Shirou

It was over, we had won, The corrupted Holy Grail was destroyed. I looked at the rising sun with Saber standing by my side and I knew that, no matter what happened, we would face the future together. I slipped my arm around her waist. "I love you, Saber." I turned my head and smiled at her.

"I love –"Saber cuts off mid-sentence and a look of panic appears on her face. I feel her begin to dissolve in my arms.

No. No! NO! NONONONONONONONONONONONONO!

And she's gone. A single thought goes through my head: I have to see her again. I must see her again. Please, just let me stand by her one more time.

What the hell, we've granted worse wishes.

That night. The night I saw Archer and Lancer fight. The night I died, only to be saved by Rin. This time, I deliberately avoid the school courtyard on my way out. I doubt either of the Servants saw me. I sneak back into my house and prepare a quick meal before retiring to the shed.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are! Thought yourself pretty clever by sneaking around my fight, didn't you?" a familiar voice calls out, Lancer's voice. I remember the smile on the blue knight's face as he faced Gilgamesh, a foe he knew he couldn't beat.

I turned to the summoning circle. "I still have no clue what I did last time." I whisper.

"I hear you!" I hear Lancer's footsteps approach the shed.

"Please, just one more time." The Command Seals burst into light on my hand.

The summoning circle floods the room with its brilliance. I'm forced to shield my eyes, and take a step back, tripping over some junk and landing on my ass. I don't remember it being this bright last time.

Seven bursts of light, red, white, blue, black, blue, white, red. Seven perfect forms. Seven Servants. Seven Sabers. Wait…. This is bad. This is very very bad.

"I am Saber, Servant of the sword. I ask of you: are you my Master?" Seven voices ring out. Only then do they look around.

"This is problematic." Left White joked.

"Are you kidding? This is awesome." The Red next to her replied.

"Shirou, just what is happening?" My Saber, Arturia, the Blue on the left cocked her head to the side cutely.

"What the hell is going on?" Black sounds pissed off

"How come none of you care there's a Servant outside?" The other blue had his back to me. His?

"Lancer, I presume? Any last words?" the White Girl next to him called outside, also turning around.

"Dad?" The last of the girls is staring at Saber.

And Lancer, still outside, screamed to the heavens "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?"

"Saber?" I got off the ground.

"Yes, Master?" Seven voices answered in unison.

"Crap, I'll need names from all of you later." I said, mostly to myself.

The summoning circle glowed again, and in a flash of gold light, a … man in a brown leather duster and pointy hat appeared in the middle of the room. He looked around.

"Damn it, I was in Tahiti, getting a massage from twins! And I get summoned! And not only is it a Holy Grail War, but there is seven Gods be Damned Sabers. Lancer, is that you outside? Run!" he half muttered to himself.

Lancer took off running, full speed away from the Devil-child who summoned seven Sabers and an as-yet-unidentified Servant.

"So, um, how about those names, I can't call you all 'Saber'." I asked, half expecting to die.

Left white smiled at me "Queen Arturia Pendragon, Servant Saber, you may call me Lily."

The red next to her answered "Emperor Nero, Nero works as well as any name."

My Saber looked at me with a face that screamed danger "You know me, as I recall."

The only black is throwing glances at the others "Altria."

The guy with his back to me calls "Arthur" and charges out after Lancer.

The White-Who-Isn't-Lily follows him after saluting me "Joan D'Arc"

And the last Saber, who looks suspiciously like my Saber "Ummm, Mordred. My name is Mordred."

The guy in the hat looks me dead in the eye and says "Motherfucker, I ain't your Servant" Oh Shit. "and you just fucked my plans for this evening up hard. But just this once, I'll allow you to repent of your sins if you answer one question: how in the Warp did you summon seven Servants and force me to be reassigned here?"

"Pardon me? 'Reassigned'"

"I exist to make sure that stuff like this doesn't happen. And when it does, I get to the bottom of it. How did you summon seven Servants?"

"No clue."

"Great, just great." He mutters to himself. "Give me a moment." He turns and walks outside, his coat billowing as he walks. It should be criminal to look that badass. He summons a …chair? He sits in it and his mouth starts moving. I hear his voice in my head:

Masters and Servants, hear my commands, as of this moment, there is a truce among participants of the Holy Grail War for a period of 72 hours, any found in violation of this truce will be eliminated with extreme prejudice. Furthermore, all Servants are to meet at the entrance to Kotomine Church tomorrow at noon, come alone, unarmed, materialized, and sane. Any who do not appear will be eliminated with extreme prejudice.

And on that note, the message ended. The man dismissed his chair and walked out. Joan called out "Master, there is another enemy servant outside the compound!" She and the other Sabers all went over the wall, I followed through the door. Six of my Servants stood just out of reach of Archer, unable to approach further.

"What is going on here?" I asked to the night at large.

"One of my Noble Phantasms has the secondary ability of preventing Servants from fighting each other if I will it." The guy in the duster called out from behind me as he walks away.

"Great." I mutter "Any way, I'm going to go cook dinner, if any of you would like to join me, feel free." I tell my Servants my immediate plans. "Tohsaka, would you like some tea?" And extend my hospitality to my guest. The school idol turns up her nose at my request. Arthur seems to have given up on his fruitless chase, after running back, he joins Joan in keeping an eye on the red duo as the other Sabers follow me into the house. Tohsaka and Archer retreat, leaving Joan and Arthur as the two on guard duty for the night.

Interlude

Bazett McRemitz heaved a sigh of relief as the message that bought Lancer time to save her from Kirei ended. She looked at her knight in blue, who in turn stared at the retreating false priest. "Who or what was that?" she asked him.

"Some kid across the river managed to summon eight Servants." She gasped in surprise at this revelation. "Seven were obvious Sabers and one other that I couldn't identify as any class." Bazett's jaw dropped. Seven Sabers, a force like that would utterly destroy anyone who tried to stop them, the War was lost.

"That meeting, are you going?"

"Don't see many other options, even if it is an ambush from those Sabers, I'll probably be able to talk them into taking me one at a time. And we both know I'm good at that."

"True enough, you're going to need a ton of prana." Bazett shifted into her strategy/planning mode.

"Thankfully, there's a way for you to give me that." Lancer smiled at her. A genuine smile. A flirtatious smile.

They didn't say much of anything else for the rest of the night.

Interlude

"Berserker can't go to that obvious ambush from Caster." Ilyasviel von Einzburn was talking to herself in the hallway of her castle. "I mean why would he? And so obvious? Ha! I won't fall for such an obvious trap!"

A man in a trench-coat and a pointy hat walked in. "In that case, bring him out and I'll shove my hammer through his chest right now."

"Wait, what? Berserker! Kill him!" Ilya's titanic servant appeared behind her. The man sighed. A large silver hammer appearing in his hands.

"Here I was hoping to just get a massage, but between that punk and you I have to fight fucking Hercules as a warp damned Berserker. Come, Hercules, make my night!" He raised the hammer to point straight at Berserker's head.

"How did you know my Servant's name?" Ilya screamed at the man.

"I know every possible Servant and can identify them instantly. It's a tertiary ability of one of my Noble Phantasms." The man's voice stayed even throughout the entire exchange.

"T- t- tertiary?" Ilya looked paler that usual at this revelation.

"Yes. Tertiary, as in 'so minor it's almost not worth mentioning'" the man seemed to be enjoying this.

"T- t- then what's its primary function?" Ilya slowly seemed to be pulling herself together.

"This." And a Servant identical to her own appeared behind the man. Ilya collapsed. The man's Berserker disappeared and instead he drew a small knife. Berserker charged him, the axe- sword aiming for his body mass. The man moved so fast he wasn't even a blur, dancing around Berserker and stabbing him in the back. The mad light faded slowly from Berserker's eyes. "Hercules, I don't want to hurt you, in fact, I'm going to need your help."

"Then what did you do to my Master"

"Mostly, I gave you back your sanity. Ilyasviel will be fine. I need you to keep her that way and come to Kotomine church tomorrow, unarmed. Otherwise, I will have to kill you."

"You could try."

"I will succeed. I'm going to leave now." The man turned his back on Berserker and slowly walked out.

Shirou

Shirou woke up the next morning as usual, if somewhat warm. Then he realized that he was in bed with five women, all of the Sabers but Arthur and Joan, who should have been keeping watch. I sigh as I remember the monumental amounts of food this group can demolish. I slowly and carefully extricated myself from the tangle of limbs and women. I poke Arturia a little bit to wake her up. "Good morning." I whisper to her. "Care for some breakfast?"

She grasps the situation instantly, and slowly, slowly, carefully, removes herself from Lily's embrace. "Food? From you? Always, Shirou." She's beautiful when she smiles like that. We softly walk out to the kitchen, it's about half an hour earlier than I normally get up, but passing the time with Saber is easy, especially as I cook for her. Lily is the first other Saber to get up and she follows her nose to the dining room.

"Breakfast?"

"In a minute, Lily." Saber answers her.

"I'm done actually, there should even be enough for all of us." I carry out all of the food and the three of us sit at the table. "Itadakimasu."

"Itadakimasu."

"Itadakimasu." And we dig in to breakfast.

"Master, this is delicious." Lily seems enraptured by my food.

"Indeed it is. As always. Thank you, Shirou." Saber nods in agreement.

"Lily, there's something I want to ask you."

"Go ahead, Master."

"What's your story, I've seen Saber's background in the dream cycle, but what's yours?"

"I drew the sword from the stone. I defended my kingdom for many long years before I died. After the first six or so, I couldn't keep my gender a secret any longer, I revealed myself as a woman to the nation, and following a brief insurrection, peace reigned through the land. I even had a child with my husband-in-all-but-name."

"Who was that? Lancelot?"

"Actually, yes, we couldn't marry because the people decided they didn't want to be ruled by a King, I was doing the job fine. Little Mordred took over England after my death, though mine was a boy."

I couldn't shake the feeling that something horrible was about to happen when the phone rang. I answered "Emiya Residence"

"Sempai?"

"Yes, Sakura?"

"I'm feeling a little ill, I don't think I'll be able to join you for breakfast, so I'll see you at school."

"Ok Sakura, get better."

"Yes Sempai, good bye."

"Good bye Sakura."

Joan came into the kitchen. "Master, there is a strange lady in a striped shirt and green skirt attempting to enter the house. How should we proceed?"

I knew I forget something. Let's just get this over with. "It's Fuji-nee, let her in."

"Arthur and I will remain out of her sight."

"Thank you, Joan." She walked out to the courtyard.

"Fuji-nee?" Lily looked confused.

"My legal guardian and teacher, I think she only comes here because I feed her."

"With your cooking as good as it is, I don't blame her." Lily has a sense of humor, good.

Fuji-nee walked in. "Good morning Shirou." She practically shouted. She's very loud in the mornings. I hoped against hope that the three sleeping Sabers stayed that way. Fuji-nee opened her eyes. "Shirou what are these two foreign women doing in your house?" Her smile turned from jokingly happy to cold and murderous. When did she pull out her shinai? "Shirou, are you doing inappropriate things with these two beautiful foreign women in your house?" She raised her shinai. Lily and Saber got up to intercept my semi-inevitable fate.

"Of course not, Fujimura-sensei." Fuji-nee likes being called Fujimura-sensei "These two are just associates of Dad's. They are in town for a few weeks and needed a place to stay. That's all."

"Besides," Saber, what are you doing? Why are you coming towards me? "do you think I would let my sister anywhere near Shirou? I'm the only one he's been doing anything with." And Saber kissed me. In that moment of bliss I hated her. I was going to drown her next meal is wasabi and use a Command Spell to force her to eat it! I'm going to lock her in a room with Berserker! I'm going to open my mouth and use tongue during this kiss. Sometimes I hate my body. She breaks off the kiss and whispers in my ear "This time, you handle Taiga."

"I'll get you for this." I whisper back.

"Shirou! Come face me in the dojo now! I'll teach you to keep your strange foreign lovers at your house!" Fuji-nee grabbed me by the ear and dragged me out to meet my fate. In the dojo I get myself a shinai and prepared to face my death at the hands of Fuji-nee like a true samurai.

Except it doesn't happen. I win the duel. Somehow. Fuji-nee is on her knees at my feet crying her eyes out.

"Fuji-nee, please get up." She just keeps crying. "Fuji-nee, I can't make breakfast if you're holding onto my legs like this." That got her to let go of course. I walked back to the kitchen. Nero, Mordred, and Altria, as well as Saber and Lily were there. "Good morning everybody, I may not have enough time to make enough food for all of you, I'm sorry."

"I can help." Mordred piped up. Between the two of us, we managed to get all the food prepared and between all of the big eaters we had, getting rid of the food was absolutely no problem.

The Emperor

I waited outside of the church for the other Servants to come. Lancer was first, Archer, Berserker, who helped me break up their fight, me using one of my Noble Phantasms, him using a very large body nigh-invulnerable to anything they could throw at him. A hooded lady who could only be Caster was next. A very BDSM Rider, and the male Saber came up the hill side by side having a rather pleasant conversation about the weather. They were followed by a man in a samurai outfit.

"Excellent, as I am sure some of you know by now, something has gone horribly horribly wrong and seven Sabers have been summoned." Everyone turned to look at Saber. "Why only one has decided to follow my instructions I do not know, however, he is a knight and can be trusted to take the news back to the others." Everyone turned to look at me. "The Holy Grail has decided that instead of having me simply kill six of the Sabers, every Master will be granted seven Servants. Except Archer's Master." The tan man's jaw dropped. "Who will only need to summon five more Servants." Gilgamesh walked out of the church. "Because you already have one more. Furthermore, until I can determine just why the Grail wants to screw over everything so epicly, the truce will remain in effect."

"Seven Servants for each of the seven Classes?" Lancer seemed floored. "How the hell are our Masters supposed to maintain that?"

"Easy, they won't have to. I've opened the floodgates, all of you are being maintained by me." I said. That drew some stares. "One of my Noble Phantasms is a prana sink bordering on infinite. The Grail itself has been drawing on it for centuries." I deadpanned.

"Anyway, all of you, go home, summon more Servants. I'll contact all of you when you can start fighting. Caster and Assassin, remain here. " I dismissed them. All of the Servants save two left. "Caster, I understand you have summoned your own Servant?"

"Yes, what's it to you?" the woman answered me.

"Caster, you may leave now. Assassin, do you wish to be a full participant in this War?" I asked the samurai.

"Of course, why else would I be here?" he answered.

"Good, I have just the man in mind." I smiled at him. "Unfortunately, he's in England just now. So give him a few days of transit time."

"Of course. If I may ask your identity?"

"I am of the Servant class Emperor, I'm only summoned when things go wrong. Now go, your Master will be here in a few days."

Author's Note

Now improved!

As always, constructive criticism is appreciated. The more specific, the better. Thank you one and all, and the next chapter should be out in a couple of days.

-Zed