I don't own D. Gray-Man. I really wish I did...Then I would know how the story would end.

Chapter 1

When he first MET the Japanese man, he was thoroughly disgruntled. The idiot had no right to judge him like that. Maybe he was cursed, but that gave him no reason to hate him.

The first mission had only been full of reprimands and curt warnings of not 'getting in the way'. The second wasn't any better. After that, Allen just chose to become numb to the irritable samurai.

Yet, when he happened to gaze outside to see the man train, he was mystified. What about him was just so annoying, yet so interesting? He just assumed it was because he was accomplishing something Allen could have never done in a million years, running around blindfolding and NOT knocking into every tree in the vicinity.

Every time he tried to be cheerful around Kanda to try and at least somewhat lighten his mood, it only ended with both of their moods being considerably lower. It was slightly painful to know that a man he had to trust with his life wouldn't even trust him to sit next to each other.

Lenalee had accepted him easily, laughing alongside him and always helping him. Still, the girl was constantly trying to excuse Kanda's behavior with something so irrelevant. The exorcist truly did seem to be the slightest more approachable around her than anywhere else.

Lavi was a Bookman. He wasn't allowed to have feelings, but Allen loved to be around the goofy redhead. He was stupid, but he was also very wise, and always giving him new information to help him out.

As time passed, he forged new friendships that only strengthened. Still, he waited for the inevitable day that Kanda would accept him. Kanda was obviously friends with Lenalee, and to that extent, Komui. Lavi irritated him, but there was an odd camaraderie in his words.

Was he the only one that Kanda didn't even bother with?

After being attacked by the Level Four Akuma in the orphanage, he'd seen the slightly softer side of Kanda when the man had gone and rashly attacked the beast. Despite the harsh situation, he couldn't help but smile when he retorted to his teammate's shriek of 'Moyashi'.

If he had to choose the way to find out about Kanda's past, and why the sword-wielding exorcist was so withdrawn, it wouldn't have been by delving into the man's memories. That was not a place Allen would so easily forget.

In that particular flash,he knew what it was like to be Kanda Yu. And he hated it.

None of them had happy lives, not by a long shot. But, Kanda's was just so bitter. He had been essentially born, and the day after, subjected to tests. He had never known anything but the Black Order his entire life.

He suddenly understood why Kanda had acted so differently when Alma Karma was mentioned. The entire time the Third Exorcist team had been at base, the man had been even more shut off than usual, and he had even bailed on a mission to go visit the China Branch.

The Millennium Earl had been woefully right. The proud man that fought so hard for the church, proved himself on regular basis as a great warrior, and tried so much to free himself of the shackles of the past, turned so utterly brittle before Alma. Allen couldn't even begin to comprehend the pain Kanda went through every living instant, knowing that while his friends were truly compatible, he had been tested time and again to make it work.

And the flowers that Allen had glimpsed within Kanda's mind. Did he actually always see those? How was he not going insane with the constant reminder of his memories?

When Kanda finally took Alma and left, Allen wanted nothing more than the best for his friend.

Yes, his friend. The cursed boy wasn't sure when he had stopped being old Kanda and began being a friend, but it was nice to know. When Kanda smiled at him, and thanked him for being there the entire time, he knew.

He knew that the man did truly think of him a fellow member of the team. He understood that all this time, the samurai actually had trusted him. Kanda accepted him. And that was worth the fact that he had been accused of blasphemy.

Weeks later, when Kanda found him, donning the Black Order's uniform, he panicked. What had happened to Alma? He knew that he himself was fading. He had to fight, but he was just so tired, he just wanted to rest. To not have to keep running, despite his promise to Mana.

Kanda had only gripped the front of his shirt, firmly telling him that he was indeed a free man. Kanda no longer needed the shackles to hold back his thoughts about Alma and the project. He had even thanked Allen.

He cried, for Alma, for himself, for everyone. He let himself finally cry in the midst of the man that used to be his rival. Now, he could accept nothing less than calling the soba eating freak his best friend.

Cliché, how life worked out.

Before him stood a friend that had come back for him. Lenalee had probably only encouraged him to do what she herself couldn't. And Lavi…God, he hoped the man was alive.

He still called him Moyashi and yelled at him irritably. But still, in the single moment that their eyes connected, Allen could see all the hidden emotion that raged within the pristine pools.

Still, through the acceptance, he could find the hint of pain that lingered in the jaded orbs. Something was still wrong. When Allen had been slightly lucid during Kanda's destruction of the Akuma, he spotted it. The crosses on his arms, with veins beginning to edge outward, a sign that Kanda's health wasn't as good as he pretended it was. And the tattoo…it curved over the samurai's shoulder, a blur of blue that appeared like it was a strap.

The younger looked at his fellow warrior, now unsettled. How long did Kanda truly have? And why was he spending it by trying to save Allen, of all people?

With a start, Allen wondered if...

Was Kanda truly free of his burdens like he so adamantly said he was?

…if Kanda still saw the lotuses.

Jazz here :) So, that was my first piece in this category. I've been working on a really long piece, and I doubt i'll get it up any time soon, but you'll see me a couple more times! See you later.

If you guys liked this, let me know. I have a second piece with Lenalee and Lavi.