Sesshy… this is for YOU. And yall, this story was actually Sesshy's idea and we brainstormed it and fleshed it out. It's gonna be AWESOME. But Ana… fair warning! This is the one I told you about! Don't read it if you don't want to see a hardcore aggressive Kakarot pursuing Usagi!

Vegeta clenched his fists and smiled slowly—a genuine, actual smile—as he flared his ki to summon his only friend and his old rival to his side. He'd done it. He'd finally done it! No cheating with that moonlight machine that his mate had built for him twenty years ago, which Vegeta had only used because he'd felt it absolutely necessary in order to defeat the other dragons. But now that Kakarot was back from his hundred-year trip with Shenron…

"Yeah, Vegeta, what's—OH MY GOD! YOU DID IT!"

The Prince of all Saiyans grinned and nodded. "Yes, Kakarot, I have. Now… it's time for us to test me out as a true Super Saiyan four."

Goku nodded, genuinely ecstatic for Vegeta—he'd only been trying to ascend naturally for decades, and now he finally had it! The taller Saiyan ascended quickly, laughing when Vegeta immediately leapt at him and began to pound on him relentlessly. "You never did give any warning!" He cackled before teleporting just out of reach. "Now… let's do this right," he added, letting his beast take over at the prospect of blood and violence.

"All out, Kakarot?" Vegeta purred hopefully.

"So long as we don't blow up the Earth."

"What about you?" The prince grinned and laughed when Kakarot gave him a genuine, toothy Saiyan smile.

"You can try, Vegeta. I don't know if you'll succeed, though."

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"The fuck did you do, Dad!?"

"I told you already, it was an accident, I swear!" Vegeta yelled back defensively before giving Kakarot's prone body the millionth guilty look of the day. "It was all out, like I said! I saw an opening and I took it!"

"Calm down, Trunks," Goten sighed. "You know how our dads get when they're all out. We should just be grateful that the planet didn't suffer as a result," he snorted. "Dad will be fine; if anything he'll be happy as hell that Vegeta finally beat his ass in a fight."

"And just what do you mean by finally?" The prince grumbled. He rolled his eyes when Kakarot's physical twin just grinned sheepishly and snickered into his hand. "Laugh it up, brat. You and I spar next."

"Just don't hit him in the head, Dad," Trunks snorted, immediately ganging up on Vegeta with Goten like he had for years. The youngest prince of the Saiyans felt guilty when his father glanced away and frowned deeply at that. Wow, Vegeta actually felt a little bad about this! "That senzu should have woken him up by now, Dad. I'm sure it'll be any moment."

"Hey! He's waking up! Dad! Dad!" Goten shouted as he gave Goku a little shake and grinned down at him. "How do you feel, Dad? Is your head all better? Vegeta really knocked you for a loop!"

A slow, sardonic smirk met his smile, followed by a casual toss of his youngest son to the floor. In the shouting that followed, the tall Saiyan climbed out of the bed and surveyed the room at Capsule Corp with a frown before striding right out the door.

"The hell was that all about?" Vegeta muttered to himself, motioning for the younger Saiyans to stay put while he followed his friend and rival. Whatever it was, it was not typical of Kakarot's usual, happy-go-lucky behavior.

An explosion rocked the ground beneath them before Vegeta could get to the door, and he automatically floated above the floor when another came immediately after the first and shoved the door open… to find Son Goku, the Savior of Earth… blowing said Earth to smithereens.

"WHAT THE FUCK, KAKAROT!?"

The ki blasts aimed at the planet stopped, and Vegeta shivered at the cold black gaze locked with his own. He knew that look all too well, it was the same look he'd seen in the mirror for the first twenty-seven years of his life, until he'd come to live on Earth. "Kakarot? What happened to you while you were unconscious?"

The deep, rolling voice that answered sounded like Goku's, only darker. Richer, somehow. Definitely more primal, more vicious. "Let's just say that I… got in touch with my roots."

Vegeta opened his mouth to respond, but before he could do so the other full-blooded Saiyan had teleported, and the prince felt his ki far, far away on the other side of the planet. "Fuck me running," he spat, turning to fling the door open and find the demi-Saiyans waiting patiently. "Call..." Who? Who in the hell would they call? Goku's wife had been dead for three years, and none of them could compare in power to him except for Vegeta. "Fuck. Everyone. Just call everyone. I'm going to find him."

When the Prince of all Saiyans immediately ascended to level four and took off like a shot from a gun, Trunks and Goten began calling on the phone and flaring their kis wildly for help as well. Piccolo was the first one there, and when they filled him in on what had happened, he looked genuinely scared. "Get to the Lookout," he ordered quickly to his students. "Vegeta's the only one that could possibly stop him anyway."

"But… but won't seeing his friends and family—"

"No," Piccolo snapped, cutting Trunks off. "You said he was hit in the head. I know what's probably happened to Goku, and there's no getting him back at the moment. Get to the Lookout."

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As people ran and screamed, so tiny to Kakarot that they looked like ants, he chuckled as he led a few of them for a couple moments before sending them to whatever gods they believed in…

…until a punch sent him careening towards the ground with barely enough space to check the descent before he crash-landed. "I was having FUN!" He shouted up at the speck of ki flames now far above him. "Oh well," he sighed as he shot back into the air at top speed. "I would have gotten bored with the fish in a barrel game pretty quickly. Guess I'll have to play with you!"

Vegeta easily dodged Goku's first ki blast and a flurry of punches and kicks, but the taller Saiyan was quickly growing annoyed with it all and was ascending fast. When he hit level four it was on for real, and the crown prince began to take as many blows as he was dishing out. His power level was higher, yes, but this was not the Goku he'd known for decades. He was faster, craftier… and when Vegeta was caught unawares by a kick to the balls, he realized that even his fighting style had done a total one-eighty.

Before, Goku had fought him fairly, while Vegeta had battled the same way as he always had; basically, there was no such thing as a wrong way to win a fight, no blow that was considered a dirty move. Apparently the New Goku was adhering to that same philosophy.

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From the Lookout, Piccolo and all of Earth's special forces could tell that the battle below them was going south… and fast. After so many years of fighting against Goku and being attuned to his every move, Vegeta clearly didn't know what to make of this nastier, grittier fighting style that he was up against. He was adapting to it, yes. But he wasn't catching up with the other full-blooded Saiyan as quickly as he needed to in order to win the battle.

"What are we going to DO!" Dende shouted. "There's NO ONE in the universe as strong as Goku, except for Vegeta! If Vegeta fails, we're all DOOMED!"

"Shut up," Krillin muttered softly. "We may not be a match for him, especially in our advanced age, but Yamcha and I are his oldest living friends. Maybe we can talk him down."

"Somehow, I don't think that will work," Piccolo rumbled calmly.

"It's worth a shot," Yamcha said with a shake of his head. "Come on, Krillin," he said as he leapt off the Lookout's balcony.

"Be careful, love," Eighteen whispered in her husband's ear before giving him a kiss and letting him follow the former desert bandit.

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"GOKU! GOKU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

The rampaging third-class Saiyan stopped what he was doing when a second voice joined in and began yelling at him, and he turned and grinned savagely at them both. "That isn't my name… but if you're addressing me, what does it look like I'm doing?" He glanced back to a battered and panting Vegeta to make sure he wasn't moving and was satisfied to see the prince bent over his own knees, trying to simply catch his breath.

"Yes it is!" Yamcha protested. "Your name is Son Goku, and you've been my friend since you were a kid, and the defender of this planet! It's your home, Go—"

A ki blast flung his way silenced him immediately, and Krillin watched in horror as a pile of ashes—the only remains left of Yamcha—floated towards the ground. "G—G—Goku… how—how could you? He was our… our friend…"

"My name isn't Goku. It's Kakarot. And he was a complete and total pussy. And he's gotten on my nerves for decades; you can't even imagine how long I've wanted to do that to him," he snorted with contempt.

"Wait, Kakarot… so you… you remember us?" Vegeta inquired as he simply tried not to wheeze; his ribs were definitely broken, and he was amazed that Goku barely even had a scratch on him.

Rolling his eyes, Goku folded his arms over his chest and gave him a brief nod. "Of course I do. Only now…" He grinned and snickered for a moment as he regarded them both as if they were simply children. "…now I'm seeing things a little clearer than before."

"So I guess I'm next… aren't I?" Krillin whispered, trembling where he floated as he met that cold black gaze.

"Nah." Kakarot's tone was practically flippant as he grinned at Krillin. "You weren't so bad. Besides… you aren't a coward. You've got balls. Like… fucking Saiyan balls."

"I do?" The surprise on Krillin's face was more than evident when the tall Saiyan chuckled and nodded emphatically.

"Dude, you fucked an android. That's even ballsier than me. Now… stay on the sidelines if you don't want to get caught in the crossfire. I think I'll spare your life once I've finished purging the rest of the planet. Your family, too."

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"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, PICCOLO!?"

"Shh… get down here with me," the older Namek grumbled without even glancing up at Dende.

When Mr. Popo kneeled down as well, head bowed and hands folded, Dende and the rest of the warriors were even more perplexed. "Again, just WHAT are you two doing?"

"Look, kid!" Piccolo snapped, "it's a dark fucking day when I'm praying, so get your ass down here and do the same, and maybe she'll fucking hear us! And you'd better hope she does, because I think she's the only one in the universe that has the power to stop Goku!"

"Piccolo, who are you talking about?" Gohan asked gently as he kneeled beside the man that had helped raised and train him. "Are we praying to a Namekian goddess?"

"No," Popo answered when it was clear that Piccolo was fully concentrating on his entreaty to some higher power. "Cosmos, the guardian of the universe. She's an all-powerful inter-dimensional being, and sometimes she hears calls for help if they're strong and loud enough and she's close by. If she's even in this dimension, that is." The little dark genie bent his head once more and closed his eyes, his hands folded in prayer.

"Well, come on!" Gohan shouted at everyone on the Lookout. "You heard him; we need to make the prayer loud! Goten, Trunks, you two have the biggest mouths of anyone I know, so get your asses over here and help!"

It's about to get crazy in here, yall. I know yall probably don't understand my whole dark humor on this and everything, but that's why this is labeled as comedy… because I think this whole thing is HILARIOUS. Updates will be SLOW on this, yall. Just FYI. I'm still trying to finish up Attrition and UR, and I have Redemption to work on as well! But R&R and I'll TRY to get the next chapter up!