Clove Poem

Prompt: Stone Hearts

For katsparkle13's contest.

I wasn't always like this you know.

I wasn't born a freak- which is what you must think of me now.

I was born as innocent as you.

A lover, not a fighter.

…

It was my parents.

They turned me against humanity.

My father's cold words burn in the back of my skull.

My mother's glare blinds me still.

They wanted nothing but perfection.

They took me as a filthy sock that was supposed to turn into gold.

It never did.

…

Since the age of five I've been training.

I was taught to kill.

At age six.

…

I strived to be the perfect child all my life.

All this time that's all I wanted to be.

I wanted my parent's approval

I wanted affection.

I wanted pride.

…

On my tenth birthday I snapped.

No one was there for me.

No one cared.

No one loved me.

The truth froze my heart solid,

Like a stone.

And on my birthday something inside of me broke.

And a hurt so sour filled its place.

…

I realized I needed to escape.

I needed help.

I needed a chance.

And then it came to me.

Volunteering could let me leave this foul place I call home.

If I won I told myself:

I would bask in victory

I would be adored by the nation.

And somewhere inside me said,

maybe, just maybe, my longing for approval would disappear.

And if I lost, which I thought was impossible at the time:

I would leave this hell and head for heaven.

…

When the time came

I was nervous.

I had second thoughts.

I was never good enough for my parents

Who says I'll be good enough for Panem?

But wasn't that the very reason to leave?

So I did it.

I volunteered.

…

I still recall the way my heart seemed to skip a beat.

The extra spring in my step.

The fire behind my eyes.

It didn't last long.

The boys followed after girls.

And a boy with ash blond hair and grey eyes rose to volunteer.

His smirk towards me had made my face redden.

But that's another story.

…

In the parade, hours later, I saw her.

A girl who could steal everything away from me.

She threatened to take away my attention.

My pride.

…

During training she struck me as odd.

Miss-You-Have-To-Love-Me had already stolen a tribute boy in her spell.

Her District partner eyed her constantly.

A look of overall protection flashed across his face.

While jealousy pumped through my veins.

She had everything, yet thought she had nothing.

She thought she was a poor girl, but she had more than me.

…

All this torture,

This madness

Pulsed through me

Inside

And

Out.

I could never be like her.

I knew that.

I knew I was alone in this world since my tenth birthday.

So here I am, today, laying on a field of grass,

With crimson drowning the side of my head.

I practiced with every weapon under the sun.

I wasted years in training.

I waited for my chance of victory.

And now I'm in my last moments.

Being killed by a stone as heavy as my heart.