, based on the interactions I've had with him over the past week. I have of course, removed all the things that could end up incriminating me in the worst-case scenario, so sometimes it may seem a bit incoherent.

But I believe the story the man has to share is far more important than my job.

I will leave you to it. Think of it as you will.

-o-

My story? I suppose…where should I start?

Of course. The beginning, you say.

Well, I was born on…the 8th? Yes, the 8th of September it was. I confess I don't quite remember the year exactly- but no matter, it is not important for the story. So, you see, I was born on the 8th of September as the younger child of the Uchiha clan head.

You haven't heard of the Uchiha clan? That's strange...Ah! I suppose, yes- I suppose all the records concerning them must have been erased. It must have been necessary, after all that has happened. No matter then, I'll tell you about them as I go along.

Well, there I was, the younger of the two sons. Itachi was my older brother, you see, and growing up, I always looked up to him as some sort of an idol- no, not exactly an idol, umm, more like a measuring stick of sorts.

You see, Itachi was the sort of prodigy that comes along only once in a century- the pride of our clan, he was. Do you know of the Sharingan? No?

Do you know of the Byakugan then?

You do? Good, that will make this easier. See, the Sharingan was an eye-jutsu, a bloodline limit quite similar to the Byakugan- except more powerful. The main difference between the two being that the people of the Hyuuga clan are born with the Byakugan eyes- we Uchiha, on the other hand are born with the potential to activate the Sharingan. It only activates under extreme battle-stress or through intense training.

Itachi manifested the ability to activate the Sharingan when he was five, a few years before my birth, and mastered all the abilities that came with it by the time he was eight.

Understandably, as I grew older I was neglected by my father who saw the salvation of his failing clan in his elder son and gave him his full attention. I always pined after his attention but the void left by my father's neglect was more than filled by my Brother's and Mother's love for me.

So I grew up, being the second in everything, always looking at my brother from behind, hoping to catch up to him one day, perhaps even surpass him.

-o-

Was I happy? What sort of a question is that? Of course I was! I had everything, except perhaps the acknowledgement of me by my father, but everything aside from that was fine.

Then one fine evening, when I was returning from some sort of a test at the ninja academy, everything changed. I have forgotten much, but this evening, I remember it like it was yesterday.

Let us skip past my return to the Uchiha compound just as the sun was beginning to set. The sight of bodies of people, people I had known for the entirety of my life until then, strewn about like broken dolls. The smell of blood and burning hair. How I wandered aimlessly about, too disoriented for proper panic, numb with shock and dread. Yes, let us skip past that. The scene keeps replaying in my mind, keeps coming back to me in dreams I would rather not have. I would pass over the whole of that evening, in fact. I would spare you the burden of any of it if one piece were not necessary to the story. It is vital. It is the hinge upon which the story pivots like an opening door. In some ways, this is where the story begins.

So here I am, standing beside the ruins of my home, when I see a familiar face. It's my brother, it's my brother Itachi, and I'm so relieved at seeing him that I start running. As I come closer, I notice something changes. He has a wicked gleam in his eye. I should have turned around right then I should have known something was up, at the very least sensed the consequence lingering in the air, in the hour, in his stare, in all of it, and fuck, I must have been a moron to have been so oblivious to all those signs.

Instead, I just...stood there, every sinew and nerve easing me into a world of relief, breath slowing, arms dangling, jaw slack. Until suddenly my eyes on their own accord, commanded by instincts darker and colder than empathy or anything resembling emotional need, dart from his face to the ax he holds- the axe he's lifting, as he suddenly starts to shake, suddenly swinging the ax down on me, at my head, missing it, but only barely. I'm dying, I realized, as I start to scream- I scream and scream, blood pouring down my cut shoulder, and I hear a terrifying laughter. I'm dying, but I'm not dead yet, and now he starts to cry. Now, he swings again. I'm bleeding, dying, screaming.

Then the axe stopped suddenly. The laughter ceased.

Do you know why I did this, brother? He says to me.

To measure my skill. A test of my power. I killed them all, you see. Yes, brother, I killed all of them. They begged for their lives like pathetic little weaklings. Are you going to do that too, foolish little brother? Are you the same as them?

I kept screaming.

Don't you see the power in these eyes, brother?

-o-

Do you know why the Uchiha were called a cursed clan? No?

You see, it's due to the hate we all are capable of. You remember what I told you of the Sharingan? It activates under extreme stress and intensive training, right? There's another thing to it that I neglected to mention. If an Uchiha experiences so deep a sorrow, so much so that he comes to hate everything in the world, the chakra in his eyes changes to reflect his feelings. The details of the process itself are not quite clear to me, but you get the gist of it. The hate manifests in our eyes, mutating them to a higher form- the Mangekyou Sharingan- the power comes at a cost, however- eventually, if the Uchiha keeps using the powers offered by those eyes, he goes blind. Is it clear to you now that why he did what he did?

-o-

You aren't even worth killing, foolish little brother. You are weak. Because you lack hatred. If you want to kill me- Hate me, brother. Despise me. Run, brother, and cling to life- live in an unsightly way, and then some day, when you have the same eyes as me, come to me. Avenge them all. Be the hero you've always wanted to be.

-o-

I was nine at the time of the Uchiha massacre.

Of course.

Now you must be thinking how horrible my brother was, doing all those terrible, terrible things, seemingly all for power. A sadist, is that not what you would call him? A traitor, perhaps?

What if I told you that Itachi was the most loyal and kind-hearted Konoha ninja who ever lived? You wouldn't believe me. Of course you wouldn't. Listen carefully.

-o-

To make things more clear, let us go back to when the village was founded. Konoha was the first shinobi village, in a time where the ninja's were divided into clans and acted as mercenaries, who fought each other in a period which is now called as the Warring Clans era. I assume you are familiar with it?

I see- so, in this period, two clans rose to prominence as the strongest- the Senju and the Uchiha. Of course, they both were fierce rivals as you would expect. But the young leaders of both the clans were visionaries and as such they planned a union between themselves to end the warring once and for all. That union led to the foundation of Konoha, and of course, after the two most prominent clans proclaimed peace with each other the others followed suit, going on to founding the other major villages.

So, we come back to the foundation of Konoha. Now a question arose: which clan would lead the village? After a lot of debates, the leader of the Senju clan was elected to be the first Hokage. Understandably, the leader of the Uchiha was angry. He tried to rally his clan to rebel, but the others of his clan wished for a peaceful life after the end of hostilities and believed that they would be able to live in peace with this compromise.

In his anger, the leader of the Uchiha challenged the newly elected Hokage to a fight to the death- the Hokage had to reluctantly agree to maintain his image. The people of the village took this act to mean that the clan couldn't be trusted anymore- of course, the clan never had a hand in it- and resentment against the Uchiha began to grow.

The Uchiha clan leader lost his battle with the Hokage, and was presumed to have died. Still, the resentment and suspicion against the Uchihas continued.

-o-

Can I have some water, please?

Thank you.

You have to know that no one talks to me here. At all. I suppose they think of me as something less than a human. To them, I'm just another crazy patient. You are the only one who even comes to visit me. I suppose talking is all I have left, in a way.

-o-

The resentment and suspicion continued until my birth, and then increased even further after the incident with the Kyuubi. I do hope you know of that, at least?

So you know of it. Good. Right after that incident, a rumor started floating around that we were the ones who caused it to attack. The Kyuubi, I mean. You must understand, the Sharingan is a very powerful tool. Power births jealousy. Jealousy turns to fear, then fear to hatred. One of the Sharingan's many powers was the ability to make powerful illusions. The rumormongers perpetuated this fact as proof that we had something to do with the tailed-beasts' attack, because prior to this the Kyuubi had been dormant for over a century.

By now the clan was growing tired of it all- the suspicion, hatred, everything. My father had recently become the head of the clan, and he proposed a plan to put this all to rest. A coup de'tat. You must understand, the Uchiha's were a very powerful clan, but small in number- however, with the element of surprise they could wipe out the leadership in one fell swoop, and the village would fall in their control.

Of course, my brother had heard it all. He had been recently inducted into the ANBU corps, the elite ninja bodyguards of the third Hokage. Being a loyal ninja and wanting to prevent bloodshed, he informed his superiors of the plan. By the time he did so, it was too late. The third Hokage's efforts to negotiate peacefully with the Uchiha had failed. A civil war was a definite possibility.

In desperation, my brother turned to the Council for help. By that time the Council was thinking of getting the ANBU to wipe out the Uchiha's in an unprecedented massacre- no one was to be spared.

What would you do if you were in his situation? Side with the ones you love and cause a civil war, possibly endangering thousands of lives? Or sacrifice everything you've ever loved for the greater good?

No, there is no reason for you to answer.

My brother- he did what you or I or anyone else never could do- he sacrificed everything for the greater good, for the love of his village, and for his ideals. He never was a traitor- he was the most loyal Konoha ninja who ever lived, and the most kind-hearted person I've ever met.

He took the burden of punishing the clan on his own shoulders, asking for only one thing in return: my life- you see, he knew that I was innocent of the rebellion, and his love for me surpassed even his love for the village. In a sense, he did it all for me.

Everything he said to me on that fateful day was a lie, an act, so that I would avenge the clan by killing him. That was his way of atoning for his sins- to die by my hands. He wished for me to become the hero he never could become.

Yes, in the end, I was the one who killed him.

I didn't know all of this, back then. I thought I really was a hero.

-o-

What do I miss the most, hmm?Ah…a difficult question. But the answer is quite simple: sleeping. It's been a long time since I've slept…I suppose most of it is due to the sound- rather, the absence of it. Yes, that's what I miss most, the screams. They were sort of a lullaby for me, but now it's hard to fall asleep in the quiet, yes, there is still the sound of shuffling feet and the occasional moans but it is just not the same. And sometimes, sometimes it's just silent- no sound at all. That's what scares me the most, I think. It's…I don't know…it's like something's waiting.

Why do I stay here, you ask me, but to you it should be fairly obvious. Before I answer you, first tell me one thing: what would you do, if one day you found out your entire life was based on a lie? What would anyone do?

There is no need to answer. I know you cannot.

My life was a lie. I do not exist anymore, even the name of my clan has been erased from the village records. For a time I contemplated dying by my own hands, but it was something I never could do. So here I am, atoning for my sins. This is the way I chose to do it. Think of it what you will.

How can it be that you do not know my name and yet you ask me so many questions? Is that not in your records? How can you not know the name of the patient you are talking to?!

Don't tell me...they erased that as well?

-o-

...Sasuke. Sasuke Uchiha.

-o-

The records had his name written on him alright, and I knew all about the Uchiha clan- yes, I had been lying to him all along. I felt really bad about it. But I needed to, you realize? He really believes he is Sasuke- it's heartbreaking, really. The story he told me- it was all true, in a sense. I have verified it all. But the broken man we have lying in our cell isn't Sasuke.

What follows is the actual file records of patient #37.

PATIENT #37

NAME: NARUTO UZUMAKI

DATE OF BIRTH: 10TH OCTOBER 1025

DATE OF ADMITTANCE: 8TH SEPTEMBER 1042

DIAGNOSIS: Dissociative Identity Disorder due to extreme stress under torture.

CONDITION ON DATE OF ADMITTANCE: Patient was admitted to the intensive care unit immediately after rescue from behind enemy lines during the fourth world war. Eyes damaged irreparably, one arm infected with gangrene and thus amputated. Blood lost amounting to 7 units, bruises on every part of the body. Chakra pathways fully destroyed presumably due to forced extraction of the tailed-beast sealed within the patient. After three months of recovery under intense care, patient refused to recognize his wife and began to display signs of Split Personality disorder, perhaps as a sort of a coping mechanism. Admitted to the mental-health ward shortly thereafter.

LAST UPDATE OF RECORDS: 17TH JULY 1061

ANY OTHER RELEVANT INFORMATION:

1) Caution is advised while talking to the patient at all times- do not mention his real name or try to imply that he is not who he thinks he is: the patient can get violent.

2) The real Sasuke Uchiha is deceased; he used to be best friends with patient before betraying the village to go after his brother. The patient was forced to kill him during the fourth war- it is assumed that the guilt of doing so was partially the reason the patient developed the mental disorder.

Author's Notes:

Well, I got the idea in the shower, couldn't get it outta my head. So here it is, me trying to experiment with new narrating styles.

I'll answer a question here that many of you may ask in the future: How exactly does Naruto know everything about Sasuke's life then?

He doesn't. He knows only what he's been told by others while fabricating everything else. Some examples: He doesn't know Sasuke's date of birth- his excuse for the same is that he has forgotten it. Notice how he doesn't use names for describing Sasuke's parents.

I also confess that I have not researched Identity Disorder at all…so if there are any inconsistencies regarding that, I urge you to ignore them and enjoy the story.

Reviews are appreciated.