Happy Easter :)

That AP sneak peek stayed with me and this is my version on how the scene could go further. Not that this would ever happen on the show, but a girl can dream, right ;)

"I don't know, Peter. Love is a word that is so exhausted. I wish it meant something to me. Can I just leave it tonight, that I like sitting, drinking with you here?" she looked up at him, thinking she saw some sadness and disappointment in his eyes.

"Sure." he replied after a moment, his gaze meeting hers before he took the bottle and topped off her glass.

They sat in silence for a while, both tangled up in their own thoughts. She knew what she had just admitted to him, revealing she still had feelings for him. But she didn't regret her words, although knowing she would've considered the same as weakness a few weeks back. But not now. Now her words were true to what she felt, that she liked sitting here with Peter.

"Have you heard from Zach?" she eventually asked, her gaze resting on the bit of red liquid on the bottom of her glass.

"Yes." he replied slowly. "We talk now and then, Skype sometimes." his eyes searched for hers but she kept her glance down. It hurt to know Zach preferred talking to his father these days, while all she got were texts every few weeks. Most of them were meaningless, but to be fair the ones she sent back were shallow as well. She had hoped to clear the air over Christmas but Zach had preferred to stay in DC over the holidays and she had been too much of a chicken to pack her bags and just show up there.

"Are you still mad at him?" he asked, taking the bottle into his hand once more to empty the last content in both their glasses.

"No." she sighed, taking a sip from her wine. "It's just that I still don't understand why he didn't came to us. Why he kept it a secret."

"He was afraid, Alicia. Afraid of my anger and that you would see him as a disappointment." he stated, narrowing his glance as she lifted her head.

"Did he tell you that?" she uttered surprised.

"No, I just guessed from the little we talked about his reasons not to confide in us." he looked up, their eyes meeting and she saw that he wasn't telling her everything.

"What did he tell you?" she snapped, regretting the harsh tone immediately as she saw Peter stiffen and leaning backwards, placing both his palms on the countertop.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I just,… I don't know. I miss him but I have no idea how to reconnect with him. I'm afraid I've destroyed the relationship with my son forever." she murmured, feeling hot tears gathering in her eyes.

"You didn't, Alicia. He misses you too, but he's afraid you're still mad at him and until now I couldn't tell him you aren't because I didn't know myself. Zach just needs to know that. So he can finally tell you how sorry he is." he stated, his tone softer than she had imagined.

"That's good." she exhaled, squeezing her eyes shut to force the tears back. Suddenly she felt Peter's hand on top of hers, his thumb caressing her skin lightly. Her eyes flew open and their glances met. The flirtatious glimpse she had spotted in his eyes earlier was gone, replaced by worry and care. She sighed soundless, taking comfort in his touch, knowing it meant something this time, not like the fake handholding during the last months where they had let go of each others hand the second they had left the public eye, like they could be burnt by the other. She moved her hand slightly under his, the thought of lacing their fingers briefly running through her mind. She decided against it but her movement had been enough to have Peter pull his hand back, probably reading her motion wrong.

"You want some more wine?" he asked, turning to the shelf and taking another bottle from it.

"Sure." she croaked, swallowing the growing lump in her throat as she watched him open the bottle and refilling their glasses.

"Should we go sit on the couch?" she offered hesitantly and just saw him nod as he reached for the bottle and his glass. She walked over to the couch, sitting down and lifting her feet up, folding them under her. He followed her, sitting down on the opposite corner of the couch, facing her.

"So Zach didn't talk much to you about…it?" she asked, avoiding the word abortion.

"A little. I think he felt more comfortable talking to me anyhow. Maybe because I can relate better to his feelings from the man's point of view in that matter." he took a sip from his wine, placing his arm on the backrest.

"Could you?" she asked in a low voice.

"I think so. We talked a lot after you found out. I guess I could take away some of his fears." he murmured, his glance fixed on a point behind her and she got the impression his thoughts were far away.

"I'm glad you were there for him. But what fears and how…?" she trailed off, realization hitting her like a slap in the face.

"Don't tell me you got one of your whores pregnant!" she exclaimed, trying to back away from him.

"No, Alicia, no!" he called out, leaning forward, reaching for her hand.

"Don't you dare lie to me again, Peter." she hissed, pulling her hand from his grasp.

"I'm not. Can we go back to talking like adults? We were doing so good for a moment here." he said calmly, leaning back in his seat again.

"Okay." she nodded, silently agreeing with him.

"It was long before I even met you. I got my high school girlfriend pregnant in the summer before we were starting college. My parents wouldn't hear of my plans on taking a job and marrying her. Instead they took care of the problem, organized a doctor. But unlike Zach I couldn't be there with her, help her through it, but was sent to Europe instead. So I guess I can relate to how my son feels." he sighed deeply, drowning his glass in one gulp.

"Later I found out, that my mother wasn't the driving force but my father. He couldn't let his only son not go to college, but accept any job to provide for his kid and wife, forsaking his bright future. Look where it got me?" he laughed bitterly.

"Why did you never tell me?" she whispered, scooting closer towards him.

"It's not something that I'm proud of. I tried to forget it but something like that stays with you, the guilt never really goes away. It's the first item on my list of things I regret in my life. It's gotten longer since then." his glance flickered through the room until it rested on her.

"Do you think even less of me now?" he wondered after a while they had spent sitting in silence.

"No. I'm sorry, Peter, you had to go through this." she reached out to cover his hand, which still lay on the backrest, like he had done earlier with hers.

"But, I don't know if I'm making sense with what I'm saying next, but I'm somewhat glad it went that way, otherwise we probably never would've met." she murmured, unsure of how he would react to her words. But they were what she thought and felt.

"I was under the impression lately you would've preferred it that way, that you regretted choosing me." he stated calmly, pain lacing his words.

"No, Peter, I didn't. I regret you felt the need to cheat on me but not the life we had before because that would mean I'd regret having our kids and I could never do this. They're the best I have in my life and for them alone you'll always have a place in my heart." she squeezed his hand tightly with hers, feeling him return the pressure, a small smile appearing on his lips.

"Thanks for telling me." she returned his smile as she did what she had only thought about earlier, interlacing their fingers, once more enjoying his warm skin against hers.

"It was probably good I never told you before, otherwise it might be in these leaked emails." he attempted a joke and they both chuckled lightly.

"It's possible. That would look even worse on top of the ones we shared that are already questionable." she added.

"Eli would have a heart attack. He's close to one anyhow." he laughed and she joined in, savoring the feeling of not having to deal with this in a serious way but just to be able to laugh about the ridiculousness of it all.

"Well, I guess I should go." Peter said once their laughter had died away.

"Okay." she nodded, almost reluctantly freeing her hand from his.

"Good night, Alicia." he stood and walked behind the couch, bending down to place a light kiss on her cheek. The fleeting touch of his lips on her skin felt new after these many months where they had only done them for show, not because it meant something. Unlike now where she welcomed this small sign of affection, his words from earlier that he still loved her ringing in her ears. She looked up at him, their eyes locking where she could see proof of his words. She reached up, holding him down by his elbow. His expression changed, but not the feelings of love and care in his eyes. She briefly wondered when the last time had been that someone had looked at her that way before she straightened up to get closer to his face, running her hand along his arm towards his neck.

"Alicia?" Peter whispered confused but she ignored it, closing the distance further between them until her lips lightly touched his. She felt him pull back after a moment and she loosened her hold on his neck.

"What are you doing, Alicia? Didn't you say there wouldn't be any sex?" he murmured softly, bewilderment clearly visible in his eyes.

"All options are open to me and I plan to decide in the next 48 hours." she whispered back, winking at him.

"Eli taught you that line, right? So I'm sure he also told you it equals 'No'." he said, raising an eyebrow lightly, stepping backwards.

"Not if I decide now." she whispered, grabbing his tie to pull him back towards her, claiming his lips with hers, making sure she left no doubt about her intentions.